May 25 I have the worst luck. Apparently Sean is still dating Ellie. No other than my so called best friend told me this. 'Emma I've been with guys who've had girlfriends and it much more fun.' Yes, Manny that's exactly what I want, to become the next school slut. Really I had no control over what I was doing, I was drunk, I wouldn't have remembered if I hadn't woken up in the van with Sean. He made the decision. I was drunk, HE wasn't. At least that's what I'll say when Ellie finds out. Which she will because my luck is so good that Miss Ashley and Jay spent the night at the ravine as well. She saw Sean and I leave I jus know she's going to tell Ellie. Most likely Ellie will either be crushed and break up with Sean so I can have him to myself OR she'll get really mad beat the crap out of me then end up forgiving Sean and they'll live happily ever after. What happened to my life? I used to be Emma Nelson, the straight "A" student who never did anything wrong. Emma, the model child who was always there when her parents needed a baby sitter. Emma Nelson, the feminist who never needed any guy to make her life whole. Now look at me. I've gotten in two fights over some guy who doesn't and never did love me, then I go after another boy with a girlfriend who used and most likely doesn't love me anymore. My actions these day are going to come back and bite me in the ass. I just know it. Ellie will find out about Sean. I'll keep running into Jay, and Paige will tell people that I'm a stalker, my parents are going to find out about me being banned from the mall. I don't know how long the excuse 'I have no money' will work when they ask if I want to go to the mall with Manny or something. My friends can see that I'm changing. J.t. won't even look at me anymore, Paige told him I was cheating on his with Jay and I broke up with him because he wasn't good enough. Paige seems to be the center of a lot of my problems at the moment. What's next she'll tell my Mom that I got banned from the mall? Probably so. I mean she works there she had to have seen me hit Ashley. Now that I think about it she's probably the reason the stupid 'Rent-A-Cops' showed up in the first place. What did I ever do to her? Oh GOD. I guess she found out about me kissing Spinner. It was an accident we were at a party, she was sick and J.t. was out of town. We started talking and he walked me home. I guess by instinct we kissed. It only lasted a couple seconds and it was nothing to either of us. I guess he told Paige cause that's the only way she could have found out, that or she had Hazel fallow Spin around all night. He kisses one girl at a car wash and she think every time she's sick he'll go off with someone else. But whatever that was a long time ago and I don't think she'll be spreading any rumors about that. I don't know I think I should stop going to the ravine. There's no point in risking become the next school slut. See I have changed the old Emma wouldn't have given a flying fuck what other people thought. But now I do, they all think I'm this little whore who does anything and every thing with anyone, that's not who I am. I want the old Emma back. I want to be a "Prude Princess" again. I need to change my life. -EMMA NELSON