x
There was an amendment that needed to be made.
Arguing with someone you care about wasn't the worst thing in the world.
The worst thing in the world was when you called your buddies, and they didn't answer.
Even though you were certain they were home, or in Wufei's case, in his office at the Preventers Station in Shanghai.
And even though you were more certain that they had Caller ID.
...Which, in turn, only made it more insulting.
Duo frowned as the video-message Wufei had pre-recorded played out on his monitor.
"This is Preventer Chang Wufei. I'm busy at the moment. If it's important, I'll get back to you. If not, your message will be erased."
Talk about cheerful.
The machine gave a little blurpy noise to alert Duo that his own message was being recorded.
"Wufei! Flip on your screen, gotta talk to ya!"
He graciously allowed the man a moment to answer.
And was rewarded with more blank montior-ness.
"...WU. FEI. ANSWER. IT. IS. DUO. MUST. TALK," he bellowed, very slowly and articulately.
The former 05 pilot had gotten pretty good at the ignoring Duo thing.
But he must have forgotten one very important factor, having not spoken to the braided pilot for some time.
Ignoring Duo Maxwell was like ignoring a steam engine set to plow through your cornfield.
You were going to wind up with one hell of a pile of popcorn.
"You leave me no choice, my friend!" Duo warned, clearing his throat and throwing his head back as he whipped out his secret weapon.
More like strangled his vocal chords in order to hit all the falsetto notes, but he was Duo, and so he persevered. Bless those sickeningly sweet pop-songs those crazy kids were so obsessed with these days.
"I WANNA TAKE YOU TO COLONY L3-! AND WE CAN BUY ALL THE CANDY-! JUST YOU AND ME BABY-! OH YEAH YEAH YEAH-! YOU'RE A SWEET GUY-! THAT AIN'T NO LIE-! FOR YOU I WOULD DIE-! AND---"
"What do you want, Duo?" Wufei's image appeared on the once empty screen, this time the real him. The look he wore clearly stated that if he could, he would reach through to strangle Duo with his own braid.
"Wufei!" the former 02 pilot pressed a hand to his chest, mock surprise playing across his features. "Why, I had no idea you were there."
"Nobody likes a wise-ass." The young Preventer's scowl didn't lesson.
"Everyone keeps saying that, but I keep getting invitations to weddings and birthdays," Duo said, waving a hand dismissively. "Listen, I need to talk to you about something."
"You have my undivided attention. Seeing that ignoring you won't make you go away, let's get this over with quickly, so I can--"
"Get back to work, I know, I know. Did you know that Heero's here?" Duo asked, watching carefully for Wufei's response.
The Chinese man's annoyed look wavered for a second, as his lips twitched with what could only be defined as a withheld smile. If Duo hadn't been staring so keenly at the screen, he would have missed it. "So what?"
"You knew he was coming here, and you told him to do that thing with the gun to me!" The violet eyed youth pointed an accusing finger at the screen.
Deciding not to fight it any longer, Wufei let his face relax into a smug grin. "Correction. Heero mentioned that he might be passing through the L2 Colony in the near future, and I suggested that he try his little joke out on you. I thought you might find it funnier than I had- it seemed like something right up your alley."
"Even my sense of humor only goes so far. You just wanted me to have a premature heart attack, you sadist," Duo teased, crossing his arms.
"Think what you will. If I'm not mistaken though, that can't be the only reason why you called. And as.. enjoyable as this conversation is," Wufei was such a sarcastic guy sometimes, "Can you get to the point?"
Deciding to do as he was told, as Wufei did get grumpy when people didn't do as instructed, Duo nodded. "I wanted to know how long ago it was that Heero was in China."
"Two weeks ago, approximately."
"Did he say why he came to see you? Like... Did he have a specific reason?" the American quickly pressed on, not wanting to tax Wufei's patience.
The 05 pilot arched a brow. "If you're assuming it was for sightseeing, you're mistaken. Heero stayed at the base for a little less than a month, training and lending a hand with missions that came up. That's all."
"That's all?"
Wufei's eyes narrowed, and Duo knew he was pushing it.
"Okay.. Thanks, Wufei, sorry for bothering you," he said glumly, giving a small wave before he reached for the switch to disconnect. That hadn't helped him to decide Heero's reasons for presently being on L2 at all.
"However."
His fingers paused on the tab, hope rekindling. "Yes?"
"You might consider contacting Quatre for additional information. Heero did mention something about an earlier trip to L4, before arriving on Earth," Wufei offered.
Duo would have kissed the screen if he wasn't afraid of Wufei dropping everything to take a shuttle over to beat the crap out of him.
He instead settled with verbally expressing his appreciation for the other pilot's help.
