Chapter Twelve

The Lies of Parenthood

Despite all of the good intentions she had when she first found out she was pregnant, Jordan found herself repeating the same behaviors she had hated in her father and she promised herself she wouldn't repeat with her son.

Like discussing cases. Will had a natural curiosity. One that rivaled her own. And he had a subtle way of getting you to answer questions you really didn't want to…like his father. So when he would ask her what she was doing at work, she would end up telling him far more than she had intended to.

Or like behaving irrationally if he was more than fifteen minutes late with curfew. Her imagination would have the worse possible scenario playing out…just like her father had done with her…only to have Will waltz in the front door a few minutes later, perfectly fine with a perfectly sound excuse.

And she'd just be so thankful to see him, she wouldn't lecture him…just hug him close and tell him to get his butt up to bed.

But the most important thing she had promised herself was that she wouldn't lie to her son…not like her father lied to her. Oh, to be sure, there are always going to be the white lies of parenthood…Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny….the tooth fairy. But Jordan wasn't talking about those… she was taking about major lies and deception…like her father hiding the fact from her that she had a half-brother, James. Or that her mother had suffered a miscarriage that led to depression and worsened her mental illness.

Jordan had solemnly sworn to herself she would never repeat those mistakes with her son. A lot of good that had done her. She had kept Jason's military picture out after his death – to remind her of what a good man he was and how much she missed him. So at the tender age of ten months when Will looked at the photo and said "Da," she did nothing to correct him. And later, when he asked questions about the man in the picture, she never told him that Jason was his father. She referred to Jason as "my husband." Will assumed the man was his father. He had always referred to Jason as "Dad."

She had done nothing to correct him.

Which was as bad as lying to him…and maybe worse.

She knew the day would come when Will would know who his real father was. And as he got closer to sixteen, she had assumed that it would be when she had to give him his birth certificate…and the truth would be there in black and white. She knew he'd probably be angry at her…but also maybe relieved. He did have a father that was alive and one that he could touch, see, hear, and love. Jordan never doubted that Woody wouldn't return his son's affection. Despite all the grief between the two of them, she never doubted that Woody would accept his son.

What she had dreaded was explaining to Will why she took so long to tell him….that she was embarrassed at her behavior…that she had been so taken away by the moment that she didn't use protection and neither did Woody….

That she had misled him for so long.

And she certainly hadn't intended on telling Will with his father present. In her mind, they would work it out between the two of them and then Jordan would phone Woody and explain it to him.

Woody would catch a flight out, and he and his son would be reunited.

Instead, Woody was sitting across from her in a chair, nervously waiting on Will to come downstairs. She fidgeted on the couch, squirming just a bit from the anxiety of the moment, and Woody's eyes on her.

"If you'd have been honest with both of us years ago, we wouldn't have to do this," Woody said suddenly, startling her out of her thoughts.

"What choice did you give me? You said no contact…that was your decision."

"Yeah, but you know me well enough to realize that if there was a child involved…."

"Well, I'm sorry…but Will's birth was so complicated…"

"He wasn't sick all his life…."

"Yeah, but by the time his health had settled down, Dad was sick…"

"And you couldn't take one minute to pick up the phone, call me and tell me.."

"Tell you what?" Will's voice suddenly over rode both of the bickering adult voices. "Tell you what?" he repeated, coming down the stairs. "What's going on? Why are you two arguing? Why should Mom have to tell you anything about me?"

Woody gave Jordan a glance that plainly told her this first move was hers. "Sit down, Will. I need to…we need to talk to you," she said quietly. Will slowly descended the rest of the stairs and came around to her side of the couch, dropping down on it. From the look in his mother's eyes, this wasn't going to be a happy conversation. Vainly he racked his brain for anything he had done wrong that could somehow involve Detective Hoyt.

"Ooookayyy…What did I do?" he asked, innocently.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Woody said, glancing again at Jordan.

"No…you didn't," Jordan agreed, seeing the confused look on her son's face. "This time….I did. I did something wrong…very wrong." She reached over for Jason's picture off the table behind the couch. "Who is this, Will?"

Will looked at his mother like she had slipped a gasket. "Jason Turner….my dad."

"I know….know…you've always said that. And I've done nothing to change your mind about that fact….but look at your birth certificate…" she handed him the folded piece of paper out of her pocket. She swallowed hard and saw Woody nervously stuff his hands in his pockets.

"No," was the quiet response that came from Will. "No….this can't be right…they made a mistake on my birth certificate…Mom…tell me this is a mistake."

"It's no mistake, son," Woody said just as softly. "I'm your dad."

Jordan watched the emotions play across her son's face….from astonishment….to fear….to anger. "Why…why haven't you, why didn't you…" his voice trailed off as he stood and looked Jordan in the eyes…for once in his young life using his height to deliberately tower over his mother. Then he swung towards Woody. "And why haven't you…where were you…." He sat back down on the couch in frustration.

"I only found out the other week when they put you in the hospital with Bullis Disease," Woody answered. Your mother had to tell me then…she needed to know if anyone in my family had it…since it is hereditary. That's how I found out. And it does run in my family. My brother…your Uncle Cal …has it."

"I have an uncle?"

Woody grinned slightly. "Yeah. Of sorts, anyway."

"Mom…why? Why haven't you said anything?" Her son's anguish broke her heart.

