Narrated by Prongs:

I am James Potter. But I'm not just any Potter: I have a girlfriend. And one day we'll get married, and be known as "The Potters". And we'll have a son. And we'll name him...Andre. Or...Ringo. Or...Leonardo. Yeah. Leonardo Potter. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Way better than the name Sirius came up with, anyway. He suggested "Harry". Yeah, like I'm ever going to give a kid of mine such a dorky name! Pshh, get real, Padfoot! Honestly, he may be a lady killer, but he has no taste.

ANYWAY, I'll follow suit with Moony and Padfoot and give an introduction to how our little group works. Sirius, as you probably know, is the one who bangs anything in a skirt that's remotely good-looking, Remus is our resident wolfman, and Peter's the fat kid who follows us around. Then there's me. The stunningly handsome, amazingly talented, Quidditch deity with the beautiful girlfriend. As you can see, I'm the special one. And I was the one who had come up with the current game Sirius and I were playing.

"Come in," I suggested.

"Ride my broomstick," Sirius added.

"What are you two doing?" Lily asked, sitting down next to me on the couch.

"Coming up with phrases that can be taken the wrong way," I answered, grinning. Lily rolled those big green eyes that I loved so much.

"Why didn't I guess?" she sighed.

"'Cause you're a chick," Sirius said. "Girls just don't get these things."

"Oh, by the way, Sirius," Lily began, "I was meaning to ask you: What is up with your outfit?" Sirius grinned and stood up, modeling his way-too-tight black leather pants and white button-down shirt - button-down to Sirius, of course, means "Buttoning Optional".

"Oh, come on," Sirius said. "Not showing off this holy bod would be a crime against humanity."

"I think I speak for everyone, Black," Kitty interrupted, stroking her black tomcat, Incubus, "when I say that we are not interested in admiring your ass at the moment." A curly-haired blonde girl giggled, and put her arms around Sirius's waist.

"On the contrary," she chirped. "I quite like admiring his ass." Sirius gave her his make-her-melt smile.

"And I love admiring yours, Jessica," he purred. A murderous look came over Kitty's visage as Sirius and Jessica continued to flirt and kiss. Kitty VonSteffon is scary as hell when she's angry. I mean, when she gives you that LOOK, you just want to say "Yes, ma'am" and slither away. Sirius, of course, didn't catch that.

"Are you busy tonight?" Jessica breathed. Sirius made his famous devilish grin.

"I think I can fit you into my schedule," he said. "Before I go to work in the Hufflepuff dorms." Jessica giggled again.

"Fabulous!" she replied. They kissed again, and Jessica made her way up to her dorm. The sad thing, though, is that everyone was used to this. And Kitty was still seething.

"Well!" she snapped. "I hope you have a marvelous time, Black." Sirius either mistook this for sincerity, or decided to be an abject asshole, because his reply was,

"Oh, I will."

"Hmph!" Kitty got up and carried her cat upstairs, looking thoroughly pissed.

"That was low, Sirius," Remus informed, from his position at the table nearest the fire. Klutz was sitting across from him, and they had been talking about something in low voices. Ah, l'amour!

"What?" Sirius asked. "Kitty doesn't care, she's used to it."

"She looked like she wanted to hack your balls off, Padfoot," I pointed out. Lily winced.

"You speak so eloquently, James," she said sarcastically. I smiled.

"But you love me anyway."

"Yes I do. You're just so cute, with your big ol' glasses and your floppy hair."

"Cute ain't the word," Sirius snorted.

"Watch it, Puppy-Boy." Sirius just rolled his eyes, and walked over to Remus and Klutz. I followed. Peter followed me.

"Hey, Moony," he said. "What are you doing with Klutz?" Remus looked up at us.

"Maggie's helping me with my Care of Magical Creatures essay," he replied evenly. There were a few moments of silence. Then Sirius voiced what we'd both been thinking.

"Dude, you don't take Care of Magical Creatures." Upon seeing the panicked look on Remus's face, he nudged me in the ribs and added, "You know what's going on, though, don't you, Prongs?" I nodded. Peter had this knowing look on his face. And he'd have gotten away with it if he hadn't spoken.

"You wanna take Care of Magical Creatures," Pete said, sounding like he thought he was a genius for having figured it out.

"Hah, hah, hah, NO!" Sirius replied, clunking Peter over the head with an empty box of donuts (don't ask). "It means Moony wants her to take care of his magical creature. Bring it in from the cold once in a while." Remus was now bright red.

"That is not at all what I was thinking, Sirius!" he growled.

"Oh, I don't know," Klutz said softly. "It might not be so bad..." That caught all of us off-guard.

"Uh, Maggie, I don't think you understand what Sirius is talking about," Remus said.

"She does," Lily said. "She's...very mature for her age."

"Damn, Moony," Sirius said. "Little Klutz wants to do you." Remus turned even redder.

"Excuse me," he said quickly, before darting out of the room. And leaving Sirius and I to laugh our asses off about WHY he'd left so quickly. There's a first time for everything, hee hee!