This is the story of how a sixteen year old boy saved the very fate of Hogwarts. This is the story of how one man, standing between a mass of angry, bulky boyfriends and a mass of crazed, charmed, horny girls, stood up to the challenge and saved the lives of seven hundred and eighty students. Not including the chicken boys who were hiding in their Common Rooms.
This, my friends, is the story, of how Ronald Bilius Weasley…
SAVED THE WORLD!
I'm not joking, he really did.
Ah…morning is nice.
Ron woke up early to find that his dormitory was empty. He saw a small note at the foot of his bed. He grabbed it and read it. 'Be at the school grounds before noon. Muggle Sports Tournament. Do not sleep late. Harry, god of sensuality and hot steam love'.
Okay, so maybe I exaggerated a bit.
'Muggle Sports Tournament. Do not sleep late. Harry.' Ron's eyes widened. His eyes turned to the muggle clock Dean had brought to school which hung over his bed. Ten minutes till noon. "NOOOO!" Ron rolled out of bed, grabbing his wind in the movement, waved it and summoned a white shirt and red jogging pants. He put it on quickly, pocketed his wand and the note, and dashed out of the room after putting on some white jogging shoes.
Dad has a fascination with Muggle stores, and he visits them at times. He is also very generous to his children. Patch it up.
Ron finally reached the entrance and pushed open the oak doors, running out on the school grounds. He saw that almost the whole school had gathered by the Quidditch pitch. Ron ran as quickly as he could to catch up.
"I'm here! I'm here!" Ron wheezed as he saw Harry and stopped next to him. Harry chuckled.
"Told you not to oversleep."
"Yeah, well, sod off." Ron murmured. Ron tried to look over the crowd of people and to the front, where Hooch, Flitwick and Dumbledore were speaking.
"This year is a new year in Hogwarts history, for now we will bring in the tournament of Muggle sports!" Hooch said loudly so everyone could hear. "Everyone will participate in six sports created and lead by muggles across the world. First, we are going to play…"
"Please don't say football, please don't say football, please don't say football…" Hermione, who was on Harry's other side wearing a white, knee-long skirt and a blue shirt, chanted while crossing her fingers and closing her eyes.
Don't get yo hopes up, girl.
"Football!"
"God damn it!"
"Football is a famous sport mainly in America, brother of Britain! There will be eight rounds, two teams in each! Now I will explain the rules, and if you don't listen, then the joke is on you!"
So ruddy Ron, hot Harry Hermione were divided into teams (of course by sickening Snape). Ruddy Ron was to play in the third round on the Gryffindor team against Slytherin boys, hot Harry was to play the first round on the Gryffindor team against Ravenclaw boys and Hermione was to play the second round on the Gryffindor team against, poor girl, Slytherin girls (bitches)! Of course, since Snape is a sexist bastard who needs to realize we are in the late nineties, each house team was in two divisions, girls and boys, since Snape thinks that girls would be at a disadvantage to the oh-so-mighty boys. Asshole.
We continue as hot Harry is to play. Ruddy Ron and Hermione have placed themselves in the stands to watch the first game.
"Bloody hell, this is gonna be fierce." Ron mumbled as he saw the Gryffindor boys' team walk out on the field with helmets and other football equipment, as did Hufflepuff's team.
"Oh, I hope they don't get hurt- oh my god!"
That's football right there for ya.
The Slytherin side on the stands cheered and screamed as little Dennis Creevey was levitated away by Madam Pomfrey, groaning and wincing.
"And young Creevey has been eliminated," Luna Lovegood's voice rang through the pitch. "Too bad."
"Huffle-Huffle-Hufflepuff! You'll beat those measly Pygmy Puffs!" The Hufflepuff cheerleaders chanted, doing their little dance routine.
Never thought the day when cheerleaders came to Hogwarts would come. Oh well, the times are changing. We're gonna fast forward past hot Harry's game (which they won thanks to Jack Sloper's fantastic ability to wave his arms in a weird angle) and Hermione's game (which they lost. Oh come on, Millicent Bulstrode and Pansy Parkinson in mega bitch mode? They didn't stand a freakin' chance) and to ruddy Ron's game, because Ron is the semi-semi-hero of this story. Plus there was too much carnage during the second game with the girls for it to work with the rating of this story.
"Go Gryffindor, you can do it! Just push, push, push, push through it!"
