Disclaimer: First of all, I am very sorry I haven't updated in forever – I've been really busy. Thank you for all of your reviews! Ok, I don't InuYasha, or have no actual control over what happens in the series. If I did, the series would still be running. So, you can be assured, I own no part of InuYasha. So without further ado…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

VI. Just Short of Forever

After waking up and spotting Kagome, a very teary eyed Shippou kept demanding an explanation for the state Kagome was in. Of course, as mildly as possible, Sango began to explain she was sleeping very deeply, but InuYasha looked him Shippou in the eye a bit too harshly, assuring him that wasn't what was up. Of course, this lead to further crying from the young fox demon and glares from Sango. Giving a small laugh to himself, InuYasha knew Kagome would have probably told him to sit. Of course, so couldn't exactly, considering her state was why Shippou was crying.

But he was going to save her. He had to. Regardless that Kikyou was his first love, Kagome still had a certain clutch on his heart. A gentle, but still, she held on with great strength. InuYasha heaved a sigh and looked down at her body as he stood with his back against the wall, listening to the other two try still to calm Shippou. And not having much luck for that matter.

A lot of second thoughts had of course run through InuYasha's head on deciding between the two. But every time he looked back to Kagome's body, he knew he had made the right choice by choosing her. She didn't know it of course, but he always wanted to choose her, but never had the courage. Of course, InuYasha just had to have one thought in the back of his mind all the time – Kikyou went through an unfair death.

Kagome had of course gone through this unfairly as well, but she wasn't dead…. Kikyou was. Did he want Kagome to go through an unfair death as well so he could have Kikyou? Then they'd be even, except for the fact Kikyou had both halves of the soul they both had at once possessed. InuYasha had contemplated this for a long time, and hadn't quite come to a decision with himself. Maybe he had picked Kagome all too soon…he hadn't really thought it through after all.

"We did it…you avenged Kikyou, InuYasha."

Hadn't he already done what he wanted to do for Kikyou? Couldn't he do what he wanted for Kagome now…? Or had Kikyou wanted to be with him after she was avenged? There was no danger of Naraku getting to her anymore. He could hold her safe now. Of course, she had never said anything about that. Had she? Kagome deserved more than that. He hadn't dared to offer anything to her, in fear of betrayal to his first love, the one he owed a lot to. But Kagome…

Hadn't she done so much for him? She was by his side almost everyday for all day. Of course, she left for her present time sometimes, but that was only expected. Otherwise, she was loyal and always cared…always was there. And would he have saved her if he didn't care so much for her? Every inch of her seemed perfect to him. Her eyes, her smile, her everything… But hadn't Kikyou been that way too? The first one who looked out for him. The fought together too, had they not? She was by his side as well, wasn't she? Yes…she was…

But life without the other…he knew he could make the right decision, but he had this feeling he would never be the same without Kagome. Or without Kikyou. He knew he wouldn't be, in fact. He wouldn't be able to carry on like he used too, knowing he had killed one of them. He. Himself. Killing one of the people he had cared about. One of the only people he had trusted in his lifetime. How could he do that to one of them? To kill Kikyou? To kill Kagome… Slashing Kikyou through with Tessiga, but with no blood to stain it, only her empty shell shattered. Seeing Kagome grow paler, feeling her grow colder by the minute as he stood by and watched it happen and not do anything to save her. He knew he would have to watch one or the other happen soon enough…to soon.

Had he just made a mistake falling in love? Letting his own self fall victim to what seemed now to be a cruel act. Something was going to get broken in the end, whoever he chose. Nothing seemed forgiving now, no one was there to catch him as he fell farther and farther into confusion.

Did Kikyou deserve to die again? Did Kagome deserve to be killed without having any last words breathed? Any last things said to her…but only to truly die alone. But hadn't that happened to Kikyou? Dying alone, but also with the burden of the thought that her love betrayed her. Kagome can't have had this happen to her and think he didn't love her. Could she have?

No, it couldn't have happened…he wouldn't let it again. He now wanted more than ever to tell her how much she meant to him. As a person, as a companion. Why hadn't she ever known before…?

'Because of one of my stupid mistakes that could have been avoided…I have to make the right choice. I can't let a stupid mistake prevent something from being said that should have been spoken long ago.'

"Hey, InuYasha?" came a small annoying voice from several feet below him.

"What?" he barked down to Shippou, looking down.

"When are you gonna kill Kikyou?"

InuYasha froze and looked away from him, feeling like something had just knocked the wind out of him. Sango and Miroku both looked at Shippou in disbelief at what he had said. InuYasha felt that it was about the last thing he needed to hear.

"I, I'm not sure." InuYasha said, his gaze on the wall.

"Well, shouldn't you do it soon? You know who's more important, after all."

Another punch in the stomach. More wind knocked out of him.

