Chapter Four: I'm Lost Without You
"Look, are you playing or what?!" Jimmy yelled, interrupting my moment with Craig. He looked down at her.
"Go ahead. I should get going anyway." Manny whispered feeling a little relieved that Jimmy ruined the moment before she could do anything stupid.
"No. You can stay. I'll go." Craig offered.
"Look, stop trying to be sweet. I know you wanna play, so go ahead. Just ..." Manny paused, trying to think of the right words to say. "Just have fun." Craig nodded, running back to the court. She followed him, picking up her bags, which she had left with Paauow.
"Hey, where are you going?" Paauow asked.
"I've gotta get outta here. Why, you miss me?" Manny joked as Craig glanced at her long enough for her to feel his jealousy.
"I thought you were gonna join us ... you know give me a run for my money." He joked back.
"Manny? She doesn't even know how to dribble the ball." Jimmy challenged.
"Wanna bet?" Manny asked, putting her hands on her hips. Fine day to wear heels, she realized. At least they weren't stilettos. Besides, she couldn't back down now otherwise she'd never hear the end of it.
"I don't understand what he wants from me." Shelby admitted to the newest Cliffhanger, Jacquie. Normally, she'd be talking to Daisy, but ever since she'd been transferred to Ridge Runners, things just hadn't been the same between them.
"He has every reason to be pissed off at you. Shelby, you were sleeping with another guy." She reasoned.
"But you don't understand. I had to protect my sister ... I had to..." Shelby started to break down.
"I know that but he doesn't." Jacquie replied, untouched by her tears. "Would you cut the crying? I can't take anyone's emotional bull shit but my own, okay?" Shelby continued crying until Jacquie gave in and brought her a tissue. "Better?" She nodded as Orlando walked into the room.
"What are you doing here?" Shelby looked up long enough, just to notice his presence.
"I came to see what you girls were up to."
"The usual girl talk. Do you want to join us or something?" Jacquie commented. She still didn't seem to understand that her "tough girl" act wasn't fooling anyone.
"Yeah. Tell me, what does it take for a guy like me to date one of you ladies?"
"A serious miracle." Shelby looked at Jacquie and smiled. She had been thinking the exact same thing.
"Ouch." Orlando sat down on the same bed as them, making himself comfortable. "You know whatever's going on between you and Scott ... he's really torn up about it."
"So the truth reveals itself." Jacquie intervened.
"You all act as if I hurt him on purpose. I'm sorry. What else does he want from me?" Shelby asked Orlando, becoming emotional all over again.
"He wants an explanation. At least tell him why you did it."
"I can't do it—I can't, but I didn't mean to hurt him. I love him." She promised.
"Tell him that. Make sure that he knows that all this separation isn't working, okay?" Jacquie demanded, knowing that Shelby was going to have an emotional breakdown at any moment.
"Would you guys at least pass me the ball? I'm sick of standing here." Manny complained.
"You're center." Spinner explained.
"Meaning?"
"Meaning that you're supposed to be blocking guys from making any shots, not just standing there." He answered.
"Okay. I can handle that!" Manny yelled back, but she was still clueless to what she was supposed to be doing. As Craig dribbled down the center, Manny watched adoringly. He looked so beautiful, so perfect.
"Earth to Manny!" Jimmy yelled. "You're supposed to be blocking him, not watching."
"And you're supposed to be stealing the ball and scoring points, or are you going to let Craig ease by and score two more points." She responded.
"Give me the ball." Jimmy mumbled, angry. Manny had just dissed him in front of his boys and this was not going to happen again.
"I just don't know what to do with her anymore Sophie. After this breakdown I'm worried about her. I am truly worried." Sonya explained her childhood friend. No one else knew the complete and true story of what happened to her daughter, but Sophie.
"Well, you took her to get some counseling, and she's doing better, right?" Sophie asked. She had been working with Peter and the kids at Horizon for years, so she was use to offering advice.
