Chapter 8: Regrets

As Ginny shut the door to Harry's room, she thought about what he said to her, "That must have been one hell of a dream he had." She began to walk down the hallway when she heard Harry's bedroom door open behind her.

"Gin, wait." She heard him call.

"Harry, what is it? I have a friend upstairs who's heart is broken. She really needs me right now." Ginny sounded really pissed off.

"I need your help." He asked.

Ginny turned around and looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "What could you possibly need help with?"

"I thought about what you said. About how even though I broke her heart, she is still going to keep on loving me."

She laughed at the fact that he was actually listening to her.

"Well… I need you to help make Hermione fall out of love with me, but still manage not to hate me." He looked at her with glassy eyes.

Ginny starred at him in disbelief. How could he even consider asking her to help with something like that. Especially after everything Hermione already had to endure because of him tonight.

"Harry, it's not that simple. She has loved you for a while. She may have only just admitted it, but I know that she has loved you for a long time. She is not just going to suddenly stop." Ginny was looking very worried.

"And furthermore, I won't help you, I refuse. Hermione does not deserve to be lied to by her best friends. You already hurt her enough. I am not going to hurt her too." Ginny shot him an evil glare and stalked off to her room.

"Stupid prat, thinks I am going to help him ruin my best friends love life." Ginny mumbled to herself going up the steps.

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"Hermione are you alright?" Ron asked her again for the fourth time.

He was getting worried. She had been laying in the bed not moving for the past 15 minutes. It was as if she were catatonic. Her glassy eyes just starred at a spot on the wall beside Ron.

Hermione was lost in her own brain. Her mind was trying to avoid thinking about what just happened, so she blocked out all noise and thought. She just starred.

Finally she felt a warm hand on her cold arm. It shook her lightly taking her out of her comatose state. "Hermione, talk to me. Please!" Ron's stern voice asked. She turned her head to face him, and blinked vigorously as tears started to well up in her eyes again.

"Oh bloody hell, don't start crying again… I can't take it when girls cry Hermione. I get all flustered. You know that." He said with a sort or nervous laugh.

Hermione broke a small smile at his nervousness and wiped her tears off her face. Then she reached over and hugged him. "Thanks Ron." Her sniffles started to go away.

"For what?" he asked her confused.

"For being you. For being here. For being a great friend" She smiled softly at him.

"I didn't do anything yet, but your welcome." He forced a smile.

"Hermione what happened? Why do you look like some one ran over Crookshanks?" Ron looked so worried for her, Hermione couldn't help but feel thankful that she had him and Ginny to help her.

"Crookshanks is fine Ron. I just got into a really bad… Argument… with Harry. He said some things that were… Well let's just say they were not so friendly. I got REALLY angry, and…. That's pretty much it." Hermione spoke very slowly, choosing the right words to say. She did not want Ron to be more worried than he already was.

"Well I figured you two were fighting, I mean I heard the shouting. Do you want me to try and talk to Harry for you?" Hermione smiled at his willingness to help.

"No thanks Ron, I am afraid this fight has gone beyond outside help. If Harry wants to apologize to me then that's fine, but I don't think he will." Her words sounded so final. Ron wasn't sure what to think. Then a sudden realization came across him.

"Hermione, you still haven't told me what you were arguing about, or why you were in his room so late." He asked with a smug look on his face.

Hermione blushed. She didn't know what to say, or even how to say it. Thankfully she didn't have to. Ginny walked in the door, saving her from embarrassment once again.

"Hey!" Ginny said brightly as she saw her friend sitting up in the bed, with a much less puffy, tear free face.

"Hi Gin, where were you?" Hermione was curious why Ginny had left Ron alone with her so long, when she needed some girl talk.

"Oh I just had to do some damage control." The smirk on her face was priceless.

"Damage control?" Ron and Hermione both asked in unison.

"Well I threatened Harry with a Bat Bogey Hex, and told him that I would send him back to his Aunt and Uncles house if he ever hurts your feelings again." Ginny's smirk grew into a huge smile as she saw Ron's proud face.

"Gin, remind me to stay on your good side." Ron laughed.

