Chapter 17: Thranduil's naughty plans
(Author's Note: Thranduil does not have a dirty mind. Don't worry. The title of this chapter is not supposed to sound dirty or suggestive. The plans are rated PG, nothing worse than that).
Florien and Locien played in silence with little toy soldiers. Locien would say a few words every so often, not always talking about the game, but Florien never spoke a word. Florien was just plain jealous of this new elfling. Florien was making a list in his head of all the reasons he does not belong. The list went as follow:
Reason 1: He has icky black hair
Reason 2: He's not a full elf
Reason 3: If his nana is dead then my nana is NOT his nana
Reason 4: He says his ada was a mortal and abandoned his nana and married someone else. My ada would never do that.
Reason 5: I don't like him, so he can't be related to me.
Reason 6: He's missing two teeth; I have all my teeth!
Reason 7: He used to live on the street… he must be covered in yucky germs!
Reason 8: His left ear is strange. It is sliced!
Reason 9: His right ear is normal but his left ear is sliced.
Reason 10: He has funny marks on his neck. They look like very old scratches or cuts.
Reason 11: He can't remember who punched his teeth out!
Reason 12: His orc soldiers and his elf soldiers are friends in our game!
Reason 13: His ada is not the prince and mine is!
Reason 14: He's adopted and I'm not!
Reason 15: Ada said he would have died without our help.
Reason 16: He does not like it if nana or ada touch him when he's not looking, he gets scared if he does not know who touched him, and even if he knows it's me or nana, he still gets scared, but when ada touches him he's more normal.
Reason 17: He won't tell us about his ada.
Reason 18: He has a half brother that his ada had with another lady that was not his nana.
Reason 19: He knows a lot of different languages that the men speak. I can't understand.
Reason 20: When I get all sweaty I take my tunic off and ask nana or ada to put my hair in a ponytail, just like my ada does, but when he gets all sweaty he just lives with it, he does not even try to cool off.
Florien had also tried to make a list of reasons that Locien belonged, but he failed miserably. His list contained one reason.
Reason 1: His name and my name both end in 'ien'.
Florien was usually a very friendly boy, never wanting to upset anyone, so Florien was not sure why he felt this way towards his adopted brother. Locien was a very nice boy too, after all.
"How are you two getting along?" Tonus asked, entering the room being careful not to step on any soldier that lay carelessly on the ground.
"Good." Florien said.
"Yes, we playing very good." Locien said. Tonus smiled and kissed Locien on his cheek. Florien was now upset, Locien had gotten a kiss and he had not! Florien dropped his toy soldiers and raised his hands, hoping his father would pick him up and kiss him, too.
Tonus did pick him up and he snuggled his little elfling and then kissed him on his brow before putting him back down so that the elfling could continue playing with Locien.
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"And that is why I am far more better than Glorfindel." Erestor said, ending his story. Apparently it had not been as interesting as the first story, for Illiendal had fallen asleep. Erestor stood up are carefully lifted the princess into his arms and carried her to her room. On his way Erestor met up with a very inquisitive Elladan.
"What are you doing with her?" Elladan asked. "She's my girlfriend, get your own!" Elladan added to make sure Erestor realised that.
"I do not want to be with the princess, I have a wife!"
"Oh, so then those rumours of you and Glorfindel cannot be true…"
"What are these rumours everyone speaks of?" Erestor was getting very annoyed.
"Never you mind, Erestor. So tell me, where are you taking the princess and what did you do to her?"
"I bored her to sleep with a story, and now I take her to her sleeping chambers." Erestor said. Elladan followed and opened the door to Illiendal's room so that Erestor could easily lay her on her bed without waking the princess.
"What story did you bore her with?" Elladan asked.
"The one where I told Glorfindel I had married and he burst into tears."
"But that's not even true! He burst into laughter because he thought you where lying! Honestly Erestor, if your wondering where those stories of you and Glorfindel came from, you might want to stop making up stories that make it sound like you and Glorfindel are married!"
Erestor stormed away, back to his guest chambers where he most probably tried to write again, for Elladan heard him yell out in pain.
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"So Thranduil, where is Tonus?" Landion nagged.
"Tonus is in town."
"And where is Cield?"
"In his chambers."
"And Illiendal?"
"In her chambers."
"And Legolas?"
"I am uncertain of where he is." Thranduil sighed; this father-in-law was probably the worst father-in-law any elf could possibly be stuck with.
"Well that is not very good parenting." Landion pointed out.
