Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda, or Creed, or their song 'My Own Prison'. Too bad…
Chapter 2: My Own Prison
When I wake up, there are more torches lit, and more veiled figures. They stand in a semicircle around the room. I get the feeling that it's a trial for my immortal soul. One of them steps forward and removes the chains from my wrists. I lean on the wall behind me to keep my balance.
One figure, taller than the others, steps forward and points a finger at me.
"You have been found guilty."
I stumble forward. "Huh? Of what?"
Something solid, a staff of some kind, slams into my forehead, and I drop to my knees as I hear the answer.
"The highest transgression. You are unworthy of life, yet you continue to cling to it."
A court is in session, a verdict is in
No appeal on the docket today
Just my own sin
The walls are cold and pale
The cage made of steel
Screams fill the room
Alone I drop and kneel
I try to grasp the situation as I slowly breathe. So much pain, I can feel blood running down the side of my face. I stare blankly at the floor as I realize that this is it. I'm here to be punished, and they aren't going to stop until I finally give up and die.
Silence now the sound
My breath the only motion around
Demons cluttering around
My face showing now emotion
Shackled by my sentence
Expecting no return
Here there is no penance
My skin begins to burn
Suddenly I shake my head. It takes me a minute to figure out why I'm doing it. Apparently some part of me isn't ready to give up just yet. I stay on my knees, but I sit up straight and raise my head. I look up, over their heads, as if there was some presence up near the ceiling.
Things are starting to make sense. Every time I fight back, it only makes them find something else to blame on me. They keep me in here, in the dark, because out there, in the light, is life. And I don't deserve it.
So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
We're all held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one
I get the vague feeling that there is something important I'm supposed to do. Not in here, out there somewhere. I don't know what is, maybe it's just that there is still something to live for, some reason to fight.
Maybe I have to trust this to some higher power, which I hate to do, because I don't want to lose control in what is looking like a very hairy situation. There's not a lot I can do in here, so I don't really have a choice but to hand the reins over to someone or some thing out there.
I hear a thunder in the distance
See a vision of a cross
I feel the pain that was given
On that sad day of loss
A lion roars in the darkness
Only He holds the key
A light to free me from my burden
And grant me life eternally
And came the big question. Why didn't I die? What kept me going? Is it just that somehow I always pick myself and move ahead, leaving it all behind? I never even had time to figure out why I had survived. Until now.
Should have been dead
On a Sunday morning
Banging my head
No time for mourning
Ain't got no time
Now all the times come rushing back, and I can see that something had kept me alive, something that these people can't take away from me. I force myself to my feet, ready to fight for my life, and I see that I am completely alone. I look around, and there are no footprints on the ground, no evidence of anyone else ever being there.
So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
We're all held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one
I drop back to my knees and reach towards the sky, ignoring the pain in my shoulder. I can't even see the sky, but I know it's there, out there somewhere. Before I can stop myself and pursue some logical course of action, I scream to some unseen entity.
"What is this place! Why are you doing this to me! What have I done to deserve this!"
Then suddenly I know. I am alone. And somehow I tell myself while blood continues trickling down my face, I was always alone. Somewhere the world, and my past, has caught up with me, and I've created my own prison.
I cry out to God
Seeking only His decision
Gabriel stands and confirms
I've created my own prison
Still on my knees, I lower my head, lean my elbows on my knees, and curl my arms over my head. I can feel tears mixing with the blood and running down my cheeks. I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here like this, a melted puddle of humanity. After what feels like hours, I hear a voice, speaking softly.
"Seamus?"
I feel Beka sit down next to me, with one hand resting gently on my back. I want to look at her, but I can't bring myself to raise my head.
"Oh God, what happened to you? I was only gone ten minutes. When I came back, you were gone. I've been searching for you for hours."
Finally, I start to rise from my heap on the floor. I raise my head to look at her, and she takes one look at my face and immediately reaches up to brush tears from my cheek. Then she gently wipes away blood that was threatening to run in my eye. She slowly wraps her arms around me and pulls me against her. I let out a little whimper as she touches my dislocated shoulder, but I allow her to hold me. I lay my head on her shoulder as she whispers, "Don't ever scare me like that again. If something ever happened… if I lost you…"
I can the tears behind her words and I suddenly know why I've survived this long. Because my life still matters to somebody.
A/N: Ah, wasn't that fun? I wrote this in about two and half hours. Feeling a little sleep deprived.