Hermione, on the other hand, was not as happy about what Ginny had to say. "Gin, you shouldn't have done that. Even if he…. Hurt my feelings… he doesn't deserve to be put back in that awful house." She paused, her frown suddenly turning into a smile. "But the hex sounded like a fine idea to me." Hermione and Ginny began to laugh. Ron stood there with a smile on his face.

"I just know you and Harry will work out your argument, and be friends again in no time. I'll stay out of it if you want me too…. But don't ever scare me again like you did tonight Hermione. I was so worried that it was something REALLY awful."

Hermione just gave Ginny a quick awkward glance, and turned back to face Ron with a fake smile. "I am sure you're right, some day we will be friends again."

"Listen I am getting tired, all this crying has wiped me out. I am going to sleep now, before I stay up all night thinking about what happened." Hermione gave Ginny a look of pleading help. Before Ron could protest, Ginny had shoved him out of the room. "Goodnight Ron!"

"Thanks Gin. He was starting to ask questions. I know sometime soon I will have to answer those questions, but for now, I would rather just sleep."

"Alright, But we will talk some more in the morning. Goodnight Hermione."

"Sleep tight Gin."

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Morning had come, unfortunately the sun did not. It seemed that the day reflected the mood Harry was in. Overcast skies, rumbling thunder in the distance, sudden bursts of down-pouring rain, mostly just sprinkling though. It was as though mother-nature had been in this very room last night.

Harry had spent most of the night before, awake in his room. He had caught himself dozing twice, and would jolt himself awake. He refused to sleep. He refused to see her dead body pass through his dreams. It was the most horrible thing he had ever seen in his life.

"Okay kids, breakfast is almost ready!" Harry heard Mrs. Weasley shout from the kitchen below. Harry considered skipping breakfast this morning, and he would have, if his stomach wasn't screaming curses at him.

He took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly. "Okay, I will go down, eat a quick breakfast and come right back up here." That was the plan. Avoid all conflict and questions about last night.

When he arrived in the kitchen everyone looked up at him. Ginny gave him an evil glare, Ron looked like he wanted to talk to him, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were wondering why their kids had gotten so quiet when Harry walked into the kitchen, and Hermione…. Hermione wasn't there. 'Where is Hermione?' he thought to himself.

His brain was racing a mile a minute. 'Is she alright, is she hurt, did Riddle get to her?' The worried expression on his face must have shown, because Ginny spoke angrily.

"Hermione wasn't feeling very well, she decided to sleep in late today before she has to pack." The words from her mouth were like ice.

"Pack?" He asked as his pulse speeded up.

"Oh yes Harry dear, Hermione decided this morning. She is going to spend some time at home with her family before you all have to go back to Hogwarts. She said she has been neglecting them for an unworthy cause. It was quite strange, the way she was acting." Mrs. Weasley spoke. "She is leaving at 6 tonight, before dinner."

Harry felt his heart fall into his stomach. He no longer felt hungry, he just felt pain. She was leaving, and it was because of him. Harry knew that it was for the better, her not being around him. But still, he would not be able to look at her beautiful face, and he couldn't keep her safe if she was at home.

He needed to see her before she left.

He also needed to talk to Dumbledore about getting a protection spell around Hermione's house, and maybe a few guards, and a watch dog as well. No, make that two watch dogs.

"Harry dear, are you going to just stand there and watch us eat, or are you going to join us? You look so tired." Mrs. Weasley looked worried.

"Yes, err, sorry." He sat down beside Ron, and grabbed a piece of toast. "I didn't sleep much." His eyes flicked up to Ginny, who was still giving him an evil glare, as a true best friend would.

"Oh, Harry, I nearly forgot. Professor Dumbledore is going to meet you hear at 10:30. You two have some things that need to be discussed." Mr. Weasley spoke as he was excusing himself from the table, to leave for work.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. He could ask Dumbledore about the protection regarding Hermione's house. "Well I better get moving then. Thanks for breakfast Mrs. Weasley." He got up from the table and started to go up the stairs.

"Your welcome, but Harry you hardly ate." Her words fell on deaf ears, as he was already up the stairs.

Once he reached the top floor of the burrow, he stood starring at the door in front of him. Hermione was in there, he wanted to talk to her so badly.

He wanted to say it was all a mistake, he didn't mean it, and he wanted to be with her more than anything.

