Hermione: Just like in real life, times are more interesting when there are major conflicts. Make sure you give your characters incentive to do what they do. In other words, make their lives one big jumble of conflicts!
A good example of this would be when Harry was concerned that he might actually belong in the Slytherin house during the Chamber of Secrets incident. The conflict actually drove him along, until he finally resolved it by talking to the Sorting Hat, and seeing Godric Gryffindor's name on the sword. It's much more interesting that way than if he had an 'I'm a perfect Gryffindor, and I fit in so well,' attitude.
So invent some conflicts. Nobody wants to hear a story about someone sitting down to eat an uneventful dinner, but they might if the dinner turns out to be a mutated lobster that tries to take over the world. Well… that might be a bit extreme, but it's the conflict that makes it exciting!
The characters should have conflicts with their enemies, their situations, their peers, their past, their future, and yes, even conflicts with their friends. They're probably just fighting because they can't admit how they feel about each other, anyway.
(goes pale) No. Scratch that. That is a ridiculous conflict, and it would absolutely never happen. People only fight because they don't like each other… really… it's true.
(remembers to breathe) Anyway, don't let your story get stale! Keep the conflicts coming:
"Turn yourself in!?" Malfoy couldn't stop glancing around, expecting to see a sign of the Ministry everywhere. "You'd better just count yourself as lucky this time… you'd have to be an idiot to turn yourself in!"
"But I feel terrible," Hermione was concentrating on not throwing up. She was leaning over a toilet bowl just in case. "That man didn't do anything wrong! And I didn't mean to…"
Malfoy was leaning against the wall, unconcerned with her discomfort. "Didn't mean to? You looked like you were having the time of your life! I was just waiting on the maniacal laughter!"
"Bwa ha ha," She choked. "There. You happy?"
"Not today," He held out the assignment parchment. "And not until you get this stupid project done!"
"Not until we get it done," She said bossily, standing up. "I'm not letting you get away with being lazy… you're going to do your share!"
Draco looked evil… in a lazy sort of way. "I thought you might have caught on in the store." The evil look became a little less lazy. "You don't tell me what to do."
"Seriously," Hermione started unpacking the contents of the shopping bags onto the sink counter. "You'd think that if I were going to break the magic prohibition, I would have gotten in a couple spells at you." The nausea returned at the thought of breaking such an important rule. "Well anyway, it's good we got a different clerk to ring this stuff up before they realized what happened."
"Well… let's do the project so I can be rid of you. I'm not interested in being your accomplice in crimes, thanks."
Hermione wished that Ron had been somewhere nearby, so she could have had somebody reliable to confide in. The guilt was sickening.
Hermione: Wha… oh, sorry. Typographical error. That should have said:
Hermione wished that Harry had been somewhere nearby, so she could have had somebody reliable to confide in. The guilt was sickening.
Hermione: There. (sniffles) I mean, Ron reliable? What a joke! (looks downcast at the word 'joke') Er… anyhow:
"Alright," Draco perused the list of questions. "It says, 'take before and after photos for using a muggle-brand toothpaste. Describe the difference.' How stupid."
Hermione tried to shake off her bad feelings and focus. "At least it's easy. My parents are both dentists, and as they'd have you know, nothing is more important than dental care."
"I don't care what your parents say, Granger!" Malfoy picked up the camera. "Now say cheese. This is your 'before' picture."
She smiled a tiny smile. The camera clicked. "Okay, give it here, and you say cheese."
He handed the camera over. "I just would like to remind you that I'm only doing this because-"
She snapped the picture. "Just because. I think we already had that discussion." She held up a toothbrush and the tube of toothpaste the way a flight attendant displays a life jacket. She then demonstrated the process of brushing one's teeth. "Nice circular motion," She quoted her parents.
"This is so stupid! Just give me the toothpaste." He repeated the same process.
They took two more pictures, and continued on to the next item.
"The tweezers," Malfoy announced. "We're supposed to find out what they're for, and try it out. Tweezers… tweezers… that is a weird word."
Hermione had never really thought about it. "Yeah… it kind of is. Anyway, they're for plucking out hair."
He turned the object over with new interest. "This little thing is for torture?"
"Not torture. You can groom your eyebrows with it, make them a nice shape by pulling out unnecessary hairs… stuff like that."
Draco looked mildly disappointed. "It doesn't hurt?"
"I've never done it." Hermione admitted. "It's supposed to be a little painful, though."
"Your eyebrows are a little bushy." He observed, filling in a line on the parchment.
She balked. "Oh, no. I'm not goin-"
"It says right here!" He flashed the piece of paper in front of her nose, and the authority was unmistakable. "We're supposed to try it out!"
"But why me?" She found herself wishing Ron would show up.
