Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own InuYasha. I'm just writing what I want to write. Yada yada. Like you haven't heard this before.

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IV. Recollecting

The night beforehand was too long. There was too much on anyone's mind to sleep or too close their eyes, but this feeling had hit someone exceptionally hard.

InuYasha had been sitting in a tree outside of Kaede's hut for a good portion of the night, and was still there. Arms crossed, eyes closed, InuYasha sat uncomfortably with his back against the truck, his legs stretched out on a branch. He gave a sigh and opened his eyes, only to see the sun just coming over the horizon, thinking to him self that Kagome would have thought that it was beautiful…. He turned his head away from the sun rising before him, looking at the ground a considerable distance below him.

Kagome.

Kagome would have thought it was beautiful.

Kagome - the girl who lay in Kaede's hut. Lifeless. Helpless. Completely innocent. Undeserving of what had happened to her. What could've happened? What kind of grudge could anyone have held against her? But then of course, InuYasha thought back to Kikyou. The one who desired to be with him and wouldn't let anyone interfere. After all, her scent lingered around Kagome…

'Maybe Kagome has the same desire Kikyou does…maybe that's why Kikyou may have done something to her…'

InuYasha tensed at his own thoughts.

Kikyou.

The first woman he had loved.

The woman who may have attempted to take Kagome away…

'She can't have…' InuYasha thought, but at the same time, he had a horrible feeling in his gut that she certainly had something to do with it. He even smelled Kikyou's scent as he was carrying Kagome last night…that horrible night…. He then felt anger against Kikyou…what if she had done this? What if she had tried to take Kagome away? Of course, Kagome did possess half of her soul, but why would she want to kill her?

InuYasha looked back to Kaede's hut where he knew she lay still. He wanted to see her eyes again. He deep brown eyes filled with care and compassion, and anger half the time at him whenever he dared to test her patience or insult her. Which, of course was always fun to see her mad or just tick her off a bit. He smiled to himself, painful as it was to be sat by her.

flash back

"SIT!"

"Damn it, bitch!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! SIT!"

"Dammit…"

"DON'T CUSS, EITHER! SIT!"

"Fine!"

'Bitch…'

"DON'T EVEN THINK IT!" she said to InuYasha's horror.

"Oh, come on Kag-"

"SIT! SIT! SIT! SIIIIIT!"

Kagome gave the body that she had driven into the ground a cold stare before crossing her arms, and turning on her heel. With a little 'hmph', she stormed off, hands clenched into fists.

"Kagome, wait a second!"

"I told you to s-"

"No! Wait! Just hear me out!" InuYasha protested pleadingly.

Kagome turned around and put her hands at her sides, hands still in fists. "I don't want to hear a word out of you! Because all you have to do or say now is about- is about-" Kagome shuddered and gave out a furious groan. "About HER!"

"Kagome, that's not true…"

"Yes. It. IS!" she yelled at him furiously. It almost seemed at the moment that if you lit a match to her, the chances of her just blowing up were very great.

InuYasha looked at her, thinking back to all he had said, and it was true. Just about every word out of his mouth was about Kikyou. But how could he be blamed? It was the woman he loved. Still loved.

"Well, do you have ANYTHING to say for yourself?"

"Look, Kagome, I don't mean to go on and on, but, I just-"

There was silence, and then eye contact between the two of them that felt like there was understanding about his feelings towards Kikyou.

"I can't help it." InuYasha finished.

Kagome looked away. "I…I guess I understand then."

InuYasha gave a sigh while Kagome turned around, her hands now not in fists, but instead just dangling by her sides. He watched her walk off, her arms swinging at her sides, her hair fluttering in a breeze that had just come and gone.

'What can I do, Kagome? What are you asking of me? I can't just forget her.'

"InuYasha?" came her voice.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going home for a while."

"…oh." InuYasha's stomach dropped at this. She turned and continued to walk off again.

"Kagome!"

She turned around quickly. "Yes?"

"Just, just don't take too long."

Kagome smiled and gave a nod, turning once again to leave.

end flashback

InuYasha rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from Kaede's hut and back towards the sunrise, which had progressed considerably. He sighed and leaned his head against the tree trunk once again.

'I should've told her how I felt…how much I love her, but now, it could be too late…. I did always talk about Kikyou too much. I shouldn't have, she always got jealous and aggravated…I could've saved so much time with her if I didn't bring up the subject of Kikyou all the time…'

flashback

"InuYasha, do you really want Kikyou more than Kagome?" Miroku asked him, a serious look on his face. Kagome and Sango had gone out for a walk, and he had decided to finally confront him about this issue.

"Shut up, you stupid monk. I don't know what to do." InuYasha shot.

"I can't avoid this subject much more, InuYasha. It's bugging me and I know it's bugging Kagome even more so."

