The First Cut

Hermione woke up the next morning to find that Amy had already left. She got up, dressed and walked to the cafeteria. She hated the cafeteria here, it was white walls, cheap white tiles and the food was disgusting. In fact, she hated this whole place. White was everywhere. There were at least 5 tissue boxes in every room. Hermione never cried in front of anyone though. The only time she ever cried was when she was in bed at night. "Hey," Amy called cheerily from the table.

"Hey," Hermione answered back. "Amy is it okay if I ask you a question?"

"Fine by me."

"Well, you've been in treatment centers before this, and if they didn't work for you then, why do you think they'll work for you now?"

"Well one, I don't think it's going to work, my parents do, and I can never really get better unless I want to, which I don't. Did you come here because you wanted to?"

"Oh, no my parents made me, I'm just glad they put me in one for witches and wizards. I mean they wanted to put me in a muggle place, it would have been harder there."

"Yea, well the only way to get better is to want to get better. Do you want to get better Hermione?"

"I don't know I want to so I can get out of this place. But then again, I see no harm in what I'm doing. So what if I draw a little blood every once in a while it's not like I'm cutting off body parts or anything." Amy shuddered when Hermione said that.

"Well, yea I guess, but group is starting; we wouldn't want to be late now would we?"

"Of, course not." They headed down the hallway to the group room.

"Now, everyone settle down, Hermione please continue with your story," Claire said.

"Well Draco and I started spending more time together, because we were supposedly going out we'd normally meet in the library. When we were walking down the hallway we'd always hold hands. I remember this one time when Ron came and found me in the library."

Flashback

"Hey Hermione, where's Malfoy?" It was the first time Ron had really spoken to Hermione in a month.

"Oh I think he's in the Slytherin common room or something."

"I see, well Hermione I was wondering could I talk to you?"

"Well isn't that what we're doing right now?"

"Well yea but in private?"

"Oh sure why not?" Hermione gathered her books and they headed out.

"Hermione I'm sorry about being a jerk this past month."

"It's okay Ron; I think I would've reacted the same way."

"Well I'm just saying that if you want to be with Malfoy, I totally support you."

"Really, oh Ron!" She gave him a huge hug.

"Hermione, can't breathe."

"Oh, sorry, well I'm glad you finally came around. I'm glad we can put this behind us now, Draco's really sweet and I'm happy with him."

"Well if he ever hurts you I'll beat him to a pulp alright."

"Yea me too," Harry had just walked up behind them. "Glad to see you guys are talking again." Hermione looked down at her watch.

"Guys I have to go, I promised to meet Draco right about now."

"Bye," they said in unison. Hermione hurried to the lake.

"Sorry, I'm late."

"Hermione, I don't know if I can do this anymore." Hermione just put on a confused face. "I mean, it's not because I can't do it or anything, I just, I think I'm starting to have feelings for you." That shocked Hermione the most.

"Draco, I, I like you to it's just I don't know if I'm exactly ready for that kind of relationship." Draco looked like Christmas had come early.

"So there may be hope?"

"Yea, there's hope, I just, why don't we talk tomorrow about this. Give me some time to work out my feelings."

"Okay," Hermione turned and walked toward the castle. What if he's just playing some sort of game.

You know he's not.

What if he is.

He's not okay, you obviously like him too.

Do not.

Do too.

Uh, why am I arguing with myself.

Because you just don't want to admit that I'm right.

If you're right that means I'm right.

I guess so. I think you should go out with him.

Fine I've made up my decision.

"Draco, wait up!" Draco turned around and looked at Hermione. "I will."

"Will what?"

"Go out with you."

"Really?"

"Yea," they stared at each other for a couple minutes. Then Draco pulled her in and kissed her lightly on the lips. It wasn't like any kiss they had had before. This one was real and you could feel the emotion in it. There other kisses had been for show, and had never meant anything. Hermione started to feel butterflies rise up in her stomach. She pulled back. "I really have to get going." Draco looked sad when he heard her say this. She just couldn't resist the look in his eyes. "Fine, I'll stay, but only for a little while longer."

He didn't say anything he just pulled her in for another kiss. This time he slid his tongue across her lips asking for entry which she gave him willingly. He tasted so intoxicating, she never wanted this moment to end. They sat down by the lake for what seemed like hours just talking, sharing a kiss every once in a while.

End of Flashback

"We had finally shown our real feelings for each other. I was happy; I think I knew all along that I liked him. I just didn't let myself know it, or I wouldn't believe it. Almost three months had passed and it was almost Christmas. Dumbledore called all the prefects in, saying he had something to announce. We were going to have another Yule Ball. Draco and I were then barely inseparable, we spent almost every waking moment with each other. Little did I know, I was pushing my friends away.

Flashback

Ron came up to me one day when I came back into the common room to put my books away before supper. "Hermione," he called. I spun around to face him.

