Disclaimer: The song is Tori Amos' "Your Cloud." I don't own it...it's entirely hers.
Chapter 2: Awkward
It's been 2 weeks, and I haven't heard from him. The Captain called me once to say he had called Adrian in on a case, and he was wondering why I wasn't with him.
What was I supposed to tell him? 'Oh, Adrian's better now, which means, "adios, Sharona." Don't expect me back.' Yeah, that would've been interesting.
I never expected it to be this hard. It feels like a piece of me is missing, like he's the missing sock in the dryer. That sounds like a cliché, I know, but it's true. When you spend the majority of your time with a person, then they just up and leave...It's more than just a little unnerving, that's what it is.
But, I guess I can look on the bright side of things – I can live my life the way I want. Like, right now I'm lounging on the couch, feet up on the coffee table, doing a crossword puzzle. I'm just expecting him to walk in and order me to remove my feet from the table.
But he won't. I know that now.
Where the river cross
Crosses the lake
Where the words
Jump off my pen
And into your pages
Do you think just like that
You can divide
This you as yours
Me as mine to
Before we were us
Why doesn't Benjy get out here? That's supposed to be his mystery friend he's going to the mall with. He won't tell me anything about it.
"Benjy, I think your friend is here."
A clatter from his general direction. What is that kid doing? "I'm busy, Mom. Could you let him in?"
Well, at least I know this mystery friend's sex now. It's not some hussy he met at the arcade or something. But I highly doubt there are any 12-year-old hussies running around San-
"Adrian." I should've known Benjy would do something like this. "What are you doing here?" I know damn well what he's doing here. Benjy made him come over. That child needs to stay out of other people's personal business.
"I'm here to take Benjy to the mall," he answers me, looking like I should have known that already.
I should have known that already. I did know that already. I guess I was just hoping... "Oh, oh, yeah, Benjy said he was going to the mall with a friend. He just never mentioned who."
"I see."
Wow, could this be any more awkward. I should just tell him what I'm thinking.
If the rain has to separate
From itself
Does it say"Pick out your cloud?"
Pick out your cloud
If there is
A horizontal line
That runs from the map
Off your body
Straight through the land
Shooting up
Right through my heart
Will this horizontal line
When asked
Know how to find
Where you end
Where I begin
"Pick out your cloud"
"Adrian, I've been meaning to call you, talk to you about...Why did you leave?" That was swift, Sharona. Real bright. But you never have been known for your tact.
He's stumbling for words. Just like he always did. "I didn't know how to be around you, now that I'm not...and you're not my," he stutters. "You know what I mean."
"I'm still supposed to be your assistant." I can't believe he forgot that. I'm still of use to him. I wish he would realize that.
How light can play
And form a ring of rain
That can change bows into arrows
(I found a thrill)
Who we were isn't lost
Before we were us
Indigo in his own
Blue always knew this
"Of course I know that, Sharona." So now he thinks I'm stupid. This is working oh so well. "I-I just needed some time. You know, to sort things out. I've never been...normal before."
Great, now I feel bad. "Adrian, I will never know how difficult it is to go through what you're experiencing right now, but you know I'm here. You know that. I want you to feel comfortable coming to me, talking to me." He still looks uneasy about all of this. "Listen, you don't have to do anything right now. Just go take Benjy to the mall."
Sure, there's Benjy. Where the hell was he 5 minutes ago? "We're leaving, Mom," Benjy announces.
I have to say one last thing. Adrian turns to me at my grabbing of his arm. He has this almost...hopeful look in his eyes. How can I respond to that?
"I don't want to wait 2 weeks again." He nods and Benjy pulls him out the door. I watch him until they're out of sight, then turn my back to the door, leaning against it.
A single tear makes its way down my face as I slide down the door.
"Damn you, Adrian. Damn you for making me love you."
If the rain has to separate
From itself
Does it say pick out your cloud