"Keh."

"Truly, InuYasha. You can't have them both. Do you want your first love or the reincarnation of her?"

"…I, will you just stop bugging me?" he snapped, agitated.

'I know who I want…but I don't know if it's the right decision…I need time to think about it, but, I have had time too.'

"I don't want to rush you into choosing, but one day you may have to, and I just want to prepare you."

"I know that! I-"

"What?"

"It's confusing, all right? I'm not a lecher like you so it's a harder decision. Just accept it!"

"I never said it wasn't a hard decision."

InuYasha sighed. "Can you just drop it for a while? Just because the two bitches aren't here doesn't mean that you can ask me this."

"Right. I understand."

"Back!" came an annoyingly faked high pitched voice that belonged to Sango, who was in an exceptionably happy mood. The two girls were giggling about something and looking at each other whispering and nodding at the other's comments.

InuYasha and Miroku both seemed to roll their eyes at their behavior and look away.

'I don't care…just as long as she's happy, it's fine. No matter how annoying.'

end flashback

Maybe he should've told her how much he cared for her. Maybe he should have held her closely and whisper to her how much he loved her. Of course, actions did show there was affection, but it was certainly different than saying it…than hearing the words tumble out of someone's mouth for the first time. Or for what felt like the first time because you knew it was it…you knew it was the person you wanted to say those three words to…

"I love you." How hard was it? But then again, it always seemed a bit bumpy, a bit shaky the first time you said it. A bit embarrassing on a count of your hands were shaking when you were holding hers, since you finally knew that this was the one person who you wanted to be with forever.

And then of course, there was the fear of the other not returning the affections. But if they did…. Your stomach would drop and you would feel like the happiest person in the world, and you'd hold her close. You'd run your fingers through her hair and never let her go…and you'd keep he in the tightest embrace and always want to protect her from anything that dared to try to steal away who you had found. The person who had found you and who wanted to be with you, too…

Maybe there was a time when he could have said it, but didn't. It all was so perfect, but, the thought still puzzled him – why didn't he say it? Why didn't he hold her close when he wanted to? Why didn't he want to keep all who would harm her away from her when he felt that way about her in the first place? Did he become afraid? Afraid he would betray Kikyou when someone who he could possibly love more and hold more dearly sit in front of him, eyes hopeful and filled with nothing but innocence and purity?

flashback

A determined group of five stood in front of what they wanted…what they needed to be the final battle between themselves and the one they were up against. To set so many free from his clutches, to make sure the Shikon jewel was in the correct hands and not used for bad.

InuYasha and Kagome stood by each other, Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and Kirara behind them, awaiting the moment to strike. Then plan had to work, it just had to…

"Ready? GO!"

"FOX FIRE!"

"HIRAIKOTSU!"

"WIND TUNNEL!"

"WIND SCAR!"

Amazingly enough, all five of the attacks had bonded together, the wind scar chasing Kagome's arrow, followed by the hiraikotsu and the force of Miroku's wind tunnel. And behind all of them, was the small fox fire Shippou had sent as well.

"Come on! Work!" can Kagome's desperate voice beside InuYasha. He looked to her, seeing the confidence mixed with fear in her eyes that it wouldn't work. But it had to, for their sake, for Sango's sake, for Shippou's sake, for Miroku's sake, for Kagome's sake…

A bright light shone once all the attacks had met up with one another, and all five looked anxiously, hope in their eyes as the bright blast was reflected in them. Then the light dimmed, and there was silence.

"Did we-"

All of a sudden, a shockwave of energy passed through the group and seemed to carry on when yet another shockwave passed through. Kagome's legs were growing weak by the time the third one hit, and she had collapsed on to the ground.

"Kagome!" InuYasha called to her.

Another passed through.

Kagome gave a groan of pain while Sango murmured one herself.

Another one hit. Hard.

InuYasha kneeled down to her, picking her up and holding her close. "I'm here Kagome. It's almost over." He begged.

One more hit, harder than ever.

Kagome let out a muffled yelp, and InuYasha held her tighter. Then there was a pause. A long pause. He pulled Kagome's head in, leaning against his chest.

"Is it over?" came Shippou's voice, as Sango stood up, clutching her chest. "Did we beat him?"

Kagome moved her head and looked out to the place where Narraku had been, stronger than ever. "I- I think so…" she escaped InuYasha's grasp and stood up, a bit wobbly. Then carefully, for a few breath taking moments, she reached out to where she had sensed the Shikon jewel and placed her hand on it. Another wave shot through her, and then the jewel was a pale purple once again. Not clouded with darkness. She grabbed it in her hand and ran back to InuYasha, looking up at him with her deep brown eyes.

"We did it, InuYasha." She whispered, her smile spreading. "All of us. We all did it." She said to the others, a bit louder.