While he wanted to say all those things, he knew he couldn't. He was too stubborn to tell her the truth, and refused to let her get hurt because of him. So he just stood there, starring at the door in front of him. Knowing all he had to do was open the door and he could see her face.

He reached out and put his hand on the knob. He held in there for a minute, then let go as his hand began to strangely tingle.

He then moved his hand up to a part of the door above the knob, and pressed it against the wood. Then he rested his forehead against the frame of the door. The hallway began to spin, or maybe it was in his head, he wasn't sure.

Losing his nerve he backed away from the door and went back down the steps.

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Inside her room Hermione was sadly packing. She had decided that going home for a week would be her best option.

She needed a break from seeing Harry. She knew that going away was not going to make her feelings for him just disappear, but at least she would have the comfort of her own bed to cry in.

She was just folding up her favorite pair of jeans when she felt something. Almost on instinct she turned to look at the bedroom-door. She could feel his presence. "Harry" she whispered.

She needed to talk to him, ask him questions about why he spoke to her that way. She needed to tell him that she still wanted to be with him.

Hermione walked over to the door and put her hand on the door knob. She held it there for a minute and felt a tingling sensation go through her hand, and then let go.

She starred at her hand for a second and then touched the door just above where the knob was, and her other hand was on the door frame. It felt like the room was spinning. It made her arm hairs stand on end.

This was the strangest feeling in the world. She knew he was on the other side of the door, she could feel his presence. When the hairs on her arm finally settled back to normal she turned the knob on the door, flung it opened, and saw…… Nothing, No one was there.

"But I could have sworn I felt him there." Hermione thought out loud. A single tear drop fell from her eye as she turned around and closed the door behind her.

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Harry waited in the living room for Dumbledore to arrive. He wasn't sure what to expect. He hadn't spoken to him since the end of the school term, though by now any angry feelings and resentment he had were mostly gone.

He had so many questions. Questions about the attack on Moody the day before, about protecting Hermione's house, about his birthday gift (the necklace). He wasn't sure where to start.

"Ahem" A wise voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

Harry turned and saw his mentor.

Dumbledore was smiling and had a familiar twinkle in his eye. He adjusted his half moon spectacles to see a better view of Harry. Then he approached him cautiously, not sure whether he was still angry with him for last terms mistakes.

When he saw a slight smile from Harry, Dumbledore let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"How was your summer so far, Harry?"

Harry answered casually, not wanting to get into to much detail yet. "It's been fine so far, sir."

Ron, Ginny, and Hermione all walked into the room to say there hellos to the professor. Hermione was being especially careful not to even glance at Harry. This did not go unnoticed by the others in the room.

"Well" Dumbledore interrupted. "I would hate to keep our greetings so short, but Harry and I really must be going. Our appointment is in less than 30 minutes."

"What appointment? Where are we going?" Harry felt so confused, like he was missing something.

After the others left the room Dumbledore turned to Harry. "I figured Arthur didn't want to tell you himself. We are going back to the ministry offices." Harry drew in a sharp breath. Dumbledore continued.

"There is some news you would be interested in. Sirius Black was cleared of all charges. They found the supporting evidence given by certain members of the ministry, and myself, to be sufficient and the case was brought back to Fudge. He needs you to come in and sign some papers so he can release the news to the public." Dumbledore finished is little speech, looking at Harry carefully.

Harry silently walked over to the couch and sat down, not really feeling his legs anymore. He thought for a moment, then a smile broke across his face as he finally spoke. "So, that's great. Sirius is no longer considered a…. a…. murderer. But why do I need to go sign papers, what does it have to do with me?"

"I thought you might ask that. Well you see, Sirius also left a will. He left you in charge of his affairs, among other things. The ministry has to read the will in your presence, and you have to sign a few documents."

Once again Harry lost feeling in his legs, but he was already sitting down so he couldn't do anything about it.

"I, uh, er…" He paused to collect his thoughts. "Well, I guess we should be going then." This was all Harry could manage to say.

"As you wish."

Dumbledore pulled a polka dot orange and yellow bow tie out of his pocket and pointed his wand to it. "Portus".