"Now that was just lame. Who comes up with these rhymes?" Ginny wondered in the stands.
Ron marched out on the field with the rest of his team (which Neville was in as quarterback, sadly), almost cowering as he saw the Slytherin team. Crabbe and Goyle looked like two large, green boulders. Gryffindor was going to kick off. Ron positioned himself and crouched down, with Ritchie Coote and Colin Creevey on his sides.
This is the part when someone says a colour and a number, and then throws the ball backwards to Neville.
Neville caught the ball in his chest and staggered backwards. Ron ran to the left, trying to avoid being in Goyle's way. Sadly,
And stupidly,
Ron ended up being in Montague's way. Ron stiffened and ran the other way.
Screaming like the wussy git he is.
"Oh, look at Ronald. He's being quite the chicken." A boy in the stands said.
"Oh yes, tip-tip-tally-ho." The boy next to him said.
"Let's have some tea and biscuits and then go to the racetrack."
"Yes."
"Let's."
"What's a racetrack?"
"…you filthy pureblood."
Okay…yeah, well, they were sitting right above me. I think they're from some sort of foreign spy agency that's trying to dig up information on Hogwarts from the inside using two teenage kids impersonating the British stereotype. Tally-ho?
Oh, right, Ron.
"AAAAAH!" Ron ran across the field, somehow towards his side. Neville, who was being approached by Crabbe and Goyle, let out a loud yelp and threw the ball to Ron. Ron didn't realize he had caught it until he saw that almost every single Slytherin had turned like a bloodhound smelling meat in the air and were running after him.
"No, Ron, the other way! You have to run the other way!" Harry shouted from the stands.
"WHAT! ARE YOU INSANE!" Ron screamed.
"SHUT UP YOU STUPID GIT! GO THE OTHER WAY OR I'LL HEX YOU INTO THE NEXT CENTURY!" Ginny screamed, standing up in the stands.
"You knocked over my tea and biscuits, little girl!"
Are they still here?
"FINE!" Ron shouted back. He wheeled around just in time to duck away from the massive heap of people that was Montague, Crabbe and Goyle trying to tackle him. He started running against the other side of the field.
"A little bit closer, a little bit closer!" Ron said to himself. He was just a few yards away. "Come on, come on!"
I've always wondered if it would be helpful to grow eyes on the sides of my head.
"AH!"
Oh. Thanks, Ron, you always help me make the good choices.
Oh man. This is the second time I've been knocked out in a week! Bloody hell! Oh, I can think! I must be awake.
"RON!" At least forty voices shouted at once.
And I can hear as well. Ow.
"Oh, you're awake!" Hermione's voice squealed as Ron's eyes slowly opened. He smiled as he felt Hermione hug him. "We were so worried!"
"Oh…we lost?" Ron asked, disappointed. He had been so excited about the tournament. He found, however, that he was not in the hospital wing, but on the grass field at the pitch.
"No, we won!" Harry's voice said. Suddenly, everything became focused before Ron. All of Gryffindor was gathered around him; all singing 'Weasley Is Our King', and Hermione and Harry were crouching down next to him. "You were knocked ten yards into the touchdown place thing!" Harry grinned.
"You're kidding!"
"No!"
"Awesome! Bloody splendid!"
Okay, let's just fast forward after the short in-between games celebration and after all the football playing has been done. There is now a pause between football and tag.
"During the pause, we will, as muggle tradition says, give out snacks for the next sport, tag!"
Let's take a little look at this…snack…business and who is delivering it.
"A delivery of Bertie Botts."
"I see."
"Sign here, please."
The two men wearing too much robes for their faces to be seen held waved their wands, making the many boxes of Bertie Botts fly into one of the locker rooms of the pitch. Madam Pomfrey signed the clipboard one of the men handed her. "There we go."
"Good day, ma'm."
"Good day, young sir."
The two men walked inside the locker rooms and opened one of the boxes once Madam Pomfrey had left. He took of his hood and smiled, revealing the face of Fred Weasley. George took of his hood and looked into the box.
"This should make Hogwarts a little bit more fun today, don't you think?" Fred grinned.
"Yup, very fun indeed, my brother." George replied, picking up one of the Bertie Botts bags. It seemed all of the bags had nothing but pale blue beans in them. "Well, off we go." He said, and the twins left.
What is it about these beans? You shall see.