"I guess. She hasn't really been talking to me and I have no idea what to do." Sonya admitted. "Should I send her somewhere else, or just let her finish up her last couple of years at Degrassi High."
"Just see how it goes. I know that you've been struggling with her for a couple of years. Give her some time to adjust. She hasn't done anything drastic yet, has she?" Sophie questioned.
"Not yet, but last time it was completely out-of-the-blue. I didn't even see it coming." Sonya responded with a sigh. "Enough, enough of this. What have you been up to Fefe?" She asked out of politeness.
"Wow. I lot. Peter and I have been going through some rough times, but we're working it out-"
"That's great ... you guys working it out and all." Sonya cut in. "I've really got to go. Manny should be home soon and I want to spend some time with her, you know, find out what's really going on."
"Okay. Good lu-" Sophie couldn't even finish before Sonya hung up. She had always been like that. Selfish. It was a wonder that she could handle giving more attention to her child than herself.
"I can't believe I'm actually here with you." Craig admitted, parking his car as he and Manny got out and walked towards the park.
"Me either. I mean I thought you totally hated me," Manny said, finally able to gain her senses. If she was gonna win him back, she was going to have to play it cool and not let her infatuation with him get in the way.
"Course not. I just." Craig paused, looking for the right words to say. "I just didn't want Ash to get the wrong idea. I really love her and things are so perfect for us and..." He looked down at Manny, who had failed in pretending like she and Craig were just friends.
"So you really love her?"
"Yeah. More than I can say." Craig smiled, sitting down on a bench next to Manny.
"What do you love most about her?"
"Ash? I love everything about her," Manny nods. "...the way she laughs, the way she says my name, her independence her talented ness ... everything."
"Your relationship sounds perfect." Manny smiled to herself, sadly. "I mean, I'm so happy for you. I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I tried to tear you apart."
"It was partially my fault by getting involved with you." Manny nodded.
"But still. I took it way too far. I got caught up in what I thought was love and now I've lost two good friends." She whispered, starting to feel sorry for herself.
"But, I'm still here." Craig whispered back. They sat in silence for a while as Manny tried not to cry and Craig tried to decide whether or not he should hug her and comfort her.
"Will you play me a song then? For old times sake?" She wondered, feeling like a small child again. It was amazing how he was the only one that could make her so confused and so focused at the same time.
"I really don't think that it's fair." Jennifer argued. "Sophie, at all the other schools they have fall dances, so why can't we?" She asked.
"This isn't just any normal school. We're here to help you guys get on your feet, not add more stress to it." Sophie answered, distantly.
"You know, we could plan everything and I'm sure all the kids would love it." Jennifer pressed. "Besides, afterwards, we can do this big reflection thing on how we felt and everything." She added, trying to reel Sophie in.
"I know exactly what you're trying to do and it's not going to work. No dance." Sophie stood up from her desk, grasping a thick folder in her arms.
"What's that?"
"This?" Sophie wondered, looking down at the folder. "This is top secret. No one will know what's in it except for me and Peter." Sophie responded secretly.
"You guys make being here such a drag. Have a little fun once in a while, or at least let us have some fun!" Jennifer called back behind Sophie who continued to walk until she reached the door. A small stack of papers that were paper clipped together fell out of the folder. "Sophie, you..." but she was already done.
Jennifer took a closer look at the papers. At the top it read: Manuela Yanla Santos. Must be a newbie or something. Jennifer shrugged it off and left the papers on Sophie's desk. Nothing too interesting would be there anyways.
"Manny, are you planning on taking out the trash and doing the dishes sometimes?" Her older step-sister complained, smirking and looking down at her younger sister.
"Don't I even get a 'hello, how was your day?'" Manny responded, perturbed. Her sister was so nit-picky about cleanliness that it was starting to get on her nerves. "If it bothers you so much, than why don't you clean it? You're here all day anyway." Manny added, knowing that what she said would cause an argument.