"Chang, baby, you're the best, my absolute favorite guy! No kidding, I mean it! When you gonna come up to L2, so I can-"
Indulging in an eye-roll, Wufei cut the connection before Duo could finish that line. It was probably for the best, anyway.
Chuckling to himself, the braided youth quickly plugged in the code for Quatre's portable vid-phone and sat back, waiting for the blond to answer.
"Hello, this is Quatre-"
"Quatre! Hey bud-"
"I'm sorry, but I'm unable to answer right now. If you just leave your regional number and code, I'll contact you as soon as possible," the message finished.
What was it, official Neglect Duo Maxwell Day? And couldn't bazillionaires like Quatre at least hire a real live person to answer the vid-phone for them if they were busy?
Bluuuurp.
Better make it a good message, and to cut right to the chase.
"OH MY GOD QUATRE! PLEASE PICK UP, GOD, PLEASE ANSWER! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO IF YOU DON'T ANSWER, OH.. OH GOD!" he shrieked, adding a dry sob to boost his chances of getting a response.
Yes, it was a low down, dirty blow to play with Quatre's emotions like that, especially seeing that the kind Arabian youth would never intentionally ignore Duo.
No time to feel remorseful- for he was answered!
"Duo? Duo! Are you-"
"Quatre! Buddy! So happy to see you!" Duo grinned, flinging his arms around the vid-phone and sending his friend a digitalized hug.
He pulled away after about two minutes when only the static crackling of his shirt against the glass screen seemed willing to talk back.
And now it was time for the guilt.
Quatre had a dazed expression reflected in his wide, aquamarine eyes, still stuck somewhere in emergency mode. Not only that, but from the looks of it, the blond had been showering when he got the call. His hair was wet and sticking up at odd angles and his white bathrobe was on inside out; from what Duo could see of the background, Quatre was at his recreational apartment on L4, the sort of place he went when he was trying to reduce stress.
"Buddy?" Duo tried cautiously, smiling and nodding.
"Is everything okay?" the other said slowly, confused. "You sounded.. upset, Duo."
"Oh.. I must have been excited 'cause I wanted to talk to you so bad." That was the truth. Kinda.
"Everything.. Everything is alright then?"
Eh. Note to self- The Uuchu no Kokoro is not a toy. Do not send it mixed messages. Love, Duo. "Yes, I'm fine, Quatre! Geez..."
The poor blond lowered his face into his hands, taking a few deep breaths, probably to stop the erratic beating of his abused heart. "Duo, do you-"
"Quatre, what is he-" a steady, low voice called from the background.
"It's nothing.. I mean, it's.. it's just Duo," Quatre called back, lowering his hands and looking to his right and off screen.
Duo cocked his head, recognizing voice of the unseen speaker. "Hey.. Hold on.. That was Trowa. Yo! Trowa! Are you there?"
"Uh.. Um.. Yes.. H-he is.. Just.. Just a second, Duo," the 04 pilot said quickly, his cheeks glowing a bright red. With that, Quatre jumped up from his seat, and moved out of shot.
And if Duo didn't know any better, he could have sworn he heard Quatre whisper 'Put on some pants!'
Hm... He hadn't used his vid-phone in a while.. Maybe it needed replacement speakers? Duo absently poked at the dusty things and wiggled a few wires. His nose wrinkled up when he saw his fingers come back covered in a layer of gray grime. Definitely time to clean this bad-boy.
"Hello, Duo," Trowa said quietly, taking a seat next to Quatre as both came back into camera shot, his shirt sticking with wet-spots to his chest and arms.
"Wow, that's a nasty looking bump," the former 02 pilot exclaimed. Maybe circus life wasn't so easy after all.
Trowa frowned.
"Trowa slipped on the soap when he was getting out of the shower... He heard your message being recorded too," Quatre explained, giving a sympathetic look to the angry, red lump on the portion of the Latin pilot's forehead that was visible from beneath his veil of wet hair.
"Oh... Wait a minute- were you and Trowa both showering when I called?" Duo asked, forgetting the newest addition to his Guilt Pile for the moment. Didn't Quatre's apartment only have one bathroom..?
"Why did you call, Duo?" Trowa spoke up quickly, the left corner of his mouth twitching in annoyance.
Focus, Duo, focus! "Er.. Right. Have you seen Heero recently?" he blurted out.
Quatre nodded. "We saw Heero about.. two, two and a half months ago. He stayed at my primary residence on L4 for a short time."
Trowa carefully crossed his arms, and actually snorted at the admission. "Thirty-two days, to be exact."
Sounded just like Wufei's story, thus far. "He didn't happen to give you a reason as to why he was staying with you, did he?"
