I hope you guys are enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it, because I do enjoy writing it — very much so.

Oh! Somebody tried to break into the house next door. There were three police cars and questioning and flashlights and such. Just a precautionary warning: USE YOUR ALARM!

This will become PG-13 sooner or later, mostly for swearing and stuff. I just don't quite remember when. He he he… don't shoot me! Oh, and, please review. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Malibu's Most Wanted, Michael Jackson (ew, who would want to?), Marshall Mathers, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Geoff Bodine, NASCAR Rumble, Sweet tarts Chews, Lizzie McGuire, or H2Only, and the one line from Evanescence's "Whisper".

Oh, and this chapter has Bakura making perverted jokes to make Ryou feel uncomfortable, and Ryou succumbing to the Bubblegum Cult. Just a warning. Most chapters aren't this perverted… I just needed Bakura to torture Ryou somehow besides cutting. (Sigh!) Next chappie's clean, I promise. :P This chapter isn't my favorite, but I'll stop putting myself down and let you read it now. Please review and tell me what you like/dislike about this fic! It helps me a lot! Thank you!

Ryou's frown wuz larger dan a clown's. That is to say, he was smiling upside down on the other side of town, biiitch! –Is what B-Rad Gluckman would say.

The Briton – Can you still say that, or is that allocated undeviatingly for Monty Python references? – exited the bathroom with maturing trepidation. What if, he wondered, what if Mokuba had woken up and professed his lifelong dream of being a tediously usufruct actor-gone-nun-gone-Yao-Ming with the un-flaccidity of a tiger and—

You are so weird, yadonushi.

Yadonushi-sama ("respected" lord's property) was mou hitori no Bakura's nickname for Ryou. Other times, he would call him by his proper title in terms of their relationship — "host". However, most of the time he would just call him Ryou since Ryou did not respond facile to the moniker yadonushi-sama.

"Hey! You never know!" our dear, fey Ryou maintained defensively. He was honestly relieved when he found Mokuba right where mou hitori no kare (the other him) had left him, luckily unconscious.

'How odd I am!' Ryou mused. 'I'm happy to find my crush unconscious.'

Maybe you're odd in a Michael Jackson way.

"Don't be silly."

Don't be so sure! Can you do the moonwalk? Is your skin pasty ad nauseum? Is your nose removable? Do you feel the desire to ambuscade masculine minors in their moments of dreamy respite? These are the symptoms of Jacksonitis.

"You're wicked…" Ryou started. "Wait, you know what 'respite' means? …And, 'ambuscade'?"

I see at least one of us paid attention in your English class back in England.

"Meh… That's so weird. To think that you paid attention in class, I mean."

Hey, I'm plenty smart. I know how to turn on a microwave, and I can operate a Shadow Box.

"That's a television."

Big dif.

Ryou, wanting to make sure Mokuba knew he was still being thought about (and that Mokuba wasn't dead,) leaned over and pinched him on the neck. Mokuba looked up with bleak, silver, deep orbs.

"You alive?" Ryou quipped.

"Yeah," was the dull, pitifully bleary reply. Ryou staunched a derisive smile. Mokuba sounded like he had a killer hangover or something.

"Oh, ok." Ryou placed his hands on the ground in order to heft himself up into a standing position, but Mokuba's head fell without grace and made a thud sound that was much too stentorian for such a small cranium.

Ryou sweat dropped. "Oh, geez. Not this all over again!"

As if it really matters. You love glomming him while he's sleeping like a drunkard.

"You WHAT he?" Ryou blathered. Mou hitori no kare paused.

…No, I didn't ply him with alcohol, stupid! I'm just here to make perverted jokes and make you feel uncomfortable. I was in the bathroom, remember?

"Not very clearly."

Ryou never remembered the events that were happening while he was in his soul room. He could hear things, though. It was like looking through a window smeared with Vaseline, but having the hearing abilities of Daredevil. But hearing abilities proved to be pernicious whenever Ryou overheard Bakura's plots or he heard the running of a sink. A little water to quicken the flow…

I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away

Ryou got down on his knees and – none too gently – starting shaking the forsaken youth out of his respite.

"MOKUBA WAKE UUUP!" Ryou shouted.

Is there an earthquake? O.o; I dun remember seeing anything about that on the weather report… Not that it's ever accurate anyway…

Like a curtain rising on a window, Mokuba opened one silver eye.

"WAKE UUUP—"

"Bakura I'm up."

"o.o; Oh!"

Ryou released his grip on Mokuba's shoulders and stepped back a few feet. "Sorry," he apologized, sweat dropping. Furk was perched augustly on his head, peeking over Ryou's batty bangs adorably. Mokuba espied him (Furk, not Ryou. Ryou was kind of hard to miss, being the only one white naturally white hair within an 80-block radius).

"Hey, you found Furk!" Mokuba exclaimed. The lilting lad leapt to his feet and plucked the plucky, chatting creature of the Ryou's handsome head. (:D Alliterations are your friends!) Mokuba cradled the critter. "How did you catch him?" he wondered. Ryou sweat dropped.

