Two hours passed with no sign of Major Sheppard. Rodney was worried. And he hated feeling that way. He was searching the sections of Atlantis near their quarters and using a Life signs detector. Which was rather pointless. There were a lot of bodies in this area. Then Rodney saw it, a solitary dot to the east. Determination glowed in Rodney's eyes as he stepped into the nearest transporter.

Fifteen minutes later he was stepping out onto a balcony and he was relieved to see a form curled up near the railing. Relieved and worried. It was cold out here. Stuffing the LSD back into his pocket, Rodney moved the still form and knelt beside it. He knew it was Sheppard, even though he couldn't see his face. Reaching out he touched one shoulder only to find a hand suddenly gripping his throat. Rodney clutched at Sheppard's wrist and tried to suck in air.

John sat up, eyes narrowed, fingers still tight, until he recognized the person he was choking. He released his grip and rose to his feet. "What are you doing here, Rodney?" John asked, and his voice was somewhat hoarse.

"Looking...looking...for you," Rodney replied, then he broke off coughing and rubbing his throat.

"Sorry about that," John said softly, and he meant it. "I didn't realize who it was."

Rodney nodded. "What are you doing out here, Major?"

John stiffened at the question but spoke calmly. "I came here to be alone."

"Bates is heading a team looking for you," Rodney countered.

"Why?" John demanded, feeling a flare of anger. "I'm not lost."

Rodney shrugged. "Unfortunately we didn't know that, seeing as how you don't have your radio. We couldn't contact you."

John glanced at his watch and realized he had been out here for almost five hours. He hadn't meant to fall asleep. And he should have brought his radio. "Did you need me for something? Is there a problem?"

"No problem. We were just...you know...worried about you. I mean...some people were. Elizabeth was." Rodney shut up when he realized he was babbling.

"I'm fine." John spoke firmly.

Rodney studied him a moment. "You're shaking. It's freezing out here. I think you should go see Beckett." As he spoke, he tried to herd Sheppard to the door.

John realized he was cold but he felt almost too numb to feel it. What he could not ignore, however, was the stabbing throb of pain in his temples. Still, he shook his head at Rodney. "I'm fine. I don't need to see Beckett. Just radio Weir to tell her I'm fine. I'm going to my room."

"You're going to see Beckett!" Rodney shot back, even as he moved to intercept the major.

"McKay..." John let Rodney hear the warning in his drawled out tone.

But Rodney stood his ground. "You're going," he insisted. "And if you refuse I'm going to tell Beckett you're sick and he'll hunt you down."

John could see that Rodney meant what he said, and Beckett actually would hunt him down so he nodded, and regretted the motion as the pain in his temples throbbed more intensely. "Fine. I'll go see Beckett." That said he headed off the balcony, striding off and into the nearest transporter before Rodney could catch up to him.

Elizabeth had been relieved when Rodney radioed her to say that he found Sheppard and the major was on his way to the infirmary. She had then contacted Beckett, asking him to let her know when he was done examining the major so she could come down to speak with him. So here she was, only she made a pit stop in Beckett's office first. "How is Major Sheppard?" Elizabeth asked, when Beckett looked up from his paper work.

Carson shrugged. "He seems well enough for someone who ought to be suffering from a full blown case of hypothermia, damn fool!"

"But he's going to be okay?" Elizabeth prompted.

"Aye." Carson sighed and rubbed a hand over his face as if the wipe away the lines of weariness that were etched into his features. "I've got him under a warming blanket and hooked up to an IV just to play it safe. But I'll be releasing him in the morning, barring any complications. I'm not expecting any though."

Elizabeth nodded, feeling a little weak-kneed with relief. "Good. Is he awake?"

Carson nodded. "At least he was a few minutes ago. He just finished eating and I told him if he wasn't asleep within the hour I was going to sedate him."

"Can I visit with him for a few minutes?"

"Sure. Just keep the lights low and try to be quiet," Carson cautioned. "He's got the mother of all headaches."

Elizabeth nodded. "I won't bother him for long. I just want to check on him and I want to let him know my decision."

Carson winced. "You mean about talking to Kate?"

"That's the one."

"He's not going to like it."

It was Elizabeth's turn to wince, and she knew that Beckett didn't agree with her on this one. But instinct told her this was the right thing to do. That John needed to talk about what had happened and she knew he would never talk to her about it. The major was an extremely private person at the best of times. And now he was hell bent on shutting everyone out. Elizabeth wasn't going to let that happen. Even if he couldn't find it within himself to forgive her, she wasn't going to let him shut himself away from the other people who cared about him. "I think it's for the best," Elizabeth said firmly. Then she patted Beckett on the shoulder before heading out to the main room. She found Sheppard lying on a bed in the far corner where it was relatively private. As she approached she thought he was asleep, but as she reached him he turned his head and offered a slight smile. But it didn't reach his eyes they way it used too. "How are you feeling?" Elizabeth queried.

John didn't respond right away. He studied Elizabeth for a moment, seeing how tired she was. Her eyes were smudged with dark circles and her shoulders were hunched. She usually had perfect posture. And in her eyes was something he didn't want to see. Concern and worry. She was worried about him. John didn't want that. She needed to be focused on Atlantis. "I'm good," he said finally, trying to effuse his tone with a touch of warmth, but he knew he failed by the way she reacted. Like he'd slapped her. Not that he cared.

"Carson tells me you'll be released in the morning," Elizabeth said softly.

"Yeah. Like I said...I'm fine." John said it firmly.

Elizabeth pulled up the stool, feeling like her legs wouldn't hold her any longer. She had passed exhausted days ago. "What happened, John?" she asked, because she really needed to know and she was asking about more than just his disappearance. She wanted to know what had gone wrong between them, but that was something she couldn't ask him about directly.

