Oh yay. Now this I love. I don't care what anyone could possibly say about this story, I love it deeply, and it is one of my most favorite work of art. Yes, I wrote this in British English, but I gave many American English touches, because the humor needs American English for anyone to understand it. I hope you like it.
Sometimes you forget that people often have good intentions. For example, guys in love tease you just so that the shy kid who they know has a crush on you will stand up for you so that you can get a giddy schoolgirl crush on him. See, the teasing guy had good intentions. He was using one of the more urban techniques of matchmaking. And then there are the guys who are too intimidated and insecure to not understand when they do stupid things to impress people they really like, stupid things like acting all rude and tough and crap and trying to be cool. And sometimes, guys write poems. Sometimes, guys play love songs and make a public love declaration. Sometimes, guys actually write poetic love songs which they sing in public.
And sometimes, guys get really drunk to prove their manhood.
It is inevitable.
The buffoon…
…will…
…be…
…pissed.
"Come on, we're gonna be late!" Hermione called.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way."
And Ron Weasley is a buffoon.
"Let me just grab Crookshanks- ah it hit me in the eye! BLOODY HELL!
He doesn't know any better. He thinks Uric the Oddball is the same as Ulfric the Ugly. I mean, what? When he does a cheering spell, he makes his unfortunate test object mourn an inexistent person for seven weeks. In short-
"Ron, look out for the chair!" Harry shouted.
"Ah!"
Ron is-
"MY FACE! IT'S IN MY FACE! GET IT OFF!" Ron shrieked as Crookshanks leapt up onto his face and buried its paws in his hair.
-a complete-
"Ronnie, if you would just stop being such a baby and trip on every single piece of furniture in the room, I'm sure you could get the cat off your face." Angelina smirked as she walked past.
"ISN'T SOMEONE GOING TO HELP ME!"
-moron.
"Wow." Fred said as he looked down at Ron, who was lying on the floor, his eyes closed and his mouth wide open. George leaned down next to Fred and looked at Ron as well. "Is he supposed to bleed from his freckles?"
Ronald Bilius Weasley Fun Fact: Ron likes to wear white boxers with red hearts on them every Valentine's Day.
"Twenty points from Gryffindor because of your ignorance, Weasley." Snape sneered. "That should teach you not to be falling asleep while I am giving out instructions."
Ron flushed; he had indeed fallen asleep while Snape had been telling the class how to make a cure for severe anxiousness. He was trying hard not to snap back; Hermione hesitantly patted his hand, and he calmed down.
But then again, no one could really hate Ron.
"Again, twenty points from Gryffindor for each of you. I would appreciate if you kept your…activities…till after class." Snape continued, his gaze now on Hermione as well, who quickly pulled away her hand as the Slytherins in the front of the classroom sniggered. Ron started getting red again; Harry could spot a full-blown tantrum about to come. "Now don't interrupt me anymore."
Except for a few, hand-picked people.
"I BLOODY HATE SNAPE!" Ron shouted as soon as they entered the Common Room.
I mean, he does do stupid things.
"I don't think riding your broom to Bulgaria is such a good idea." Harry said uncomfortably.
And he does say stupid things.
"I really like your bra, Parvati- I mean, I really would enjoy doing you- I mean, I mean…oh my god." Ron gulped and ran away, exited the Common Room and after a couple of minutes, there were splashing sounds heard from the cold lake followed by loud screams and the sound the Giant Squid made when it submerged.
And he does think in a stupid way.
"I think that spiders would fear me if I put on a Slytherin house robe and put on some goggles with yellow paint on the plastic. If it worked…that would be cool."
And again, he does say stupid things.
"Sir, sir, I think I know the answer! I think Patronus' become what you wish you had as a pet! Like, if you want a dog, your Patronus'-"
"No, Ron, that's not it."
And once more, he does do stupid things.
"I don't think mooning Snape on your broom is such a good idea." Harry said uncomfortably.
And one more time, he does think in a stupid way.
"What if we mounted some fireworks on our wands, do you think we could shoot sparks then?"
Rinse and repeat.
"Hey, think I can ride my Patronus down to the lake?" Ron asked as he stopped in the air next to Harry.
"No, Ron, I don't think you can."
"I bet I could."
"No you couldn't."