He motioned for Harry to grab hold of it. As Harry touched it Dumbledore spoke "Three, Two, One." And he felt that tug in his stomach, and watched his surrounding whirl around him.

When Harry finally felt the ground beneath his feet, he looked around wishing that he never had come back to this place.

All of those emotions from last term came rushing back in a matter of seconds. "Sirius" he whispered, while looking around at the lobby. He was instantly reminded of all the horrors of that night. He felt his throat become too tight to swallow, and the tears threatening to come. But he pushed them back down. Now wasn't the right time to get emotional.

Dumbledore stood there, knowing that Harry might need a minute to prepare himself. When Harry looked hesitantly up into his eyes, he knew it was time to continue.

"Alright, you need to register your wand at the desk. I assume you remember this from last time?" Dumbledore smirked, remembering all the trouble Harry managed to get himself into over the years, just like his father and Sirius.

"Yes Sir" and he walked glumly over to the security desk for his registration.

After Harry's wand was registered, and he had been searched properly, they headed to the elevators. "I believe it is Level Two, Office of Magical Law Enforcement. Mr. Weasley and Remus should be waiting in the office already."

"I didn't know they would be here!" Harry's voice sounded more anxious than excited. While he was glad to see Lupin, and Mr. Weasley, he wasn't sure he wanted them to be around for the reading of the will. He was afraid he might get upset during the reading.

"Yes Harry, there are some parts of the will that pertain to them, so the must be present as well."

All this talk of Sirius's will was beginning to take a toll on Harry. He realized that Sirius was gone, but discussing it so casually was tearing him apart inside.

As the elevator descended to level two, Harry began to wonder what else he would have to deal with today. Hermione was leaving this evening, Sirius's will was being read in a matter of minutes, not to mention all the questions he would be bombarded with when he got home. He was tired just thinking about it.

The elevator stopped, the doors opened, and Dumbledore walked out. Harry did not move. He couldn't bring himself to leave the elevator.

"Harry, I know you don't want to be here, but this is something that must be done. It is now your responsibility to see that the public knows of Sirius's innocence." Dumbledore spoke knowingly.

It was this that brought him to his senses. Sirius Blacks name would be cleared the moment he signed whatever papers Fudge had drawn up! Harry smiled and walked out of the elevator and down the hallway silently by Dumbledore's side.

"It's in this office, right?" Harry asked, stopping in front of a door.

Dumbledore nodded to show he was correct, and they entered the room.

After all of the greetings, Harry took a seat next to Lupin, who looked as if the world had ended. Harry had not considered how hard this would be on Lupin. He lost his best friend after just getting him back.

Mr. Weasley was sitting on the other side of Harry, waiting silently for the meeting to begin. Harry wondered why he was there.

Dumbledore stood before the three men. "I have in my hand, an envelope containing Sirius Blacks will." He began to open the envelope. "I will read you his last wishes, rights, and words. You will agree to the terms, and sign for any responsibilities Mr. Black has asked of you. If you choose not to accept these responsibilities…"

Harry didn't listen to the rest, he let his mind drift. 'Dumbledore sounded so formal, Sirius would have hated this meeting. He would be bored out of his mind.' Harry thought.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, indicating that he was ready to begin reading Sirius's will out loud.

"I Sirius Black, of sound mind, hereby leave all of my possessions to Harry James Potter; Including my home at 12 Grimmauld Place, All possessions inside of it, my motorbike currently in Hagrid's Possession, and my 3 vaults at Gringotts and all gold and possessions inside. Vault 921 was your parents and may not be opened until you are of age as requested by Lily and James in their will. Vault 1024 was mine, and Vault 1225 was my parents, you may visit these vaults at any time you wish." Dumbledore paused for a minute to let this sink in.

He handed Harry four keys. Three to the Vaults, one to the house.

Harry felt overwhelmed by all of this. His eyes were wide with shock. What was he to do with all of this?

"I hereby leave Custody of my godson, Harry James Potter, to none other than my best friend, Remus Lupin until Harry is of age. In the event that Mr. Lupin is unable to care for Mr. Potter due to unforeseeable circumstances, Custody should be turned over to Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Weasley."

