Chapter 5 Morgan and the razor of DOOM

a very dishevelled, weary , dirty, and half dead looking Morgan slowly crawls towards Sam and Frodo, who are in Mordor.They stare at her amazed, and slightly disturbed

Morgan: hoarse...Found...razor...evil... passes out

Frodo: ...So what do we do now?

Sam: pokes Morgan with foot

Morgan had awoken, and is explaining everything about the razor to Frodo and Sam. Sam looks bewildered, and Frodo looks distressed

Frodo: D'you mean to tell me that we've come all this way, had one of our companions die and risked our own lives, for nothing?

Morgan:...Basically, that's it, yah...

Frodo: ...Whatever happened to you being in love with me?

Morgan: blushes Well, you see... Um... The thing is that...You were going to the Undying Lands, and I didn't feel that I could keep a long distance relationship going... And then there's the ever complicating factor of how Sam is in love with you...

Frodo and Sam: WHAT! they inch away from each other

Morgan: Um... grabs razor out of Frodo's pocket YOINK! runs away

Frodo: HEY!

Morgan is inside Mount Doom, preparing to destroy all evil forever. Finally, she takes the razor out of her pocket, and walks over to the edge of the mountain, about to throw it in

Razor: seductively...You KNOW you want to shave... Shave your legs... Look how repulsive and hairy they are... No one will like you now... You want to shave...

Morgan: looks at razor, then lifts up one of her pant legs. Sure enough, the pale calf exposed is indeed very hairy. But she shrugs I didn't have friends in the first place makes to throw razor

Frodo: WAIT! runs inside mountain If this thing is as evil as you say it is, then it will certainly give me unimaginable powers, should I claim it for my own. And if I had unimaginable power, then surely you would love me! I'll show you! I'll how you all! grabs razor from Morgan And now, I shall become the Dark lord of all MiddleEarth! maniacal laughter

Then, a great and terribly transformation took Frodo. A dark mist clouded the whole mountain, and no one could see what was going on. Then, the sound of Frodo's laughter was magnified, and the entire world went dark. Soon enough, the smoke cleared, revealing Frodo for the greedy bastard he had become

Sam: in tears Mr. Froooooooodo! What have you done to your beautiful fa- I mean you?

Morgan: giggles If you squint, and turn your head sideways, he kinda looks like a Picasso...

Sure enough... Frodo had turned into the likeness of Sauron...Only he was two huge blue eyes on a tiny body about to collapse under the weight of the eyes. It was kinda funny, really...

Frodo: SHUT UP! ...And never mind what I look like. I am now the most powerful being in the universe points to Morgan AND YOU WILL LOVE ME!

Sam: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! jumps in slow motion, and bites off the hand that Frodo had the razor in

Frodo: AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAA HHHHHHH HHHHH! Couldn't you have just taken it from me?

Morgan: ...I like his way better

Sam: smiles

Morgan: picks up the razor from where it fell on the ground beside Frodo's severed hand And now, to destroy the razor, once and for all throws it into the fires

But as the razor hits the lava, it solidifies, and ejects the razor back to where it came from, hitting Frodo's left eye, and sending him falling to the ground

Morgan: Oh you have GOT to be kidding me!

Aunt Bunny Apparition: You need something just as evil to destroy it

Morgan: Huh?

Aunt Bunny Apparition: screams in frustration and disappears

Morgan: giggles She done gotsted a moustache!

Sam: WHAT?

Morgan: Wait!... I have an idea!

Back in Minas Tirith, the battle against Sauron had been won... Though the razor had not been destroyed, getting hit in the face with it had caused Frodo to accidentally drop the ring into the fires of Mount DOOM. The result being crying and much swears on Frodo's part. Morgan is pacing nervously outside a door, seemingly very nervous. She then opens it and quickly walks into the room. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are inside the room, talking about what a great war that was, and how manly they all were. Morgan approaches them anxiously

Morgan: Gimli, I need to put my hand down your pants!

Gimli: pleasantly surprised I hardly know ye lass...but okay

and thus, Morgan stuck both her hand and the razor down Gimli, son of Gloin's pants.

And her hand did catch on fire, and the razor was destroyed. Legolas did try to put out Morgan's hand fire by shooting at it, but this did little to aid the situation. Aragorn tried to cut the fire off her hand, but that did nothing as well. Gimli was more concerned about the fact that the inevitable explosion from the razor being destroyed had blown off both of his legs, and one of his arms. Both he and Morgan ran around, screaming in pain... Well, Gimli was doing more of a rolling action because he didn't have legs anymore, and was spurting blood everywhere in a most fountinous way. Legolas did run away because blood would ruin his hair. But Aragorn didn't seem to mind. And so, all evil was destroyed, and a happy ending will surely ensue with much merry making

All: Yay a la 'Monty Python