Oooo, Azamiko, you've hit pretty close to the mark. The real question, though, is why. Thank'ee Fantastical Queen Ebony Black and Taeron. Whenever I have low self esteem I can just come on to and it'll shoot right up. xD
Warnings: shonen-ai, language, drugs, corruption, torture.
Memories Lost
"Ah, Nara-san?" This woman is a different one, and I'm a bit suspicious. Only that one nurse has been to see me . . . who is this woman? She looks a little nervous, as if she's doing something wrong.
"Yes?" I respond groggily, trying to put on the act that I'm drugged.
"Could you . . . could you please follow me?" Perhaps the way she's acting if the reason I decide to follow her to begin with. What if . . . with all the paranoia I've been feeling lately, the idea that someone might be trying to help me is strange and a sudden relief.
"Yeah, sure," I answer, and I stand up off the floor. Sure, there's a chair and all, but it's just about as comfortable as the floor to begin with, and very itchy against my skin. I hate it.
I'm walking down the familiar halls, well, at least in the beginning. Pretty soon, I'm going farther than ever; even further than I had gone before I had been institutionalized. She opens a door for me, after gazing carefully both ways to make sure no one's paying us much mind, I suppose, and then she pushes me roughly, closing the door tightly behind me.
It takes a me a few seconds for my eyes to get used to the dark, but when I do I . . . well, I have to say I'm fairly surprised. "Neji?"
It seems like it is, even though he looks different. It's age, I suppose. I must looks different too, if not just because I'm far sloppier than I used to be. Barely anyone sees me to begin with, and it's too troublesome to care lately. My ponytail is pretty loose and low, and I have a good hunch that there are dark bags under my eyes.
His hair is still long, and held back simply with some white tie midway down his back. His expression is stony, but it's more . . . chiseled, I suppose one might say. He looks a lot taller, and I bet under his loose shirt that his muscles are far more defined. I try not to look him over too carefully, because I don't want to be thinking in terms of attraction, not just yet.
It's already been established that I am quite the equal opportunity lover, although I haven't done much of that. I mean . . . with Temari, but . . .
I don't want to think about Temari.
"Shikamaru-san. I'm glad." Personally, I don't think he looks very glad, but that may be just me. Perhaps he's bursting with joy, in his own Neji kind of way. Or, far more likely, he's just being polite.
Either way I waltz over to the chair across from him at the table he's seated at, and I slump into it. "Yo, Neji. What's new?"
I think he's a little irked by the facts I'm acting as if nothing's going on. Well, if I really start thinking about how I'm practically being held prisoner in this hospital . . .I just might go mad.
"Shikamaru . . . do you have any idea what kind of danger you're in?" He says this in slightly condescending tones, which pisses me off. Man, this is why I don't especially like Neji. For one, he's a prick to his cousin—who I remember with a shock is quite dead, now—and he gets all worked up over his branch family thing. Yeah, while it's irritating and all, Neji takes it—or for all I know took it—too far, and made it into his life.
Plus, he's super strong, which he thinks gives him the right to be snide. Sasuke and him should have started club for arrogant, strong, intelligent pricks who lord it over everyone else.
"Probably not, but you seem to. Why don't you explain it to the idiot?" Yeah, yeah, I should probably at least give the guy a chance, but I've been cooped up in a room for who knows how long, and I don't feel particular pleasant. Would you?
He lets out a sigh, as if exasperated with me already. He speaks anyway. "Have you been taking their pills?"
Ah, so I was right. The pills aren't for my recuperation. I shake my head. "Good," he replies, and leans over to his right . . . and lifts a large paper bag up to the table. "Put these clothes on. Quickly. Hanabi will be here soon and it's not safe for her to linger."
I'm not one to be especially submissive and follow directions without seeing a point in it, but rules are there to be broken, I suppose. I pull the bag over to my side of the table, and peek in. A dark green dress is lying on the bottom, with a pair of blue sandals and a forehead protector. I look up at him, my brow knitted in confusion. "A dress? Don't tell me you . . . "
"This is not the time to assert your masculinity," Neji replies easily, and stands up, turning his back to me. "Hurry up."
I hiss angrily, but I don't say anything out loud. Mind you, in my head I'm cursing him off as well as I can. Even so, I pull the dress out and begin with slide the hospital gown off my shoulder.
"Erm, Neji?" I ask awkward, the dress on completely except for the zipper in the back. "I could use some help . . . " He looks back, and takes note of my dilemma.
"Take it off," he orders firmly, now coming over to me. What? Take it off?
"No!" I cry, crossing my arms over my chest in a weak attempt to impede Neji from stripping me. What the hell is Neji trying to do!
"Shut up! Don't yell; you'll attract attention. You need to put on the bra first, idiot." Said contraption is hanging from his finger, as if he doesn't want to touch more of it than he has to.
"B-bra?"
Neji rolls his eyes, and approaches me again. This time I don't make such a big deal about it, and I let him pull the dress off my torso without so much as a fuck you, you conceited bastard. He allows me to pull on the bra on my own, and then begins to cautiously makes several futile attempts to hook it in the back. "Fucking thing," I hear him utter under his breath, and I chuckle.