Sango rushed to pick up Shippou in her arms and cover his mouth before he could say anything. InuYasha didn't notice nor care. He had a desire to kill anyone else who spoke a word to him like that, building his anger and confusion into a wall he couldn't cross over no matter what he did. InuYasha saw Kaede walk in through the door, a basket in her arms filled with food. He gave her a nod, and she returned. Then he looked back to the same spot on the wall, wanting to be away from everyone. Everyone but the people who mattered to him, which needed to be changed to the 'person' that mattered to him.

The foursome began taking everything out of Kaede's basket, Shippou and Miroku fighting over something. It seemed ridiculous, too, when such a decision was at hand. Did anyone even care? Shippou was inconsiderate, Miroku and Sango hadn't talked to him barely any. No one wanted to offer help or encouragement. But why should they? It was his decision, no one else's. He wouldn't ask for help, but it seemed like it would be better if people acted like they cared…

"You gunn ea nythin?" came Shippou's voice, his mouthful of food.

InuYasha gave him a look that basically said 'just don't talk', and Shippou shut up going back to a vast array of berries. InuYasha sat with his legs and arms crossed, looking over everyone, alive and lifeless. How could they just sit there and eat around her dying body? Maybe they all had confidence InuYasha was going to choose Kagome and were relaxed about it, assured everything was fine. Maybe they wanted to go on like normal since everything was going to be ok…

But was it? Would it ever be?

"I don't know who I'm going to choose." InuYasha said blankly. Everyone seemed to freeze and turn to him. Time seemed to stop and InuYasha prayed time would stop…just for that while so he could think…but would all the time in the world be enough? Would it ever be? "So, I think I'll be delaying finding Kikyou for now."

"But there's not much time-" Miroku started.

"I know that." InuYasha snapped, cutting him off and looking at him with a strong glare. He stood up and waked out the doorway after mumbling that he 'just wanted to tell them that so they wouldn't plan for a battle soon.' Arms still crossed, he looked up at what used to be a sunny sky, but was not covered in clouds, blocking the sun's rays down on the village. He stood there for a moment, until he felt a soft touch on his shoulder. Turning around to see who it was, a bit alarmed.

"Oh. Sango."

"Yeah…I just wanted to –" she started, a soft smile on her face.

"I'm fine."

Sango put her hand down off his shoulder and let it hang at her side, looking at InuYasha. "I just thought you might want another person's point of view besides you own."

"It's my problem, I'm not asking for anyone's help."

"Sometimes we need someone else's help, InuYasha."

His stomach gave a churn at this.

"I just wanted you to know, if you chose Kikyou, I know Kagome would understand. You know her, InuYasha. She understands the relationship you and Kikyou share and respects it. She'll be happy with whatever happens. It's not in her nature to be unforgiving."

InuYasha knew this, but couldn't bring himself to open up to Sango. It wasn't the same. True, they were friends, but still. He couldn't tell her his feelings about the situation. It went to deep, it was things she couldn't understand…

"I know you think there's no way I can fully understand. And I can't. But I know a thing or two about decisions." She said, looking away from InuYasha and to the clouded sky. "I had to make decisions about my last family member…"

Kohaku.

"Those shards are still in his back. We haven't found him yet." InuYasha said.

"I know. He could have been dead, couldn't he? But we killed the one controlling his fate."

"So, where are you –"

"We could've killed him. Let him have been killed for the shards and set him free. But I had to choose…and I chose to protect him. Now he's free isn't he? Everything worked out, and he's not dead. He's very much alive, and once we find him, we'll have the final shards. And we didn't kill him…" she finished, wiping tears from her eyes as she kept a smile. "What I'm saying is, well, whatever decision you make, you'll know it's the right one. You'll be able to feel it."

"Do you have regrets, though?"

"No. I love Kohaku. I share a different love then you have for Kikyou or Kagome, of course. But It's similar. Kohaku and I have unconditional love. We're a family, and he will always share that with me. Of all the bad things he did, I still love him. I know he would have done the right thing if able…" she gave a hard swallow, remembering all that he did do. "You wont have regrets if you choose what you know is right."

"I don't have forever to think about it."

"No one has forever, InuYasha. Not on this earth."

Silence passed over the two. She was right, and he was at a loss for words.

"I know you still don't know who you desire, but something will click when the time comes. And you'll know. It's happened. And we'll all be by your side and back you up. That's what we're here for." She finished. "I'll let you think about it for a while." She said, looking back at him with a soft encouraging smile. He looked to her, a new respect for her. He returned with a small smile.

'I do have unconditional love for Kagome…no matter what she could do. But I feel the same for Kikyou…'

He heard a little voice in the back of his head…

"You still love her since she's done so much to Kagome?"
"Yes, I do…"
"Even steal her soul?"
"I- I-"
"Your unsure."
"I am."

