See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil.
"Okay SG1, you have a go." General Hammond said into the speaker. Jack O'Neill looked briefly up at the General before muttering "Ya sure you betcha." Teal'c, eyebrow raised in a style only he could manage stepped through the glittering event horizon, soon followed by Doctor Daniel Jackson and Major Samantha Carter, belatedly accompanied by a long suffering O'Neill. 'Trees.' He thought. 'I bet they'll be lots of trees' it never really occurred to him the logistics of why trees with their life giving oxygen were so important to human existence on these planets.
On the other side of the gate, Teal'c came sailing through, managed a somersault and smacked straight into a large rock, a good thirty feet high. Briefly dazed, he didn't even have time to move out of the way before Daniel came flying through at the same trajectory as he himself. Daniel performed a wonderful forward roll (ruined only by his flailing arms) before rolling into Teal'c. Thankfully, (for some at least) he acted as a cushion for the archaeologist, saving him from injury before the mission had even started. Their mission? To examine the 'rocks' as Jack so lovingly named them, search for any viable technology to trade and to collect the MALP which had 'apparantly' gotten lost and wasn't responding to remote control.
Teal'c with his eyebrow raised in the fashion that clearly states concern for a team-mate and distain for being used as a landing mat, proceeded to try to help Daniel up, but not before yet another of their team-mates exited the wormhole at such a velocity to appear to be a zooming, airborne blur. Sam came crashing into both Daniel and Teal'c using both of them as a pillow, causing all three to impact into the large engraved stone. By now Teal'c was wondering whether a.) Next time he should step through the stargate last, b.) He should bother getting up at all seeing as the other two may dampen the weight of Jack and c.) How heavy Jack REALLY was.
But before Sam could even apologise to the other two, Jack O'Neill made his presence known with a loud yell and an amazing flying twist that a gymnast would have been proud of…until his 'dismount' at least. The result of his landing prompted groans from Sam, Daniel and Teal' c, who now wished he didn't know the answer to the last question.
"Well campers, is everyone okay?" questioned O'Neill.
"Gawd how much do you weigh Jack?"
"Yes Sir"
"Indeed"
Were the responses he received and he smiled at each of their quirks "So, Carter, any ideas on why we exited the wormhole so fast?"
"Well, theoretically speaking sir, ordinary neutral matter could be treated as a collection of electromagnetically interacting polarizable particles made of charged point-mass subparticles, but if you…"
"AAAH! Carter, forget it. " Sam looked genuinely puzzled at this point and Jack could barely contain a grin. Jack looked around, disappointed by the copious amount of trees he spotted. Grumbling, he muttered "Ack. More trees. Can't we go to one nice planet that isn't covered in trees? Bah." This moaning was generally mandatory from Jack and the others accepted it without comment. "Right. Who wants to go find the MALP?". Daniel looked up properly for the first time at the large rock, and after adjusting his glasses was fascinated to see three stone carved monkeys, each sitting on top of each other. The top one shielding his eyes, the second one holding his paws over his ears and the third one covering his mouth.
"Guys, I think these are a representation of the tree wise monkeys."
"Yeah Daniel. Swell. Come on space monkey. Move it."
"Ha Ha. Very funny Jack. Seriously though, I think we should check these out. Find out whether they link to the seventeenth century equivalent on earth. I…it would indicate that the…the inhabitants were from the…Jack you're not even listening"
Too true were his words.
"Okay, Teal'c you take point."
Teal'c already started off in the direction of the wood. Jack was second, Carter third. Daniel who was interested in the big rock hesitated for a few seconds until O'Neill exclaimed that the rock wasn't about to go anywhere. To that Daniel replied something along the lines of that being the problem with the MALP too.
"I didn't think MALPs were supposed to explore that far away from the stargate anyway" grumbled Daniel
"They're not." Replied Sam, matter of factly.
"Oh. So why did this one and where is it?"
"Well if we knew that, then it wouldn't be a search and retrieve would it?" replied Jack, somewhat harsher than he intended it to come across as.
"So, how do we know where it is then?"
"Oh, we've been working on developing the tracking device for better remote control response." Said Carter, somewhat bored with the conversation.
Teal'c meanwhile watched the exchange with mild interest. He was more interested in the strange feeling he had been getting since their arrival on the planet.
The slogged on for five clicks through the undergrowth when suddenly a small rustling caught their attention. To the casual observer, there would have been no obvious change in demeanour from the group, yet Daniel who was lagging behind noticed Jack tense slightly and Sam grip her P-90 tighter. Teal'c slowed to allow Jack to take point and to cover Daniels six, his staff weapon loosely acting as a walking stick. Suddenly swarms natives rushed them, each pointing some ugly looking spears. Their apparent leader cried
"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil"
"What?" O'Neill replied
Four spears was thrown at the team, which Daniel murmured were meant as a warning but O'Neill didn't quite understand it that way, seeing as how the fourth one struck him in his thigh. Deciding it had now become a hostile situation , Jack grabbed for his zat and started firing wildly into the array of strangers, Sam followed suit. Teal'c swung his trusty staff weapon around, in a figure of eight gesture and adequately incapacitated several oncoming natives. Daniel fumbled around for his, and after much delay was firing with the rest. The remaining natives that hadn't been struck fell back and took up a safer position from which to throw their spears at the group from a greater distance. Spears zoomed past Jack's body; he ducked and dived like he was playing dodge ball. One stabbed Daniel in the shin and another barrelled into Sam's shoulder. Surprisingly Teal'c, who had the greatest surface area as he was the largest, remained unscathed and continued to calmly fire into the hedge line.
"RETREAT!" Roared Colonel O'Neill and his group fell back into the shadows of the trees.