Monopoly
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the 'That 70's Show' characters.
Summary: 26 years has gone by since we last saw our favorite characters. What are they up to?
Author's Note: Sorry, I've taken awhile to update but my mom thought it was funny to lock the computer desk and not tell me where the key is.
July 24, 2005
Living in Wisconsin doesn't give you much to do. Actually it doesn't give you anything to do. So all five of us are down in the basement playing a never ending game of monopoly.
Tristen leaned back in his chair, looking around. "I can't believe we have nothing better to do."
"I can." Turner answered. "We live in Wisconsin. That answers it right there."
"Come on there's got to be something that we can do." Zoe said standing and walking over to the freezer.
"We can go up to the border and throw things at Canadians." Ben suggested.
I shook my head. "We did that last week."
"Well there's got to be something just as bad, and that can get us in just as much trouble." Tristen stated. Then he jumped up out of his seat. "We should smuggle beer over the border!"
"Are you serious?" Zoe asked, moving away from the freezer without taking anything out. "That's like a federal offence!"
"Since when is smuggling beer a federal offence?" I asked leaning into the worn cushions of the couch.
"Since—I don't know! But if we go to jail I will kill you!" Zoe exclaimed one hand on hip and one hand pointing firmly at me. "And then I'll tell mom about your stash."
I pushed her finger away from my face. "Alright, you tell mom about my stash and I'll tell dad what you and Scott Peterson were really studying."
Her jaw went slack. "You wouldn't."
"Try me." I said standing not quite reaching her height.
All the boys were silent up until that point. "I think," Ben started slowly, walking closer to me and Zoe, "that you two should take off your shirts and wrestle." Turner sat up straighter and Tristen just rolled his eyes.
"Man, lets just go." Tristen stood up and started for the door.
"Wait," Turner said as he stopped Tristen. "I have to go tell my mom that I'm leaving."
"Are you always going to inform your mom on what you're doing for the rest of your life?" I asked slipping on my jacket.
"Well, no." Turner stammered.
"Yeah, I can see it now." Ben walked over to Turner and slipped an arm around his narrow shoulders. "You'll be in college, and call your mom. 'Mommy, I'm going to go to a huge frat party and get totally wasted and still not get laid.'"
"Get off me, man." Turner pushed Ben off of him. "I don't have to answer to my mom. I can do what ever I want."
"Alright prove it." Zoe stepped forward with a wicked smile on her face.
"How?" Turner asked looking scared.
"I got it Foreman." Tristen said catching on to his twins' idea. "Since we all can't fit into the El Camino, I dare you to steal the Vista Cruiser, not tell your mom you're taking it or that we're going to cross the border."
"I can do that." Turner said semi firmly.
It wasn't twenty minutes later that Turner was freaking out in the passenger seat. Tristen had decided to drive because he wanted to come home in one piece and he knew that Turner would bail and turn the car around. "Chill out, man. You'll have the car back before your mom ever notices."
From my seat behind Tristen, I reached up and smacked the back of his head. "You know she's not stupid, man. She's probably calling the cops as we speak."
Turner turned around in his seat faster then I've ever seen him move. "What!"
"Dylan, do me a favor. Shut up!" Tristen yelled glaring at me from the review mirror.
I smiled maliciously and shrugged. It was like my job to rile people up. I liked it.
In the back seat it was me, Ben in the middle and Zoe on the other side. Ben faked a yawn and lifted both his arms to put around us. "So ladies, it's going to be an hour ride up there. If any of you get horny and need to make out with someone, I'm here." Zoe rolled her eyes but, me, I took the more violent route. I elbowed him in his ribs. "Damn, Dylan!" He shrieked.
"Don't touch me then!" I shouted back.
"Hey! Do I have to pull the car over!" Tristen shouted. We all stared at him in disbelief. "I just sounded like dad, didn't I?"
"Worse." I said. "You sounded like Red."
A couple hours later, we had cases upon cases of beer in the back, under a blanket. "Alright guys, everybody got their birth certificates?" Tristen asked looking around at all of us. All of us nodded. All of us, that is, except for Ben. "Ben you do have your birth certificate, right?"
"Uh…" Ben checked his pockets frantically. "I had it when we crossed the border!" He looked like he was going to crap his pants. "Where did I put it?"
"Alright, alright, chill out. There's got to be away to smuggle the beer and Kelso at the same time." Zoe reasoned, pacing the shoulder of the road.
We were all silent in thought for about five minutes, thinking over this debacle. What? We smoke a lot of weed. It takes a lot of time to think things through. "I got it!" Ben shouted. "I'll hide under the blanket! With the beer!" We turned and looked at Tristen.
"Eh, whatever, let's just get going." Tristen took the keys out of his pocket and started walking toward the car.
"What if we get caught?" Turner asked starting to freak again.
I put my arm around his shoulders. "Don't worry, man. If we get caught we'll just trade you and Ben for the beer."
"Thanks Dyl." Turner said sarcastically.
Ben struggled to boost himself in the back, well that is until I opened the hatch and he fell right back out on to the ground. "Damn, Dylan!" He yelled from the ground.
