A pale morning light is the first thing I notice when I open my eyes. The bed I'm lying in is warm and soft. The curtains of my window are drawn back, letting in the light and a soft breeze. The leaves of the Mallorn trees are golden and beautiful and a sense of calm is everywhere.

And I'm miserable.

Sitting up, I throw the covers back, feeling yesterday's anger and hopelessness flooding me again. There's no more home for me. I glance back at my bed and see that Legolas is gone. Good. Walking into what I assume is the bathroom, I shed my clothing and get into a tub of water. I close my eyes at the feeling of the heat and sigh. Kneeling in the middle, I take a breath and slip under the water. I surface again and push the wet hair away from my face. I can feel that I'm going to start crying again, and focus instead on the task at hand.

I take a bar of what I hope is soap, and scrub at my skin. Tears blur my vision and I can feel my body shaking. Not here. No more crying. There's no way back and crying won't solve anything. But as the soap slips from my hands, I lean against the tub's edge and cry. "Oh God," I moan and wrap my arms around myself.

"Siren?"

I look up to see Hodoer standing in the doorway, concerned. "Um, I dropped the soap," I mumble. The brunette she-elf smiles softly and walks inside. "Now, dropped soap is nothing to cry about," she says. "Not unless you're in prison," I say with a smirk. She simply shakes her head and picks up a bottle. Emptying a liquid into her hands, she gently tilts my head back. "Now, let's get you clean," she says and massages the liquid into my hair. The scent of lavender fills my senses and my crying lessens. "I'm sorry that you can't go home." I sniff and shake my head. "It's okay," I lie. "No child, it's not."

"Dip under the water for a moment," she says. I do so and when I surface, she's holding a towel. I wrap it around myself and sit on the tub's edge. She sits down next to me and begins to play with my short hair. "I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel, and I know that I'll never understand. But perhaps you could live with Astaider and I. We'd love to have you share our home. And I'm sure that Lord Elrond wouldn't mind. And if you prefer Men, you could live in Rohan or Gondor. Lord Aragorn and Lady Arwen wouldn't mind." No, but I would. Neither of those places are my home. And just thinking about it makes me want to cry again.

"I don't want to think about it," I tell her. Hodoer nods. "I know. But you will have to think about it at some point. We aren't staying here much longer. Everyone is going back to their homeland." Her eyes widened as soon as that sentence came out of her mouth. I knew she didn't mean to be insensitive, but can't help but cry. Hodoer quickly wraps an arm around me. "I'm so sorry, Siren! I didn't mean to say that!" she apologizes. "I know, this whole thing just sucks!" She pats me on the back and nods. "I know child, I know. If there was any way to send you back home, I would. Though I would miss you very much." I sniff and look at her with a weak smile. "I'd miss you too." Hodoer smiles softly and stands up. "Come. Let's get you dressed. The others are eating breakfast, and we should join them."

I follow her back to my room where she has already chosen a light, cream-colored dress with long, billowing sleeves. I put it on and lift my arms as Hodoer clasps a silver belt around my hips. When she's done, I can't help but be reminded of Eowyn's white gown. "Let's do your hair," she says, but I shake my head. "Sorry, I don't really feel like getting pretty today." The she-elf nods in understanding and wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Then let's go eat."

I follow her up the stairs to a large platform with a long table in the center of it. On one side sit Celeborn and Galadriel, and my friends on the other. Galadriel lifts her eyes to me and smiles warmly. "Hello lady Siren. Feeling any better?" I force a grin and nod. "Yeah. Lots." I sit down in an empty seat between Hodoer and Gandalf. I look at the plate in front of me and feel my stomach lurch. I'm just not hungry today. I gently push the plate away from me and look down at my lap, the feeling of sadness growing.

Do not be troubled, child. Allow yourself some peace and eat something.

I look over Galadriel and find that she's staring at me intently. I shake my head and lower my eyes again.

I'm just not up to eating right now, my Lady. I know you can't really understand how I feel, but I just...

There are no words to describe how I feel right now. I just feel hollow. Empty.

"Siren, are you alright?"

I look over at Legolas and nod with a soft smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm still just a little bit tired." He continues staring at me for a moment, but I refuse to meet his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, but Celeborn interrupts him. "Excuse me friends, but I was wondering if perhaps I could give lady Siren a tour of the area." I smile thankfully and nod. "That'd be great," I say, and stand up from my chair. Celeborn walk around the table to me and we descend the stairs.

"Thank you for this. I really didn't feel up to eating." The elf nods knowingly as we walk down one of the many paths. "It's understandable. You're very young and your life has just been altered dramatically. I'm surprised that you came out of your talan at all today," he says and looks down at me. I shrug and play with the sleeves of my dress. "There wasn't much else to do. Nothing can give me back my home, and sulking won't change anything. Crying won't give me back the people that I love."

