Empty Memories

Heros Honored
City Remembers the Teen Titans

By: Jill S. Gossip

Jump City- The long-remembered team known as the Teen Titans were honored in a celebration to mark the five year anniverary of their disbanning five years ago on April 22.

The celebration was very elaborate, consisting of everything from old clippings about the five teenage wonders to fully-dressed fans in varying costumes of all five Titans, from Robin to tin-canned Cyborgs to young girls with hair dyed violet or red to fans with skin that was actually dyed green.

Perhaps the most memorable events, however, was the retelling of the Titan's story by a man who has lived in Jump City his whole life, telling of everything from the early days of the team to the villans they fought, to the various times they had almost lost their lives. He even went so far as to specualte, while holding mini-action figures of each Titan and mimicking their voices, what may have caused the end of the team.

"I just think that the Titans story should be done justice. They served their city to the best of their abilites while trying to handle falling in love with each other and making friends- Maybe in the end a fight could have caused the end of..."

That was when Raven thrust the newspaper across the room with her mind so that it landed with a sickening thud against the far wall and she ran a pale hand over her forehead, her tight purple sleeve taking the sweat that had popped to her forehead despite the cold conditions of the apartment away. "Maybe in the end a fight..." She whispered, venom in her voice. "You don't know anything about fights. You don't know anything about that fight..."

Quietly she uncrossed her legs, black skirt moving around her legs, very much so in the same fashion that her cloak had used to do, back when she had a reason to wear it. In spite of herself, she felt her amthesist eyes moving toward the newspaper to rest on her friends. Slowly and carefully, she unfolded the paper to look at the picture- An old one of the team taken about three months before the fight.

Beast Boy had been acting like a goof, as usual, his arm wrapped jokingly around Raven's shoulder. She had been doing what she'd done best- Her hood was up and she glared at Beast Boy. Robin had his arm on Starfire's shoulder, and Cyborg stood alone between the group, although Raven's right hand rested against him. She sighed. "Cyborg..." Her voice simply fell over the word and she said nothing more.

She threw it back to the floor, thinking that perhaps later she would start the fire in the narrow brick fireplace next to her worn black couch and maybe burn the newspaper articale along with some of her forgotten bills. "You've just got to move on," she said simply, brushing her now-longer purple hair around her face and looking around the small living room, which was dark, luminated only by a dingy overhead light and, of course, a few of the candles that she had kept in her room at the tower.

I still recall every summer night
Like it was yesterday.
The time would never end
And my friends were family.
Nothing mattered more
Than the loyalty we had.
Now I'm a world away from everything we shared

Carefully, Raven lowered herself to the edge of the couch and she glanced around- Suddenly, everything from the shadows to her crystal ball seemed to hold memories of the place she had called home. She picked up the book from her narrow coffee table and forced herself to hold it open and read from the pages before her. Each word, however, blurred slightly with the force of the memories. The tears were becoming harder and harder to restrain, and Raven did her best to bite it back, biting her bottom lip.

The loyality we had that summer... Raven snapped the book shut. No other word could have cut her the way the word loyality did at that moment, and she set it down on the table. In several swift motions, she stood, blew out each candle quickly, and prepared to leave the dim apartment for a stroll down the street below her, the street where she had been living, unable to leave the city where so much had come to fall into place for her.

Even the city street, however, was slightly awash with scenes that brought back even more memories- Everything from the simple bustle of the street to a young girl who she saw laughing and talking with a group of friends brought the memories back. Raven stopped for a moment to gather herself and to force the tears away, moving down the steps and clutching only for a moment to the black, cold metal step railing, much like the drunks she had often seen on the street.

At one point, she saw a cheerful girl only about three minutes away from her house, a mane of long red hair twinkling in the light, a single snowflake stuck in it, the girl was was with laughing. Raven let out a small sigh, but the memory was too great- It came back to her and she had to stop, leaning against one of the cold brick buildings in the fridgid winter air for support.

"Friend Raven?" Starfire was asking her in the memory, pulling on her arm as though Raven's arm were a tug-toy. "Might we please journey somewhere warmer?"

Raven shushed her for what must have been the millionth time that hour. "We're on a stelth mission," she reminded Starfire in a soft, gentle voice, trying her best not to loose her temper. "We've got to be quiet if we want to help Robin catch Slade."

At the mention of Robin, Starfire's resolve seemed to stiffen and she sat quietly next to Raven. "Friend Raven, what is that?" Starfire asked, pointing up to the sky, and Raven looked up in alarm.

