Chapter 9: Remember That Thing We Mentioned WAAAAY Back When?
Ron: Fine, here's your grubby old parchment. (hands Hermione the battered plot pyramid)
Hermione: (hugs it) Thank goodness! And you! Stop chucking my important documents!
Ron: It looked like a worthless doodle.
Hermione: I told you what it was!
Ron: It sounded like a worthless doodle, too.
Hermione: You have no respect for the creative writing process!
Unoriginality: What does this plot pyramid do anyway?
Hermione: (calms down at the prospect to do some lecturing) This specimen of thought and planning helps me to keep everything in the story tied together and making sense. So long as I have my plot pyramid, I don't forget the little things, and it will appear to the readers that everything was building up to one ultimate result.
Unoriginality: Everything?
Hermione: Yes, everything. In my estimation, every single word in a fic should build up to the conclusion, and I had it all planned on the pyramid… but then you guys showed up.
Ron: You're welcome.
Unoriginality: Any time.
Hermione: (growls) Yeah, thanks a ton. It's been a roller coaster ride with you two chipping in.
Ron: Speaking of which… three cheers for the Colossus Cruiser! We should have put that in a long time ago.
Hermione: No, my timing's perfect, see? (unfolds the plot pyramid and points frantically at the appropriate layer) This way, everything works out!
Ron & Unoriginality: Whatever…
Hermione: You guys! Can't you absorb at least a smidge of my lessons? What's the point if you don't learn anything?
Ron: Well, the point might be to actually have some fun, but I have been listening. Just not all that well.
Hermione: Well it's your missed opportunity to glean some applicable knowledge!
Unoriginality: What's applicable mean?
Ron: Go ask your mother. Anyway, back to the fic:
"This is not going to work." Harry hissed, peering at the gate from behind a rather pointy bush. "And if, by some miracle, this deceit does work, never tell anyone."
"Deal. Now make a bolt for it!"
Harry and Ron made a comic dash for the theme park's wall, attempted a Jackie Chan 'bounce from the wall to a tree to the top of the wall' maneuver, and ended up flat on their butts, no closer to the interior of the park than before. This is always what happens when people try to be like Jackie Chan, and seriously, who hasn't tried at least once?
"Told you…" Harry groaned. "That has got to be the worst plan ever."
"Hey, I didn't hear any brilliant schemes coming from you." Ron recovered from the fall with ease, crossing his arms across his sweater moodily.
"Yes, you did. My scheme was to not commit a crime today."
"Oh, just be quiet…" Ron suddenly froze. "Shhh! Somebody's coming!"
"Harry?" A familiar voice asked meekly. Parvati approached the ruined martial artists curiously, Medina and a young Gryffindor in tow. "What are you guys doing here?"
Harry frowned, dusting some grass off his pant leg. "Oh, nothing. How about yourself?"
"Just came to pick up my friend's younger brother when we heard the strangest crashing sound." Parvati said. "Was that you?"
"It was a frightful fright!" Medina put in sweetly. "It sounded like somebody falling out of a tree, or the like!"
Ron tried to look incredibly innocent. "Now why would we be making crashing sounds?" The innocence came off as incredible lying.
"Maybe you're trying to jump over the wall and sneak into the theme park?" Parvati suggested casually.
Harry groaned again. "Guess you're not the only psychic one, Ron."
"So… so you were!" Medina gasped. "That's a crime! We're supposed to be on our heavenly best behavior!" She shook her finger at them ferociously.
"We wouldn't be doing it if we had some money to buy our way in legitimately!" Ron edged back as Medina's finger got a bit too close. "Have any to lend us?"
"I don't sponsor criminals." Parvati said blandly. "Uh… Medina, you're going to put somebody's eye out if you keep jabbing that finger around… like earlier, remember? That poor man may never see again!"
"Right." Medina said introspectively. "I just wanted to say that… I may have something that would help you end your outlaw ways." She reached into a pink purse she had at her side (the inscription on the purse read Princess), and rummaged about until she found a small scrap of parchment. "I certainly don't need this since I'm so well off, but I do approve of charitable causes. Good luck." She offered the scrap.
Ron reached for it tentatively, and as soon as his hand got within range, Medina gave a small hiccup and jolted slightly. "Ouch! You went and gave me a paper cut!"
"Oh… so sorry Ron, it was a lamentable accident! Parchment can be very dangerous, you know!"
"Whatever," Ron pouted, resisting the urge to put his cut finger in his mouth. He should have known they wouldn't escape an encounter with Medina unscathed. "What is this, anyway?"
Medina shrugged her shoulders so violently she knocked the young Gryffindor Parvati was escorting off his feet. "Your path to the wealth you seek! At least, that's what it said on the package."
"We have to go," Parvati said desperately, helping her charge back to a standing position. "I want to hide in my room as soon as humanly possible… what a nightmare."
The trio left the way they came. As soon as they were out of sight, an irritated shriek rang out; undoubtedly Parvati's disbelief at yet another clumsy incident of Medina's.
"I'd call them the Three Stooges, but only one of them is a certified Stooge." Ron grumbled. He took his first good look at Medina's offering. "What is this?"
Harry looked over Ron's shoulder. "It's… a map of some kind… of London!"
"A treasure map!" Ron said instinctively.
"Oh, grow up." Harry sighed. "Who makes treasure maps anymore?"
"I'm serious, Harry! It's a treasure map! See these red Xs on it? X marks the spot for treasure, I'm sure of it!"
Indeed, the map was designed like a treasure map that an old pirate may have carried in the past. There were two red Xs; one with a dollar sign inscribed along with it, and the other with a question mark. There was even a compass symbol indicating North, and a dashed line connecting the two Xs. The theme was completed with a rather badly drawn rendition of a pirate ship.
"What is this?" Harry couldn't believe what he was seeing. Was this some kind of bad prank of Medina's design?
Ron exhaled in a long-suffering way. "One more time, and I'll say it slowly so you can understand: it's… a… treasure… map!"
"I just don't believe that! Why would Medina have something like that, and why would she give it to you?"
"Like she said, she's rich!" The question didn't seem important to Ron. "Here, I think we should check out the one with the dollar sign now!"
Unoriginality: Oh boy! Are they going to meet real pirates?
Hermione: (aggravated) There are no pirates in my fic.
Unoriginality: Oh, bummer. You know, including pirates can't help but make it better! Pirates are all the rage, right now!
Hermione: As is reality TV, but that doesn't mean it gets a part in my fic.
Ron: Hey! Survivor: Hogwarts edition. Why hadn't I thought of that before? Contestants could get points for tripping Slytherins in the hallways, and camping on the moving staircases! There could even be a bonus round where people try to sneak stuff out of Snape's collection of potion ingredients… and then dare the other tribe to eat it!
Hermione: You just leave that idea alone! Those reality programs are a waste of mental energy!
Unoriginality: (trying to figure out the plot pyramid for the seventh time… with no luck) I'd say your charts have wasted all the mental energy I started with.