"You had one child and your wife helped you raise her, and your trying to tell me how to manage four of them on my own?" Thranduil snapped.
"Talking like that would certainly get you a smacking-
"You are not my father! You are Aldaril's father, and she is gone now!" Thranduil stormed off. He needed reinforcement. He was not going to be spanked at 8,000 years old by his father-in-law, which had always been one of his goals in life (he had feared that since he was still be smacked on his rear at 4,000 that for the rest of his life that was how he would be disciplined).
"Elrond, you must help me. Gandalf too, and, and anyone who wants to help can."
"Can I?" Cield asked, opening his eyes.
"You would be not much assistance in your state, little one, but that you for the offer." Thranduil said, kissing his son on his temple.
"What do you need our assistance with, my lord?" Glorfindel asked.
"No need for such formalities… I need help with my damned father-in-law!" Thranduil sighed as Cield giggled.
"What had grandfather Landion done this time, ada?"
"This does not concern you, little one. I just want help getting back at him for trying to teach me how to take care of my four children all by myself!"
"That does not sound like something that you would 'get back at him' for." Elrond pointed out.
"It is! You should hear him. If I do not know what my children are doing at every minute of the day he starts to scold me like an elfling! I am over eight thousand years old and this is how I am treated? If he was my father I would allow it but he most certainly is not, thank valar for that!"
Cield had stopped giggling and had burst into hysterical laughter, the elven lords and Gandalf concealing their giggles quite well.
"Your son has your laugh, Thranduil." Elrond said, pointing to Cield who tried to stop laughing.
"I know that very well, all my sons do, but now you are going off subject! I have to get back at my father-in-law; I cannot stand being treated like I am as old as Legolas as more! And you Cield, prevent yourself from laughing."
"Thranduil, don't tell Cield to stop laughing, that would be unfair. When you where his age you had to be escorted out of councils because you could not control your laughter." Elrond said. Thranduil grumbled.
"Getting back to subject, I need to get my father-in-law for treating me like an elfling, I want to prank him, you may say-
"Oh, then you will most definitely be needing us!" Elrohir said, he and Elladan entering the room.
"Yes, we can help you! This will be fun, it's the first time one of our elders has ever hired us for pranks!" Elladan smiled.
"Will we be paid in gold or silver?" Elrohir asked.
"I would not mind gold, it would match the embroidery on my tunics-
"Alright! You boys can help but I am not paying you!" Thranduil said. The twins closed their mouths.
"What do you two think you be the best prank?" Thranduil asked, and then looked up at Elrond, Gandalf and Glorfindel.
"I will not be needing you three any more, these boys can help me just as well." Thranduil told them, bringing Elladan and Elrohir out of the room with him and into his bedroom.
"Alright, so what should we do to get back at my father-in-law?" Thranduil asked. Elrohir was still in shock from being hired by the very same elf that had punished them so many times for their pranks, so Elladan spoke.
"Well, we could always do that old bucket of sticky stuff over the door trick, it always gets someone." Elladan said.
"That would be useful but if my mother-in-law entered the room she would be the victim, and I would hate for that to happen... She would stop baking me cookies and report my misbehaviour to my father-in-law, leading to him actually punishing me, and at my age!" Thranduil said, shuddering at the thought of being embarrassed by his father-in-law smacking his rear.
"Well, we are leaving tomorrow so we don't have much time to plan a big, very original prank…" Elladan started.
"No, wait, I have an idea! I was going to use it on Cield, but Cield is far too injured to get a prank like this!" Elrohir beckoned the elven king and his brother closer, and he whispered his plans to them.
"That is wonderful thinking, Elrohir!" Elladan smiled.
"But we leave early tomorrow, so we will have to do it at dawn." Elrohir said.
"So, whilst my father-in-law sleeps we hang him from the ceiling over a bucket of boiling water?" Thranduil asked. Elladan nodded his head.
"A big bucket!" Elrohir added.
"Alright. Both of you come to my bedchambers at dawn, and we can do this together. You are both dismissed." Thranduil said, very glad that he would finally be getting back at his father-in-law for all of those 'how to take care of your children' lessons he had given him.
The twins bowed and left, Elrohir still in a state of shock.
"Can you believe it Elrohir?" Elladan asked.
"No. It's just not right! This is the great king of Mirkwood, Mirkwood's greatest king! He would not ask two silly adolescences like us to-
"Ro, come on, stop thinking so logically! I know what will get you back on track, a good old game of dare…"
"Fine, I dare you to go into Illiendal's room and lay down beside her until she wakes up." Elrohir grinned.