He sighed as Sango walked back inside to the others. Then another thought hit him -

'Isn't to die twice unloved and unprotected enough? But I do love her, she may not realize it, but I do. Though Kagome has placed her grip on me. She can't let go, and that grip will be there when she's gone, too.'

When she's gone. No. Die alone and unloved a second time. No. Did Kagome deserve to be killed by Kikyou…?


flashback

Once again, InuYasha was locked in another argument with Kagome about Kikyou.

"I DON'T KNOW IF I LOVE HER OR NOT SO QUIT ASSUMING IT!" InuYasha barked across the room.

"SURE SEEMS LIKE YOU DO, THEY WAY YOU TALK ABOUT HER AND ALL!" Kagome yelled back at him.

Sango, Miroku, and Shippou were sitting in the middle of this conversation, er, if you would even call it that, or anything near the likes of it for that matter.

"OH SHUT UP!"

"NO! I WONT!" Kagome fought, sitting down and crossing her arms impatiently.

"Come on, Kagome…"

"You know, InuYasha, if she really loved you she wouldn't play with your heart like this…"

InuYasha looked at he disbelievingly. "How is she playing with my heart?"

"Look at you." Kagome said surveying him and gesturing. "Your in love with a dead woman that has the other half of my soul." She continued softly, her voice catching a bit.

There was silence as the two looked at each other, then Kagome spoke the words that made no sense to him at that time…

"If she really loved you, she wouldn't ever hurt you."

end flashback

Back then, InuYasha made no sense of these words, but now, they were what he needed. Kikyou stole Kagome's soul…and it had hurt him like nothing else. It was her fault…she didn't love him, did she? Or was it a different kind of love? A love that involved pain, being hurt, being tortured and not giving it a second thought? That didn't seem like love to him…it wasn't love. What Kikyo felt for him – to InuYasha – seemed like longing. Not love.

Perhaps the longing to love, and the will to hurt him in the process to get what she wanted?

'She must want to get Kagome out of the way…and know I wouldn't kill her after protecting her from Naraku. But this is different. No, she doesn't deserve it, she's almost begging for it. Did she take me for this much of an idiot? Did she think I wouldn't figure this out?'

The clock still ticked on Kagome's time left. InuYasha couldn't escape that. Was his theory about Kikyou right? Did Kagome truly see through Kikyou? When she spoke those words, did she know Kikyou felt longing for him? Or was this all a lie? Was it fake? Was any of what he had figured out true?

Kikyou must have lied to him before. Did he even dare to believe Kikyou really had stolen her soul? Maybe it was just her plan to let Kagome's soul rest with someone else while she kept InuYasha. But one more horrible thought rest with him now – if he killed Kikyou, would Kagome's soul be returned for sure? He doubted Kikyou more than ever now, wondering if their love was a lie.

'I have to know…I don't want to kill her for the wrong reason. I don't want to kill her…but…'

He looked back to the hut where he knew everyone was, without this puzzle to put together. Without this horrible mindset that InuYasha wished wasn't real. What he'd give to just die. To just not worry about it. InuYasha played with the handle of Tessiga. It seemed like it was all to easy to run it through his own heart and not think another moment about it.

Trouble was, he did have the moment to spare.

He would be leaving his friends behind, the chance for the last shards of the jewel, he would leave her chance at life behind for his own selfish reasons. What kind of person had he become through this? Pain was bearable…physical pain at least. But now that seemed like fake pain. This seemed like the real thing. Worse than the deepest cut, the worst gash, the most amount of flesh severed from his body.

This was real pain.

He would do anything for her. She had done so much for him…and one more time saving her life was far short of enough. He always would. Couldn't he stand by her side if she did it for him? Her presence gave him strength, not his sword, nor the way he was – half demon. Hearing her heartbeat whenever he did hold her close gave him energy, gave him drive to move on. Not Kikyou. He wondered if he was ever driven as must about avenging Kikyou as much as Kagome motivated him. She was always rooting him on. Helping him, wanting him to be the best he could be. She was there from the beginning by a mistake. A beautiful mistake that wasn't in his mind considered on at all.

Kagome was the one he wanted. The one he needed. Not because he felt bad that Kikyou had done anything, but knowing she wouldn't be cruel, wouldn't harm his heart, wouldn't hurt him. She wouldn't leave him unless she was forced. He wouldn't either…he loved her. He loved her more than anything on the earth. She was his world. Her laugh, her voice…

He wanted to hold her forever and hear her heartbeat, hear her breathing…

But no one had forever. Not on this earth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Oh, come on. Ya'll didn't think he wasn't gonna have second thoughts about picking Kagome, did you? Well, I got it up! And I was listening to D.H.T's 'Listen To Your Heart' the whole time…I mean like 25 times in a row. Consecutively. Over and over. But, what can I say? It helped. R&R, and thank ya'll! Chapter 7 coming soon.

Tessiga – This is actually the proper spelling of Tetsusiga. I'll look up why when I have the time, but right now, I need a break.