She hadn't expected to see him again.

No. That wasn't right.

She hadn't WANTED to see him again.

Sadly, that TOO was wrong. Brenda knew she was going to see him and part of her wanted to see him, but she STILL wasn't sure how to deal with actually seeing Luis Alcazar.

This all had to be part of his plan. He was trying to make her heart grow fonder, but all his absence did was let her dwell in the life that she was steadily moving towards. Without the constant pressure of Luis, she could imagine that he'd left town. She could picture herself as Jax's wife, and maybe even one day having a house full of little Jacks's running around. She could make an illusion for herself to live in. She could keep the promise she had made to herself to stop being so goddamned self-destructive.

"I thought you had given up," she said, her voice as steady as she could force it. "I thought that maybe, just maybe, you'd have seen just how bad you are for me and just let me go."

Brenda knew that Luis didn't always take hints well, so she'd laid it out for him. She thought that making him think of what a life together could mean, he would back off. She had thrown the harsh reality of it all in his face. Sure, they could get married and pretend they'd have happily-ever-after, but in the end, the possibility was great that he would die, and she would be left to cry on Lois's shoulder.

"It was just a small business trip," he told her. He looked around, then took a deep breath. "Spring's almost here."

"Don't, Luis." Brenda looked to either side and wondered what would be easier. Trying to get past him, or turning around and going back up the stairs that led away from the docks. The stairs would probably be easier but… Did she really want to turn her back on him? More than likely, the answer to that was a resounding no.

"Don't what? I can't comment on the weather?"

"You're not commenting on the weather. This is just… it's you being you, and do you know what you is? You is putting in a segue to some offer you've got waiting. Spring means that you can take your yacht out to sea. Spring means that it's almost winter somewhere else, and oh, but wouldn't I love to go with you. The answer is no, Luis. So, don't bother asking."

"I wasn't going to ask." He smirked and she knew he was lying. His next words were going to be some temptation to take her off somewhere. Maybe he'd talk about taking her back to Venezuela. She hadn't seen it in years, and surely he'd have found new things to do down there while he was at the Alcazar compound. "I was going to say that the air must have been what sent us both out walking on the docks."

"You're lying, again." She sighed and shook her head. "You're impossible, and you just… you don't get the point, Luis. I'm marrying Jax."

"Oh, I get the point. I get the point that you were handing over so eagerly the last time we talked."

"Luis…"

"The point is that you still love me, and you're denying it. You said it yourself, Brenda. Better to be the playboy's ex-wife than a widow." Luis gave a short, bark of a laugh. "You've invented a reason that you and I can't be together, and you probably started thinking of it the first day that I walked into your office. From the second you saw me, you were coming up with ways to be away from me, because you want to be with me so much."

Brenda opened her mouth to tell him how wrong he was, then closed it quickly. Either way, she couldn't answer him without getting a reaction that she didn't want. She couldn't react to his words without giving him hope. The truth was that she'd imagined a happy life with him in that first millisecond. The lie was that he was right, that she'd concocted some story, but within that lie held truth. That she did want him, and had tried her best to keep herself from wanting him.

"You can't promise me that you won't die on me, Luis."

"Can anyone promise that?" His head tilted to the side. "Can your playboy promise you that some wronged former business partner won't suddenly decide to pick up a gun? Hell, Brenda, can he promise that he won't walk out into the street tomorrow and get hit by a car."

"No, but you can promise that if he is hit by a car, you won't be the one driving it."

Luis's eyes were so serious that Brenda was afraid of what would come out of his mouth. The humor that had been there, drifting on the edges of his oceanic eyes had vanished in less than a second. "Truth, Brenda? I thought about killing him." Luis shook his head slightly, one brisk shake, then said, "But I knew you would never forgive me for that. My point is to take you away from him, not to lose you forever."

Brenda stared at him, in shock. Not because of what he said, but because he'd said it at all. She had no illusions about what Luis and Lorenzo were. She knew that they lived in a bloody world and that, often, their initial instinct was to get rid of their competition. As far as Luis were concerned, Jax was just another competitor who needed to be dealt with. Though she wouldn't admit it to herself, she knew that some part of her had been waiting for the report that Jasper Jacks had been found shot somewhere, or his car blew up, or any number of things that resulted in his death.

However, she hadn't expected Luis to just come right out and say it. He'd never been one to speak so openly about things, especially matters that involved such ruthless behavior. And yet, there he was, telling her more truth than she could remember him ever saying without at least an hour's worth of arguing before it. Truth had just fallen upon her ears, and she knew that she could believe him. He wouldn't kill Jax because he loved her too much, and he was too selfish. He didn't care about breaking her heart, or the guilt that would be laid upon her. He just didn't want to lose her completely.

"Can you really do this, Brenda?" Luis's eyes were suddenly alight with humor and breeziness. The moment of severity was over, and he could be his normal, jovial and slightly sardonic self. "Can you really marry a man that you're not completely in love with?"

"How do you know how much I'm in love with Jax?"

"Because if you were truly in love with him, you wouldn't have made him so obviously the winner by default. He wouldn't be your safe bet. If you loved him completely, Brenda, I wouldn't be able to see the longing for me that's in your eyes. I wouldn't see you shaking with the strength it takes for you to stand there and not touch me."

"Luis…" She closed her eyes and turned to the side. Love was starting to be a detestable thing. She did love Jax. She wouldn't have agreed to marry him if she didn't. But she'd never given up that love for Luis. There was a part of her heart that was sealed off, labelled 'Alcazar' and would only be opened up to him.

"I'll leave you until your wedding," he said. Brenda didn't look at him. She kept her eyes closed and her head turned. She felt his fingertips against her cheek and her body tightened. "We both know that, even if you make it down the aisle, you won't be able to go through with it. You won't marry anyone unless he has all of your love, and the only person you can honestly share that with is me."

And then he was gone. Brenda caught a whiff of his cologne as he moved past her. She heard his heavy footsteps going up the stairs. Only when she was sure he was gone did she open her eyes. She turned towards the harbor and stared out at the dark and murky water.

Luis was hitting below the belt. This had gone beyond reminding her of love and into making her feel guilty. And she should have felt guilty. She wasn't giving Jax the amount of love he deserved, she knew that. But she also felt that he knew she still loved Luis. He obviously wasn't worried about the path of their marriage, because the wedding was still on. He obviously had faith in Brenda's love for him, faith that she would become his wife and they would be happy together.

With Luis's scent still in her nostrils, however, Brenda wished that her faith was as strong.