"And you think I do nothing?" Melanie asks, as Manny shrugs, knowing that an argument is going to come. "I do a lot." She elaborated, following Manny into her room.
Manny closed the door in her face, locking it, just trying to get a few moments to herself before her sister made her feel inferior again. It was like this almost every day. She was always the ungrateful, disrespectful, dirty little sister. Just say one contrasting word to Melanie and World War III would break loose in the Santos house.
"I'm talking to you..." Melanie yelled, angry that the door was closed, so that she could no longer follow her sister around. Furthermore, Manny had a lot of things on her mind ... mostly Craig, but it was still very important.
"I don't want to talk about this. I already have enough emotional drama as it is." Manny said, unlocking her door and walking into the kitchen to get some food. Melanie kept going, calling Manny a slut, unappreciative, sometimey ... everything in the book. But then she said something that would completely change everything.
"I want my CD back."
"What?" Manny answered back, laying down the orange juice that she pulled from the refrigerator.
"I want it back today. I told you last week to make a copy of it, but you never did. I want it back." Melanie repeated.
Manny walked into her room, giving her the CD. "You proved me right." She retorted.
"And you proved me right."
Manny couldn't even go to her mother, who never really cared or got involved anyway, because no one else was home. All she did know that Melanie had ruined all of her plans. She was going to use that song for the talent show, which they'd been working on together. Craig was going to be in the talent show, for sure, and when he saw that Manny had more talent in her pinky toe than Ashley, he'd dump her in a heartbeat.
But all that was over. Manny looked down. Not even the simple rush of performing. Everything was gone now, and she was left with bad thoughts. Thoughts of her deadbeat father, thoughts of Craig leaving her, even her fling with Jimmy, but they all had one thing in common. All were gone. None of them really cared for her. And now the one thing she had left was being taken away from her. It was almost enough to make her result back to the blade ... almost ... What the heck, Manny thought, playing with the blade that she had so carefully hidden in her top drawer. Just one little cut. It would all make it better.
"Look, are you playing or what?!" Jimmy yelled, interrupting my moment with Craig. He looked down at her.
"Go ahead. I should get going anyway." Manny whispered feeling a little relieved that Jimmy ruined the moment before she could do anything stupid.
"No. You can stay. I'll go." Craig offered.
"Look, stop trying to be sweet. I know you wanna play, so go ahead. Just ..." Manny paused, trying to think of the right words to say. "Just have fun." Craig nodded, running back to the court. She followed him, picking up her bags, which she had left with Paauow.
"Hey, where are you going?" Paauow asked.
"I've gotta get outta here. Why, you miss me?" Manny joked as Craig glanced at her long enough for her to feel his jealousy.
"I thought you were gonna join us ... you know give me a run for my money." He joked back.
"Manny? She doesn't even know how to dribble the ball." Jimmy challenged.
"Wanna bet?" Manny asked, putting her hands on her hips. Fine day to wear heels, she realized. At least they weren't stilettos. Besides, she couldn't back down now otherwise she'd never hear the end of it.
"I don't understand what he wants from me." Shelby admitted to the newest Cliffhanger, Jacquie. Normally, she'd be talking to Daisy, but ever since she'd been transferred to Ridge Runners, things just hadn't been the same between them.
"He has every reason to be pissed off at you. Shelby, you were sleeping with another guy." She reasoned.
"But you don't understand. I had to protect my sister ... I had to..." Shelby started to break down.
"I know that but he doesn't." Jacquie replied, untouched by her tears. "Would you cut the crying? I can't take anyone's emotional bull shit but my own, okay?" Shelby continued crying until Jacquie gave in and brought her a tissue. "Better?" She nodded as Orlando walked into the room.
"What are you doing here?" Shelby looked up long enough, just to notice his presence.
"I came to see what you girls were up to."
"The usual girl talk. Do you want to join us or something?" Jacquie commented. She still didn't seem to understand that her "tough girl" act wasn't fooling anyone.
