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This chapter is dedicated to Edriss (see a couple of chapters ago for explanation).
(Who is it, darling?) I asked, regretfully, once we had returned to our own scoop. I was afraid of her answer, afraid to know the name of the male who had stolen my wife from me, but at the same time curious.
It hurt me that I was no longer first in Jahar's thoughts, although it had not caught me totally off-guard. I knew it was only to be expected after many years away. But I was more worried for Jahar's honour than I was for anything else.
Feelings were one thing; the Andalite culture did not have any concerns for simple feelings, provided they were unexpressed. But if Jahar had engaged in any form of physical activity… well, I didn't really want to think about the consequences. Breaking marriage vows is considered total dishonour in Andalite culture, especially to the female. For males it is, unfortunately, usually ignored, but it is a significant event if a female is discovered to have broken her wedding vows.
Jahar jumped slightly; obviously she had been off in her own world.
(I beg your pardon?) She asked, gently but coldly.
(Who is it that you have feelings for?)
She looked at me, eyes fearful. I couldn't count the number of times I'd seen that expression that evening, and it saddened me.
(Alloran, please promise me you will not try to fight with him.)
I considered for a while. I was angry at the male; but then again, it was hardly his fault or Jahar's. It was the Visser's. I felt a sudden surge of anger against the slug; anger that had been suppressed for a long time, but had never really left me. Now it came back in full force.
Jahar must have seen it in my eyes, for she immediately took a hurried step back, away from me. I had not seen her this fearful since our Ecelta.
(Jahar!) I exclaimed. (I am not angry with you. What on the homeworld is the matter?)
(You look angry.)
(I am sorry. I was just remembering the Visser, that is all. I am angry with him for keeping us apart for so long.) I paused. (I have never been angry with you. I could never be angry with you,) I said softly.
Jahar took a deep breath. (You have recently met him,) she said slowly.
(Who is he, Jahar?)
(His name is Rathan.)
I was so taken aback I jumped slightly. (Rathan? The one who just was so rude to me?)
(The same,) Jahar said quietly.
(I'll take it he has feelings for you also, then?) My voice was flat, and I knew I should try to comfort Jahar a little more. But I felt so hurt that I couldn't. After all that I'd been through, having my wife turn against me was the last straw.
Jahar hung her head. (He has.)
I barely dared to ask the next question, but I knew that it was Jahar's honour that was at stake.
(D… did… have you, you know, done anything?) I stammered.
Jahar's tail blade caught me a sudden ringing slap. (How dare you suggest such a thing! Do you think I have no honour, no self- control at all?) My wife looked at me, hurt and rage mingling in her large green- blue eyes. (Do you think I would disgrace you or myself in such a way? Besides, Rathan is also married.)
(Alloran, I would never do anything like it!) Jahar cried, hurt by my words. They hurt me, also. (Do you really think I would? I am angry that you would feel the need to ask such a thing.)
(I only…)
(Be silent, if you have no comfort for me!) With that, Jahar whipped around and stormed out.
(Jahar! Come back here right now, do you hear me!) I yelled after her. She stopped, and slowly came back into the scoop. She stood before me, trembling slightly. I had spoken in blind anger, and I had never taken that tone with Jahar before. I realised I had frightened her badly, and she was afraid to begin with. I wondered briefly if I had sounded like her father. He was long dead now, but the terrible memories must still scar Jahar's mind.
(You have still failed to answer my question. Did you or did you not?) I asked, regretting every syllable.
She slapped me again. (How dare you!)
(Answer my question.)
(Tell me why you have asked.)
I tried to contain my emotions. (I asked only because it was a logical question,) I told her. (I asked because I care for your honour, for your feelings. Because I love you.)
Jahar looked up at me, then closed the distance between us. We stood, upper bodies pressed together.
(Do you love me, still?)
Jahar turned her main eyes up to mine. (I have always loved you,) she whispered. (Nothing will change that.)
I smiled at her with my eyes, and she pressed closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder. I gently linked tail blades with her, a gesture that Andalites use to express deep affection for each other.
We stood silently for a few minutes and I nuzzled my face against the soft back of her neck. I gently stroked her back, trying to give her the comfort through touch that could not be expressed in words.
Since I had returned form Earth, I had begun to use touch a lot more, having picked it up from being around humans. This was yet another thing that made others dislike me, but I do not think Jahar minded.
Eventually, I began to grow impatient. I did not really want to hear the answer to my question, but knew I would have to have it. It was my duty.
(Jahar,) I said gently. (Please, tell me. I will not be angry; I wish to know so I may attempt to preserve your honour.)
Jahar looked up at me slowly. (Only once,) she replied regretfully.
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