He finally gets it to work, and I look down at my chest. I poke on of my 'breasts' and the fabric gives under my finger. "This thing isn't doing a thing for my figure, you know." Without a single word, Neji takes something else out of his bag.
Socks. What am I, some prepubescent girl forced to stuff her bra with socks? Apparently so, because Neji swiftly sticks his hands into my bra and tries to shape them into faux breasts. Of course, I do my best to be completely unhelpful. "I think the right one's bigger than the other." "The left one looks kind of alive." "Neji, have you done this before?"
"Shut up!" Neji hisses at me, and gives up trying to fix the socks. "I hope I've made them small enough that no one will be eyeing your breasts anyway." He stands back, and surveys his work, nodding approvingly.
Even though I know they're not really my boobs, I quickly pull up the dress to stop him from staring. God, is this what girls feel like? I'm never openly gaping a woman's boobs ever again.
Neji helps me pull up the zipper on the dress, then leaves me to my own devices. I'm fine with that. I usually enjoy dressing myself, thank you. I note that he activates his Byakugan and gazes at the door, which I assume he is doing to check the hallway. Since his expression doesn't change I assume we're fine so far.
"Hanabi's here."
I just stand there, and Neji's incessant tugging on the sleeve of my dress isn't going to move me. The clouds . . . its been so long. They're like close friends I haven't seen in years, which might actually be true. I've told them a lot of my shit, and they've kept quiet about it—not that they have a choice, y'know?
These clouds remind me of Choji, who sat me with me time after time, each of us munching on some food this mother had made us. I don't want to think about Choji.
These clouds remind me of Temari, who also used to lie with me, gazing up at the sky in silence. Sometimes instead of lying next to me, she would lie her head gently on my stomach, her hair down. I don't want to think about Temari, either.
Man, these clouds even remind me of Ino. Whenever she caught me staring off at them while she was telling Choji and I about her latest futile attempts to get a ride on the Sasuke Train, she would smack me upside the head. Ino . . . I think I can think about her.
"How's Ino?" I ask Neji softly, partly because I don't want anyone to hear, but also because I'm just afraid to ask.
"Yamanaka Ino?" He responds, looking relieved that he can now easily pull me along. "I heard they've already finished with her."
I look at him blankly for a moment. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I pull frantically at my sleeve, trying to stop his relentless pace. "Now that I think about it, you haven't explained a single damn thing!"
"Neji-sama . . . don't you think it would be better to explain something to him?" the girl that Neji introduced as his cousin interrupts him gently. I suppose she knows how to deal with him from past experience. I agree wholehearted. Finally, he seems to relent.
He hisses in a sharp and low whisper, "You want to know? I think that the new Hokage and his lackeys are abusing of their authority to gain more power for themselves. You want to know what I believe they have done to your friends—my friends too, I suppose? I think they have stolen their unique talents." I just stare at him a bit, my mind making a sad attempt to wrap itself around that.
"Unique talents? You don't mean . . . they said that they died in the war, like Choji . . ." I stutter, but Neji interrupts me with a hand. He glances around carefully, as if annoyed at me for possibly giving us away.
"Let's go, dear," he says in a completely different kind of tone, the kind a husband uses to a wife. You know, that kind of tips me off about what kind of ideas he has about hiding me. I should have said something, really. I should have done something, even.
But I didn't. "Then you'll explain later . . . honey?" I reply in a very polite tone. I'm not going to go as far as Neji is and speak sweetly, but I will be . . . civil.
"Of course." I exchange glances with Hanabi, and I hope I look appropriately grateful. After all, with her prod he had revealed a little bit to me . . . although I don't feel much better. Now I'm left in suspense . . .I mean, what the hell does he mean by unique talents? Were they trying to take away Sasuke's Sharingan? Is that the claim he made before he escaped with Naruto?
If Neji's right, then . . . was Sakura's fate going to be my own? I think back on how she had reacted, on how she had been a mere shell of the boisterous girl she had once been. Had they taken again her ability to keep her chakra flow steady, and in doing so, her superhuman strength? Is that even possible?
And just what had they expected to gain from me? Anyone can learn a shadow jutsu, really. My intelligence? You can't take away someone's intelligence.
Can you?
Finally, after what seems like a lifetime of stress and paranoia and thinking, we reach what I assume is Neji's home. On the outskirts of where the Hyuga clan resides, it's a small, humble home. He signals for me to follow him inside, and waves a silent farewell to this cousin. Before leaving she places a firm hand on my shoulder, and a grateful smile plays on her lips. What? I haven't done a thing for her . . . right?
I didn't go out with her, did I? She's too young! Still, I have my doubts.
Once inside with the silently brooding Neji, and immediately begin stripping off the dress. As bisexual as I may be, I do not enjoy the experience of wearing a dress. He politely turns the other way, as if I'm a girl. This infuriates me further instead of making me feel respected, or whatever he as aiming for. "I'm still a guy, damn it, Neji! You've seen a penis before."
He doesn't turn around, but I see his shoulders tense, in anger I assume. Stupid prick, I think to myself. "Clothes, Neji!" I call out, reach back and trying to unhook the damn torture device on my chest myself.