"Yeah. Tell me, what does it take for a guy like me to date one of you ladies?"
"A serious miracle." Shelby looked at Jacquie and smiled. She had been thinking the exact same thing.
"Ouch." Orlando sat down on the same bed as them, making himself comfortable. "You know whatever's going on between you and Scott ... he's really torn up about it."
"So the truth reveals itself." Jacquie intervened.
"You all act as if I hurt him on purpose. I'm sorry. What else does he want from me?" Shelby asked Orlando, becoming emotional all over again.
"He wants an explanation. At least tell him why you did it."
"I can't do it—I can't, but I didn't mean to hurt him. I love him." She promised.
"Tell him that. Make sure that he knows that all this separation isn't working, okay?" Jacquie demanded, knowing that Shelby was going to have an emotional breakdown at any moment.
"Would you guys at least pass me the ball? I'm sick of standing here." Manny complained.
"You're center." Spinner explained.
"Meaning?"
"Meaning that you're supposed to be blocking guys from making any shots, not just standing there." He answered.
"Okay. I can handle that!" Manny yelled back, but she was still clueless to what she was supposed to be doing. As Craig dribbled down the center, Manny watched adoringly. He looked so beautiful, so perfect.
"Earth to Manny!" Jimmy yelled. "You're supposed to be blocking him, not watching."
"And you're supposed to be stealing the ball and scoring points, or are you going to let Craig ease by and score two more points." She responded.
"Give me the ball." Jimmy mumbled, angry. Manny had just dissed him in front of his boys and this was not going to happen again.
"I just don't know what to do with her anymore Sophie. After this breakdown I'm worried about her. I am truly worried." Sonya explained her childhood friend. No one else knew the complete and true story of what happened to her daughter, but Sophie.
"Well, you took her to get some counseling, and she's doing better, right?" Sophie asked. She had been working with Peter and the kids at Horizon for years, so she was use to offering advice.
"I guess. She hasn't really been talking to me and I have no idea what to do." Sonya admitted. "Should I send her somewhere else, or just let her finish up her last couple of years at Degrassi High."
"Just see how it goes. I know that you've been struggling with her for a couple of years. Give her some time to adjust. She hasn't done anything drastic yet, has she?" Sophie questioned.
"Not yet, but last time it was completely out-of-the-blue. I didn't even see it coming." Sonya responded with a sigh. "Enough, enough of this. What have you been up to Fefe?" She asked out of politeness.
"Wow. I lot. Peter and I have been going through some rough times, but we're working it out-"
"That's great ... you guys working it out and all." Sonya cut in. "I've really got to go. Manny should be home soon and I want to spend some time with her, you know, find out what's really going on."
"Okay. Good lu-" Sophie couldn't even finish before Sonya hung up. She had always been like that. Selfish. It was a wonder that she could handle giving more attention to her child than herself.
"I can't believe I'm actually here with you." Craig admitted, parking his car as he and Manny got out and walked towards the park.
"Me either. I mean I thought you totally hated me," Manny said, finally able to gain her senses. If she was gonna win him back, she was going to have to play it cool and not let her infatuation with him get in the way.
"Course not. I just." Craig paused, looking for the right words to say. "I just didn't want Ash to get the wrong idea. I really love her and things are so perfect for us and..." He looked down at Manny, who had failed in pretending like she and Craig were just friends.
"So you really love her?"
"Yeah. More than I can say." Craig smiled, sitting down on a bench next to Manny.
"What do you love most about her?"
"Ash? I love everything about her," Manny nods. "...the way she laughs, the way she says my name, her independence her talented ness ... everything."
"Your relationship sounds perfect." Manny smiled to herself, sadly. "I mean, I'm so happy for you. I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I tried to tear you apart."
"It was partially my fault by getting involved with you." Manny nodded.
"But still. I took it way too far. I got caught up in what I thought was love and now I've lost two good friends." She whispered, starting to feel sorry for herself.