Harry looked over at Remus to see his reaction. He was smiling, though Harry recognized this as an understandably bittersweet smile. Mr. Weasley still had the same expression he did earlier, he had not seemed surprised at all. 'He must have already known what was in Sirius's will.' He thought.

"I have left a message to my friends and godson in the event that I passed. Albus Dumbledore will present this message after all paper work has been signed."

With that said, Dumbledore took out a few sheets of parchment and a quill, and put them in front of Harry. "Read these over and sign, Remus you must sign as well because Harry is not of age yet."

After all the papers had been signed Dumbledore took out a Pensieve. He raised his wand to his temple and extracted a silvery strand of thought, and he placed it into the bowl. Then he looked up at the three before him. "Are you ready?" They all nodded in agreement.

Dumbledore put the tip of his wand back into the Pensieve and pressed it against the silvery swirl.

A moment later a man came into view. It was Sirius, standing above the bowl with a smirk on his face. Harry heard that familiar bark-like laugh, and already felt as if he would break down at any moment.

"So, I guess I kicked it then" the image laughed. "Well all I have to say about that is, I better have gone out fighting! I should hope I have not passed on in some sissy way." Then Sirius's image turned to Lupin.

"Remus, My old friend. So you are the last loyal Marauder left. Let's hope you're the one to rub off on Harry, and not me." He laughed at himself.

"Raise him well mate. And do let him have fun, though not as much fun as I had at that age, or you might have a heart attack and be seeing me way before your time." Lupin was now laughing at the memory of their school days.

"On a more serious note, sorry I'm not there to help you out in the final war. Yes I said FINAL war. I know that this will be the last time Voldemort ruins the lives of innocent people. Harry will stop him. Help him believe in himself, teach him everything he needs to know, and then some." He winked at his friend, and Lupin smiled, obviously knowing what he was talking about.

"Arthur, I know we already discussed what would happen to Harry if I were to suddenly snuff it. But I just wanted to thank you for understanding, and for being there to help Harry for those years I couldn't be. It means more to me than you will ever know."

"Dumbledore, thanks for all your help. See you soon OLD MAN!" Dumbledore laughed at Sirius's joke.

Sirius paused looking directly at Harry, tears welling in his eyes he continued.

"Harry, I'm so sorry I left you there. I wish I could have stayed. You were one of the only things in this world that made me truly happy and to know that I can't see you again is killing me inside. We got to spend so little time together and I know it's not fair. Just know that I loved you as if you were my own son." Sirius paused again and smiled.

"I know that by now you have read my will. You must be shocked that I left it all to you, and wondering why I left nothing to Remus. He will explain that to you later." He cast a knowing look at Lupin, then turned back to Harry.

"I hope by now Dumbledore has told you of you're destiny. Just know that whatever happens, I know that you will do your best. I know that you will not make the mistakes your father and I have made. I know that you will be stronger than we were. And I most certainly know that you will be the one who defeats the sorry bastard." Harry smiled at the image of Sirius, and laughed.

"Harry, just because your fate has been decided for you, it doesn't mean all aspects of your life are predetermined. Don't give up on life or love. I know you are as stubborn as your father, and you probably are going to shut people out. Well stop it!"

He looked right into Harry's eyes. "Well, just know that I am with you wherever you go, and I will always protect you. Stay safe, and don't do anything I WOULD do." Sirius laughed and winked at Harry and then began to fade back into the Pensieve.

Harry turned his face and wiped his eyes. Only a few tears managed to escape. 'That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.' He thought, then he looked up at Lupin. He saw him wiping his eyes as well, and Dumbledore didn't look as well composed as he usually did.

After a minute or two Mr. Weasley broke the silence clearing his throat. "Well I better be getting back to my office. They will be waiting for me." He said his goodbyes, and walked out of the room speaking softly to Dumbledore.

Harry looked at Lupin, who was sitting silently, starring at the pensieve. "So what do you have to explain to me?" Harry asked.

Lupin cleared his throat, and looked at Harry. "Well, you are probably wondering why Sirius left me nothing of monetary value…" Harry cut him off.

"Yes I am wondering.You were friends with him longer, you should have something, I have enough money, I don't need three more Vaults. You should have the house, and pretty much everything else." Harry looked upset, but Lupin was smiling at him.