We come to an elvish healing altar and I look upon the beauty of it with a smile. "This is beautiful," I say. Celeborn bows to the altar and turns to me. "These altars were built to help aid in the recovery of injured elves. Perhaps it can help to mend your wounded heart." I look at this altar made of stone and marble, and though I'm sure it helps heal wounds, I doubt it can help me. "I don't think it can heal my wound," I say softly. Celeborn looks at me sadly and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Come. We shall go to a place where you'll feel more comfortable."

I follow him through more paths and trails until we stop in front of a large field and stable. My heart leaps in my chest for a second. Beautiful horses are grazing in the field, and riding equipment is resting on a fence. I smile at Celeborn and hug him tightly. "Thank you." He hugs me back and then leaves me alone with the horses. I walk over to them slowly, still not believing my eyes. There are a variety of colors, from whites to browns to blacks and roan...

But none of them are like Fancy.

I touch the bridle, feeling the calloused leather and cool metal beneathe my fingers. So familiar...hearing a soft whinney behind me, I grin widely when I recognize a familiar face. "Telcoer!" The horse trots over to me and sniffs at my face. "Hey there you silly horse! How are you?" I stroke his soft nose and neck, marveling at the familiarity and strength. Moving to his whithers, I look over at his face. He looks back at me expectantly, and I grasp a handful of his mane and pull myself up. I swing my legs over his back and settle myself. "Good boy, Telcoer. Let's have a look around this place, shall we?"

As Telcoer walks through the trails, I can't help but be reminded of doing the same thing with my own horse, Fancy. I'll never get to see her again. My parents will sell her and someone else will get to ride her. What if they don't look after her wound properly? And what about my family? I'll never see my mom or dad ever again. I'll never get to see my sisters grow up. I'll never see my friends again. Everything I loved is gone. It's a world away from me now.

Sensing my distress, Telcoer stops walking. I pat his neck reassuringly, though inside I feel like I'm falling apart. "It's okay, Telcoer. Don't worry," I tell him softly. "I'm okay. I just...I just want to get away from everything right now," I say, my throat tightening. His ears flick back towards me, then in front. He starts trotting forward and I hold onto his mane in shock. "Hey, what're you doing?" He breaks into a canter, taking a winding path leading downwards. "Telcoer!" He snorts in reply and charges down the path, leaving me to hold on for dear life. I bury my face in his mane, now knowing that I am riding an insane horse.

He finally slows to a trot and then to a walk, and I lift my head to see where he's taken me. I gasp at the sight before me and sit up straight. We're on the bank of a large lake, surrounded by the beautiful mallorn trees and a small cliff. "Telcoer, this is beautiful..." Swinging one leg over his side, I hold onto his whithers and slide off. When my feet touch the soft grass, I begin walking towards the water. It's clear and not at all cloudy and polluted like it is back home. Telcoer walks into the water beside me, taking a well-deserved drink. I pat his neck and wade into the water. When I'm waist-deep, I look over at the horse with a mischevious grin. Leaning down, I splash at the water as hard as I can. A sheen of water lands on the gelding, startling him a bit. "Ha," I smirk at his soaked face. Telcoer narrows his eyes and turns back to the bank of the lake.

"Party pooper!" I call after him.

I hear him sort and watch as he begins to buck in the water, sending torrents of it my way. I shriek and shield my face with my arms, but it's too late. I'm soaked. "You little devil!" I yell and run at him. He quickly trots away, his tail swishing behind him. Laughing I chase after him, making a dive at him every once in a while. After an hour, I give up. Panting, I drag myself back to shore.

"Okay...you win..."

Telcoer holds his head high in victory and struts onto the grass. "Poncy pony," I mutter. Telcoer simply shakes his mane, soaking me once again. "Evil little horse." I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his neck, giving him a tight hug. "Thank you, Telcoer." The horse presses his chin against my back in response, and once again I'm reminded of Fancy. "We should go back to the others now," I say. Telcoer waits patiently as I swing myself onto his back again. He takes off at a gallop, heading back towards the stable.

When we arrive, I find that Legolas is waiting. Seeing Telcoer and I approach, he smiles softly. "Vedui, mellon-nin," he greets. "Hi," I reply and Telcoer stops in front of him. I swing myself down and thank the horse again before turning to the elf. "What are you doing here?" I ask. Legolas shrugs. "I asked lord Celeborn where you were, and he said with the horses. I should have figured as much." I grin and nod. I walk over to the fence and lean against it. "How are you doing?" I swear, if I get asked that one more time, I'm going to scream. I look up at him and shake my wet hair out of my face. "I'm fine. Right as rain, actually." The elf lifts an eyebrow. "What does that mean?" I think for a moment. "I have no idea."

