Disclaimer: All characters and situations from One Tree Hill are properties of Mark Schwahn, Mike Tollin, Brian Robbins, Joe Davola and Mark Perry for Tollin/Robbins Productions in association with Warner Bros. Television. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: Lucas realizes after a summer spent with Peyton that she's the one that he's wanted all along.
Who's looking south
Not me I'm not looking back
I'm done denying the truth to anyone
Maybe Memories, The Used
Chapter Two: Maybe Memories
The sun had barely risen as I walked the streets of Tree Hill, lost in thought, my feet leading the way to Peyton's.
It'd been two days since that kiss. The kiss that still plagued my mind and lingered on my lips.
I want answers. I need to know if it was just a momentary slip or if Peyton's feelings had been buried deep and had resurfaced during the last few weeks. Did she feel the same way that I did? Did she long to be with me like I longed to be with her?
I needed answers.
I was tired of lying to myself, lying to everyone else about the way I feel.
I was tired of living a lie.
Stopping in front of her house, I take a deep breath and make my way up the sidewalk. I quickly climb the steps and stop in front of the door. I pause before ringing the doorbell.
She answers quickly, despite the early morning hour. Her hair is in a messy bun atop her head. Her body is wrapped in a towel and I find myself drawn to the water droplets as they run down her neck and disappear toward her breasts.
I notice the way she loosens her grip on the towel. Perhaps she was expecting the paper boy or someone else. She felt comfortable enough with me to not hold onto her towel for dear life.
Though, a part of me wished that she would.
She smiles, moving aside for me to enter the house. "What are you doing here?" she asks once the door is closed, turning to me, standing in a puddle of water.
"I thought that we could talk."
"Sure." she says, nodding her head, shifting uncomfortably. "But I should get dressed first," she says, shivering against the chill in the air.
I felt the air change the moment the door was closed. A cloud of doubt and uncertainty hovered above us and we were both anxious to get rid of both.
"Yeah, you should," I say through a mangled breath.
She smiles at me and I watch as she disappears down the hallway. I move to the living room, wringing my hands.
This is going to be awkward. And embarrassing.
Embarrassing, especially if she doesn't feel the same way that I do.
I want her to feel the same way that I do. I want that more than I've ever wanted anything in my life.
I stop in front of the fireplace, my eyes resting on a picture of her, Brooke and Haley sitting atop the mantle. I don't think about them, about what this could do to our already fragile relationships. All I can think of is Peyton, of what I feel like when I'm with her... of how I feel when I'm not with her - broken, alone, lost.
When she comes up behind me, she touches my shoulder softly to get my attention. Her touch makes me turn my head toward her and, I can't help it, I give her a once over to make sure that she's dressed. Indeed, she is, in blue jeans and a TRIC T-shirt.
"You're early. I thought that we weren't meeting up until this afternoon," she says, reminding me of our plans for later that day. Sailing. We were going to go sailing. I hope we can still go after I've said what I came to say.
I turn to face her. "I know. We were. I just thought...," I say, tripping over my words. I've never had trouble being honest with Peyton. Why am I having so much trouble now? Because I have a hell out a lot to lose, I chide myself, taking a breath before forging on. "What happened the other night... I haven't been able to think about anything else."
She nods her head slowly. "The kiss?"
"Yeah." I fall silent for a few moments, then ask, "What was that, Peyton?" I watch as she falls onto the sofa, doing everything in her power to not meet my eyes. I fall into the chair across from her.
"I don't know...," she says.
"You don't know?" I echo. That wasn't the answer that I had been anticipating.
"I'm sorry, Lucas," she apologizes. "I don't know what kind of answer you were looking for. I... I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't plan it or anything... but I just couldn't ignore it... the way you were looking at me... the way... it felt like it used to... in the beginning... when everything was new and foreign... before... before everything got so messed up...," she said, pausing momentarily to take a breath, to get her thoughts together, which, I wasn't quite sure. She met my eyes, then, saying, "I know about you and Brooke and I just don't want...," she trailed off.
"Peyton...," I begin to object.
She shakes her head as she bolts to her feet. "No. No. I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong after you left. I knew that I'd made a mistake. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want us to go down this road again... I don't us to turn into those people again, Lucas."
I move toward her. "Hey, hey... it's okay," I say, rubbing her arms soothingly. I can see the terror in her eyes. Or is that disappointment? I wish I knew.
"No, it's not."
"This happened the last time. I realized it too late. I'm too late."
I grab her arms, forcing her to look at me. "You're not too late," I tell her. "You're not too late," I whisper, hugging her close.
Around us, the air changes once more.
It's lighter now.
Now, that the doubt and uncertainty are gone, the remaining weeks of summer are full of possibilities.