"Uh, yeah, I could."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Expecto Patronum!"
"Ron, don't-"
"Off we go! Weeee….aaaaaaaaaaah-" THUD!
"Ron? RON!"
"I think I broke my little wand."
"Don't worry; we'll get a new one for you."
"Maybe we will. I heard Muggles do something called surgebarry that works around that area."
"What? Wait…ew!"
But there is always one little but waiting for its moment…
This is the story…
…of how Ronald Bilius Weasley moved one step closer to growing up.
The story begins on a Monday in the Gryffindor sixth year's boy's dorms…
"Get up!"
"Wha…?"
"Get up, come on!"
"Ron, what's going on?" Harry sat up in his bed as Ron bounced away him and over to his bed, where he lay down on his stomach and leaned over the other side of the bed.
"I just realized something really cool!"
"What?"
"Well, you know how Hermione has been stressing about the Finals?"
"Like she always does."
"Exactly. Well, I found out a way to calm her down!" He stood up, grinning.
"How?" Harry wondered. Ron shook his head.
"Don't you know what day it is today?"
"Monday."
"And tomorrow is…"
"What?"
"Valentine's Day! Stop being so dense, Harry." Ron snorted, placing his arms in akimbo. "And I figured, if Hermione would be all lovey-dovey and relaxed because she found some guy to hook up with, she'll be less hawk-like about us…looking over…some of her notes!"
"I'm starting to like where this is going."
"Good, cause I'd force you into it anyway. So, I figured, we should find a date for her!" Ron stated, putting his chest out with a smile. "We'd be helping her becoming socially satisfied and get all our school work done at once! It's like muggles say, two bats in a Bludger. Or something."
"Who'd you have in mind for her?"
"Well, that's why I need you to help me! We need to get as much information from Hermione about what she'd want in a man without getting her all suspicious."
"Okay, I'll do it." Harry said. "When do we start?" Ron sat down again.
"How about…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Now."
And so, ruddy Ron and hot Harry set out on their quest to get Hermione a date for Valentine's Day. Little did they know, they would have a powerful adversary and obstacle in the form of…
"Lavender!" Ron winced and stood up as Lavender Brown blocked her view behind the couch in the Common Room where he was watching Harry talk to Hermione with a notepad behind his back.
"What are you doing, Ron?" Lavender asked suspiciously, a frown on her face. "Why are you spying on Harry and…Hermione…" She said, reaching a bitter note at the latter name.
"Uh…uh…no reason."
"You know, they would make a great couple, wouldn't they?" Lavender stated, smacking her lips and smiling devilishly.
"You think?" Ron looked at Hermione, and she did seem quite cheerful as Harry spoke to her, his arm around her shoulder. He felt his cheeks burn up, and his stomach churned a little. "I'd never see it coming."
"Well you should." Ron looked at her suspiciously, and she realized she had slipped.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Uh…nothing, bye." Lavender said high-pitched and skipped off to the girl's dorms. He looked back and saw that Hermione had her nose in a book and Harry was walking against the boy's dorms, doing a thumbs-up to him. Ron nodded, frowning, and hurried back to the dorms.
"So, what'cha got?" Ron asked.
"She didn't give away much, but this is what I got out of her; she likes white roses, and she likes liberalism and intellectually stimulating people. Figures. Oh, and she also likes people are not like…well, in summarization, she doesn't like people like you."
"What! I'm intellectually stimulating."
"Sure you are."
"And I am totally liberal. Power to the house elves!" Ron exclaimed, raising his fist.
"Uh huh."
"…let's just keep investigating."
So ruddy Ron and hot Harry kept on investigating, struggling through the day to make it through classes while at the same time questioning Hermione as often as possible. Finally, it was Ron's turn to do his little 'friendly' questioning.
"Hey 'Mione." Ron greeted as he walked over to the couch in the Common Room where Hermione sat, reading a book.
"Hello, Ron." She smiled, looking up. They stayed like that for a moment before Hermione raised and eyebrow. "Do you want to…sit?"
"Oh." Ron mumbled. Then he snapped his head up. "Oh! Oh, sure. Yeah, sit." He sat down, smiling sheepishly as he put his arm up on the back of the couch. Hermione discreetly rolled her eyes. "Why don't…"
"What?"