"Well, it did not take too long for you to get back to your old self. But what a silly dare!" Elladan said.
"You think it's silly? Just you wait. When Illiendal wakes up and screams, you'll be regretting the game of dare, or if Thranduil sees you."
Elladan grumbled.
"I never have turned down a dare, and I wont now. At least you did not tell me to lay down beside Tonus or king Thranduil himself." Elladan said, walking over to Illiendal's bedroom.
"See you when she wakes up." Elrohir grinned. "Or if Thranduil catches you." Elrohir added. Elladan opened the door to the princess' room and smiled when he saw the sleeping princess. There was just enough room for his slender body to fit.
"Oh please don't be angry with me when you make up." Elladan whispered quietly to no one.
Luckily for Elladan, when Thranduil did pass by the room he did not enter the room, for Thranduil was headed to his youngest son's room.
Thranduil knocked on the door.
"Ye-es?" Legolas' pipsqueak voice said.
"May I come in, elfling? There is something I must talk to you about."
"Yes ada." Legolas opened the door. The elfling's hair was a mess and there was toys scattered everywhere. Without saying anything, Thranduil picked up the hairbrush that lay carelessly on the ground and brushed his son's hair, then braided it very neatly, before he took a seat on his littlest son's bed.
"We must talk about your brother, Tonus." Thranduil said.
"Okay, we can talk." Legolas sprang onto his bed beside his father, snuggling up against him. "Tonus is my big brother. His hair is yellow and he is usually very nice with me. He is a boy like me, but he's a bigger boy than I am and he is a lot stronger than me. Lady elves say he's handsome and gorgeous but lady elves say I'm cute and adorable. We are very differn-
"I did not mean that we have to describe your brother, Legolas, we need to talk about something that happened."
"Okay. I remember once Tonus helped me catch a fish with my hands, it was funny when the fish hit Tonus' face-
"No Legolas, we have to talk about something you did that was bad that involves Tonus-
"Okay. Once, Tonus was bathing in a river near the palace and so I was walking near the palace and I saw his clothes so I took it (because I was trying to be a good boy and bring his clothes into the palace for him, of course) and then he had no clothes and he was very embarrassed because he had to go through the palace nak-
"No, Legolas, listen to me, you do not have to talk right now. I have found out that you hurt Tonus-
"I did? Oh, I should say sorry to him for whatever I did… Once I find out what I did. Ada, want did I do?"
"Legolas! Please stop talking!" Thranduil glared at his elfling, who whimpered.
"Sorry ada." Legolas whispered.
"Now, your brother told me you hurt him with a knife, his knife, that you where playing with."
"But-
"Legolas, I told quite clearly to be silent. I do not wish to punish you for talking." Thranduil sighed. Legolas frowned.
"It's not true ada! I-
"Legolas!" Thranduil smacked his son's wrist, not too hard for he feared to hurt his elfling dreadfully, but it did make his elfling's eyes fill up with tears.
"It's not true." Legolas whispered. Thranduil sighed again.
"I will leave it at that. The cut is on his hip and it is not pretty. I want you to stay in here and think of how you hurt your brother, even if it was unintentional." Thranduil said, giving Legolas a little hug before leaving the room.
"Why did Tonus lie?" Legolas wondered quietly. He knew he was a good boy and he would never play with Tonus' blades, they where big, long and scary anyways.
To be continued…Aranna Undomiel: Thranduil is mad at you. He yells very bad words at the computer screen when he read what you said to him. But, Thranduil is known for overreacting so don't take it too seriously.
Miss Telcontar: I don't know how to respond to that… Not much I can say, really.
Here comes the hockey puck: Yep, they are fairly warm. I love Florien's hair! Elves with red hair are cool.
Mistopurr: I hope you are able to upload the pictures!
Haldir's heart and soul: Not close but you know what? You made a new idea… That's a great reason, even better than the fact that I hid the word 'ashamed' in the story! That is a great idea! Thank you. Don't be embarrassed at all!
Karone Evertree: Aw, come on, poor Erestor has had a tough life as an advisor and hey, his son is still alive and that's what counts!
Rainbow fish: Now we are the 'bus missing clan'. We always miss the city bus so we make corny jokes while waiting for the next bus for half an hour when the temperature is –30 degrees Celsius. We thought the tree would be warmer than huddling up in the bus shack. We were very wrong.