"Sometimes It Hurts"

Notes: Set after the final battle, during those five years that Hermione and Draco were apart.

Six o'clock in the morning
My head is ready to explode

I groan darkly, slowly opening my eyes to the dark room's contents. I let my eyes slowly adjust until finally I'm just laying there, thinking. Fully awake yet still trying to hang on to that dream of her. The dream where I'm just holding her, holding Hermione. But it falls away with the morning and there's just me and the cold bed around me. I sit up and wrap my fingers over my pounding temples. Wanting to just grab the magical dagger on my bedside table and slice out the pain in my head and heart leaving the rest to slowly decay. It's not enough that my world was turned upside down but to lose Hermione was the worst.

I slowly swing my legs over the side of the bed and let my feet get even colder by the floor. I grab the glass of wine still left next to me and throw it against the wall across from me. It shatters and instantly a house elf appears at the door, knocking and shouting to see if I am alright. I growl at it and it hurries away in fear. I get up finally and walk to the window, opening it up to the bright metropolis below me. I sneer down on it, wishing I had my castle back so I could at least open the window without having to breathe in the pollution. I turn away and go to my adjoining bathroom.

"Master Malfoy?" A timid little house elf appears on the counter next to me, a letter in his hands. I snatch it from him and hold it up to the light.

"You can go now," I said to it, he nodded and disappeared. I sat the letter on the counter next to the sink and turn to my morning shower.

I can't believe I made it home alive
I don't remember where I went
Or what I was drinking

As soon as the water hit me I hissed, looking down on my chest. Scratches littered it, running down my arms and my back. I rub at my hair while examining these scratches…they look human? I turn and look down my back, letting my arms drop, fingering something that was stuck in my hip. I looked down on it and pulled out the sharp finger covering. What the hell was this? I hold it up to the light, silver metallic with swirling designs engraved in it…looks expensive at least. I put it next to my shampoo and dunk my head under the spray, forgetting about it. Doesn't matter, nothing does.

And now it's made me sick
And I'm not denying
That I get this way

I look around for anything I might need for the day before closing the door behind me. I pick up my leather jacket that was thrown on the leather black couch and walk to the door. I pass the front desk, the attendant calls after me but I ignore him. I don't want to talk to anybody. Not now. I open my car door and get in, the leather heats up instantly as I turn the flashy black sports car on. I look up at the mirror and adjust it, a simple silver necklace hangs from it. A silver symbol of a dragon with a maroon red stone in it's claw. I slowly pull it off and put it on.

"It's a good thing I remember to take you off," I grumble to it before shifting into reverse and ease out of my reserved parking space. I raise a hand to the lot's attendant before driving off into the over crowded streets of London. I managed to end up not far from my theaters. I managed to buy a few theaters when I came to live in London, such as the Adelphi, Apollo Victoria. These theaters take up little of my time and I usually end up visiting each once a day and have the rest to my self. It was what I needed for my endless brooding.

When I try to get over you
I get this way
When I try to get over you

Flashback

"I hate you," Hermione growled, betrayal clearly shone on her face. We were at graduation, her parents had just come and gone with the Weasleys.

"Of course you do, everyone does," I growled back, she shook her head.

"Why did you do it? Why did you…I loved you, I finally felt safe in trusting you and you go and…" tears started to flow down her cheeks, I wanted to reach forward and wrap my arms around her, I wanted to pull her away from the watching crowd and tell her everything was alright but I couldn't. Blaise came up to collect me, her arm possessively wrapped around my waist. She was a pretty fiery thing with rust red hair that bounced down her back. I wanted to look back at her, wanted so badly to tell her…

Sometimes it hurts
So much to lose the one you love

I look up at the Adelphi and sigh then walk in to talk to the muggle manager, he was a happy person who worked harder than anyone I had ever met. He greeted me enthusiastically and brought me deeper into the theater.

"This new play is going to be wonderful, you have such a delightful taste," he complimented, I nodded. He then let me alone to walk around the theater, check on things, the actors rehearsing on the stage, different people hurrying around with last minute details. I sat down in the dark and sighed, I felt horrible and it wasn't just the scratches. I looked up as one of the actresses sat down next to me. Jade was one of my favorite, she had such emotion to her face with full orange slice lips and delicate limbs.

"Dragon? Did you have fun last night? I was kind of worried since you went off with some…interesting characters," there was plain concern on her face, she could mask her real emotions perfectly.

"Fine, nothing I couldn't handle," I replied, she wasn't the only one with a perfect emotional mask. She nodded and looked back to the stage.

"Do yo-" she started.

"No, Jade…" I stood up, hurt crawled over her face as she looked down on her fingers.

"Only offering," she breathed. I turned and walked out of there, waving to the manager as I past.

Sometimes it hurts
So much to lose the one you love

I tried so hard to hate you
But it only makes it all worse

Flashback

"Malfoy, you had to go and destroy her and now you're going to answer to me," Ron appeared before us, I raised an eyebrow at the blazing red head.