"But, I'm still here." Craig whispered back. They sat in silence for a while as Manny tried not to cry and Craig tried to decide whether or not he should hug her and comfort her.
"Will you play me a song then? For old times sake?" She wondered, feeling like a small child again. It was amazing how he was the only one that could make her so confused and so focused at the same time.
"I really don't think that it's fair." Jennifer argued. "Sophie, at all the other schools they have fall dances, so why can't we?" She asked.
"This isn't just any normal school. We're here to help you guys get on your feet, not add more stress to it." Sophie answered, distantly.
"You know, we could plan everything and I'm sure all the kids would love it." Jennifer pressed. "Besides, afterwards, we can do this big reflection thing on how we felt and everything." She added, trying to reel Sophie in.
"I know exactly what you're trying to do and it's not going to work. No dance." Sophie stood up from her desk, grasping a thick folder in her arms.
"What's that?"
"This?" Sophie wondered, looking down at the folder. "This is top secret. No one will know what's in it except for me and Peter." Sophie responded secretly.
"You guys make being here such a drag. Have a little fun once in a while, or at least let us have some fun!" Jennifer called back behind Sophie who continued to walk until she reached the door. A small stack of papers that were paper clipped together fell out of the folder. "Sophie, you..." but she was already done.
Jennifer took a closer look at the papers. At the top it read: Manuela Yanla Santos. Must be a newbie or something. Jennifer shrugged it off and left the papers on Sophie's desk. Nothing too interesting would be there anyways.
"Manny, are you planning on taking out the trash and doing the dishes sometimes?" Her older step-sister complained, smirking and looking down at her younger sister.
"Don't I even get a 'hello, how was your day?'" Manny responded, perturbed. Her sister was so nit-picky about cleanliness that it was starting to get on her nerves. "If it bothers you so much, than why don't you clean it? You're here all day anyway." Manny added, knowing that what she said would cause an argument.
"And you think I do nothing?" Melanie asks, as Manny shrugs, knowing that an argument is going to come. "I do a lot." She elaborated, following Manny into her room.
Manny closed the door in her face, locking it, just trying to get a few moments to herself before her sister made her feel inferior again. It was like this almost every day. She was always the ungrateful, disrespectful, dirty little sister. Just say one contrasting word to Melanie and World War III would break loose in the Santos house.
"I'm talking to you..." Melanie yelled, angry that the door was closed, so that she could no longer follow her sister around. Furthermore, Manny had a lot of things on her mind ... mostly Craig, but it was still very important.
"I don't want to talk about this. I already have enough emotional drama as it is." Manny said, unlocking her door and walking into the kitchen to get some food. Melanie kept going, calling Manny a slut, unappreciative, sometimey ... everything in the book. But then she said something that would completely change everything.
"I want my CD back."
"What?" Manny answered back, laying down the orange juice that she pulled from the refrigerator.
"I want it back today. I told you last week to make a copy of it, but you never did. I want it back." Melanie repeated.
Manny walked into her room, giving her the CD. "You proved me right." She retorted.
"And you proved me right."
Manny couldn't even go to her mother, who never really cared or got involved anyway, because no one else was home. All she did know that Melanie had ruined all of her plans. She was going to use that song for the talent show, which they'd been working on together. Craig was going to be in the talent show, for sure, and when he saw that Manny had more talent in her pinky toe than Ashley, he'd dump her in a heartbeat.
But all that was over. Manny looked down. Not even the simple rush of performing. Everything was gone now, and she was left with bad thoughts. Thoughts of her deadbeat father, thoughts of Craig leaving her, even her fling with Jimmy, but they all had one thing in common. All were gone. None of them really cared for her. And now the one thing she had left was being taken away from her. It was almost enough to make her result back to the blade ... almost ... What the heck, Manny thought, playing with the blade that she had so carefully hidden in her top drawer. Just one little cut. It would all make it better.