"As it is the girls who will be playing first, they will get the snacks first!" Dumbledore's voice rang through the pitch. All the males groaned. "It is a gesture of courtesy." He continued, smiling. All the girls in the pitch walked down on the field, getting a bean one by one. "Hope you enjoy!" He grinned. "Now, for the rules of tag. We have changed the rules as it would be quite the long game if we would play by the muggle rules. All the girls here will stand in a circle across the field, each holding a pin. A candidate from the crowd will run along the outside of the circle, gathering the pins one by one. However, they have to shake hands before the girl gives the pin. Now who wants to be a candidate?"
My brother is quite the pioneer, actually. None of the boys in the stands wanted to run along such a long circle. I mean, all the girls of Hogwarts (including the staff). That's quite a lot of running. But, my brother is also very…let us call it, enthusiastic, so yeah.
"I will! I WILL!" Ron shouted, standing up and raising his arm, being the only one in the stands to do so. Dumbledore called him down to the pitch.
"You may begin here." He said, pointing to where Eloise Midgeon was standing. "Shake hands." Ron shook hands with Eloise, who was chewing on her bean, and then took her pin. "Ready…set…go!"
Believe me; you'd be bored of watching this part. Watching a boy shake hands and run with around four-five hundred girls? Wow, interesting. And since most of you reading these stories are muggles, I bet you'd be bored by pretty much everything else, so let us fast forward to the end of the tournament.
"As you can see on the scoreboard," Dumbledore said, pointing to the huge wooden board with words carved into it floating above the pitch, "Ravenclaw is the winner of this year's Muggle Sports Tournament! Congratulations!" The whole house of Ravenclaw walked off to the school, singing, cheering and carrying the trophy.
"Well, that was fun!" Ron grinned as he, Ginny, Harry and Hermione headed back to the school. "Too bad we didn't get any snacks though. Kinda unfair, only the girls got them."
"You know, I think Dumbledore is getting senile." Ginny murmured.
"Ginny!" Harry exclaimed, shocked.
"What! He did forget to give the boys snacks and I think those beans were poisoned." She said, holding her stomach.
"It's Bertie Botts Beans. All flavours, remember?"
"It's not the taste...I don't feel good." Ginny replied.
"Me neither…I think Ginny's right." Hermione said.
"Well, just drink some water and you'll feel better." Ron said, shrugging. He put an arm around Hermione's shoulder.
"I guess." Hermione sighed.
Later that night in the fascinatingly intelligent mind of jeanine Ginny...
That means a dream.
Prat.
Ginny slowly stepped into white nothingness. Red dots started appearing everywhere, shining brightly. Soon, she was standing in a cube of red light. A pair of blue eyes floated across the walls of the cube, blinking occasionally. Laughter echoed in Ginny's ear.
Ronald Bilius Weasley.
The next day…in the morning, yeah.
Ron and Harry entered the Great Hall for breakfast. As soon as they entered, giggles filled the hall.
"Nya-oookay…" Harry said, looking around. Everywhere in the halls, girls were glancing at them and giggling, whispering to their female friends. Ron sighed.
"Looks like you did something big again." He mumbled.
"I didn't do anything." Harry hissed.
"Doesn't look like that." Ron replied, shrugging. They saw Ginny and Hermione sit at the end of the Gryffindor table and hurried over to them. "Scooch!" Ron exclaimed and sat down next to Hermione, making her move in next to Lavender. He gave her a swift kiss on the cheek and then started grabbing food from every direction.
"Hermione…what are you doing?" Harry said. Ron looked up and saw that Hermione was staring into nothingness with a wide smile on her face, her hand on her cheek.
"He…kissed me…" She sighed happily.
"Um, yeah, you are my girlfriend." Ron mumbled. No one seemed to hear except Hermione, who grinned even wider and stared at Ron with wide eyes.
"Really!" She exclaimed. Ron nodded, not wondering why she was acting so strange. Hermione suddenly stood up and spread her arms out. "Everybody!" She shouted, making every head in the hall look at her (although the girls had much trouble turning their heads from Ron). "Ron says that I am his girlfriend!" She shouted, flashing a wide smile. There was a long silence, until Hannah Abbot stood up at her table, scowling.
"NO! HE IS MY BOYFRIEND!" She shrieked. Everyone stared at her, surprised. Ron gaped, as did Harry, as Padma Patil stood up and yelled in frustration.
"How dare you! Ron loves me!"