"No, he didn't," the 03 pilot responded briskly.
Quatre laid a hand on the other's arm. "Heero came and went very.. mysteriously. He just showed up and asked to stay, and I agreed."
"He didn't just stay at your home. He followed you around, and insisted upon sharing every minute you had free," Trowa said softly, his tone.. Irritated?
Duo's mouth formed a thin line, eyes narrowing in thought. That tone of voice was the one that Trowa usually reserved specifically for him, not for Heero! Odd. Very odd.
The former 04 pilot cleared his throat. "So, why are you asking anyway, Duo?"
"No reason in particular... Heero's here now- well, not this very second, he's out buying milk right now, but he's staying. With me, that is," Duo replied. "And he was staying with you before he went to stay with Wufei and before he came here."
"Maybe he's finally decided to catch up with all of us," Quatre offered, smiling brightly.
Trowa muttered something that Duo didn't catch, but made the blond pilot's eyes widen and cheeks flush.
"If.. If that's all you needed, Duo..." Quatre ventured, clearing his throat once again.
"Roger that. Take care, you two," the braided youth chimed, giving a quick wave before cutting the connection.
Rocking back in his chair, Duo's mouth once again formed the thin line it did when he was in deep thought. It was too much to chalk up to coincidence that Heero had stayed with the other pilots for nearly a month as he was going to with Duo.
Hilde was right, there had to be a motive behind all this; despite Quatre's belief in the innate goodness of all other Gundam Pilots, the 02 pilot now doubted that Heero was conducting these visits just to 'catch up.'
And because he hadn't been able to gather any worthwhile information from the other pilots, that left him with one option.
It was time to enter No-Man's Land, a place of scary firewalls and IP Theft protection programs, a place of wide and varying selections of nearly indeterminable passwords and codes.
He was going to have to break into Heero's laptop.
XxxXxxX
No. Effin'. Way.
Duo stared down at the file he'd accessed in the laptop, and had to read it again just to make sure he'd gotten it right the first time.
Because, quite frankly, was he was seeing was un-fucking-believable.
Mission X497-1483
Code Name: The Art of Life
Objective: Mastery of the skills needed to successfully interact and thrive within an entirely civilian environment.
Status: Incomplete
History: In the span of three years since the conclusion of the final battles, and the ultimate destruction of Wing Zero, 01 has yet to acquire an adequate amount of knowledge in regards to civilian lifestyles.
Attempts to follow emotions that surfaced within social environments proved ineffective. These emotions were unsuitable for the circumstances in which they were utilized. The knowledge of correct reactions to emotional and interpersonal situations has remained limited, and was never fully developed during early childhood/training.
Therefore, it is the goal of this mission for 01 to learn the subtleties of living, and to achieve the abilities needed to assimilate successfully into society. This mission should prove most beneficial in learning the mundane, day to day activities that civilians partake in on a permanent basis, and should teach the discipline needed to carry out these tasks.
By observing the selected test subjects, it was assumed that their similar backgrounds of unconventional upbringings and extensive combat, as well as their own success at integration into society would make them ideal. They were to provide information and examples for 01 to observe, commit to memory, and use in the future.
Regretfully, it would appear that mistakes were made in judging the usefulness of all subjects. While 04 seemed to a top candidate, further study and analysis concluded that though by all appearances he has assimilated into civilian lifestyles, his status and knowledge was aptly formed during childhood to function in his environment- 04 leads a lifestyle that can be classified as privileged, and while basic examples of interaction between comrades and acquaintances was observed and adapted see file qrw.04.1187.exe, an in depth venture wouldn't have yielded the needed outcome.
03 was likewise observed while studying 04; the fact that he seemed aware of the scrutiny proved all attempts at gathering useful information to be futile see file tb.03.2379.exe as his awareness marked him as an unreliable source.
Because of 05's continuance within a militaristic environment, any interaction witnessed was forced to be categorized as inappropriate for civilians, as distinctions between what is and isn't acceptable out of a military base provides too much of a risk for 01 to attempt. A record of the encounter was maintained see file cw.05.8931.exe during which time information gathered from 04 was practiced.
Conclusion: It is clear that 01 should have focused solely upon which subject would have been the most beneficial in studying, rather than which was easier to study. Though 02 is loud, nerve wracking, inexplicable at times, lax in presentation, and has been loosely termed 'idiot' and 'nuisance' by varying parties, he is also charismatic, relaxed in his handling of civilians, amiable, approachable, and as has shown on past missions to be the most adept at assimilating into whatever environment he needs to enter.