John knew that there Elizabeth wanted more from him than he could give her. But he held her gaze as he replied. "Nothing happened. I just wanted to be alone for a while and I fell asleep. No big deal."

"If Rodney hadn't found you when he did, you could have gotten very sick," Elizabeth countered, her tone a bit chiding.

"But he did find me, so alls well that ends well." John looked down at his hands, watching as his fingers plucked at the blankets. He wanted her to leave.

Elizabeth sighed, knowing that John wasn't about to give her the answers she needed. "Okay. Just don't go off without your radio again."

John nodded. "I won't."

"One more thing." Elizabeth waited until he looked up to meet her eyes. "I've spoken with Dr. Beckett and he tells me he can clear you for duty in about two weeks. Maybe less."

"Good." John was pleased to hear that.

Elizabeth stood up and pushed the stool aside. She needed to be standing to continue. She needed to feel as if she really was the one in control here. "But I won't clear you for full, active, duty until you speak to Dr. Heightmeyer."

John stiffened. Oddly enough, he wasn't really surprised by this. He said nothing for a long moment, giving himself time to think out what he wanted to say then he replied, "Fine." He could see that he had surprised Elizabeth with that one.

"So...you're okay with it?" Elizabeth countered, uncertain if she had heard him correctly.

"No...I'm not okay with it," John replied firmly. "But it's not like you're giving me a choice."

Elizabeth sighed and rubbed her eyes. They felt like they had sand in them. "I'm just trying to make sure you're all right, John." She winced at the weariness and uncertainty in her tone.

John understood that on one level, but there wasn't anything he was willing to say to make this easier on either of them. Because it wasn't easy and he didn't think it was supposed to be. "I'm fine," he repeated.

"Okay." Elizabeth nodded, feeling defeated somehow. "I'll let Kate know you're ready to talk to her. I can set up the session for as soon as you're released."

"Fine." John never looked up. He just watched his fingers twisting in the blankets, as he tried to ignore the throbbing in his temples.

Elizabeth swallowed a sigh and walked away.

John listened to her go then closed his eyes. He had never felt so tired.

True to his word, the moment John was released from the infirmary he headed for Heightmeyer's office. No surprise that she was waiting for him with a smile on her face.

"Come in, Major," Kate invited. "Have a seat where ever you're most comfortable."

"I'll stand for now," John replied, and before she could comment on that he explained. "I've been prone in the infirmary for the past twenty-four hours, so I'm a little stiff."

Kate nodded. "Of course. Are you ready to begin?"

John shrugged. "As ready as I'm going to be."

"You don't want to be here." It was a statement, not a question, and Kate made it as she perched on the edge of her desk.

"No..I don't." John wasn't about to lie about it. "But Dr. Weir didn't give me a choice. It's talk to you or remain grounded and I want to get back to work."

Kate considered his words for a moment then said, "I appreciate your honesty, Major. Or may I call you John."

He wasn't sure how he felt about that but decided it was Heightmeyer's attempt to put things on a more personal level. He would not abort her attempt. Being defensive would not get him out of here any sooner and John knew it. "Call me whatever you like."

"Do you have a preference?" Kate prompted.

"Just don't call me asshole," he shot back, and he was amused by the way she twitched. Then John let her off the hook. "Sorry, I'm feeling a bit caustic today. McKay's rubbed off on me."

Kate smiled at that. "You and Dr. McKay have become rather good friends."

John resisted the urge to sigh. She was trying to trespass into restricted areas. "Look...we both know I'm here to talk about Ford's death. Let's keep to the topic, okay?"

"Okay." Kate was amenable. "But I think the main reason you're here is because you've changed, Major."

"Your point being?" John countered, and he was somewhat amused by the fact that she had chosen to address him by his military rank.

Kate moved away from her desk and settled herself into a nearby chair, grabbing a notebook off the table top and setting it in her lap. "Do you know why you've changed?"

John began pacing the perimeter of the room. "Every single person in Atlantis has changed, doctor. Yourself included. We've changed because of circumstances."

"True enough," Kate allowed. "But do you consider your own, personal, change to be good?"

"I consider it to be a necessary and logical progression," John shot back. He paced over to where she sat and stood before her. "I have changed," he stated. "I've accepted it. The problem doesn't lie with me, doctor. The problem is that certain people don't want to accept the changes. And that's not my problem. Maybe you should talk to them." He was getting angry and stifling it was making his head ache. But John wasn't going to back off. He would let her know the truth. He would let them all know the truth and they could choke on it if they weren't willing to swallow it.

Kate held Sheppard's gaze for a long moment then she looked away and scribbled in her notebook. After a moment she countered, "Do you miss Lt. Ford?"

That shook John a bit because it came out of left field, but he continued with the truth. "Of course I do."

"How do you feel about what happened? About what Dr. Weir did?"

"I'm pissed about it." John went back to pacing. He felt jumpy, like he had an itch under his skin that he couldn't scratch. And the room suddenly felt small and confining. Suffocating.

Kate watched him pace. "Are you pissed at Weir?" She echoed his choice of words back at him.

John suddenly realized that this was the whole point of the session. "Sometimes," he drawled then he moved to stand before her once more. "How I feel about it, and about Dr. Weir does not, nor will it, interfere with me doing my job. And that's the bottom line here. I'm ready to go back to doing my job. If Dr. Weir has insecurities, they're her own. Tell her to deal with them."

"Fair enough," Kate conceded.

"Are we done?" John was already at the door when he asked.

Kate nodded. "We are."

John said nothing more. He simply walked away. And he kept walking.