I think he uses this as an excuse just to get away from me. I can't say I'm not glad. He returns with a gray robe in his arms, and he tosses it at my feet, glaring at me all the while.
Stupid prick.
I put it up as soon as the bra falls to the floor, and I pull it quickly over my exposed shoulders. I have my share of scars, some I recognize, most that I don't. I've always felt a bit self-conscious about skinny ol' me, but I've never allowed myself to bother too much with it. In this case, though, it's hard to keep back a blush with Neji's eyes so intently locked on me.
Finally, I've tied the robe up, and the two of us are just . . . standing there. I stare at him, he glares at me, I glare at him, he glances over to the side, I look down to the ground, he . . .
"You never told me how Ino is," I remind him harshly, crossing my arms almost defensively over my chest.
He coughs nervous, and he can't meet my eyes as he answers. "I . . . I think they finished with her, too."
"W. . . what do you mean? Fucking explain yourself!" I'm getting angry now, but I think I have a good, reasonable excuse to do so. Neji just says things like they're finished with her. Who's they? Well, that question is easily answered. The Hokage. Koihei-sama.
But the question of what they began on her is the one that keeps me stumped.
"You don't want to go see her, okay? I never knew her well, but even I notice the immense difference in personality." Ino? She's always been the same, even as time passes. Loud, bitchy, helpful, obsessive, blondie, stubborn; in a nutshell . . .troublesome. I can't imagine an Ino that isn't like that. She just wouldn't be Ino. "She's very reserved now, and keeps to her family's flower shop. I think she is still a Chuunin, but I've never seen her go on a mission since she got out of the hospital." Neji catches my question before it even leaves my lips. "Yes, she got injured in the war, midway through, I think. Choji was still alive then, and they wouldn't let him visit her. Soon afterward, the two of us left on a mission and. . . I'm grateful your friend never saw the girl of his dreams like she is now."
How the hell did Neji of all people know Choji was head over heals in love with Ino? Neji, who was a selfish, arrogant, single-minded prick. Had Choji told him? Choji normally would not have had the nerve so say a word to Neji. Not that he was necessary scared of the white-eyed boy, but he never saw a reason to find the courage to converse with him.
Neji turns around again, and says from over his shoulder, "Do you want something to eat?"
I sigh deeply, and I follow him into the small kitchen. I don't expect Neji to speak any more, but to my surprise, he's not finished yet. I sit down on a chair by the wall, and I cross my arms over my chest, almost instinctively.
"You have a good reason to be very grateful to your friend Choji. He made me promise to not allow you to be turned into another shadow ninja." I take it that 'shadow ninja' is a term for those who have been taken by the Hokage for . . . whatever it is they do. "And in any case, you tried to save Hinata-chan."
What? I did? "I suppose you might not remember it, but you were on a mission with her, and you took the shot instead of her. It's why you were hospitalized to begin with." Ah, I might not remember it, but I open my robe a little to reveal the skin of my stomach. There's a deep, contorted scar on one side. Is that where . . . ?
"In fact, you were in worse condition that Choji was. . . I'm surprised no one's been intelligent enough to connect the dots by now. You, who were on the verge of death, were saved, but Choji, who was mildly injured, died of 'complications'. Odd, is it not?" People have probably figured it out, but don't have the guts to stand up to the Hokage. People manage to convince themselves of lies when they really want to.
"So, when did Choji make your promise to save me?" Choji? From what Neji was saying, he'd gotten a little close to Choji, and I was curious as to how and why.
Neji turns from the counter—where he was messing around with food and utilizes and shit—and stares me sharply. I feel like cringing under his gaze, but I don't. "Choji and I were placed together on a mission. It was the two of us and a younger nin named Konohamaru. Since your friend and I were alone for a good bit of time—not counting the Chuunin—we had no choice but to converse. Which is how I find myself knowing a bit more about the man than you might have assumed.
A bit more? Try, too much.
"Well, as I mentioned," Neji continues smoothly, "Choji was mildly injured, and I brought him to the hospital. I found it odd that he had died from the wounds he had received. So I snuck in, and I searched his room for some kind of hint of what had happened to him. I found something under his mattress."
By this time, I'm leaning forward a bit, completely spellbound by his words. Finally, I was getting some answers.
"It was a note. It said that they were giving him pills, and that while he took them, he got temporary amnesia. Then . . . they were probing him or something, and that they kept telling him to do his Baika No Jutsu, and seemed a bit put out when he succeeded in doing so. It was like a journal until . . . he said that he had a feeling they were going to kill him. He didn't explain it at all, but simple said that whoever was reading this should at all costs try to stop this from happening to others. Especially you, Shikamaru."
Choji. So this is how you died. . . I close my eyes, and rub my temples roughly with both hands. I am getting a headache.
"Neji, I'm bringing these bastards down," I say as I look at Neji's serious face. "Are you with me or not?"
I rarely do the whole 'there's one step from hate to love' thing, but . . . this just evolved that way. I don't seen Shikamaru liking Neji too much, at least from what he initially knows about him.
Potential mpreg. . . DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK. I could possibly pull it off . . .