"No, he loves me!" Parvati shrieked, standing up. She knocked over Lavender in the process, making Hermione fall backwards.
"YOU TRAITOR!" Padma shrieked. She suddenly raised her wand and fired a beam of light across the Hall. Parvati deflected it into the ceiling. Everyone looked up as there was a loud ringing noise. Dumbledore was standing with a surprised and slightly amused look on his face.
"Now, my ladies-"
"I AM NOT YOUR LADY!" Lavender shrieked.
"…fine. Now, ladies, you may continue this argument without using any violence. We do not want to cause a scene."
"I DON'T CARE!" Susan Bones shouted as she stood up. "Violence, scene or argument, it doesn't matter! Anything for my sweet love!" Everyone stared at her for a moment until more and more girls started rising, shouting even more. No one noticed as food fell out of Ron's open mouth. Ginny picked up a napkin and leaned over the table with a smirk. She cleaned the edge of Ron's mouth, although Ron was too busy staring at Susan Bones and Hannah Abbot shouting at the top of their lunges to notice. Hermione slapped Ginny's hand away.
"Get your hands off my boyfriend, you hag!" She hissed. Ginny glared at her.
"You're the hag, hag! Ron is not your boyfriend, he is mine!" Ginny growled. Ron stared at her, surprised. Then his expression changed into one of disgust.
"EW! YOU'RE MY SISTER!" He exclaimed.
"And my girlfriend!" Harry added, as shocked and disgusted as Ron. Everyone looked at him for a moment.
"No she's not." Ron gasped.
"Huh? Oh, right." Harry sighed, looking down at his plate.
"GIRLS!" McGonagall stood up, furious. She shot a flurry of sparks from her wand to get everyone's attention. "What is the matter with you! I will not have this!" Everyone calmed down a little, even all the girls sat down, although still furious. "And for the record, Ronald only loves me." She smirked, pointing at herself.
"WHAT!" Ron gasped.
"WHAT!" Spout followed, standing up. "YOU WITCH!"
"Oh, what are you going to do about it, shortstop?" McGonagall sneered, staring down at the indeed shorter Spout.
"I'll tell you what-"
But what that ugly hag Spout had to say we will never know as the beautiful, noble, brave, kind, talented, smart, courteous and chivalrous Ron decided, as smart as he is, to leave, that other person with the awful hair following him. I love Ron. He is so cute.
Ron and Harry snuck out of the Great Hall, gaping all the time. Ron leaned against the wall.
"Okay, something is seriously wrong." Harry gasped, holding his arms out.
"You think?" Ron spat. Then he glared at Harry. "Why is it so surprising that they would like me?"
"Don't get me wrong, it isn't…but every single girl in school? Among them your own sister and McGonagall?"
"Oh. Yeah, ew."
"Uh huh. We have to find out what's going on and stop it before there's an all out war."
"Yeah." They stood there still. "So?"
"So what?"
"What's your fantastic plan?"
"I dunno. I was hoping you had one."
"Well thank you for your help, mate."
Harry ignored him. "Okay, what we should do…we should ask Dumbledore for help! He'll know what to do, he always does!"
"Yeah!" But he's in there." Ron said, pointing to the Great Hall.
"No longer." They both turned around and saw Dumbledore. "I am proud to say that many are loyal and listen to what I say, but there is nothing I can do to stop those women right now."
"Professor Dumbledore!" Ron exclaimed. "We need your help! All the girls are in love with me!" Ron stopped, thought how that was bad exactly, and then continued. "We have to stop this soon or there is going to be bad consequences!"
"You are right, Mr. Weasley. To the office, we are safe from those rabid demons of lust." There was a hollow silence as Harry and Ron gaped at Dumbledore. "I find the 'comics' in muggle magazines quite amusing. Now, let us go."
Those two persons and the…ah…wonderful Ron hurried to that man's office.
Ron and Harry sat down in front of Dumbledore's desk. "Now, first we have to find out what caused this…lust among the female student body."
"Don't forget the teachers. There is nothing that can escape my boyish charm." Ron said.
"You are a boy, and you are not charming anyone." Harry said, and Ron grumpily slumped down in his seat.
"Yes, such is the situation. It seems that all of the female human beings in Hogwarts as fallen in love with you. But that is not what I am worried about."
"Huh?"
"Well, you see…there is a great quantity of ladies here, and ladies often have…" He looked at the boys expectantly. Harry gasped, horrified.
