A/N: just a slight warning: i've upped the ante on the adult subject matter (however slight) but will probably continue to do so in future chapters. please tell me if you have concerns or if you feel that i need to up the rating. thanks!
CHAPTER NINE - Just Deal
I slumped over on the padded stool I was sitting on, on the verge of tears. Pull yourself together, I told myself. You will not do this to yourself all over again. I refuse to let you.
The curtains on the dressing room next to me swished open and I gathered myself together, checking my reflection one more time. You're so pathetic.
"Hey, Char, you ready?" Becca asked. I sighed loudly.
"Uh-huh." I slowly opened the curtain and tentatively stepped out, dressed in a light blue tube dress with a flowy skirt and white lace sheath. Becca herself had changed into a spaghetti strap ivory coloured dress that ended just below her knees.
"What do you think?" she asked warily, looking down at herself. I gave her a small smile.
"I think we have a winner," I replied, plastering a huge fake smile on my face. She bit her bottom lip as she looked back at her reflection
"Umm... I don't know. Maybe the black halter one was better?" She didn't wait for my answer and went straight back into the dressing room, pulling the curtain closed. I stared forlornly at the mirrors surrounding me, swishing the skirt from side to side, the movement almost hypnotizing me. "I think yours is perfect, Char," Becca called out, breaking me away from my empty thoughts. "I like it so much more than the red one we saw."
"Yeah..." I said absentmindedly, frankly not caring anymore.
"Are you getting it?" she asked.
"Sure. Why not?" I said, shrugging as I walked back into the dressing room. I reached up behind me and mechanically zipped myself out of the dress. I lazily closed my eyes as I changed back into my knit cardigan hoodie and jeans. I was so tired. Tired of everything. Tired of pretending.
As I stepped out of the room, Becca smiled and linked her arm with mine. She started chatting away, a mile a minute but I barely paid attention, just somehow knowing the parts when I was supposed to laugh or say "Yeah, I know."
We paid for our dresses and left the store to meet up with the other girls at the food court. They'd all gone shopping for accessories while Becca and I were hunting for our dresses. After an ice-cream break, we were all going shopping for shoes.
"Hey, you okay?" Amber quietly asked as I slid into the booth next to her. Everyone was already at the food court when we'd gotten there. Amber and I had offered to stay to watch everyone's things as they ordered. I couldn't take it anymore. I swallowed a lump in my throat, tears stinging my eyes.
"No," I croaked. "Can we just get out of here?" Amber gave me a rueful smile.
"Sure, we can hang at my house. Screw the shoes." I smiled at her thankfully and was even more grateful when she faked a headache on my behalf and said she needed to go home. The other girls were sympathetic and we soon said our good-byes.
I don't know why, but I didn't want my friends to see me go through this – not again. I knew they were sick of my constant whining and all my tears. Seriously, how could they not be? Even I was sick of myself.
Amber and I walked briskly to the parking lot. The crowded mall was suffocating me. I just wanted to curl up and be alone.
"Whooaa.. where's the fire?" I was roughly jerked back when someone grabbed my arm. I looked up and it was Byron, wearing his striped Footlocker uniform. Awesome. The one day I ventured to this specific mall was on the day he was working. When I didn't reply, he looked at me questioningly. "Is there anything wrong?"
Is there anything wrong? How about the fact I want to wring your neck right now and choke you to death, you fucking bastard.
"No," I replied matter-of-factly. "Just in a hurry to get out of here." And out of your fucking face.
"Oh. Okay. I'll, uh, see you around at school then."
"Uh-huh." I walked away without saying good-bye, hurrying my pace because I felt the tears swelling, about to come out in torrents. By the time I reached my car, I fumbled with the keys, my tears blurring my vision. I got in and slammed the door, turning on the iginition as Amber slid into the front seat.
You're not going to cry. You're not going to cry.
I managed to hold myself together as I drove through the streets of Stoneybrook that Saturday afternoon. We got to Amber's house and that was where I fell apart.
I sat there in her driveway, crying for who knows how long. Amber sat next to me the whole time, silent and unperturbed.
"This is so fucking irritating," I cried, my chest heaving "I have no reason to be mad but I still am. I led myself on. I was stupid enough to think that there was something there, even when he explicitly told me that it was all over. I was the fucking fool in all this. I'm the one to blame."
"Charlotte..." Amber said soothingly. "Don't do this to yourself. Let's just get inside and cool off. Stay the night if you want. We can talk... or not talk Whatever you feel like." I let out a shaky breath and followed Amber's lead.
I lazily plopped onto her bed once we got to her room and I drowned out all of my emotions as loud, angry rock music blared from her stereo.
"I have the perfect solution to all this," Amber said. "I'll just be a minute." She disappeared for a few moments and came back with two glasses in her hands. I sat up and took one of them, right away recognizing the strong smell of alcohol. "Courtesy of Mommy and Daddy's liquor cabinet in the den," Amber grinned devilishly. She tilted her head back and emptied the glass in one gulp. I looked at her, slightly hesitant.
"What? Oh, come on!" Amber laughed. "It's just one drink. Trust me. It'll make you feel a million times better once you –" She wasn't even done her sentence when I guzzled down the drink, the sharp tang teasing my taste buds, scorching my throat upon it's fluent descent. I made a face at the bitter after taste.
"Pfft! Amateur," Amber scoffed, chuckling as she took the glass away from my hand. I laughed my first genuine laugh that day. "See? I told you! We're going to get you back to your old self in no time." I gave her a small smile and leaned back on her headboard.
"I just hate feeling so crappy. I know I should just accept the fact that they're together. There's no other way around it."
"And you can't keep blaming yourself for every little thing that goes wrong either," Amber said insistently. "I know I've only known you for however long now. But I know that you're strong. I know you can deal with this shit. The whole deal you have with Byron is definitely a little screwed up right now. But if you know and believe with your heart that you're meant to be... then you will be. This is just another phase in your fucked up relationship."
"Yeah, it is kinda fucked up, isn't it?" I snorted. Amber smiled.
"Just kinda."
A/N: alright. the responsible writer in me wants to say that i am in no way endorsing alcohol use. you sure got that? okay, back to normal now - i feel great for updating so soon, just for myself even, because i've been getting more and more excited to write because this is the part in the story that i've been looking forward to. i know everyone really likes the sweetness and pleasantry reminiscent of ICS&CC, but i really wanted to challenge myself with this sequel. i won't go into much more detail than that. i just really hope you all still stick with me through this. your feedback is more than welcome! read and review please:)
Bewilderment: grrr..i "smirk" at you for making that comment. LOL. yeah, i tend to overuse words sometimes. like "smirk", "sheepishly" and a couple more here and there. ;) i'll try to expand my vocabulary... although, i think i've already exhausted the Thesaurus option on Word.:P don't worry, i'll explain the whole Haley mess soon enough. patience, m'dear, patience! oh yeah, thanks for the book reccomendation. i'm just up to my neck in textbook reading right now (ick!) but i'll check it out whenever i can!
thanks toEVERYONE for reviewing! you guys rawk my sawks. :D