Hermione: Erk. I'm just tired. That's what it is:
"But why me?" She found herself wishing Harry would show up.
"Because it looks to me like you could benefit from it." Malfoy approached her threateningly. "Really, it looks like you could benefit from a hedging, but this will do."
"No!" Hermione wailed, feeling defenseless for the second time in a few hours. "Don't do it!"
"The sooner you give in," Draco grunted as he forced her to lie down on the counter top. "The sooner this will all be over with, right?"
She squirmed desperately. "I'll… curse you! I'll really do it! You've seen how dangerous I can be!"
"Yeah," He somehow had her wand in his hand. "But not without this. Now hold still, already!"
Pinned, she didn't seem to have any other option. "Help! Hagrid! Somebody!"
"Stop moving!" Malfoy warned her, pinching the tweezers in front of her eyes. "You don't want me to do a lousy job, do you?"
It happened so quickly, it was almost disappointing. She could feel the sting as a hair was pulled out from over her eye, but it wasn't so bad.
"Don't… don't butcher my face, please," Hermione begged, trying to relax a little.
"Shh." He replied harshly, leaning over her face.
She felt more hairs being plucked, and imagined what she was going to look like when he was done. It was a scary thought.
"Don't cry," Malfoy growled. "I'm not going to ruin your eyebrows. What kind of grade would we get?"
He let her up, so she could see in the mirror. True enough, nothing hideous had transpired. In fact, her eyebrows were looking shapelier already! She suddenly felt ashamed of the tears on her cheeks. "Oh."
"But if you can't stand it," The thrill of hurting her had obviously worn off. "I'll quit."
"You can't leave it like this!" She exclaimed. "I'm… lopsided."
He raised his own eyebrows, looking almost flattered. "Stop complaining then. And get that fake hair out of the way!" He moved the inconvenient strands off her forehead, preparing to finish the job.
Hermione suddenly inhaled deeply, feeling strange, but it wasn't the nausea. "You like what I did to that fool clerk?"
Malfoy withdrew, immediately recognizing the mood change. "I thought you were feeling guilty?"
"Guilty? Over a muggle? Why?"
"What is up with you, Granger? I've heard Weasley call you moody, but this is ridiculous!"
She lifted herself off the counter. "What would he know? Stupid Gryffindor."
"You're a Gryffindor."
"Stupid Sorting Hat!" Hermione purred. "And the worst thing of it all: I'm stuck in the same house as that damn Potter! Always pretending to be so good!" She flitted her fingers in the air. "It's unbearable!"
Draco looked worried. "I must have hit your head harder than I thought…"
"You know, I think we should take a break and go throw something nasty in the Gryffindor's room!"
"What? No! Focus on the project!"
Hermione looked semi-worshipful. "Oh, okay!" She took the parchment and started filling out all the questions.
"You're doing that right… right?" He was shocked how quickly she had agreed. "You're not trying to ruin it, are you?"
"No!" She stopped writing and looked mournful. "Why would I do that?"
"Because you have a concussion or something…"
The subordinate attitude faded within an instant. "And whose fault is that!?" Hermione was suddenly yelling, more like normal. "What did you think you were doing, attacking me in the store like that!?"
"Just… just finish the report." The mood swings were becoming wearying… and a little disconcerting.
"No! I've already done more than half the work! The rest is yours."
Malfoy was breathing heavily, obviously restraining himself from strangling her. "Just a second ago, you were acting like you'd do anything I said. I think that's a healthier attitude than the way you're acting now!"
"I don't know what got into me," Hermione stated in an offhand sort of way. "But I'm leaving now. Give me back my wand."
"Tell me, Granger," He ignored the request, bouncing the wand in the palm of his hand. "What's going on? You seem to be losing interest in your Harry Potter worshipping today."
"It's none of your business…"
"Did somebody beat me to casting a useful curse on you, or what?"
She had been worrying about that very possibility. Harry and Ron hadn't been very helpful about it either. In fact, they had just seemed impatient with her. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Draco looked amused. "Well, you've got a lot of enemies, what with being such a bloody know-it-all and everything. Could have been anybody, couldn't it?"
She studied the linoleum quietly, trying to remember if anybody in the school had been particularly upset with her lately. "Um…"
"But why mood swings?" He was studying the possibilities as well. "That's sort of… unreliable. If I had cursed you, it would have been something more predictable."
"Well, then they made a mistake, didn't they?" She held out her hand for the wand. "As it is, I'm still in control of myself."
Malfoy suddenly seemed to think of something. Something he thought was great. "You stupid mudblood! You did it to yourself, didn't you?"
"What?"
"Too dumb to notice the pattern?"
"What!?" She was indeed feeling dumb.
