WARNING: This story is extremely ridiculous and should not be read by anyone.
Note: Hello all, me again, back with another of my completly random and totally insane stories. This time its poor StarGate and StarWars that has taken a beating. Please be gentle, I'm very sensitive. I've tried to include most characters and I've tried to be kind to them all. Please read and review and remember that I love you all! shrugs It is very late and I do have work tomorrow. My brain is goo.
Disclaimer: Oh please, like I'm good enough to own StarGate or StarWars. Anything you notice to be property of either of these 2 things is obviously NOT mine as I am not George Lucas OR MGM. Thankyou.
StarWars: Atlantis!
John Sheppard wasn't a very good farmer. In fact, he sucked at it. His Aunt and Uncle, Bowen and Betsy Lawns, who had taken care of him for as long as he could remember, were great at it. They lived for it, which was probably why they owned a giant property in the middle of a desert on a planet called earth. Because, like any good farmer would know, there is always plenty of great water and plant life in the middle of a desert.
John always felt like he didn't belong on the farm. Perhaps it was that time his uncle got mad and told him that he didn't belong on the farm, or perhaps it was ... something else. Either way, he felt out of place. At the end of a hard days work he could often be found, standing on a grassy hill top in the middle of all that desert looking out at the big starry sky and that giant ball of a moon. Because that's what floated his boat, that's what tied his shoes, that's what made his cookie crumble ... space.
On this particular night, where this crazy story begins, John Sheppard could be found doing just that, standing on a hill looking out at the night sky. As he watched the twinkling stars he wondered if he could be the first person to see them all, the first person to get a great big space ship and fly off to all those stars that were probably unbreathable, untouchable and uninhabitable. Of course, this dream of his was looking mighty dull. After all, he was a 32 year old man still living at home with his Aunt and Uncle.
John sighed loudly as he remembered that dinner was at six, and his Aunt liked him to be there on time. He took one last longing look up at the stars and sighed loudly ... very loudly ... he's still sighing ... And with that, he turned around and headed for the small little bubble shapped house.
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One billion, kazillion, trillion light years away someone else was looking at the night sky and sighing rather loudly, fogging up the window through which she was looking. This was someone very important, someone who was being held prisoner against her will and desperatly needed help. This was Princess Teyla Emmagan of the Athosian people and she was fairly ticked off.
Teyla had been enjoying a lovely, action packed stick fight with one of her people when she had been rudly kidnapped by a man with a funny voice. The man had stated his name was Lord Ba'al and that he was kidnapping her because she was a traitor. Teyla had never even met the man and was not part of any groups or secret organisations ... so of cause she had been uterly, uterly confused at how she could have possibly been a traitor. But she must have been for Lord Ba'al ... or Darth Ba'al, as he also liked to be called, had forced her to come along on his ship where she had been promised much pain and torture would befall her. Many of her people had also been kidnapped by the evil Lord Ba'al and those that remanied were blown up, along with her planet, by the evil Lord Ba'al's ridiculously large laser canon.
But all of that was not the reason for Princess Teyla being in such a bad mood. Moments ago she had sent a message out to her imprisoned people on the lower floors. Naturally, it was impossible for her to get a message through the guards, so she baked a cake. On the cake was some beautiful pink icing she had done herself, and on the pink icing in a beautiful ocean blue was the words 'GET YOUR ARSE UP HERE NOW AND HELP ME SEND FOR HELP!' With that done she had pleaded with one of Lord Ba'als guards to give it to her people as it was their birthday. All of them, all at once ... it was the Athosian way. Naturally, the guard loved birthdays and was happy to give her people the cake.
And so that was how her people had gotten her message. Now really, all they had to do was find a way to break through the solid metal bars that were holding them captive, get passed or kill over 40 armed guards and run through 12 floors of Lord Ba'als massive space ship to get to her. How hard could it be?
Half an hour later, the door to her cell burst open, broke off its hinges and flew across the room. Princess Teyla stood up, ready to defend herself. But it was not Lord Ba'al, or his evil henchmen that were standing at the door. No, it was a man and a boy. The man she had never seen before, but the boy ... the boy she recognised straight away. It was Jinto, the son of one of her most beloved people, who had been left behind on Athosia when it had been blown to smitherins.
'I was the only one small enough to fit through the bars, Princess Teyla,' Jinto said, leaping straight into the explanation of his absence. 'I knew I couldn't rescue you on my own, so I found this random stranger whom just happened to be walking around the evil Ba'als ship. I told him of our predicament and he came to your aid.'
The stranger looked at the boy strangely, was it just him or was the boy not speaking at all ... all that seemed to come out of his mouth was a whole heap of beeps and whirls. But this, Princess Teyla seemed to understand every word ... or, er, sound.
'Thankyou so much for coming to my aid ... Mr ...?' Princess Teyla began, realising she still didn't know the strange mans name.