We sit in uncomfortable silence for a few moments, my gaze locked to the ground in front of me. "Siren, I know you're not fine. You didn't eat anything at breakfast." I shrug. "I wasn't hungry."

"You were all too happy to leave with lord Celeborn."

"I wanted the tour."

"Lady Galadriel was concerned about you."

"She always looks that way."

"You cried yourself to sleep last night."

"I was sad."

"And now?"

"And now I'm miserable!"

I stare at the elf angrily, tired of the questions. "Happy? I'm miserable! I'm trapped in this world with no family because Galadriel made a stupid mistake! I have to choose a new place to live now! I have to learn this world's customs and languages! I have to wear these beautiful but retarded dresses!" I shout, tugging at the one I'm wearing. "And I'm never going to see the people I love ever again," I say tearfully. Legolas steps forward and pulls me into his arms. I hug him back, resting my forehead against his chest.

"I'll never see my younger sisters grow up. They're going to assume that I'm dead. They're going to think I was killed or ran away. But I'm right here, Legolas! I'm not dead, I didn't run away! And I miss them so much..."

I feel Legolas sigh sadly. "I'm sorry, Siren. You know that if I could help you, I would. Is there anything I can do to make the pain go away?" I shake my head.

"No. Not this time."

A few hours later, I return to my talan, exhausted. I change into a dry dress, this one now a dark shade of plum, almost black. Fitting, in a way. A knock on my door draws my attention and I see Avarier standing in the doorway.

I really don't need this right now.

"Yes?" He steps into my room, arms crossed. "I'm going back to Gondor today."

And now my day has officially been shot to hell.

"Why? When?" I ask, shocked. "Because I'm one of Aragorn's personal guards and I've been on a leave of abscence for a long time. I must go back. I'll be leaving in a few hours." I frown, trying to absorb this. "But it's dangerous. You shouldn't travel alone." Avarier shrugs. "I'll be alright. Gandalf is coming with me to say goodbye to Aragorn before leaving for the Gray Havens."

But you can't leave. I haven't forgiven you yet. I need you.

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask, feeling my stomach twist. Avarier steps forward, his beautiful brown eyes staring into my own. "Because I wanted to tell you something before I leave." My heart is breaking. "What?" He runs a finger down my cheek, and I can't find it in me to pull away. "I love you. I loved you since I met you, and I'll love you for as long as I live. I am sorry for what I did, though I know you'll never forgive me. Never trust me again." That's it, my heart is broken. "But I wanted to thank you. For helping my mother and clearing my name." His eyes soften. "For loving me," he whispers.

Oh God.

"Avarier..." He presses his forehead to mine. "Ask me to stay and I will," he says, cupping my face. Stay. Stay, please, stay. I grasp his wrists and let out a shaky breath. "You have no idea how much I want to say that." I look into his eyes and find my resolve quickly crumbling. "But you know that I can't. I forgive you Avarier, but I can't go back to how we were. I'm sorry." I see the sorrow reflected in his eyes and the tears that are rising in them. "I love you, Avarier. And I always will. But I can't. I can't..." I say, letting out a choked cry. "Shh..." Avarier wipes my tears away and kisses my forehead. "No more tears, melamin. You've cried enough. I understand. Though it pains me, I will not push you."

I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. "Avarier, I need you. I don't want to be alone." He hugs me back. "You'll never be alone. You're always loved. Know that." He pulls away and brushes my lips lightly with his own. "Thank you for forgiving me, Siren." He smiles through his tears and cups my chin. "Namaarie, melamin." He kisses me one last time, and leaves.

I lock the door behind him and promptly burst into tears.

I spent the next few hours crying. Now my eyes and stomach hurt, my heart is broken and the man I love but cannot trust, is leaving. I manage to pull myself together and walk out of my talan. I walk to the borders of Lothlorien, where Avarier will be departing. When I arrive, I see my friends look at me sadly. I do not walk over to them, but stand a distance away. Astaider walks over to me and stands beside me, lending her silent support. Avarier mounts his horse, ready to leave. He glances back, taking notice of me. I offer a smile and raise my hand in a wave. He smiles warmly at me, then leaves with Gandalf beside him. Astaider takes my hand and I squeeze it tightly. Once he and Gandalf are out of sight, I let out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding.

He's gone.

Avarier is gone.

2 Be Continued...

Pando, Hero and Athena- Thank you. I don't know what I did to make it sound good, but I'm glad you liked it.

Hanya the Bloody Angel- Ah yes, I hate it when that happens too. I usually avoid eye contact with my friends for a few days.

Apple Crisp- I'm glad you liked it! I'll review your story as soon as I can!

LalaithoftheBruinen- I'm glad you liked it. And I'll try to update more often.

Anna Pheus- Um, I hope that's a good thing, lol.