Awe came over the group as they looked at Kagome's hand, longing to see what was inside of it.

"Look. It's fine." Kagome said opening her palm. The group stared at it, remembering how clouded with darkness it had been.

"We…we really did it!" Sango exclaimed giving Miroku a hug. "Wait…this means…"

Miroku looked at her with wide eyes and then down to his right hand. He took off the thing that had covered it for so long, slipping off the prayer beads and taking the cloth down. "It's gone…" then he smiled and looked at Sango menacingly. "I think you know what this means." Sango abruptly gave him a smack across the face.

"I'm going to get Hiraikotsu." Sango snapped marching off.

"Hey, you agreed!"

Kagome looked away from them and back to InuYasha.

"We did it…you avenged Kikyou, InuYasha." Kagome said in a very small voice, looking away. There was silence as InuYasha looked to her, knowing he should have felt better about defeating Narraku, but he had a bad feeling about everything. Sure, he had avenged Kikyou, but, well, why didn't he feel like he had accomplished his goal? Why did he feel empty and lifeless.

"We did do it, didn't we?" InuYasha said. Kagome turned her head and gave him a crestfallen smile.

"Well, I suppose this is the end…"

"I, I guess…"

'No. It can't be. We've come too far, Kagome. Too far…'

InuYasha kept his gaze on her, then felt his arms rise and put themselves around Kagome, pulling her close. He felt her arms enclose around him, pulling him close. "I-"

"You what…?"

"Nothing. Just nothing."

"Oh. Ok." Kagome said, pulling away from him, letting her hands slide down his arms to his hands. InuYasha looked down at them, then to her again. He let his hands fall away from hers, and Kagome put her arms back at her sides.

'I don't know what's going to happen, Kagome. But wont you stay here? I need you…more than you know.'

Kagome turned away, a small tear rolling down her face. InuYasha saw, and raised his hand a few inches, but decided not to wipe it away. He wanted to tell her…he needed to tell her…he had a thirst to tell her how he felt. But why? Why couldn't he speak the words? He opened his mouth as soon as Kagome walked off to go to Shippou, her own hand wiping her tear away when InuYasha felt so deep down it should have been his own…

end flashback

Is that why she had left? InuYasha looked at the sun that had fully risen now, above the trees. Morning had finally dawned after taking all the time in the world to. But all the time in the world never seemed like long enough. It never seemed long enough to tell anyone anything, to be with anyone, to explain how someone felt. He heaved another sigh, and thought to himself why he had let Kagome leave when he longed for her to stay…why he had let her be gone for so long when he knew he didn't want her to be away from him. Painful as it was, he decided not to do anything, since there was no apparent need for her. But there was one. Just one that wasn't a need everyone had. In fact, it was a feeling one individual had had…

flashback

InuYasha's stomach had dropped at her words.

"What…what'd you say?"

"I said I'm going back to my time."

"Why?"

"Well, there's no need for me anymore, you have the jewel, you have everything you want."

"No I don't…" InuYasha mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." He said looking away from her. "I don't care what you do, Kagome. Just as long as you wake up happy."

"Um…ok…well…"

InuYasha continued to look away from her, arms crossed.

"Will you visit me, InuYasha?"

"Keh."

"I'll come back sometimes…"

InuYasha's eyebrows raised at this as he looked back at Kagome.

"Promise. I'm not leaving forever, after all."

"Your not?"

"No. I don't think I could."

A breeze ruffled both of their hair as Kagome continued to look at InuYasha who was sitting cross legged on the ground. His eyes had softened and they showed worry and concern.

"Just go, Kagome."

Kagome gave a small gasp and looked at him disbelievingly, her hand at her own mid chest. Usually he would've asked her to stay. Usually. But now, she really seemed like she had a desire to leave.

"I- I don't really care."

Tears welled in her eyes. "I'll think about you all the time."

'I'll miss you more…'

"And I'll miss you so much."

'I'll miss you more.'

"I wont forget about coming back."

'I'll come for you if you take too long.'

Silence.

"I'll be going now, I guess…"

'I love you, Kagome.'

"Good-bye, InuYasha."

end flashback

He could've made her stay. He could've said something…he thought to himself why he had to act like he didn't care, when in reality, it affected him so much…

InuYasha looked down as the sun's rays beamed on the ground, but bounced off a certain figure. One who was looking up at him…who looked like the one person who didn't know if he was ready to face. In disbelief, InuYasha breathed one word of the woman he didn't know whether to despise or love.

"Kikyou…"

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Wow I am proud of this chapter…please read and review, tell me if it is worthy of praise or just a wast of a chapter. R&R please! I'll give you a…napkin if you do! Eh, actually, no guarantees on that…sorry.