Chapter Fourteen

White Knights and Denial

Jordan opened her mouth and closed it. Then she did it again. "What in the hell ever gave you the idea that I would marry you just because we have a kid together?"

"Just that….we have a child…a son…and he needs his family."

"And he has it. You. Me. Him. If the family image thing bothers you so bad, I'll even buy him a dog, but I'm not marrying anyone. I've made it sixteen years without a husband and a full-time father for Will. I'm in the home stretch now….In five years he'll be twenty-one. Why in God's name do I need a husband?"

"It's not so much you need a husband, it's that Will might want his father around full time."

"You can see him as much as you want to. I won't make an issue out of visitation." Jordan fumbled through her purse for money for her lunch. Finding a ten, she threw it on the table and stood. "Hell, even buy the house next door…I don't care…" She nearly ran out of the restaurant, unaware that Woody was close on her heels. Putting his hand on her arm once they had gotten outside, he whirled her around to face him.

"Would it be so bad…being married to me? At one time, I thought you'd jump at the chance," he said referring to her confession years ago.

"That was then….and that was a long time ago. This is now. Will needs you as his father, and I'm fully ready to let you play that role. I don't need a man …a husband….and I don't need you like that." She tried to pull away, but Woody kept his hand on her arm.

"I meant what I said the other day, Jo. If I would have known about Will from the beginning, we wouldn't remotely be having this discussion. I would have married you and taken care of you and Will. I still am ready to do that."

"I don't need chivalry, Woody. I don't believe in White Knights any longer," Jordan's voice took a bitter edge and lowered. "The last White Knight I knew died in Iraq years ago."

"Jason…"

"Yes," she said, looking into Woody's eyes. "Jason. He cared about Will before he was born…and he cared about me….even thought he was gone during the pregnancy, he was in constant contact….especially when I was put on bed rest…when we thought we had lost Will. He wanted to make sure we both were taken care of…and he had such plans for us when he got back…." Her voice lowered again with her eyes.

Woody gently took her by the arms, his hand sliding down her shoulders to her elbows. "I would have done the same thing if I would have only known, Jordan. I would have been here for you and Will."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said. I had just hoped you knew me well enough to realize I didn't mean it."

"Sorry," she said, the bitterness becoming apparent in her tone again. "I didn't …and don't….and there's really no use in continuing this conversation. It's water under the bridge…the past….over and done with. The best thing we can do right now is what Will has asked us to do. Get along well enough that he doesn't have to worry about us biting each other's heads off when we're all together."

"My offer stands, Jordan."

"Marriage? Sorry, no. Not to you…not to anyone. I've been on my own…alone…too long to even contemplate holy dreadlock. There are no more White Knights out there….chivalry…romance….love….is dead. At least to me."

And it was and is…dead…Jordan thought to herself as she made her way back to the morgue. All those feelings, dreams, were dead to her. They died the minute Woody had kicked her out of his hospital room years before. It had taken her four years and God only knows how many levels of denial to work through, but when she told him that she loved him, she had meant it.

And never recanted.

Jason had known this…he knew how broken hearted Jordan was before she discovered she was pregnant, and like the good man that he was, he was trying to prop her up emotionally until she could walk on her own. It had been bad enough when Woody kicked her out of his hospital room. It was worse after they had made love and he revealed to her he was leaving Boston and wanted no further contact with her. Her unplanned pregnancy had thrown her for such an emotional loop that Jason feared she wouldn't recover. He had talked her into marrying him….the reluctance on her part tangible, but the necessity on his part had persuaded her to follow through.

And it wasn't as though she didn't have feelings for the man. In her own way, she had admired, respected, and had great affection for Jason. But not the way she had Woody. No, not the way she did Woody, she corrected herself. What she had felt for Jason paled in comparison to the feelings of passion…the depth of love she once held for Woody.

Still did, if she was honest with herself. But she wouldn't marry him just due to the fact they had a child together. To look at him day after day and know that the only reason they were together was because Will was there would only eat her alive from the inside out. The best she could hope for and would hope for was a relationship with him as the mother of their son. At least that was permanent and unchangeable. She would always be Will's mom…Woody would always be his father.

She may still have feelings for Woody…somewhere, buried beneath all those years of loneliness…but as frightened as she was of losing Will to his father, she was even more afraid of losing her heart to Woody again.

Woody watched her walk away, any parting speech he may have wanted to say blown off by her words and the bitterness in her voice. He had always known Jordan was cynical…but the edge to her voice surprised him…and made him worry.

He had never known her to be this…cold. He found his car and made his way back to the precinct…thinking about what all had happened to Jordan over a sixteen year time period….the death of her husband…the traumatic birth of her son…then nearly losing him…then Max.

No wonder she was just a little bitter. And she had been right…with the exception of Will, she had been alone most of her life, having only herself and her wits to depend on. He could only imagine the fear and isolation she must have felt as a young single mother with a son in fragile health. Woody sighed as he reached his office and made his way to homicide. No wonder Will and Jordan were so close. Framus had been right. Will looked after Jordan because they were everything to each other.

Until now. He was here now. And while he was no knight in shining armor, he loved his son and wanted to make sure Will was well taken care of. And he wanted to make sure Jordan was taken care of.

Because if the truth had to be told….he loved her, too.