He shook his head. "This morning when you yelled at Potter… and then at the store… and of course just now. Every time I…"
The realization dawned on Hermione. "Get away from me!" She tried to make a desperate bolt for the door.
"No you don't!" He had her by the wrist before she had barely begun running. "Not going to let an opportunity like this go to waste."
"Ha~rry! Ro~n!" She screamed desperately. This was a lot worse than having her eyebrows plucked.
"Forget about them." Draco ran a hand through her hair with deliberation. "And do the assignment."
Her resistance faded. "Okay," She had tears in her eyes from the screaming. "Whatever you say."
Hermione: (distractedly wipes moisture from her eyes) There! Conflict! And I'm only just getting started! See, it's not just enough to have them do the projects. Even Harry and Ron are going to run into some conflicts during their deceptively simple pr-
Ron: (comes running) What's the matter!?
Hermione: (shocked) Why'd you come back?
Ron: You were screaming!
Hermione: What?
Ron: You were yelling for Harry and me! I thought you were getting killed!
Hermione: I… wasn't screaming, Ron.
Ron: (irritated) Yes, you were! I could hear it all the way from the dorms.
Hermione: (equally irritated) Probably daydreaming.
Ron: Then why are you crying?
Hermione: (realizes her eyes are wet) Er… I… I guess you're right.
Ron: What happened?
Hermione: I guess I just really got into the writing. I must have been saying it out loud… I'm sorry.
Ron: (exhales) I thought I was going to come in here and find you dead or something! I had this idea in my head that Miss Unoriginality turned out to be a psychopathic killer, and that I shouldn't have left you all alone.
Hermione: (smiles a tiny bit) She's just not creative enough to come up with that! Murders are too interesting.
Ron: Interesting!? Do you have any idea how I would have felt if you were…
Hermione: (guilty) Relieved?
Ron: Hermione, no!
Hermione: Well, at least you wouldn't have me screaming in the common room in the middle of the night…
Ron: If the alternative were finding you dead, I'd rather have you screaming in the common room every night! (goes as red as his hair) Er… that wasn't supposed to sound like that.
Hermione: (bites her lip) I take it back. Viktor and I have never had such… 'interesting'… conversations.
Ron: I'm not trying to be 'interesting,' I hope you know.
Hermione: Well… that just leads to more conflicts doesn't it? (points at her new chapter) I'm writing about it, you see.
Ron: (sheepish) Want some help?
Hermione: Yeah.
Ron: (confident again) Great! Then we can write about the part where Ron Weasley has Hermione screaming in the Gryffindor common room!
Hermione: You're bordering between 'interesting' and 'insolent' now.
Ron: It's a misunderstanding, Hermione! Nothing's more conflicting than a misunderstanding.
Hermione: (hesitates) That's… true. You'd better not be trying to trick me, or something.
Ron: Wouldn't think about it! Now show me what you've written while I was gone!
Hermione: Here.
Ron: (reads) Hmm. I would've come at this part, you know.
Hermione: You couldn't hear me! You're at the movies!
Ron: Oh yeah! Back to that:
"Did you just hear Hermione scream?" Ron whispered, tearing his attention from the war film.
Harry shook his head, munching popcorn. "It's just the movie." His statement was backed up as a bunch of soldiers onscreen screamed. "See?"
"I dunno…" Ron turned back to the show. "Just got a bad feeling… like she's being assaulted by some creep, or something."
"Whoa, that was cool," Harry observed as the star of the movie pulled some ridiculous stunt off.
Hermione: (cracking up) I love the fact that you're psychic now, and Harry's just… oblivious.
Ron: What's new?
Hermione: Well if anything, it's the other way around, but please continue.
Ron: You wouldn't know, since you dropped out of Divination, would you? I might be very psychic:
Ron suddenly had a teacup in his hands. He swished the tea around, and then dumped it out so he could read the leaves.
"Hey!" The people sitting in the row in front complained as the tea flowed beneath their shoes.
"Sorry, but this is important!" Ron peered into the mug hopefully.
"Stop doing magic!" Harry hissed. "Besides, you can't see that thing in here; it's too dark!"
"I've gotta know!" He persisted, turning the cup every so often to get a different angle. "Oh no!"
Harry dropped his popcorn at the cry. "What!? Is something wrong?"
"See these leaves here?" Ron pointed. "And these here? That says Hermione got eaten by a giant shark!"
"Be quiet!" Some moviegoers demanded.
"We're not by any sharks," Harry retrieved the popcorn that wasn't ruined. "You're having some kind of weird panic attack!"
Hermione: Okay, or you're not so psychic…
Ron: Just wait:
"Okay, maybe it's not sharks, but I know it's something!" Ron suddenly had his crystal ball out.
"Put that light out!" Some other patrons yelled.