"Gentlemen."
"Precisely. I believe that Mr. Weasley here," he gestured at Ron, "is in dire danger here right now. I can only imagine what terrible things could happen to you when not only more than four hundred and fifty ladies are fighting for you, but also when as many angered and jealous gentlemen are, as the muggles in entertainment pictures say, out to get you."
"Oh bloody hell."
"Language, Mr. Weasley, language. Now, could any of you have any idea what could have made all the girls desire you?"
"Well…" Ron began with a smile as he looked out the window.
"Shut up, Ron." Harry interrupted. Ron glared at him.
"Ah!" Dumbledore gasped and smiled. He seemed to have realized something. "Of course. Do you boys remember something that was in contact with all girls of Hogwarts recently?" There was a long silence until Harry snapped his fingers.
"The snacks! Only the girls ate them and then you forgot to give to the boys!"
"Exactly what I thought. Well, luckily, that was so. Now, how could these berries have affected them like that?" Dumbledore wondered. Ron gaped, as he remembered something.
"Those bloody gits." He gasped.
"I assume you know the answer, but I must ask you to watch your language, Mr. Weasley."
"I'm sorry sir, but I think I know what happened to the girls.
"What?" Harry asked.
"Snogberries."
"Snogberries?" Dumbledore repeated.
"Gred and Forge."
"Hm?"
"Gits."
"Language, Mr. Weasley!"
After Ron the all wise wizard of good whose, like, soooo cute, explained to Dumbledore how Snogberries works (they make people love the first person who touches them after they've eaten the berry and want to snog them), the three tried to figure out a way to save the girls, even though they don't like need it, cause everyone knows that they just have serious issues with their ego, everyone knows Ron loves me. ME! AND IF YOU SUGGEST OTHERWISE, I WILL LET YOU FEEL MY PASSIONATE LOVE IN THE FORM OF A BAT BOGEY HEX!
PASSIONATE LOVE, I SAY!
SMITE YOU!
"I think I have a solution." Dumbledore said. The boys looked at him expectantly. "What we need to do is change the aura of a large area so that anything under a spell in that area will be restored to its original form, and dispel the spell."
"Cool! How do you do that?"
"I cannot change just earth; it needs to be something that goes both ways path-wise."
"How about the lake?" Ron suggested.
So smart…ah…
PASSIONATE LOVE!
"Yes, yes… we will have to move quickly though. And we have to find a way to get all the ladies into the lake…" Both Harry and Dumbledore stared at Ron, smiling.
"What?" Ron wondered. Then he frowned. "Bloody hell. Fine." The three left the office to head down to the lake. As they reached the first floor, however, they all staggered as the floor trembled. "What was that!" Ron exclaimed. Dumbledore sighed.
"Boys, I think we have to move quickly."
"Why?" Ron wondered.
"YOU BASTARD!" A voice rang through the hall.
"I'LL TEACH YOU TO TRY AND STEAL MY PANSY!" Another voice shouted.
"Bloody hell." Ron sputtered as boys of all years and houses started pouring out from the end of the hall, running against him.
"Run…run!" Harry screamed, and the three set off. Dumbledore ran remarkably fast for a man of his age. They saw the end of the hall, where the marble stairs and the entrance were. They were just going to turn and run down the stairs when a group of loud squeals were heard. They all turned their heads and saw that all the girls were running out into the entrance from the Great Hall and up the stairs.
"RON! I LOVE YOU!" Pansy Parkinson screamed.
"TAKE ME, RON! MAKE LOVE TO ME!" Lavender Brown screamed as well.
WHORES!
Ron seemed to consider the offer, but quickly snapped back into reality as he realized that they were cornered; the angered boyfriends were at one end of the hall while the love struck girls were approaching from their initial escape route. Cho Chang tried to grab Ron but was flung back by Harry who had positioned himself in front of Ron to block away the girls while Dumbledore was at Ron's side, facing the boys.
"Ron, professor, you two have to get down there!" Harry exclaimed.
"But how do we stop both of them?" Ron asked, panicking.
"I think I know." Harry said, glancing at Ron. "Sorry, buddy. I don't feel very happy about this myself." Harry said, turning around to face Ron.