"They're snowflakes," she whispered, trying her hardest not to laugh. "It's kind of like rain." As she watched, Starfire tried to catch the snowflakes on her tounge, and instead, a single one became stuck in her now-tangled, windblown hair.

Raven remembered the laugh they had shared at that moment...

"It's over." She snapped at herself, trying to remind herself that the Teen Titans had been over for five years. "It's over, and you know that. So why bring it up?" With that resolve stiffened, doing her best to move toward the end of the street she lived on, she moved toward the street sign.

Everyone was so loyal back then. We were a family, and now I'm walking down this damn street alone. Why do things have to happen like this? The water resting at the edges of her eyes might have frozen if not for her quick motion to wipe it away. "No. It's over. It's been over. I need to give up and move on."

I hate being so far away from them all. Her eyes burned with a sense of pain. I even miss Beast Boy... And Starfire... And Robin... And...

I miss Cyborg.

The single teardrop that fell normally would have been a shock to her, for she had always thought that anything and everything was not worth crying over. However, crying over Cyborg felt like something that was somehow right for her. "I'm so far away from everyone... And it's my fault."

I had something better
Waiting ahead.
I try to take control of my heart.
I had something better
But I'll tear it down and I'll tape it up.
By my own design I fall.

Cyborg made his way down another street somewhere in Jump City, his head down as people passed him. Occasionally, he saw the reconition dawn on their faces- He was the half-metal man, Cyborg, proud member of the Teen Titans at one point. Of course, he never responded to those looks- Nor did he respond to being called Cyborg anymore. As he noticed one of those strange looks, he groaned and reached for his hollo-ring.

Placing it over his finger, he instently became one of the crowd. He was no longer the metal-man with half a human face and a deep blue eye. Instead, he was a full-human, dark skin and lanky build. He ignored a gigging girl, ignoring her as he ignored all other girls that ever looked his way. For some reason, his heart never seemed to need anyone other than the girl he'd had.

I had her beforeI had to go and walk out on the Titans... If I'd only held out with her a little longer, everything would be fine. Even though he knew that wasn't the truth, it often made him feel slightly better to think that things wouldn't have happened anyway had he not fought with Raven. He clentched his left hand into a painful fist, trying to ignore the thoughts pounding his mind.

He sighed- He should have been home by now, but he kept remembering little things, from battles to silly fights, fights over pizza betwen himself and the team, between Raven and Starfire, and between himself and Raven, as much as he hated to think about those fights. "They weren't fights, they were arguements," he tried to tell himself, but even then the words sounded hollow, fake.

He looked up at the apartment where he lived, eight stories high and falling apart at the seams between bricks. "There was a better life for us than this," he muttered, standing on the old concrete steps and looking up at the faded windows of where he assumed apartment 7A- his apartment- would be. Something inside him, however, couldn't bear the thought of going in for another lonely night alone, and he quickly made his way back down the street.

"I had something better than this," he muttered to himself, clutching one hand with the other so hard that he almost shattered his own holo-ring. However, he managed to withdraw, and groaned as he felt eyes in his back and heard the laughter of the girls once again behind him.

"And it's my own fault I don't have it anymore."

Bring back the days.
Three story parking lot.
The air is never dry.
As the city falls asleep,
Days bleed into the night.

The tables set the stage
For a life of memories.
But I'm a world away from everything.

Raven looked around- This part of the city was familer, and yet unfamiler. Some of the rooftops where they'd fought their battles were gone, replaced instead by flashy new condo homes and hotels. Jump City was slowly coming back to life despite the many theifs and villans that were proud to call it's streets home with no one there to stop them from doing so.

She sadly hugged her own body for warmth, wondering what exactly had possessed her to walk so far. Around her, the street lights began to come on, luminating the tired faces of the people around her, the night life that seemed to have appeared in the city, and, of course, the face of crime. A young woman moved past Raven carrying a wallet, and Raven couldn't help but sigh- The city truely did need it's heros back.

"If only I hadn't fought with Cyborg that day... If only I hadn't left the Tower, I'd be there right now, I'd be home and safe and..." The words that came from her lips were that of a person who couldn't resist blaming themselves for all the things that had happened. Slowly, she passed a parking garage, and felt the need to stop as the painful memory came back to her...

They were on their way back from somewhere- Was it pizza? Raven could never remember why she and Cyborg had been in this strip of the city on that particular night. However, she could tell that they had a great time, because she was smiling and Cyborg was holding her hand.