"Harry, Sirius left me everything I wanted from him." He said to Harry with a large smile, and it looked as if he were going to cry.

"What are you talking about?" Harry felt confused. Sirius didn't leave Lupin anything.

Lupin's voice cracked as he spoke.

"He left me you."

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The afternoon was almost done, Harry had spent most of it in his room thinking. He hadn't felt like talking much to anyone. He felt completly drained.

He didn't ask Dumbledore any questions, but they had another meeting scheduled for two days from now. Harry wanted to discuss moving into Grimmauld Place before school started.

It was now 5:45 p.m., Hermione was due to leave minutes from now.

He had to talk to her before she left.

What Sirius had said about his life not being predetermined really stuck with him.

He knew she would be mad at him, but he needed to try to get her back, even if he could only manage to get her friendship.

"At least if I have her friendship she will still be in my life."

He walked up the steps to her room for the second time that day. Only this time he intended to go in.

Harry reached the door, and just walked right in, he couldn't knock or he might change his mind and chicken out again.

As he slammed the door shut behind him, he noticed Hermione standing there with her arms crossed in front of her as if she were expecting him. She gave him a glare.

Hermione had felt him coming before he opened the door. "What are you doing up here? Can't you just let me leave in peace?" her words were bitter.

"Hermione I came up here to talk to you. I needed to see you before you left. I needed to talk to you." He looked into her beautiful eyes, they looked so hurt. It killed him to know that he caused that pain in her eyes.

"Didn't you say enough last night?" she scoffed at him, then turned her back to him, grabbing her bags.

He didn't say anything to her, he just starred. She was so beautiful

"I thought I meant something to you? Why would you let me fall for you if you were just going to hurt me? Harry I thought you were better than that." She still had her back to him, but he could tell she was crying again.

"I feel bad about what I said last night, and how I said it." He desperately wanted her to stop crying.

Hermione turned back to look at him.

"YOU FEEL BAD? Ha, that's funny Harry. I feel horrible. I feel like my heart got torn out and trampled on, but you feel bad! I'm still in love with you, but you feel bad! Well here's what I think abou-" but he held up his hand in a motion for her to stop yelling at him.

He was a little shocked that she said she was in love with him. When she figured out what Sirius's mirror really did, it had been implied that she loved him, but she never said the actual words out loud. But now wasn't the right time to mention that.

"I didn't come up here to fight with you Hermione. I wanted to say goodbye. I wanted to tell you that I will miss you. And I wanted to give you this." He held his hand out to her, with an envelope in it.

Hermione looked at his hand as if it were foreign. Then she took the envelope from his hand and looked up at him. "What is it?"

"It's a letter. Just read it when you get home. Be safe, and be careful. I don't want you to get hurt." he smiled at her. "I will miss you more than you know." Harry took a step towards her, and pulled her into his arms. He held Hermione in an embrace for a minute while she stood completely frozen in his arms.

As he released her he turned around to go out the door. But this time it was Hermione's turn to shock him.

Hermione grabbed his arm to stop him, and pulled him around so he was facing her, and she kissed him. Just like he did to her the first time they had kissed. This was a more brief kiss, but it was a kiss none the less.

Harry could feel her passion for him the moment her lips touched his, and he could still feel it the moment her lips left his. She was intoxicating.

It was Harry's turn to stand there in shock as Hermione released him, grabbed her bags and walked out the door. His mind was still racing as she disapeared down the steps.

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When Hermione had taken her portkey home the first thing she could think of, was to read Harry's letter. She went right up to her room, threw down her bags and began to read.

Hermione,
I am so sorry for the way I treated you. I regret the way things ended. I regret that they ended before they even really began. And I regret that I hurt you. I hope one day you can forgive me for what I had to do. Please don't ask me why, just know that I had to do it, and had good reason. I just hope that we can one day have the amazing friendship we had before I went and screwed it all up. Please forgive me for being the biggest git in the wizarding world.

Harry

With tears in her eyes, she folded up the letter.

He said he wanted their friendship back. She wanted more than friendship. But she couldnt risk losing him again.

"Well at least if I am his friend, I can still be in his life." she thought out loud and sighed.

She fell onto her bed and sobbed into her pillow thinking about a whole week of not seeing his face.
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