Tourniquet

I dedicate this one to Sean.

i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying

A lone pale hand, limp but free of blood or blemish lay there, frozen in time. Among the many ashes, bodies and horrors of the magical battlefield. The last battle came and went and yet I remain, staring. Staring at the corpses piled around me and I helpless to reach their flying souls. They all left me and I am the only thing moving. The magical discord eating away at my senses, the senses I never thought were there until the fateful letter to Hogwarts descended upon me those long years ago. I was chosen to fight, I was chosen, no one else. Harry Potter chose me as his closest friend, chose me to protect him, to help him and I did neither. So now Hogwarts is left to no one. There's no one to open it, no teacher too bold or willing to make it rise up and become a dominant force in the new magical world. If there will even be such a thing.

Flashback

"Hermione, my child," Dumbledore walked up behind me as I sat, crouched over an ancient magical tome, trying to find the answers to life between the lines.

"Ms. Granger, do not trouble yourself so much. This new sign will in time reveal itself fully," Dumbledore laid a hand on my shoulder, I tensed up but soon relaxed and looked up at him.

"I have to, I have to find it," I murmured distractedly. Dumbledore gave me a kind smile and gestured towards the half open double doors of the library. I finally looked up into his old blue eyes behind their half moon glasses. He looked tired, much too tired. I sighed and got up then walked towards the door.

"Return to your room Ms. Granger, your true destiny lies within there," Dumbledore called after me. I gave a confused glance back at him but kept going.

and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

I don't know what possessed me to try and love a monster. Excuse me, the son of a monster. Draco and I lived in two rooms opposite eachother as leaders of the student body. I knew nothing of true leadership, Draco knew everything about it. He was born and raised to be the next leader of the dark side. To learn and grow within the gardens of black roses, underneath black moons and in corridors of black stone. This battlefield shows me my defeat and my rebirth. I reach towards that pure white hand and clasp it in both of mine, kissing it reverently.

"How I have forsaken you," I breathe, rubbing my cheek against it.

Flashback

"Hermione, why don't you ever hang out with us anymore?" Ron protested at breakfast one morning.

"What? You haven't found someone else to do your homework?" I returned with only a little hurt in my voice.

"You know that's not it. We've missed having adventures with you, talking to you. You've been studying with Malfoy so much that we almost think you like him better then you do us," Harry spoke up.

"No, that's not it, it's just that we're nearing graduation soon and I haven't had much time to think about anything else. Draco and I have just been paired up in most of our classes is all," I explained.


my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

"You always we're pretty attached to all of them," a smooth cultured voice said above me. I clung to that hand all the more harder.

"Go away," I hissed.

"Being here won't bring them all back. They are gone Hermione, you can't take back the past or could have prevented what happened," Draco argued, not moving.

"I said go away," I shouted, turning up to him. Tears streaming down my face.

"You know I can't do that Hermione," he kneeled down next to me. I turned back to stare deep into his eyes then finally I returned to my vigil.

"Harry isn't coming back," Draco breathed in my ear.

"Fuck you!" I growled loudly.


do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side

Flashback

"Mione!" Harry called down the hall after me, I stopped at the end, waiting for him to catch up.

"Hey, I wanted to know if you were coming to the practice tonight. It's the last one to decide who gets to take home the Cup," Harry asked as he caught up with me. I looked over at him and gave him my brightest smile.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world Harry, you know I'll be there," I returned, he grinned back at me then gave me a hurried hug before running off to catch up with someone else. I watched him disappear into the crowd before turning to the stairs leading up to the Head Common room. I ran head long into Draco, he was going up also.

"Hermione," he acknowledged quietly before brushing past me, I stood there, stunned at him before following him up.

or will you forget me
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved

I slowly reached up to the straight black tresses dangling down. I caressed the side of his pale, slightly blood stained face, tears falling heavier as I closed his glazed over emerald green eyes. I buried my face in his slack hand once more.

"Go back to Hogwarts, turn into to the school it once was. Reopen it," Draco urged behind me. I stopped breathing, holding all the emotions inside, deep inside.

"You don't understand," I whispered.

"I understand you better then you think," Draco murmured. I slowly looked up, then back at him.

"You, you…I…" I freeze up as he wraps his arms around me and picks me up. He carries me away, away from the last battlefield. Away from my old life.

am i too lost?

I watched the sunset fall on that last day of my life, watching as the surviving wizards gather up bodies and line them up. Identifying them and sending them back to their respective families, Draco right behind me the entire time. I then walked down the hill and back into the valley for one last goodbye.


my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

Flashback

"There's a lot of things that can happen, lots of unpredictable outcomes," Draco spoke up from staring into the fire which he had gotten into the habit of doing a lot lately. I slowly sunk down next to him on the comfortable couch.

"Will you become a Death Eater?" I breathed, I couldn't look at him, I didn't want to.

"No, I made that choice a long time ago even though it almost cost my life, I am still here, still defiant to him," Draco answered almost numbly, I nodded slightly.

"What made you turn away from the dark side?" I asked finally.

"Many reasons, I didn't want to be ruled by another. I was tired of listening to my father…I also knew that if I took the dark mark then I could never touch you, never see you, never get near you without feeling guilty. Like I had failed you in every way," Draco looked over at me, I slowly looked back on him.

"You did it for me," I clarified, he smiled slowly, a true smile.

"I did it for you." Draco returned.


my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ

tourniquet

I stood up from Ron's body and then looked down the row of people I used to know. The people that had made up my life and I felt dead inside. There was nothing left for me, nothing. I was the only person alive it seemed and I could almost bare the thought. I was lost in all of it and as I walked mechanically away from them, I felt my old body, my childhood stay behind me. Thrown in among the others like a limp doll to rot with the rest. To be taken to my devastated parents so they can weep over me and tell others that I was a hero. That I was something to be proud of. I fought in the last battle along side all the other heroes but I wasn't one. I was a traitor, I was a monsterous betrayer because when I look up into Draco Malfoy's eyes, I see him not as my enemy but the one person I love, could ever love. So what if he fought against Voldemort in the last stand, so what if he defeated his father because of me. He and I could have saved the people who died, saved Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, my own saviors from the past.

my suicide

So I keep my vigil over the decaying Hogwarts. So I stay as a ghost residing over it's final descent into nothingness. I'm reminded of something. Reminded of the hatred I once felt, the passions, the love and finally the friendships that I forged within these halls. Hogwarts is no more because there was no one left to take up the torch.

Notes: Tourniquet by Evanesence