The fight had started over something so stupid that Raven would have liked to kick herself- She had tripped and staggered into Cyborg. "Sorry," she had quickly whispered, pulling away.

"You don't have to be sorry for something like that. I don't mind." Cyborg had said, and turned to hug her. However, her response had been, for reasons unknown even to her, to pull away from him and instead stand by the car. "What'd I do?"

"Nothing," she had answered him, running her hand through her short hair. "I just... I don't know. Forget it." She had quickly scrambled into her door as he unlocked it, sitting down on the seat next to him as he fiddled with the keys to get the car started.

As they were driving, Cyborg had suddenly turned to look at her. Her response had been again to move away from him. Cyborg opened his mouth to speak- This was where the fighting had started.

Raven pulled herself out of that memory and continued to walk down the long, narrow street, trying her hardest to get away from the memories that were still flooding her, trying her best to keep from remembering the words that had been spoken, the other fight that had followed that one until...

If I hadn't been so cold to him, none of this would have happened. She crossed her arms over one another as she walked, fighting the urge to run for fear of being stared at and instead making her very slow way toward home. In hopes of reaching home quickly, however, she took a mistaken route and ended up walking down a long, narrow alley.

Part of her wanted to hesitate in the middle, but Raven forced herself to keep going: She could have still outfought any of the thugs that had become the local problem anyway. However, it seemed odd to her, as she stepped into the narrow pool that was the streetlight, she could see something that would knock her away from reality so completely.

The old building, simply labeled 'Pizza' that had been, last Raven had heard, setfor demolition, still stood there. The tables were empty on the outside, covered in a thin layer of the still-falling snow, but the memories seemed to ignore this fact, and Raven was thrown back into the warm sunshine of a memory...

The sun was warm on Raven's face with her head down, the table before her having four other sets of hands upon it. Cyborg was next to her- This was shortly after they had started bickering, but his arm was around her all the same and she tried her best to smile at him before he turned away to instead talk with Beast Boy and Robin across the table.

The pizza fight, as it would always be fondly remembered, was taking place, meat or vegtables? "Can we please just order something?" Raven would always ask, and that day had been no exception.

"...Mint frosting!" Raven had sighed- She knew that Starfire was finishing placing her usual request, and could hear Robin trying to explain to her, once again, that not everything was meant to be placed on a pizza. However, taking loud sips of her mustard, it was debatable that Starfire had even heard a word of Robin's careful explaination.

The waitress came by and leaned a hand on the table in the mist of the bickering. "Half vegtable, half meat-lovers, and a personal pan with mint frosting on it." Robin had stepped up to avoid further fighting, and everyone fell back into calm chatter and laughter.

That was, until the waitress came back. She set the food on the table, still looking slightly afraid of the combination the leader had ordered for Starfire, and set the food on the table. That was when Beast Boy had chosen to stretch his legs out, and, as she moved toward Starfire, the waitress somehow managed to trip over his legs.

In turn, the personal pan pizza went flying onto Robin's head. Laughter had filled the air around them, and Robin had gone a deep scarlet...

Raven found herself laughing as she continued to walk along, but then the pain slowly came back to her- She was here, alone, and never again would she see or laugh with the other members of the team, and all because she had fought with Cyborg once.

True love never should have fought, she told herself stubbornly, but she knew somehow that she didn't believe that in her heart, at least not anymore.

I had something better.
Waiting ahead.
I try to take control of my heart.
I had something better,
But I'll tear it down and I'll tape it up.
By my own design I fall
Apart as time passes by.
I fall apart but the memories never die.

AndI still recall every summer night.
It seems like yesterday but I'm still a world away...

Cyborg had no idea where he was by now: This was where mindless wondering had gotten him? It was late and snow was continuing to fall from the darkened sky above, the conditons setting it so that he was the only one on the street, or so he thought.

Slowly, however, as he looked up through the blinding snow, only one of his eyes actually stinging, the mechanical one still hidden under his hollo-ring, he caught sight of a hunched figure rounding the corner. As he watched, the woman, or so it appeared to be a woman, hit a patch of ice and landed hard on her back.

Before he knew what he was doing, for reasons unknown even to himself, he ran across the street to help her- Perhaps it was just his need to help people arising within him again after all the time he'd spent thinking about the Titans that day. However, there was no mistaking who the woman was, long purple hair back against the slush of the city sidewalks, black skirt flying around her in the wind- Raven lay on her back before him. Raven, who he had done nothing but fight with, who he assumed by now would hate him.

