Wilson woke early with a sense of relief taking precedence over his hangover. House was not going to stand between him and Cameron any longer. They had silently reached an understanding the way only two very old friends could. Things would be back to normal between them now.
Wilson's relief faded, however, as he thought of the last conversation he'd had with Cameron. Things between him and House may have been settled, but things between him and Cameron couldn't be worse.
He dreaded the idea of facing her. He had said things he wished he could take back, but life didn't work that way. He just hoped she would give him a chance to explain.
That chance came sooner than he'd expected. He had barely settled into his office when Cameron appeared in the doorway. "We need to talk." She sounded grave, and he braced himself for the worst. He could see in her eyes that she was not looking forward to this any more than he was.
She was unlike any of the women he'd dated before, and he wasn't exactly sure how to deal with her. He usually went for the soft, passive housewife type. Cameron was definitely soft, she was the sweetest person he knew, but she was in no way passive, and she didn't seem like she would ever be happy sitting at home waiting for her man to come home.
Actually, Wilson had never met a woman with more drive and determination. When she saw something she wanted, she wasn't afraid to make her voice heard. He admired that. Julie, his newly ex-wife, used to manipulate every argument so that Wilson was the one to come groveling back, while acting the dutiful, submissive wife. Wilson never knew where he stood in that relationship. Maybe Cameron's directness was just what he needed, no matter how much he dreaded it.
"James?" Cameron was looking at him, waiting for him to join the conversation before she said anything important.
"I'm sorry." James thought this covered everything but then realized she might think he meant just about not paying attention, so he clarified. "I'm sorry for everything."
"It isn't your fault." He had heard these words many times before, but he didn't think anyone meant it as much as Cameron did right now. "I should have told you about my marriage. You have a right to know."
"No. I have no rights to your privacy. You don't owe me anything. I should have respected your privacy." He didn't want to bring up this next point, but he felt he had to clear the air completely. "I spoke with House last night. We had a long talk and he realizes he shouldn't have told me what he did." House never actually said that, and Wilson was pretty sure she knew it, but he knew House would have said it, were House ever capable of admitting a mistake.
Cameron suddenly looked pale. "About House," the words hung heavy in the air. Wilson knew then that he shouldn't have brought up House's name. "You were right. I do care about him, and I was in love with him." Wilson hardly noticed the use of past tense. "A part of me may always be in love with him, but no more than some women are in love with a rock star, or a movie star. I know now, that it isn't meant to be. I know House doesn't love me, and I have to move on."
"And I'm supposed to help you with that?" Wilson was hurt.
"That's not what I mean. I just want you to know the truth. I don't want to pretend I don't have feelings for him. But that doesn't mean that my feelings for you don't count. I love you James, I want you to believe me."
"I do believe you Allison, but if you are hoping I will share you with House, I can't do that. I am not that noble. I wish I could tell you that it doesn't matter, that I would rather have part of you than not have you at all, but I can't. I love you too much to share your heart with anyone." He wasn't sure how he was feeling. So many feelings where crashing around inside him. He was angry, and hurt, and he could feel his heart breaking. He had said the words, but he didn't know if he meant them. He didn't think he could live without her. It was too late. He was in love. "Am I crazy to want you to feel the same about me?"
She was crying now. She wanted to tell him she felt the same. She thought she was starting to feel the same. She thought of House less and less every time she was with James. But he would never believe her now. She'd already said she may never get over House.
Wilson realized he didn't want to hear her answer. "Don't say it. I would rather you say nothing than lie and tell me what you think I want to hear." He wanted to put his arms around her, tell her everything was all right, but everything wasn't all right, and he was the cause of it.
"I wouldn't lie to you, James." She said it will all of her heart, hoping he would know that she meant it. "Can't we just start over?" She knew it was hopeless, but she wasn't going to give up without a fight.
"Would things really be any different? House is still my friend, and he is still your boss. That isn't going to change any time soon." He hated himself for saying it. She was trying. She was doing everything she could to make this work, and he had basically spit it back in her face.
"I could leave to hospital, find a job somewhere else. I had several offers when I left a few months ago."
His heart broke. Here she was, willing to give up her job for him, and he was being a jerk. "I can't ask you to do that, Allison. It wouldn't be right." He looked at her, really looked at her. He wished he could make all of this go away. There was so much pain in her face, and he had caused it. "We can try to start over. It won't be easy, but it is better than loosing you."
There was a long, awkward silence. Neither of them knew what else to say. They both just wanted the conversation to end. "Would you like to have lunch with me?" Wilson felt like a schoolboy, nervous that she would say no. "We could go to the diner, get away from the hospital for an hour."
"That sounds nice. Thank you." She looked slightly relieved as she left his office. Wilson sat staring at the door she had just exited and hoping that he really could start over with her.