"Oh I'm sorry, were you trying to get in there?" My voice dripped with sarcasm. I love seeing a Kelso get hurt. I think I'm still seeking revenge for my hair.
All the way to the border things went extremely well. Ben didn't make a noise. The trooper asked if we had our certificates and we showed him that we did. Tristen stepped on the gas to go through, but the trooper stopped him. Tristen stepped on the breaks fast, wincing when he heard Ben's gasp of pain as a beer case squashed him against the back of the seat.
The trooper looked at Tristen menacingly. "Sir, are you smuggling anyone into the states? Eh?" He asked.
"Smuggle someone into the states? That's crazy talk. Sir?" Tristen stumbled.
The trooper walked into the back of the Cruiser and opened the hatch, pulled the blanket back and saw Ben there, sipping on a beer. That explains why he was so quiet. "All of you follow me." The trooper waved his hand and we all got out of the car to follow the trooper. "Sit." He motioned to five seats and we sat. "Now can one of you tell me that why you were trying to smuggle a boy across the border?"
"Technically," Turner said starting to talk with his hands like he normally does when he gets nervous, "we weren't smuggling him. He's from the US. He's just a dumbass who lost his birth certificate."
The trooper nodded. "Well, I believe you but I can't let you go with out proof. So, I'm going to have to call one of your parents."
We all jumped up, shouting "NO!" as the trooper reached for the phone. Zoe stepped forward and put her hand on the troopers chest. "Now," Zoe flirted, squinting at his name tag, "Chester, you really don't want to call our parents. Do you?" I gotta admit. Most of the time I really don't like Zoe but she had her good points. Like now, when she can hit on a Canadian trooper and get us out of Canadian prison.
The trooper smiled down at Zoe, "Yeah, I really do." Crap. "Now, somebody better give up a number if you want to get out of here soon."
Alright, now it's time for me to get into the action. "Excuse me Mr. Chester sir? Can we have a moment to talk it over?" The trooper nodded and left us in the small interrogation room. My smile instintly turned into a glare aimed at Ben. "You moron! How could you lose it!" I launched myself from the chair at him. "I'm gonna kill you!"
Ben screamed as I chased him around the five chairs. "Help me!" Zoe sat in the middle chair with her head in her hands. Turner sat against one of the walls in the room mumbling something about allowances and Tristen grabbed me around the waist throwing me over his shoulder like a fireman. "Whew. Thanks, man." Ben said wiping his forehead.
"Don't thank me. I might just let her down." Tristen said. "We need to think of something. Something that won't get us in trouble."
Every one was silent and non-moving until Tristen moved to put me in one of the chairs. "Tristen! What are you doing!" Ben asked incredulously.
"What? She got heavy!" He shouted back.
"Are you calling me fat?" I asked looking up at Tristen.
"Oh my god. Okay, shut up and think." Tristen sat down next to me and leaned over into his own lap. "We need a quick fix."
"We could call dad." Zoe suggested nonchalantly.
"The last time I called dad from Canada, I was drunk at a bar and knew then that it was a bad idea. I'm not calling him when I'm sober, especially not with about ninty-six beers in the back of the Vista Cruiser. Got any more bright ideas?" Tristen said with out lifting his head from in between his legs.
"Sorry for trying to be helpful." Zoe retorted picking at one of her fingernails.
"Well, stop." Tristen stated sitting up fully.
"Alright, fighting is not going to help the situation." I mentioned looking from Zoe to Tristen.
"Fine." They both squawked.
"I got it!" Ben said from the other side of the room. "We can call Betsy! She'll clear the whole thing up."
"You're going to call Betsy?" Turner asked finally snapping out of his catatonic state. "She hasn't spoken to you for about a year!"
"So this will be a perfect story to retell at Thanksgiving." Ben reasoned.
"Alright, then it's settled. We'll call Betsy." Tristen concluded.
Five minutes later the trooper was back in the room with the phone in hand. Apparently it was ringing. "Hello. Is this Betsy Kelso?" Pause. "My name is Chester from the border of Canada and the US and we have your son Benjamin and his friends here. We can let his friends go but we can't let Benjamin go with out proof of citizenship." Pause. "Yes, please hold." The trooper handed the phone to Ben. "She wants to talk to you."
Ben pulled the phone over to himself and put to reciever up to his ear. "Hello?" Pause. "No, I didn't mean… Beer… No I couldn't because… I don't care about that… Come on, you owe me… Yes, you do!… That time Dad found Collin Greshock in your room… Yeah I covered for you… When… Oh yeah… Uh… Please?… FINE!" Ben slammed the phone down. "She's not coming."
"That's it, I'm calling dad." Zoe claimed reaching for the phone.
"You do and you're dead." Tristen barked.
"Tristen, we have to call him. Who else is there?" I asked innocently.
We were all quiet in thought until Ben yelped. "I found it!"
"You what?" I exploded taking a step forward.
"Yeah, I put it in my shoe so I wouldn't lose it." Ben explained holding a folded piece of paper in his fist.
"I'm going to kill you!" I once again launched myself at him. This time Tristen didn't pull me back.
Throughout the whole ordeal, I think we all learned a good lesson. Never take a Kelso with you to Canada.