"Why don't you put that away? Let's talk." Ron said, glancing at the book. Hermione once again raised and eyebrow.
"Excuse me?"
"Let's talk. You know, just chat." Ron smiled, shrugging. Hermione stared at him for a moment before an expression of pleasant surprise spread out on her face.
"Okay." She said, putting her book on the table between the chairs next to the fireplace. "What do you wanna talk about?" She smiled, putting one leg over her other knee, putting her right hand on her knee and her left hand on the back of the couch. Ron didn't register her movement for a second before he realized that her hand was on top of his. She seemed to have realized too, as she moved her hand away. Ron suddenly became uncomfortably aware that the Common Room was completely empty except for the two. Ron looked down as Hermione blushed.
"Uh…nothing special. Just anything. What's going on with you?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
"Um…well, I'm kinda nervous about the Finals…" Hermione said quietly, and Ron could tell that the Finals weren't the only thing making her nervous. Ron looked at her. She wasn't in robes. She wore a brown sweater and blue jeans. The sweater was very brown. Very, very brown. Like her eyes. They were brown too…like, deep hazel. And so was her hair. It didn't seem so bushy, but as if it was long and sleek and hanging down her shoulders. It was brown too. It was like a theme. The Brown Hermione theme. But her lips, though…they weren't brown…they were light shade of pink…and her skin…was not really pale…but a bit tanned…and her eyes…and her legs…and her…arms…and…"…on…Ron?" Ron jerked his head up, a goofy smile on his face.
"Why were you staring at my arms?"
"What? What, no? What are you talking about?" Ron said, trying to sound amused, although he sounded more like a mouse with the flu.
"Is there something you wanna talk to me about, Ron?" Hermione asked. Ron could barely keep his head up, her voice…it was so sweet, so smooth. Like silk. Her voice was swooshie. Ron's stomach was about to explode as her hand brushed against his.
"N…uh, do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Ron asked.
"You mean…for Tuesday?"
"No, for Valentine's Day."
"Oh." Hermione blushed a little. "Why do you ask?" She said, and for a moment, just for a moment, Ron thought she sounded hopeful. Ron felt like he was about to doze off again, not because of boredom, but because his brain was about to completely shut down. He was about to go straight against the plan. He didn't want to find a date for Hermione…he wanted to be-
"Hey!" Harry entered the Common Room, dragging a boy with blonde, short hair, wearing a white shirt and dark pants. Harry grinned as he pushed the boy forward. "Hey, Ron, hey Hermione. Um, 'Mione, Danny here," he smiled, gesturing to the blue-eyed boy, "has something he wants to ask you about."
"Um, yeah…" Danny said, blushing a little as Hermione looked at him uneasily. "Uh, I was wondering…if you wanted to go to the dance with me tomorrow?"
Hermione gaped, as did Ron, and she glanced at Ron who quickly shut his mouth with a hurtful look on his face. She suddenly realized he had shot a murderous glare against Harry and she felt a hot, prickly sensation spread through her cheeks again. "I…" Danny smiled a little, and she sighed inwardly. "I would be glad to."
"Great!" Danny exclaimed, putting his hand together. "Well…uh…see you tomorrow. I'll come by at seven and we can go together?"
"Yes, that'll be good." Hermione said, trying, and failing, to smile.
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Well…" Danny glanced at Harry and smiled. "Bye." He then said and left. Harry smiled and chuckled.
"Well?" He finally said, breaking the deafening silence.
"Well what?" Ron snapped, his blue eyes burrowing into Harry's.
"I was just wondering what Hermione thought about Danny…" Harry shrugged, not really understanding why Ron was so angered. He slumped down onto a chair and looked at the girl in question. Well?" Hermione didn't answer, but looked down at her knees. Her hands were shaking slightly.
"I think…I think…I think you were very nice to find a date for me Harry. Thank you."
"Don't thank me!" Harry began, ignoring Ron's discreet gestures of protest and warning. "Thank Ron! He's the one who came up with the idea!" Hermione stared at him, hurt, and Ron could practically hear her ask him, "If you wanted me to go to the dance with someone, then why didn't you ask?
"Oh. That's nice." She said and stood up, heading into her dorms.