"What do you- mmm!" Ron was interrupted as Harry grabbed his cheeks and kissed him. He struggled to get away, but Harry held on. All the girls screamed in agony and anger while the boys seemed too baffled to do anything. Harry let go as the girls grabbed him and swallowed him into their mass of bodies. They didn't seem to pay attention to Ron, as they were all pounding on Harry who was lying in the middle of the mass. The boys were all on the floor, laughing their asses off.
I'm going to murder that boy loving son of a bitch! MURDER HIM I SAY! MURDER! AAAH! AAAAAAIIAAHAHAA!
"Ronald, now is our chance! We must go!" Dumbledore bellowed.
"Yes sir!" Ron exclaimed. He climbed up on the side of the stairs and started jumping on the girls shoulders down the staircase. Dumbledore slid down the staircase's sidebar. They got to the foot of the stairs and started running against the oak doors. Ron threw them open and Dumbledore hurried outside and against the lake. Ron figured he couldn't help Dumbledore in anyway but to hold back the girls until Dumbledore was finished. He looked back at the mass of girls blocking the stairs as they continued to try and hit Harry. "Hey!" He shouted. All of the girls turned, their ears twitching. "I…uh, if you stay here and stay calm for five minutes, I will kiss you afterwards!" Ron shouted. The girls all swooned and gasped, grinning.
"Anything for my dearest!" Ginny shouted. Ron gagged a little and closed the oak doors.
He's going to kiss me! My beautiful love is going to kiss me! Ah…
Ron watched as Dumbledore raised his wand at the lake, and the tip of it shone. After a few minutes, Ron felt the ground rumble a little as people stomped on the inside. He realized five minutes had gone by as he heard screams and shouts from the inside. "Hurry, professor!" He shouted.
"Patience, m'boy." Dumbledore bellowed. Ron tried to push against the doors, slowly realized that the doors opened inwards.
"Blimey!" He screamed as he ran forwards. The doors opened and everyone inside streamed out. He tried running away, but all the students ran after him. He fell forwards as someone used a leg hook spell. He sighed, deciding to give up, and he lay on the ground still. When no one came for him, he opened his eyes and rolled over. He saw that the boys and the girls where standing opposed to each other, each group screaming at the other.
"YOU GIT! HOW DARE YOU HURT HIM!" Pansy Parkinson shrieked.
"DON'T YOU CALL ME GIT, YOU BLOOD TRAITOR! HOW CAN YOU FANCY ONE OF THE MUGGLE LOVERS!" Draco shouted back.
"YOU FILTHY BITCH!" Blaise Zabini screeched at Eloise Midgeon. "I THOUGHT LIKED ME!"
Ron sat up, grinning. "Brilliant." He murmured. He gasped as someone put their hands in front of his eyes from behind.
"Guess who!" A voice exclaimed gleefully, and Ron was turned around to face Ginny, who grinned at him widely for a moment before pressing her lips against his.
Ah!
"Ah!" Ron gasped into Ginny's mouth.
"Ah!" All the girls gasped.
"Ah!" All the boys gasped.
"AH!" Harry screamed from the oak doors, pointing at Ron and Ginny. "AAAH! INCEST! IIIINCEEEEST!"
Ron pushed Ginny away and she fell on her behind. He stood up and started spitting every other second. He backed away from Ginny, spitting and gasping for air. He realized he had backed straight into the space between the girls and the boys. He looked to his right and saw the whole female population of Hogwarts beam at him, sighing happily. He looked to his left and saw the whole male population of Hogwarts glare at him murderously. There was a pause which seemed to go in slow motion as Ron looked back and forth and people on the left side started bringing up their wands.
"Ah...ah…aaah!" Ron threw himself to the ground as jinxes were fired at him. He peeked up to see that several girls had been deformed; larger front teeth, huge foreheads, shrunken noses and enormous lips. There was a gasping silence as the boys realized what they had done.
"Oh bloody hell." Ron sighed and started crawling away.
"You…you…" Parvati Patil huffed, pointing at the boys. "You tried to…hurt…RON!" The words echoed through the air for a second before all the girls ran straight at the boys and leaped at them. Ron watched as the entire male population of Hogwarts were scarred for life; literally and hypothetically. The girls punched, clawed, kneed, bit, kicked, did everything in possible to hurt the boys as severally as possibly, all the time screaming things as "don't ever try hurting my Ronnie!" and "this is for Ron! MY RON!"
