Okay this fic was posted up on my other account however I took it down and put it here so if you have seen this before then you now know its my fic and that I haven't copied. Read the warning below please!

Warning: Strong language…This fic WILL contain hentai in future chapters.

Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry or its characters.

Also this fic is very AU and because of this the characters may seem OOC I'll try to keep them to their true character though hehe.

Summary: There was no passion, no lust, no desire. It was quick. Sloppy and it hurt like hell. But how can something so meaningless create something so beautiful? DxLxV. AU fic. Ooc.

Two to tango

Dante wasn't a 'relationship' kinda guy. He played more along the lines of 'get some and then get gone' He didn't want to have to deal with love and all that 'crap' as he liked to put it. He liked to have fun whenever he could, wherever he could with almost anyone he could. So when he met a girl that in his book read 'fine all over' it wasn't unusual for him to be making out with her within the space of 5 minutes. Yes he is that good. Once the 'session' was over Dante would give her his number do the whole 'yeah we'll see each other' routine and then forget about her within the space of two days. Dante Sparda was. A player.

And Mary Knight had been his target, his conquest…. But everyone knows that what goes around…comes around…

o.o

x.Intro.x

"Fuck!" I cursed loudly for what had to be the hundredth time in half a minute, whilst pacing up and down in the confinements of my large room. How the hell could this be happening to me? Me. What the hell have I done to deserve this? I guess I really pissed off the big man upstairs, cause my life has just taken a dive into the deep end of a pit of lava and he's doing nothing to cool it down.

I don't deserve this. Im not a bad guy. OK yes I do happen to tease and torture those below me but hey that's life. What are you gonna torture a guy for having a little bit of fun?

Ok yeah picking out and sleeping with girls for bets with your friends is frowned upon in...well… everywhere and one day I had a feeling I would be stupid enough not to wear protection and one day I had a feeling I would be stupid enough to sleep with some unknown person and have them carrying my child. Hell if only I was that lucky to have had sex with some complete stranger and have knocked 'em up.

But no I was stupid enough to get drunk and have unprotected sex with her. Not only that but it wasn't even a goddamn bet! I was feeling low so was she; we had a couple of drinks and then a couple more... and then a couple more...Well lets just say by the time we left the bar, I was so pissed that I couldn't even remember who I was never mind her.

'Her' being the overly annoying bitch from hell. If you want to call her that by all means feel free. I've got whole list of names, if your interested gimmie a call. Anyway, the overly annoying bitch from hell. The one! The only! Mary Knight Woohoo! Lets all jump around in joy at my stupidity!

Ok you want the 'low down' on my feelings towards this precious little Lady…I hate her. When I say hate, I don't mean your average 'I hate my parents they won't give my ten dollars hate' I mean the 'I want to fucking rip off your head and shove it where the sun don't shine' hate.

Ok maybe im going a little O.T.T or ya know making shit up because of this new scary information she's filled me in on. She's just a girl who I happen to find very irritating. So Stubborn and irritating and…..goddamn fucking fine but that's besides the point. I don't think anyone has ever got under my skin as much as she does. I swear she's on this planet just to torture me.

And to top it all off...wait for it...wait for it... Your just gonna love this... she's a Knight! Oh yeah, I definitely dropped my self in it this time. There should be a sign over my head saying 'stupid fk' and then 'hit here' with this huge arrow pointing to my dick...yeah painful I know but that would be heavenly pleasure compared to what I'm about to face.

Let me give you the low down on Lady and the Knight family. Lady has five yeah that's right, five older brothers. Five very protective older brothers, five older brothers you wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of, five older brothers that watch Lady like hawks due to the fact that she's the only girl in the family. So now you know why im just a little worried about the whole situation.

I can see it now, having to face her brothers 'Hey guys how are you? Jolly good weather we're having ey ol' chaps. Oh by the way I knocked up your baby sister. Fancy a cup of tea?'

'Sure Dante let us just take this gun blow out your brains and then do evil, mind twisting things to your body even though your already dead and we'll be on our way!'

I did mention there being five of them right? Meaning Im going to go through hell five times and over.

Now me? Im a guy who would normally kick anyone's ass in a fight. I don't lose. But Im also a guy who knows that to fuck with the Knight brothers is to commit suicide. I mean I did plan on living past 18. Y'know have little Dante's running around the house whilst me and the wife are upstairs making more little Dante's to y'know….. run around the house.

Isn't life just...shit?

So here I am running about my room like a chicken with its head wedged so far up its ass, that its getting high of its own fart fumes... sick I know. But that's how shitty Im feeling right now; Im entitled to come up with shit like that.

Anyway here I am running about my room deciding on whether I should be a coward and escape through my window and start a new life in Africa or maybe the North Pole ya know with the penguins, anything is sounding good right now or stay here and face my impending doom with Lady who also happens to have five older brothers who will not hesitate on making sure I am never able to enjoy the pleasure of sex again.

"Sparda get your ass down here right now!"

Living in at the North Pole with the penguins is starting to sound really good. I mean I could start a fishing business or something. Fuck. My perfect and great life is going to be resorted to freezing my ass off selling fish guts for a living.

Did I mention the thing about life being shit?

.x.end of part 1.x.

My first devil may cry/hentai ficlet hehe very short and ooc.Its hard to imagine Dante being afraid of anything cause hes so damn cocky and just….not afraid in the game but meh….it is a fanfic after all.

Thanks for reading!

.Ladee.