The times seemed to darken as ruddy Ron realized he had truly hurt fare Hermione by being so dense. Hot Harry sadly couldn't see any of it, since he is absolutely oblivious to flirting, especially when it is directed to him. Anyway, the night of the dance arrived…
Ron sat by one of the tables at the side of the large dance-floor in the Great Hall, where almost every single student from the fourth grade and up where dancing. He saw Hermione in the crowd; she was dancing with Danny. He sighed inwardly. 'Well this is just fabulous. I've got no date and the girl I like hates me. Absolutely fabulous.' He thought. Just as he decided officially that the night couldn't get worse, Lavender Brown slumped down on a chair next to him, holding two bottles of butterbeer.
"Hi, Ron!"
"Hi, Lavender." Ron mumbled, not looking away from the pair on the dancefloor.
"Here." Lavender pushed one of the bottles against him, and without thinking twice, he grabbed it and gulped it all down in seconds. Once he was finished, he stood up, ready to leave. He was surprised when he staggered, his knees weak and his stomach was squelching. Everything was moving strangely in front of him. He looked down and saw two Lavenders smiling at him.
"How do you feel?" She asked, her voice echoing in his mind just as everything else in the room. Ron was suddenly struck with a fierce boldness and determination.
"You know…" He slurred. "You know, I feel great…you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go down there…I'm gonna go down there, and tell the girl I love my feelings…" He looked back down and saw Lavender frowning. He smiled a little. "I'm gonna go…and tell…her my feelings, 'cause…'cause I love her! I love her!" Ron repeated, his voice firmer. "I'll…see you…" And with that, he staggered down to the dancefloor.
See, I told you. It was inevitable. The buffoon must be pissed; it is the laws of nature.
Ron pushed his way through the crowd, all the time mumbling about the girl he loves and his feelings. He finally reached Hermione and Danny. He was just a few feet behind them, and his face started heating up as Danny put his hands on her waist and stepped closer. Hermione, who was smiling vaguely, blushed. Ron felt his rage build up and stomped forward, clearing his voice loudly. Hermione turned around, as did several other students, all staring at Ron as he approached Danny and Hermione.
"'Mione!" Ron said loudly. More people turned around to watch, and even the lead singer of the band that was playing stopped singing to watch.
"Ron, what are you doing?" Hermione asked quietly as she watched Ron stumble a little. She then gaped and slapped Ron on the chest. "Are you drunk!" She hissed.
"Yes, yes I am!" Ron exclaimed. "With…with love!" He continued, earning several giggles and chuckles from the crowd, many who pointed at him and muttered things among themselves. "'Cause, you know…'Mione! You know? 'Cause…I think…I'm in love!"
"What?" Hermione said, dumbfounded. "Ron, shut up and get yourself together, or I'll hex you into a coma."
"That's…that's what I love about you, Hermione! You take charge! You're a strong girl and…and I think…I think that you're the strongest girl in the school! No, in the world!" Ron added, spreading his out as he stumbled back a little. "And…and I also think you're…'cause you're the most beautiful girl, too! And the smartest girl! And that is…'cause that's what I feel about you! Because I love you!" He finished, smiling a little and stumbling some more. Everyone had fallen silent then and were watching, even the teachers were gaping and staring. "And I…love you! Like…this much!" Ron said, trying to spread his arms out. "And me and Harry…were spying on you! All day long, yesterday! You want to know why? Do you? You probably figured it out already, being so smart, you, you…because we wanted to get you a date! And I didn't…realize it, because I'm not smart like you…that I wanted to go as your date! Not…Danny someone! Because, Hermione Jane Granger…I love you! I think you're smart! And cute! And witty! And I didn't want to…ask! Because I'm not smart or cute! Or witty! And I'm a chicken, too!"
"Ron, please stop-"
"No! I won't stop! I'm going to…I don't care! Everyone can know for all I care!" Ron exclaimed, spreading his arms out again and spinning around. "I don't care! Because I, Ronald Bill Whizzle! Love you! That's what! I do care! About you! Because I love you, Hermione! I want to…be an old man with you! I want to be the father of all the little Hermione geniuses! Because I! Love brown!" There was a silence. "I love that colour!" He continued, and Lavender slumped down in her seat disappointed. "'Cause that's the colour of your eyes…and your hair! And you're skin was almost brown the summer before the last one, because you were in Paris! And your shirt is brown too! Which is why I love you! Because you are brown!" He stated loudly. He stumbled some more. "And don't even get me started on how smart you are…" He started, but stopped as his back hit the floor. He rubbed his cheek, where Hermione had slapped him with all her might. "You are so strong," was the last thing Ron said before he blacked out.