"Blaise, honey…maybe you should go talk to my parents, I'll be there in a minute," I said, spotting Harry coming up behind the other, anger crawling over his face also. Blaise disappeared as Harry stopped next to Ron.

"Do I get to explain myself first?" I offered. Ron snorted then tried to lunge for me but Harry held him back.

"You better hurry," Harry growled.

"Well…I can't have Hermione as a target, my father is here…he'll see Hermione and our relationship. I had to reverse that to protect her. Please, understand…I only did it to protect her," I looked between the two. Ron narrowed his eyes into slits and Harry thought this over.

"You ripped her apart by openly cheating on her," Harry murmured.

"It ripped me apart to do it but I had to, please understand," I begged. Harry looked straight into my eyes, searching for the truth in my eyes. It felt a little daunting to have those emerald green eyes slice into you.

"You better make it right sooner or later," Harry grumbled and pulled Ron away who instantly started to struggle. I went off to find my parents.

I only end up hating myself
And as my hatred grows
So do the lies

I sat down on my sofa and wanted to hit something, hard. The memories were getting clearer as the time past, the therapist said they'd get fuzzier. After the war I could have done something, she had opened up to me after acknowledging my sacrifice for her. She had forgiven me for cheating on her with Blaise, she had showed me that she could be a beautiful angel and I the devil, a taint in her life. I couldn't do it, I couldn't destroy her like that. She didn't deserve my horrible habits, my life. I was arrogant, jaded, I wanted to rebel but had no one to rebel against anymore because my father was a semi-catatonic raving vegetable. For her. I did it all for her. There was a knock on the door and I got up to answer it. Blaise stood on the other side, she was smiling seductively at me.

"Didn't think I'd catch up to you," Blaise said, I wanted to slam the door in her face but found myself gesturing for her to come in.

It's hard to face the truth sometimes
God I feel so useless
God I hate myself

"Nice place," Blaise commented, looking around my apartment. I watched her silently as she explored then collapsed gracefully on the couch.

"Are you going to come over here or am I going to have to come over there?" She smirked over at me.

Flashback

Blaise walked up to me in the Slytherin common room and slapped me, hard across the face. She was blazing mad, her rust red curls sliding forward as she leaned over me. She had a delectable snarl across her ivory chiseled features. If Hermione was Athena, Blaise was Aphrodite.

"How could you betray us by having a sexual relationship with a mudblood? Are you mad?" She growled low. I grabbed her waist and pulled her forward. She collapsed into my lap, stiff with anger still but confusion started to flow over her features.

"Just a plaything kitty," I said and pulled her closer to kiss her. She instantly kissed back. She had always been off limits since this older Slytherin had snatched her up during fourth year. Now she was free from him since their breakup last summer.

"I'm not a plaything," she pulled back from me, starting to get up from my lap.

"I'll prove to you that you're not," I got up and pulled her out of the common room and up to the Great Hall where everyone was having lunch.

When I try to get over you
I hate myself
Will I ever get over you

"I thought you were a married woman," I commented from the entrance of the living room, she got up and walked up to me, looking slowly up into my face. Her face just as beautiful, her eyes so much more alive and real. Not the innocent seductress anymore.

"Were," she hissed and kissed my lips lightly. She felt just as fiery and passionate as when we were in school.

"Why did you leave me Draco? Why leave me when you could have had me forever?" She asked quietly, looking down as she smoothed my shirt and fixed my collar absently.

"I…" I pulled away from her, staring into her eyes as she stood there, suddenly looking pathetic and lonely.

"Didn't leave you," I said, she tilted her head slightly. "You left me, remember?" I felt my face harden.

"You left me for a Death Eater, you said you needed someone who didn't piss of our lord all the time. Look at you Blaise, look at your ruined life and get out," I gestured to my door.

"Look at yourself. You haven't had a descent relationship since me. I'd be flattered if I didn't hear that you were turned down by that mudblood princess. I thought maybe you had changed back into the man I fell for way back in third year but no…you're still the same pathetic loser," she shouted and stormed past me.


Sometimes it hurts
So much to lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts
So much to lose the one you love


And after all this time you'd think I'd understand the way you feel
But no
I only think about myself
And it's driving you away
I always knew it would one day

Flashback

I stood staring at all the dead bodies on the final battlefield. I was looking for Hermione but found Blaise instead. She was standing next to me, her head held high as she crossed her arms over her ample chest.

"You and I are two different people Draco. You chose this path when you stood up against us. I cannot love you," she said clearly, harshly.

"You were always into punishing me for stuff you never approved of me doing," I grumbled, she slowly looked up at me.

"I should kill you where you stand. You betrayed me, betrayed our lord and now look at you," she gestured.

"Look at yourself Ms. Zabini. You have no money, your father's a convicted death eater and your mother a dead body on this field. You have nothing at all and yet you still lecture me," I growl.

"Do you have any feelings in there Draco? No wonder you couldn't get even that mudblood to love you," she hissed and walked away.


Sometimes it hurts
So much to lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts
So much to lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts
So much to lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts
So much to lose the one you love

Notes: By Stabbing Westward