"Hey Ron," I didn't like the look on his face. It looked like he was about to regret what he was going to say.

"Listen Hermione, I know I really shouldn't say this, but I think that maybe you don't realize it but you're kind of pushing Harry and me away."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you're always spending time with Malfoy. Like I said before I don't mind you dating him, well I do, but not so much anymore. What I'm trying to say is that you never spend time with Harry or me anymore. Heck you don't even spend meals with us anymore. You're always over at the Slytherin table. It seems like you don't really care about us anymore."

"Ron how could you say that? Of course I care about you."

"Well it doesn't seem like it. Harry or I haven't had a decent conversation with you in months. Whenever we try to talk to you, you always say you have to go meet Draco."

"I'm sorry, I just really like him."

"Well, I thought you used to like us too."

"RONALD, I WILL NOT TOLLERATE THAT, HOW CAN YOU EVEN DARE TO SAY SUCH A THING TO ME!"

"ME, YOU'RE THE ONE WHOSE IGNORING US, IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR FRIENDS, AND YOU JUST LEAVE US FOR SOME GUY! THAT GUY ALSO JUST HAPPENS TO BE MALFOY, REMEMBER HIM THE ONE WHO USED TO CALL YOU A MUDBLOOD!

"HE'S CHANGED RON! YOU DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE I DO!"

"YEA, WELL THE ONLY PERSON I SEEM TO KNOW ANYMORE IS HARRY! YOU DON'T EVEN TALK TO US ANYMORE! JUST WHATEVER IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE US FOR HIM THEN WHEN HE DUMPS YOU DON'T COME CRAWLING BACK TO ME!"

Ron stormed out through the portrait whole. Hermione ran up to her room, looking around she saw the Parvati and Lavender had already gone down to dinner. She couldn't believe Ron would say something like that to her. How dare he tell her that she doesn't care about them. But she knew he was right, she knew she was pushing them away.

Quickly she walked over to her trunk and pulled out a pocket knife. She practically ran to the bathroom she sat down on the tiled floor and put the blade next to her wrist. She drew it across slightly seeing the trail of blood she felt so much better. She cleaned herself up and put a band aide over the cut. When she sat down next to Draco that night at the supper table, he asked what happened to her wrist.

"Just Crookshanks, he's gotten kind of cranky lately. Draco didn't question her any further.

End of Flashback

"That was the first time I ever cut myself. I don't regret it either. It felt good, in fact if I could do it over again I would." With that she ran out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. She jammed herself into a stall, and locked the door behind her. She felt like treatment was going to be way harder than it seemed.

After what seemed like hours, which really were minutes Amy came in looking for Hermione. "Hermione, I know you're in there." When she got no answer she continued. "Hermione come on, dinner starts in five minutes and you can't miss a meal here. Trust me I've tried to do it before."

Hermione came out of the stall. Her eyes were red and puffy. "I don't want to talk about it." With that she left the bathroom and went to the cafeteria. She sat down and didn't really eat. She more just like pushed food around on her plate. Later Amy and she went to the study room. Hogwarts was sending her homework through the mail. She could do only the written essays because she wasn't allowed to have her wand.

After they finished up their homework they headed to the game room. Hermione and Amy were the first people done with their homework that they got to get the best chess set. After about 2 games, Hermione told her she was tired and set off for their bedroom.

As Hermione changed and laid down in bed another memory came flooding back to her.

Flashback

"Hermione," Draco asked.

"What?"

"Why do you have all these bandages on your arm?"

"I've already told you, Crookshanks did them." Draco pulled one of the bandages off.

"Hermione, no cat could do these."

"Well, then Crookshanks might not be a cat then."

"Hermione, I'm serious, no cat could have done that."

"Draco, I'm fine just please can we get back to this essay I really need to get this done." Draco didn't push the subject any further."

End of Flashback

Hermione cried herself to sleep, wishing Draco could be there to comfort her. She didn't hate him; sure she told everyone she did. Only because he was the one to have found out about her cutting. He's the one that went and told her parents about it. It was because of him that she was stuck in this place.

She could never hate him; she loved him, very much so. In fact she loved him so much she was thinking about writing a letter to him. He wouldn't want to hear from me though. He probably doesn't even like me anymore. I wish I could just talk to him.

Hermione knew she probably would never talk to him again. She knew that he probably was disgusted with the way she cut herself. She couldn't help it though. She felt so good when it happened. She pushed these thoughts to the back of her mind.

I'm going to write him a letter tomorrow. I don't care if he doesn't write back, I just have to let him know how I feel.

With that Hermione drifted off to sleep.

A/N What do you think? People have reviewed saying they wish the chapters to be longer so hear you go. Longest chapter yet. Over 2 thousand words this chapter was. I'm really proud of myself. I want to thank all of my reviewers; they mean so much to me. Also I want to thank all of the silent readers just to say thanks for reading my story.

Please review, it would make my day!