AN Well, I have returned after…… okay a long time, who cares? I'm back and back in action!

This takes place in the marauders era. Ummm yeah, so this is my impression of Sirius/Remus fics.

On a side note I would like to ask why JK Rowling is so unoriginal with her characters' names. Examples:

Parvati – Hindu goddess, Padma- Hindu word for Lotus

Remus (& Romulus) Greek mythology anyone?

Sirius and Regulus Black, come on! Constellations, hello?

WHAT'S WITH THE FLOWER PEOPLE?

Pansy, Padma, Lupin, Sprout, Fleur, I mean hello, are we botanists?

Disclaimer: I only own my laptop because the government can't find it, capiche? I own no rights to Harry Potter. I am not the author of Harry Potter, if I was, well…… Harry would not be into Cho, catch my meaning? I thought you might. I am also stealing a line from Pocahontas which I also own no part of.

Sirius and Remus part 1

Remus Lupin was sitting alone in a vacant car on the Hogwarts Express waiting for his friends to arrive. He was staring off into space when they entered the compartment making riotous amounts of noise.

"…And then, she told me I wasn't mature enough for her!" finished Sirius. "Like I ever meant it to last!".

"Sirius! Groaned James, "when are you going to grow up?"

"When the sky turns to fire and your nose falls off" replied Sirius. Remus smiled at his two long-time friends.

"Hey guys" he said,

"Hey Remus" they replied, taking seats.

"Where am I going to sit?" asked Peter looking around.

"Who the fuck are you?" asked James,

"You don't matter loser, you're only important later on in life, so take a hike" Sirius added, tossing Peter from the compartment.

"Guys, you shouldn't do that" Remus said, because if he doesn't represent virtues, then who does? No one, thank you. "As a prefect I must remind you that the rules exist"

"For me to break" cried Sirius. And they spent the rest of the train ride talking about stupid, insignificant things that I won't take up pages writing about.

After dinner the boys went to their common room. After playing a few games of exploding snap, Remus finally got up the courage to take Sirius aside. The two went up to the dorm to increase the mounting sexual tension. They sat together

"Sirius" Remus said, "I've been keeping this for a long time, but I'm gay and I love you". Sirius in a flash decided to give up women forever and have Remus.

"Remus, you've changed my mind, I love you too". After a good snog, they stood together.

"Oh Remmie, I love you"

"Siri, I love you too!" they kissed again, lips brushing lightly. (AN why oh why do they always do that). James suddenly entered the dormitory.

"Hey Jamie, Remmie and I have decided to become a couple" Siri said, holding Remus' hand. Jamie's eyes widened,

"Oh Remmie, Siri, that's great news! Let's go tell Lily-ie" Jamie said.

"Sure!" said Remmie and Jamie together.

But on their way through the hall, they ran into Lucius and Severus.

"Hey Lucie, Sevvie" Jamie cried, "you two better get out of here because I have no regard for anyone but my own fat-headed self! I'm an omni-potent bad ass who wants nothing more than to have at you with my wand and curses". Lucie and Sevvie fled, but two professors had seen Jamie's threats.

"Sorry Albie, Minnie, but they started it" Siri explained,

"Siri, I don't think that's what happened" Albie said with a twinkle of his eyes (AN is Dumbledore related to Santa or something?). "But we'll let it go for now, since you're my favorite students" he said with a wink, and he and Minnie strode off together.

Lily-ie was ecstatic to learn that Remmie and Siri were together, and she and Jamie were happy together as well.

Remmie and Siri's relationship escalated very quickly, but the full moon complicated things somewhat. Because they had no regard for any rules whatsoever Jamie and Siri visited with Remmie when he painfully transformed. It was hard on Siri to see Remmie suffer so.

One day, Remmie and Siri were having a good snog up in their dormitory. Things were getting very heated, Siri had removed Remmie's shirt and his own, and then Siri looked at Remus with a question in his eyes.

"Siri…" Remmie began unsure, "Are those contacts, your eyes have question marks in them?" Siri shrugged

"Yeah, I thought I'd try them" he took them out, then straddled Remmie and blushed when both of their cough cough problems became evident.

"Remmie" Siri said, "Even though we've only been dating for a week, I love you and well…I think we could…if you wanted to" Remus' eyes were amber like the wolf (AN why nobody knows, but they always are)

"Oh Siri" Remmie said, beginning to cry "I had a terrible childhood that has scarred me for life and I have to resist you!" Siri's eyes filled with tears of shared pain,

"Well, I wish you could trust me" Siri said, unable to hide his hurt.

"I do Siri, I guess since it's you…my dad, he hated me! Oh, it was so horrible, he locked me up and he hit me!"

"Oh Remmie" Siri sobbed, "Why did you never tell us this?"

"Because I thought my friends would reject me, even though all logical signs point to acceptance. Oh Siri, I love you so much! I am just scared…" Remmie began to sob. Siri pulled him close and sobbed with his friend. (AN because if Remus isn't weak and sobby, it isn't a S/R fic). Their sobs quieted, and they returned to kissing. Tongues dueled (AN en guarde!) as the two seemed to melt together (AN eww what an icky mess, why would anyone use such a metaphor?).

Siri reached for Remus' pants, when Remmie stopped him again,

"Oh Siri" Remmie said, "There's this thing about werewolves and their mates…"

"Remmie I know" Siri said, "You mate for life. At sixteen, I know what I want for the rest of my life, it's you!" He moved towards Remmie, who stopped him.

"No Siri, it's not that…when werewolves mate, their mates turn to goo after that night". Siri's eyes popped.

"Oh my God!" Siri screamed, eyes streaming with exploded eyeball gunk, "I'm blind. What the fuck is going on? I don't want to be goo!"

"But Siri, don't you love me?" Remus cried.

"Yeah, but not enough to be goo-i-fied" Siri replied, "help me find my eyes you piece of maggot shit". Remmie's eyes had gone red.

"You don't love me enough!" he screamed, his wolf form starting to show (AN Remus smash! Lol why is it always such a temper?).

"What the hell" Siri screamed, "Don't you love me? I don't want to be goo!"

"Fine then" screamed Remmie; he morphed into full wolf form. Siri screamed and ran for the door. Remmie pounced, had his wicked way with Siri. Then Remmie ate Siri-pudding, and it was good. He wondered what flavor Lucie and Sevvie would be, and vowed to find out.

AN well, there you have it. Bizarre & twisted, maybe, but I had fun enough for both of us. Review please. I am co-dependant!