The times seemed even darker now for ruddy Ron, as he had completely fulfilled his potential and reputation as a bumbling jerk. We return to our semi-semi-hero in the hospital wing.
"Oh, he's coming too. You sure knocked out his lights, Hermione."
"Oh, shut up Harry, you prat."
"I'm not a prat!"
"Mumumu…?" Ron stirred a little, blinking to focus his sight. Gathered around his bed was Hermione, Ginny, Harry and Danny.
"Are you okay?" Danny wondered, and Ron was just about to say something when Hermione hit him in the stomach. Ron flinched and doubled in his bed, holding his stomach.
"OW!" He exclaimed. He looked up just in time to receive another hit to the head. Madam Pomfrey came storming into the room, grabbing Hermione and dragging her out of the room. "What in the bloody hell!" Ron shouted.
"Serves you right!" Ginny said, slapping Ron on the shoulder. "Do you even know how you hurt her?"
"What did I do?" Then flashes of yesterday came back to him. "Oh, that."
"Yes, that! You git!" Ginny slapped him again.
"It's not my fault, though! That bloody Brown girl! She spiked my butterbeer!" Ron growled.
"Sure she did." Ginny said sarcastically, slapping Ron once more.
"She did!"
"No, like, no! I did not!" Lavender walked into the room. "That is like such a big lie!"
"Oh, really?" Ron said sceptically, looking at Lavender.
"Uh, yeah! All I did was get a bravery potion from that Midgeon dork and put it in your drink."
"A bravery-?"
"Alright, alright, fine! Maybe just a little bit of whisky! But I certainly did not get you drunk!" Lavender whined, putting her arms at her sides. There was a long silence.
"A bravery potion?" Ginny asked.
"Yeah."
"So…" She slowly turned against Ron. "Oh my god. That wasn't just drunken rambling! You- oh my god, Ron!" Suddenly, Ginny threw herself at Ron and hugged him, laughing. Then she stood up, dead serious. "Well, what are you waiting for, you insensitive git? Go get her!"
"Wha?" Ron sat up. "What do you mean?"
"Hermione! You love her, now go and make sure she knows that you aren't just an idiot, but an idiot in love!"
"But-"
"No buts! I thought you loved her! That's what you said, right?" Harry said, starting to catch on. Ron looked from Ginny to Harry and then to Danny.
"You know what…yeah! I love Hermione, and she has to know that!" He stood up and was just about to run off when he turned back and patted Danny's shoulder. "No hard feelings, right?"
"Just go, its okay." Danny smiled. Ron nodded, grinning.
"Okay…yeah, okay! Bye!" Once again, he hesitated and glared at Ginny. "I am not a git!" And then he ran off, leaping out of the hospital wing before Madam Pomfrey could Accio him back.
And so, ruddy Ron set off through the school, intent on finding Hermione and declaring his love for her while he was still sober.
"Hermione!" Ron shouted through the halls as he dashed off, scaring and surprising several first years passing by. The paintings and armours along the halls whispered to each other, since the story of the drunken idiot at the ball had spread through the school like wildfire. He reached the second floor and ran around, trying to find Hermione. He stopped when he saw Luna Lovegood.
"Luna!" Luna turned around and looked at him with large eyes. "Luna, did you see Hermione?"
"I heard about last night. Do you want to find her so you can tell her about how much you love her?" Ron nodded. "I figured that. Well, she went that way." She said, pointing down the hall while staring at Ron. "Good luck." Ron nodded and dashed down the hall, calling back a thank you. He was just about to turn when he heard a terrible voice that sent a chill up his spine. "Mr. Weasley, twenty points from Gryffindor for running in the halls."
"But sir, you have to understand, this is important!"
"Oh, what could it be that is so important?" Ron would have lied if he could, but Harry had told him that Snape could know when you lied through Legilimens by keeping eye contact, and Snape's obsidian eyes were burrowing into Ron's blue eyes.