Harry looked mortified. "Ron! We're going to get caught!"
"But look at this little swirling fog right here!" In excitement at the revelations in the crystal ball, Ron leapt to his feet.
"Down in front!"
"Harry!" Ron exclaimed. "Look at this!"
Harry had to stand up to look in the crystal. A few people threw popcorns that stuck in his hair. "I don't see it! Will you sit back down?"
"Would somebody shut those kids up!?"
"It's…" Ron concentrated. "It's…"
"Sit down!"
"Aw man… it's only Medina Meridian." He finally sat back down. "And it's not Hermione at all. Parvati's having a pretty rough time, though."
Hermione: Oh, that was clever.
Ron: Yeah, I know.
Hermione: Anyway:
Later, when the film was over, Harry and Ron left, ignoring some nasty looks the other patrons shot at them.
"That was really great!" Ron was very excited now. "Let's see it again!"
"Again?" Harry threw the empty popcorn and Jr. Mint boxes away. "But we've already done enough research to finish our assignment."
"So? I missed like five minutes of the middle!"
"So did everybody else." Harry grumbled. "You were being louder than the missiles in the movie!"
Ron didn't look fazed. "Come on, Harry!"
"Oh… all right." Harry wasn't ready to go back to the hotel, anyway. He walked up to the ticket booth again and opened the wallet. "Hey…"
"What?" Ron noted a distressed tone in Harry's voice.
"Oh, if it isn't the kid who doesn't know what money is again," The ticket-taker recognized them.
Harry held the wallet open. "There's no money left! Funny… there seemed to be plenty still after we bought the Jr. Mints!"
"Were we robbed!?"
"Probably just mistook some lint for cash," The ticket-taker said insultingly.
Ron fumed at her. "I'm foreign. Okay?"
"You speak pretty great English, then." She responded drolly.
Harry held up a hand. "Just a second." He and Ron walked a few yards away to discuss their unexpected poverty.
"So what happened, Harry?"
"Maybe," Harry wondered as he shook the wallet upside down. Nothing fell out. "Maybe it's enchanted."
"A practical joke!?"
"No. Maybe the money runs out after we complete our assignment?"
Ron seemed to realize how inconvenient this was. "How are we supposed to get into the theme park now?"
"I don't know." Harry felt disappointed, too. "Let's just get back to the inn and answer all the assignment questions."
"Homework?" Ron pointed up and down the street. "Harry! There's a thrill ride that way, and you want us to go this way to do homework? You're talking like Hermione!"
"Well, we can't just sneak into the theme park. We'd get caught," Harry sniffled. "And besides, it's illegal."
"What a holiday. Fine then, let's go do homework…"
Ron: Hey! I wanted them to ride the coaster!
Hermione: Don't worry, they will.
Ron: But they're broke! Just for once, couldn't I be rich?
Hermione: I'm glad you feel that way! That means I'll be keeping the story-Ron in character later on.
Ron: I hate being poor…
Hermione: Cheer up. The story's not over yet.
Unoriginality: Does that mean there's still time for me to chip in then?
Ron & Hermione: (groan)
Unoriginality: Okay… if the story's not over yet, let's try this:
And soo, as thy wre wlking beck, Hrrry ccidently steped in front of an bus and woz brutilley kild and Ron woz lik "noooo!" and Hary woz lik "splaaaaaat!" and they al attended hiz fooneral and woz saddned but then sudnly Ron relized hiz amazing luv fr Medina and they-
Ron: (speaking quickly) Let me guess. They got married, had a million kids and were dirt poor, right?
Unoriginality: Actually, they were quite comfortably rich, but other than that… yeah. And also:
Nd off cours, Hermonee reelzed hur amazng luv fr Ron but it wuz all tooo late and she wuz tragikly mizerble that she hadn spake sooner. The end.
Hermione: So I was tragically miserable, eh?
Unoriginality: (wipes a tear from her eye) I just love angst fics!
Ron: Too bad, Hermione. Shame you didn't speak up earlier about that amazing love you have for me.
Hermione: (cross) Oh, ha ha. I just pity Medina Weasley's married life.
Unoriginality: You don't like it again? Let's try this, you guys:
But actooly, thts not exactivally hoow ti hppned. Actooly, Herminone stealed Ron from Medina and they hd a zillon kds and wre married and luved eich uther amazingly! The end.
Hermione: Had a zillion kids, were married, and loved each other. Hmm. Hopefully not in that order, right?
Ron: Or not at all…
Hermione: (looks offended)
Unoriginality: You people are never satisfied! Obviously Hermione was on the rebound from her amazing love for Harry, but since he died, she took the first person she saw! It's really romantic, eh?
Ron: (looks offended)
Hermione: Um… let's try to turn this fiasco into something productive…