A short time in his presence has already concluded that 01 still has much to learn in areas prior subjects had led 01 to believe he demonstrated adequate knowledge, such as but not limited to:
Humor
Greetings Among Friends
Jargon and Speech
Body Language
Daily updates will be maintained and reviewed for the entirety of the 30 day period.
How DARE Heero go to everyone else for information, and only choose Duo as a last resort!
Oh yes, Mr. Perfect Soldier might have thought that his oh-so-crafty use of numbers instead of names would throw off the regular hacker (not that any regular hacker could have gotten into his laptop anyway), but Duo was no dummy, contrary to what 'varying parties' might claim.
Duo was angry. No. He was supremely furious and awesomely irate. That better matched his scowl, so out of place on normally cheerful features.
How DARE Heero show up here, and not for simple visiting purposes? Granted, Heero had never said specifically that that's why he was there, so it wasn't as though he'd lied to Duo, but dammit, it was pretty much the same thing, when it boiled down to the bone.
Muttering a string of expletives that would have cowed even the surliest of space pirates, the braided youth interlocked his fingers, palms out, and cracked his knuckles, wiggling the appendages before setting them atop the laptop's keyboard and pausing to think of a nasty little message he could leave Heero so as to properly inform his buddy just what he thought of this mission, and where he could stick it.
However, before he'd finished the first paragraph, Duo stopped.
No, he wasn't feeling guilty for breaking into his best friend's laptop.
He wasn't feeling sorry for his friend who was so obviously lacking in social skills that he found spying and using his supposed friends to be acceptable.
He wasn't even suffering from the slightest smidgen of remorse for typing that Heero was a "lousy pilot, friend, and cook." You'd have to have sampled some of what Heero claimed was 'sustainable rations' after not eating for three days to understand that last bit.
No, Duo Maxwell wasn't sitting in front of the laptop, fingers paused mid insult, and an evil grin slowly unfurling across his face because he felt bad.
On contrary. Duo couldn't recall when he'd felt so.. so.. so positively Duo in a long time.
It was trippy- he had to be careful not to become so caught up in the moment that he screwed up on backtracking his little Shinigami butt out of Heero's laptop, once more reinstalling all of the protective programs and passwords, etc., etc.
For you see, an idea had been born, sometime between "I hate your guts, you piece of..." and "I hope you fall on the way home and drown in a puddle..."
Not just any idea.
The Idea. The Mother of All Ideas.
It stood to reason that if Duo had continued writing up that rant, and left it where Heero would surely find it in his mission file, Heero would probably up and leave within five minutes of discovery.
But what would be gained by chasing his best buddy away? Oh, no no! That wouldn't do at all.
Revenge was a dish best served cold- or in this case, over a 30 day period in which he could totally screw with Heero's learning of what was and wasn't acceptable as normal.
Now, Duo wasn't usually the trickster type, meaning that he didn't usually spend his days plotting new ways in which to mess with people and annoy the living daylights out of them. Sure, he enjoyed a good joke now and then, but who didn't?
However, he had done his fair share of pranks in his youth- one didn't grown up as an urchin on the streets of good ol' L2 without learning a thing or two about what it meant to be devious.
But this.. Oh, man. If he pulled this off, this would be the pranks to end all pranks.
Finished backpedaling his way out of the labyrinth of Heero's laptop system, Duo left it exactly the way he'd found it, and eagerly began to pace the length of the living room as his plan fully formulated.
He knew that normally, Heero wasn't worth teasing. His Highness of Grim and Dourness was usually too preoccupied with other matters to get a worthwhile reaction out of, after all.
But.
Heero had never been locked up with Duo for 24 hours a day for 30 days.
And Duo had the distinct impression that if he was so inclined, he could fucking personify annoyance.
A low laugh bubbled up, and he laid a hand over his grinning mouth to hold it in, almost giddy with excitement.
If he played his cards right, he could have Heero eating out of his hands, becoming the perfect un-perfect civilian.
If he didn't, and Heero somehow found him out...
Well, Duo was fairly sure he was going to end up braidless and dead, despite the 01 pilot's No More Killing Policy.
Oh...
This was so dangerous.
So insane.
So foolhardy.
This was right up his alley.
The front door opened, and Heero entered backwards, holding the sopping umbrella over the doorstep to shake off the excess water before closing the door securely behind him. A bag, likely containing the newly purchased carton of milk, swung loosely at his side.
Duo's grin widened, and darkened. "Hee-chan! Welcome home!"
x
Woo! Updated! I've very sorry that it took so long. xx
I hope you liked this chapter, hehe. I'm so happy that those who reviewed seem to really like this fic, thus far.
Please, I beg, plead, and generally make a silly mess of myself- REVIEW!
I love hearing what you've got to say!
- Zangai