"Well. Uh. You see sir…I love Hermione." He said. The words seemed to echo through the hall, sounding almost comical to Ron. "And I need to tell her that, quick." There was a long silence until Snape did something Ron wouldn't have imagined was possible even the day when Neville got full score on everything in class and Fred or George (even both) became Minister's of Magic; he smiled. He didn't sneer, he didn't smirk, he didn't even smile evilly. He just smiled, sincerely, and made a gesture for Ron to go on. "Really?"
"Go before I tell the Headmaster to expel you." Snape smiled.
"Whoa. I mean, yeah, okay!" Ron said, nodding and dashing off.
"Ten more points, Mr. Weasley! You just don't learn!"
"Thanks!" Ron called back, not looking back. He turned and ran down a staircase unto the first floor. Several fifth and fourth year girls were standing in the hall, talking. He was just about to run pass them when one of them whistled at him. "What?" Ron shouted, turning and running backwards, away from the girls.
"Nice ass!" The girl shouted back.
"Whatever! I love Hermione!" Ron shouted, for no reason.
"Good for you!" The girl shouted.
"Go get her!" Another girl added, and they started hooting and cheering. Ron laughed and turned, continuing to run. He ran down several halls, and the paintings seemed faster, since they seemed to have told the whole school to cheer for him. Everywhere he went, people were shouting to him and cheering for him to go faster and screaming things like "Go get her, boy!" and "Hurry up!"
He finally reached the entrance, and he was just in time to see a bushy mass of hair walk out through the doors. He hurried out into the sunny day and found that almost all the students were outside, since it was a day off for the whole school. He tried to catch up with Hermione, but people seemed to be in the way all the time. People seemed to build a tunnel, standing on the sides of the path Ron was running down to catch up with Hermione, cheering for him and screaming. 'Just a little more…' He thought as he was just a few couple of feet away from Hermione. He ran past her and stopped in front of her. "Wait!" Ron held out his arms to stop Hermione, whose face was very red and had an angered expression. "You have to hear me out!"
"What do you want from me, Ron?" People had started gathering around the two, and some where even climbing on others to see over the crowd.
"Hermione, I wasn't drunk last night!" Ron exclaimed. Hermione let out a mock laugh. "No, really I wasn't! Well, maybe a little, since Lavender spiked my drink, but mostly, I wasn't! The reason I said those things was because I had drunk a bravery potion which Lavender had also put in my butterbeer!"
"Excuse me!"
"It's true! I really meant those things; I just didn't dare say them before! But then when I drank that potion, I could say them, because I...well, you get it!"
"No, I don't, Ron, what do you mean?" Hermione said, her eyes welling up with tears and her voice trembling.
"Well, it means…" It was so strange. Ron couldn't say what he had been blurting out to practically everyone the last minutes.
Here is that vital moment; the moment when Ron went from boy to man. Here is when Ron was a boy.
"I…it means that…" Ron stuttered.
"What, Ron, what?" Hermione demanded, sounding almost hopeful, expecting.
And this is where he became a man.
"It means that I love you." The whole crowd let out a simultaneous "Awwww…" "It really does. I mean, I really do. I love you." Ron broke out into a smile. "I love you, Hermione! A lot!" People let out small cheers but mostly kept quiet to see Hermione's reaction.
But a woman needs some time let it sink in.
The crowd gasped as Hermione drove her fist straight into Ron's stomach, making him topple over and fall to his knees. Hermione then pulled him up and gave him another punch, on the cheek. Ron sputtered a little, stumbling. He pulled out of his painful daze and stood straight, staring at Hermione, confused.
That should be enough.
And then the crowd gasped again as Hermione grabbed both of Ron's cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. Everyone started applauding and cheering as the two laughed. Ron's arms were hanging at his sides, his mind was absolutely numb. Hermione finally let go and smiled at Ron. Then she pushed him away, punched him in the stomach, and kissed him again.
And they kissed.
And kissed.
And…kissed.
And kissed.
And freakin' kissed.
Could someone please get a shoe horn?
See, now that's just disgusting.
Ah, another masterpiece. Just joking, my ego weighs less than all my Harry Potter books together. Or does it? Yes, the answer is yes
That joke was so ripped off of Waterman. Dude.