Like it or not, the memory in his head, much like an old picture show, began to play in his head, and, knowing he could not stop it, paused there, holding his hand out to her in a mechanical motion, eye going blank as he began to think back...

The scene was five years earlier, in the main room of Titan's Tower. Instead of laying on her back, however, Raven had been standing before him, upright and glaring at him, her slightly shorter hair moving furiously. "Why... Cyborg...?"

"Why would I ask you if you didn't want to be with me anymore? Because you never show anything! You're always pulling away, always denying caring about me... Did you even stop to think about me!" The yelled question seemed to stop Raven dead in her tracks.

"You knew going into it that I couldn't... Cyborg, why are you..."

"Don't try to pin this back on me! You need to decide if you're serious or not before you tell me you have feelings for..." Cyborg bit back on his lip- He had said too much, touched a nerve, and the expression in her eyes said it all.

"So that's all this is to become? A memory? A stain in your memory? Me and my... emotionlessness, I suppose, are the things you despite so much?" She sighed loudly then. "I'll go."

"Raven," Beast Boy had yelled, grabbing her arm, "You can't go! We're a team!"

Robin nodded. "Can't you two work this out?" He moved over to Cyborg. "If you just take that back, just tell her you're sorry, then maybe the two of you could..."

"Get out of it! This fight is my problem!" Cyborg shouted at Robin, although he was trying to take control of his heart and remind himself that Raven was everything, that he hadn't meant to say those things to her...

The rest of the memory blurred, right up until the time she was ready to leave. Her eyes had looked back at him one last time, then she'd turned to hug Starfire, shake hands with Robin, and sadly, as if half-hearted, hit Beast Boy in the head.

With a final swish of her cloak, her heart obviously beating rather fast, Raven ran out of the room, out of the front door and into the night.

A single tear graced the doorway where she'd made her exit.

Cyborg found that, while remembering, he had knelt down next to Raven and wrapped his arms around her, almost so that they knelt in the middle of the sidewalk in a strange kind of embrace. "Rae Rae... Wake up... I never meant for anything like this to happen..."

Raven's eyes opened very slowly, as if part of her didn't realize what was happening, and looked up. "What happened?" Not a 'Who are you?' or 'Where am I?', but a different question.

"I'm not sure, Raven. I'm really not sure." He helped her, slowly, wishing he didn't have to let her go, to the ground. Her hand brushed against his, and he felt part of his idenity clatter to the ground and roll away from him as the holo-ring slipped off his finger, revealing everything he had always been in her eyes, metal and skin...

"Cyborg. It's been so long, I..." Her voice caught in her throat and all words escaped her, and so the silence stretched between them. "It just seems like so long since I've seen you... Or anyone..."

"Five years." Cyborg muttered. "Five long years with no contact. Raven... Raven, do you ever miss the team? Do you ever think that if it hadn't been for me...?"

"For you?" Raven seemed confused. "I always thought that if I hadn't walked out..." The pause was long-winded, practically silent, and the wind blew the snow around them. Sadly, no one seemed to have anything to say, and the silence scared them both, set their hearts to racing. Don't just stand there, Raven snapped at herself. Say something, remind him of the old times...

"Raven, do you ever think," Cyborg finally said, "That things were better the way they were?"

No answer could be forced to come from her lips. "Yes," she finally managed to croak out from between her lips. "Yes I do."

Cyborg reached out, putting both arms around her shoulders, and was shocked to find that, instead, she stood there quietly, enjoying the moment between them. Almost before he knew what was going on, he had his lips to hers, and Raven was kissing him back...

I had something better.
Waiting ahead,
I try to take control of my heart.
Ihad something better,
But I'll tear it down and I'll tape it up.
By my own design I fall.

The paper rested in the corner of the dank apartment as Raven awoke. For some reason, her eyes burned and her mind reeled- And she let out a sigh that was used only to contain the scream of anguish that was was welling up in her throat. She had seen him, he had been there and everything had been forgiven in that moment between them, and now...

It was gone. Still, the snow fell outside her window, and the clock registered that her nap had only lasted a few hours, although it felt like many, many more as she stared out into the swirling blackness against a nearby building, white flakes out in the dark sky under the street light.

She did her best to slow the feelings coursing through her heart, but it was hopeless. "My fault... All the memories, all the lies, they're gone now."

"We had all the time in the world back there, family and memories... I'm only sorry I let it go."

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Teen Titans or the song Page Avenue by Story of the Year.
Raventhedarkgoddess: Bad one-shot, sorry.