"It's complicated, Will…really complicated," she replied.

"So if you two did date before," he said turning back to Woody.

"No…no we really didn't…." Woody responded, not quite entirely sure how to steer this conversation.

"But what…happened."

Jordan took a deep breath and sat down beside her son, taking one of his hands in hers. "Do you remember what I've told you about relationships?" she asked. "How that sometimes…even if you really love and care for the other person – time, personalities, circumstances can keep you apart?"

Will nodded.

"Well…that's what happened with Detective Hoy…Woody and I."

"Yeah," Woody responded, dropping back into his chair. "I had a crush on your mom from the minute I saw her…"

"But I wasn't sure about him," Jordan replied, nodding at Woody. "So for three years, we kind of danced around each other….getting closer, then pulling away."

"Sometimes she was afraid of where our relationship was going, and sometimes I was," Woody added.

"But it was mostly me," admitted Jordan. "And then the day came…when Woody was shot…and was hurt really badly. We thought we might lose him. It was then that I realized what I really felt for him…that I had loved him…and I told him so…." She swallowed hard. She wondered if either of the men in the room realized how difficult it was on her to revisit her feelings for Woody. How it still made her heart hurt. "But…by that time, Woody was tired of waiting on me."

"I told her I wasn't interested in a relationship with her any longer," Woody said as gently as he could. "It was just….too late."

"The timing was all wrong…just like I've told you," Jordan said.

"So what? You two slept together to get it out of your system?" Will said bitterly, looking from his mother to …Christ, his father.

"No….it wasn't like that…" Jordan replied, unsure of where to go next with this conversation. All the books in the world written about raising teenagers didn't cover this topic. She was clueless on where to go next. She gave Woody a helpless look.

"No…..no…she's right, it wasn't. That night….the only time we were together…." Woody raked his fingers though his hair, as uncertain as Jordan was on how to steer the conversation now… "it just happened."

"Mom… you've always told me things like that don't just happen….you said…"

"I know what I said….but when the attraction is strong enough between a man and a woman…" Jordan began.

"Heaven and hell can't keep them apart forever," Woody ended, softly. "And that's what happened, Will. Your mom's truck broke down….I stopped to help her out….it was pouring rain….anyway, we ended up back at my apartment."

"So you were attracted to her…and she was to you. Why didn't you stick around after she found out she was pregnant?" Will asked, his voice still full of too many emotions to name.

"I never knew she was pregnant…" Woody said.

"He left before I even knew," Jordan said. "He had taken a job in San Diego. And when he left, we both agreed that we needed to have not contact with each other…to get over one another and move on with our lives."

"Then why …how…did Dad…Jason…come into the picture? Why do I have his last name?"

"Your da – Jason and I were friends….and were seeing each other already. When I told him I was pregnant, he wanted to marry me….so he could take care of me and you….when he got back from Iraq and so we all would have the same last name," Jordan finished.

"Even though I wasn't his?" Will asked, fighting the tears back.

"It didn't matter to him. He loved you from the beginning," Jordan said, fighting her own round of tears over the memory of Jason's concern and tenderness.

"So why wait so long to tell me, Mom….Why?"

Jordan covered her face with her hands for a minute. This was so complicated….and was a sixteen year-old boy really going to understand? Well, if she was going to be honest with him, she may as well be honest with the whole story.

"It was easier to keep putting it off. First, you were so sick when you were born, and several year afterwards, that getting you well and keeping you well was the most important thing on my mind and everyone else's. Then Grandpa got sick."

"I remember." And Will did. They nearly had moved back in with Max so Jordan could take care of him. "But after that?"

"I knew a couple of things. First, I had tried to make contact with Woody when you were about six. I found out he was engaged …and I didn't know how he would take it…if he thought I was trying to manipulate him back into a relationship because perhaps I was jealous. Second, I was afraid he might try to take you away from me…"

Will gave Woody a hard look. "Take me away from Mom?"

"Will, I would have never tried to do that. Ever. I would have wanted to see you….but never take you away."

"But I didn't know that," Jordan continued. "Woody and I fought before he left….so we didn't part on the best of terms."

"And you have to remember that I knew that there was that possibility we could have a child…I never stopped to call your mom afterwards….to check and make sure everything was alright," Woody concluded. "So, it's not all your mom's fault."

Dead silence ringed the room for a few minutes as the three of them wordlessly looked at each other, digesting everything that had just been said. Will finally became aware, through the thick cloud of his own thoughts, that the two adults were warily looking at him. He finally stood and shoved both of his hand in his jean pockets. "I don't know what to say," he finally said. "I mean, I trusted you, Mom. I always believed everything you told me. I mean, I sort of see where you are coming from…but still…that man," he motioned towards Woody with his head. "is my dad. And you didn't tell me.

"And you…" he said, looking at Woody, his eyes narrowing. "I'm not sure how I feel about a man who knew he could have gotten my mother pregnant and then didn't have the balls to stop and call her to make sure she was okay. Especially after you knew she loved you, then slept with her…then told her not to contact you. You're a real winner, you know that?

"So…I'm not sure how I feel about this whole family thing right now. Or even if I want to be a part of it. I think I'm going to spend the night at Matt's house tonight. I'll talk to both of you tomorrow…after I've had some time to think."