And then it hit Ron; he could form an army of crazy girls. He grinned goofily to himself for a few seconds before he stood up and walked over to Dumbledore. Dumbledore stared at the brawl which the boys were losing miserably with sad eyes. Harry joined them and they stood there for a minute. Finally, Dumbledore took of his hat and held it against his chest.
"This is a sad day for men all over the world." He sighed. Ron and Harry nodded and put their hands on their chests. "I salute those brave men for daring to defy the anger of hormone loaded girls under love spells." They stood their quiet, watching.
"Nice choice of words." Harry said finally.
"Thank you, Harry."
NEVER HURT RON! NEVER HURT RON!
NEVER HURT RON! I WILL DESTROY YOU! YOU! DO! NOT! HURT! RON!
"This is kinda fun." Ron mumbled.
"I know." Harry added, watching as Lavender Brown constantly hit Dean Thomas in the head with a conjured cane and Lisa Turpin smacked a pan over Draco Malfoy's head. "But we have to stop this."
He turned his head and looked at Ron who was standing in his briefs, his other clothes tossed aside. "Already ahead of ya, mate." He grinned. "But how do we lure them over here?" He asked. Harry slowly eyed Ron sarcastically. Ron looked down at his briefs. "Oh right. Stupid question."
NEVER! NEVER NEVER NEVER! NE- huh? OH! HE IS SO HOT!
"Hey girls! Come over here and get a scoop of foxy! Foxy as in Ron! Oh yeah, baby!" Ron shouted, thrusting the air and doing stomach rolls. The girls instantly left the heap of battered boys and ran against Ron, screaming happily. Ron grinned and waved at Harry and Dumbledore briefly before leaping into the lake and swimming into the middle of it. The girls jumped in after him as quick as they could and tried to swim after him, and those who couldn't swim grabbed other people and were pulled across the lake. The people who had jumped in first seemed to stop swimming half way over the lake and shake their heads. More and more girls started doing the same, and Ron realized they were all returned to normal. The girls started leaving the lake, so Ron did the same. Once he got up and had put on his clothes (after drying himself off magically), he realized all the girls were glaring and staring at him. He had hoped they wouldn't remember they're little experience, but apparently they did.
"Um…hi?" He mumbled, waving a little to them. The only one who didn't seem furious and disgusted was Lavender, apparently, who was staring at the ground, blushing. Finally, people started turning around to see the heap of boys groaning in pain. Many of the girls started running over to the boys to check on them and mend their wounds and…kiss their boo-boos.
Did…did I…
Ron looked up and saw Harry was patting Ginny's back with a lopsided grin. Ginny's face was absolutely white and she was gaping at the ground.
I did, didn't I? I…oh my god, I…
Ron rushed over to Hermione, who was shaking fiercely by the side of the lake, dripping wet.
No…I didn't…right? I didn't, right? No…of course not, that's…that's not right…only purebloods do that kind of sickening…but…I am a pureblood…no…I didn't…no…
Ron hugged Hermione and smiled at her. Hermione looked up and chuckled.
"So you remember all that?" Ron mumbled.
"Yeah. How did that happen?" Hermione wondered.
"Gred and Forge."
"I see."
I didn't…no…
"Ron?"
I couldn't have…
"Yeah?"
Oh my god, I did…
"Could you remind me to kill your twin brothers the next time we see them?"
I…later…at…I didn't…the Common Room…I couldn't have…
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville sat by the fireplace in the Common Room. Neville was holding a large bag of ice against his head, staring at the fire. The whole Common Room seemed quite. Most of the boys seemed to be in the same state as Neville and Harry, a painful one, and most girls seemed to be in the same state as Ginny, shock. There was a long silence until Ron finally looked up, glaring at Harry.
"What?" Harry wondered.
"Harry…you know…if you do…fancy other sort of people, we are all okay with that. At least I am, I'll still be your friend."
"What are you talking about?" Harry asked. Ron stared at him, wide eyed.
"Well, I suppose the first step is admitting." Ron sighed, leaning his head back and putting his arm around Hermione. Harry shrugged. However, he seemed to realize what Ron meant short after, as he glared at Ron discreetly and mumbled something.
"At least I'm not the one having snog sessions with my sister…" Harry muttered. Ron's ears twitched and he stood up.
SMACK!
I was under a spell! It wasn't my fault. And besides, it's not like I enjoyed it.
Right?
Seriously, I love writing this...it's like I'm raising a love child of literature. Ah...I love you, fiction.