Part Eight
"What's next?" Ron asked as they got their things together.
"Defense Against the Dark Arts." Erin said promptly looking at her schedule.
"How can you even tell?" Harry asked. "You've inked them all out…"
"Only Dark Arts, better than what Hermione did." She said rolling her eyes.
"What did she do?" Harry asked. Ron and Hermione were behind them still as they exited the Great Hall.
Erin rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Outlined every lesson with him in hearts." She sighed. "It's disgusting."
"Agreed." Harry said.
They walked to Lockhart's classroom. Erin was about to sit down when Hermione grabbed her arm. "Oh, Erin let me sit there!" She begged. It was in the front of the room.
"Gladly." Erin said slipping in next to Harry while Ron sat down on the other side of Hermione. She shook her head. And didn't realize anything until…
"Hey, Potter." Harry looked over and saw Malfoy sit down across from him. "Is it true what the Evening Prophet says?"
"About what?" He asked. Malfoy slapped down the paper on Harry's desk. "Oh, about the car? Yeah, we were—"
"No!" Malfoy laughed, not a nice sound. "You and Lyancomp."
"What?" Harry asked and then looked to the article on the bottom of the page talking about Lockhart's book signing and there typed in a heart-shape…
While at the book signing a famous figure made an appearance. Harry Potter showed up to personally welcome Mr. Lockhart to Hogwarts as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! And with Potter was his steady girlfriend, Erin Lyancomp. It seems our own 'Boy Who Lived' has found love. Little is known about Miss Lyancomp except that she bears the last name of one of the oldest pureblood families and she certainly bears the good looks. All the best to our young couple!
"Oh, my goodness." Harry said groaning. "This just isn't my life…"
Erin patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, let people think what they want." She sighed. "They will anyways."
Harry tossed the paper back at the hooting Malfoy and looked toward the study door that Lockhart had just made his appearance in. "Good afternoon and welcome to your first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson with your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher…me" He smiled and chuckled. "Order of Merlin, 3rd Class, Five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award." He grinned. "But I don't talk about that, after all I didn't get rid of the Belden Banshee by smiling at him." He laughed.
"Her." Erin said.
"I beg your pardon?" He said.
"Her. Banshee's are female." Erin said. "You said 'him'."
"Oh, quite right." He said. "Of course, how silly of me. Her, of course it's a her." Erin looked around as most of the girls sighed. She shook her head. "Now, first of all, just a little quiz to see how much you've taken in from my books." The papers were passed back.
"You've got to be kidding." Erin said.
Lockhart grinned. "Never, Miss Lyancomp, I am sure you will do well on this."
Erin looked at Harry. "The only reason I will do well is because it's all I hear from certain people."
Harry nodded. "This is worse than the Prophet."
"Granted." Erin said and looked at the questions.
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
Erin grinned and wrote: That he is still breathing and hasn't been killed by his own hair care products.
Harry happened to look over and started laughing. Erin kept a straight face as she answered each question with a smart-alecky answer. Well if he was making them do this she might as well have fun.
It continued all the way to number 54.
54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?
Erin wrote: February 14 and his ideal gift would be a brain that actually works.
Lockhart collected them and looked through them, making comments here and there. "Oh, Mr. Potter! Clearly you haven't read Year with the Yeti carefully enough; I say quite plainly my favorite color is lilac. And Miss Lyancomp…" He paused. "What the—" The girl just smiled angelically and looked at him, ok, the smile also had a hint of rebellion and impertinence. Lockhart was speechless as he read over the answers. "Well, uh," he coughed. "You have quite the sense of humor…"
"Thank you." Erin said.
"Well, let's see…yes, Miss Granger knew my secret ambition to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care products. In fact…full marks! Where is Miss Granger?"
Hermione weakly raised her hand. "Here, sir."
"Excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor. Now to business." He brought out a covered cage. "Now, be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. Now I ask you all to remain calm…do not scream…as it might PROVOKE THEM!" He whipped off the cover of the cage.
"Cornish pixies?" Seamus laughed.
"Freshly caught Cornish pixies, Mr. Finnigan. Devilish little blighters!" He paused. "Right then, let's see what you make of them!" He opened the door and they all zoomed out.
Everything was instantly in chaos. Erin was the only one that was really doing anything. She used her wand to stop one of them from hitting Harry on the side of the head repeatedly. Most of the others had fled the room, except Neville, who had been picked up and hung to the chandelier by the back of his robes. "Help! Get me down!"
"Get off me!" Hermione yelled. A pixie was pulling her hair.
"Stop!" Harry said and hit the pixie with a book.
"Best thing that book was ever used for." Erin said as she aimed her wand at a group of pixies binding them together and letting them fall on a desk struggling to get free.
"I'll just leave you four to nip them back in the cage!" Lockhart said just before he slammed the door to his office.
Hermione had had enough. "Immobolus!"
All the pixies froze in mid-air. "Why is it always me?" Neville asked.
"Bad karma." Erin said. "You need some Luck Potion."
"I'll take it." Neville said as Erin levitated him off the chandelier and back to the floor. "Thanks."
"No problem." She said as she bound more pixies together and stuffed them back into the cage.
"Last one." Ron said some time later as he just crammed it in and shut the door. "I cannot believe that man!"
"He just wanted us to have some hands on experience." Hermione defended.
"Yeah right." Erin snorted.
"Hands on?" Harry practically yelled at her. "Hermione, he doesn't have a clue what he's doing!"
"Rubbish!" She said. "You've read his books! Look at all the amazing things he's done!"
"Say's he's done." Erin argued. "It's all speculation if he really did those things!"
"You don't know that!" Hermione said angrily. "He's a wonderful teacher!"
"Oh, you're just saying that because you have a crush on him! If he was ugly as anything you would be saying the same things I am!"
"Well, he is good-looking." Hermione relented. "But he's still a good teacher!"
"Yes, and he has a smile that would charm a Banshee, right?" Harry, Ron and Neville were just looking back and forth between them silently watching the match. "He thought a Banshee was male, for goodness sake! The man is so full of himself he makes up a quiz about himself and expects us to fawn over him and buy into all his lies!"
"They aren't lies!" Hermione said shrilly. "And anyone can make a simple mistake!"
"Hermione, do me a favor and stop making up excuses for him!"
"He's a teacher and deserves our respect!" She shot back.
"I'll give respect where it has been earned." Erin continued with a decisive shake of her head. "That man has never earned my respect. He has never earned my admiration or my trust. All he has earned is my contempt and dislike. And until he proves to me that he has done this things I will take everything he says with a grain of salt and I am definitely not one of those girls that likes a guy simply because he is handsome… although I don't really find him so. He isn't my type."
"Oh, and what is your type?" Hermione said before she could stop herself. "Skinny with black hair and glasses?"
Harry looked at little surprised and blushed a little. Erin wasn't fazed. "Maybe it is and maybe I like guys that are tall and red-headed or maybe round and cuddly."
Neville saw the humor in it and laughed. "I think she's skirting the question."
"That's Erin." Ron said shaking his head. "Ok, you two kiss and make-up."
Hermione and Erin looked at each other. Hermione sighed. "Sorry, I think he's a good teacher, though."
Erin nodded. "I'm sorry too and I just don't think he is."
"Let's agree to disagree." Harry said.
"OK." Hermione and Erin said at the same time and hugged.
"Good, now let's go." Neville said cheerfully and led the way out of the room.