'Errr, McKay,' the stranger, who is now no longer a stranger cause he has a name, said. 'Rodney McKay ... and I only came along because the boy showed me a picture of a beautiful blonde women who I was suposedly rescuing ... I'm a sucker for blondes you see and ...'
Princess Teyla kept smiling as the man continued to rant, she didnt want to seem rude.
'There are no blondes here Mr. McKay, I am sorry. Jinto only lied to you because out situation has grown rather ... desperate,' she explained. McKays eyes seemed to widen at the word desperate.
'Oh,' he said, 'I see.' He concidered running away, he could jump through the window and float away through space untill he reached somewhere safer, but then agan, this ... Princess Teyla, with her great lack of clothing was preety hot. Maybe if he helped in her rescue there would be something in it for him. He could always dye her hair and cut it short later. Maybe she would even let him call her Sam. Oh, how he loved that name ...
Rodney McKay realised he was drooling and that everyone was staring at him, including the dome shapped head of the boy called Jinto. 'Errrr, I guess I could help,' he said, quickly averting his eyes from the half naked Princess.
'Excellent,' Teyla said. And with that she walked up to Rodney, put her hands on his shoulders and head-butted him hard.
'Ouch! What the hell was that for,' Rodney cursed as he was knocked back into the wall by the force of Teyla's butt (I mean ... HEAD butt).
Teyla was very appologetic. 'I am so sorry Mr. McKay, that is the way my people say thanks. It is the Athosian way.'
'Well remind me not to go doing your folk any favours,' Rodney scowled, rubbing his throbbing head.
Princess Teyla appologized again and then she reached down her top and shuffled around for a bit. Rodney watched with wide eyes as she pulled out a small device.
'What is that?' he asked curiously.
'This,' Teyla said as she stepped closer to him, 'is a small recording device. On it is a plea for help that I recorded earlier and conveniently stashed away in my skimpy little top where Lord Ba'al would never think to look.'
This made Rodney wonder if this Ba'al fellow was a little queer. That would be the first place he would look!
Princess Teyla handed the recording device to Jinto. 'Please, you must take the escape pods outta here and take the message to the old hermit that lives in the caves on the farming desert on planet Earth.'
Rodney jumped at this. 'Earth,' he squeeled. 'That's where I'm from.'
'Good. Then you can help my young friend Jinto here find the place that I speak of.' Teyla looked at Rodney fondly then pointed to the open door way. 'Hurry ... go now ... go now and don't look back.'
Jinto let out a sad little bleep, that may have translated to something like 'goodbye,' to Princess Teyla. And with that he ran out the doorway.
Rodney began to follow but turned and took one last look at the women he was leaving behind. 'Will I ever see you again?' he asked, trying to fight back the tears.
'What does your heart tell you,' Teyla asked, moving in closer to the funny little man that stood in her door way.
'I hope so. Yes ... I guess,' he said frowning and stepping even closer to her.
'Then we will see each other again. NOW GO!' she screamed, making him jump. And with that he ran out into the corridor and out of her life ... for now.
Princess Teyla sighed loudly again and picked up the fallen door on her cell floor. She pulled out a small screwdriver set out of her tiny top and fixed it back onto the hinges so that Ba'al need never know that she had had visitors. If only she had had a brain in that slither of material that she calls a shirt so she could have been smart enough to escape rather then repair the door. Oh well, there would have been no story if she did.
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Rodney McKay rounded the corner and ran head long into the small dome headed boy. He beeped and whirred at him and took off down the corridor. Rodney guessed he wanted him to follow, so he did. Was it just him or was Jinto not moving his feet, it looked almost as though he was rolling along the hallway.
Just then, loud angry voices broke out and a laser blast just missed the top of Rodneys beautiful hair.
'Hey ... watch the hair,' he yelled, dodging another blast that was fired, this time missing his crotch by centimetres. It was then that Rodney knew his sex life, and therefore his entire life, was in great danger.
He ran faster, wishing that he had some sort of chocolate bar or salami stick with him so that he could eat and run at the same time. He had always wanted to do that.
'Run faster kid,' he yelled at Jinto who was still rolling along casually. The boy whistled indignantly and took a sharp right. Rodney folowed and found himself at a dead end. 'Oh, nice going idiot. Now what are we suposed to do?'
At that moment the floor gave way and Rodney found himself jammed into a tiny cubical ... his face inches away from Jintos butt. 'Don't even think it,' Rodney muffled, just to give the boy a fair warning.
Jinto let out one last happy whirl as whatever it was they were jammed in seemed to realease itself and hurtle through what could only be kilometres of space.
Rodney couldn't believe his squashed eyeball ... they were in an escape pod in space ... headed for some old hermit on his old home planet. He couldn't be more miserable.
end!
Note: That was chapter one ... what ya think. Kinda better then I expected actually, weird ey! Hope ya like it. Please review, I just like to know that people are reading and enjoying. Dont assume anything at the moment like, Telya/Rodney or Teyla/Sheppard or whatever ... the stories just begun and you never know what I might do next! Muhahahahaha!