"I…… don't know," he confessed. And he didn't. Had Furk been in his hair this entire time? Had he gone ten minutes without noticing him, even in the bathroom? What else was living in his hair? Ryou's hair suddenly felt very, very dirty. He wanted to shower.

Ryou was also overcome by a wave of guilt. He had allowed mou hitori no kare to hurt Mokuba. He felt like such a bad person inside, and that was putting in mildly. He wanted to apologize, but that would draw too much attention to his… state of unwell being.

Mokuba scratched Furk behind the ears, addressing the silly squirrel in a baby voice:

"Who's a cute wil' squirrel? You are!"

Ryou laughed weakly.

Geez, Ryou, jealous of a squirrel. Your self-respect just metaphorically received a swirlie.

"o.o; Shut up!" Ryou shouted. To Mokuba, this seemed very random, and he froze like a deer trapped in the headlights of an oncoming car. He looked up, beseeching Ryou with similarly doe-like orbs.

"Um… not you," he amended pitifully. "Or… yes you. Shut up so I can ask you…"

Ask him if it's true his brother's hair used to be green.

"You want some candy?" Ryou asked capriciously. He ripped apart a small package of Sweet tarts Chews.

Mokuba smiled affably. "Sure."

Ryou gave him a piece of candy, which nearly clogged up Mokuba's esophagus. One Heimlich maneuver later, Ryou was playing NASCAR Rumble and Mokuba had a rather nifty lollipop, which he was deep-throating without realization, causing Ryou to stare.

Is that natural? I don't think so.

"I think Geoff Bodine's pretty good," Ryou was explaining politely as that character brought him to victory. The sleek, black car passed by Mokuba's green one. Moments later, Geoff had led Ryou Bakura to victory. "Yeah! …Uh, Mokuba?"

"Asborggen!" It sounded like Mokuba said. Ryou raised one eyebrow, not unlike Marshall Mathers in his relatively new music video, "Just Lose It".

"Terminated?" Ryou wanted to know. "Since when did you know German?" He then realized that Mokuba was choking again. The white-haired British boy sweat dropped. "Wie glücklich. Ich bin der glücklich."

Mokuba started to turn blue.

Another Heimlich maneuver later, Ryou was racing against Mokuba. It was Geoff Bodine vs. Dale Earnhardt Jr.

"Hey! I must be pretty good at this game. I'm going to win, Mokuba!" Ryou cheered. Ryou was especially excited because he was quite terrible at video games. No matter how hard he tried, victory always managed to eschew his slender fingers. Now he was closer to winning against a live human being in a racing game than ever before. He could do it! He could do it!

…Why had Mokuba's car stopped completely?

"…Mokuba? O.O Stop choking on your own spit!"

Talk about a sore loser.

"Oh well…"

ANOTHER Heimlich maneuver later, Mokuba said he was thirsty.

1-1-1

Ryou was in the kitchen watching a virescent boy down a glass of tap water.

"Mokie, there's a homeless bum in your house," Ryou said. Mokuba shooed the boy away, and then he poured and downed his own glass of tap water that came from a dirty aquifer. You may know it as the similarly bottled water, H2Only.

"Want to go outside?" Ryou asked. Mokuba gulped down some more water and nodded.

"That sounds like fun," the younger boy mumbled. "Real salubrious. 'Mokie, you're going to choke. Let's give you pneumonia instead.' "

"I could forget the Heimlich maneuver fugaciously next time you were in need of service."

"Alright," Mokuba grumbled. "Into the gelid world we go!"

"It's actually not that cold at all," explicated Ryou.

"Whatever…" Mokuba sighed. He was acting like such a butthead. What was wrong with him?

Meanwhile, Ryou was being telepathically hounded by mou hitori no kare who insisted that Ryou had meant certain types of "services" other than the Heimlich.

'No, the Hindlick is not used for choking.'

Are you sure?

"Yes," Ryou said aloud. "My GOD, you are perverted today!"

Positive? You're not making any mistakes?

"No, no, no." Darn it. Mou hitori no kare could be so annoying. 'Why me?' Ryou asked himself; then he caught Mokuba looking at him strangely. Ryou's aggravation immediately deliquesced like a small puddle in 100 degree weather. Mokuba was looking at him with a confused and fey-looking face.

"You were talking to yourself," Mokuba pointed out. "Or were you talking to the other You?"

"Which other me?"

"The one that pushed me."

Gulp.

"Yeah…" Ryou smiled weakly at Mokuba, wondering what came next. To his great surprise, it was this: nothing.

Mokuba shrugged. "Okay. I was just wondering."

Mokuba glanced outside. It looked gelid. Little did he know, it was actually quite warm — creating a rejuvenating mélange of warm sunshine (the type that swept all over you, inside and out) and the sounds of snow crunching underneath sneakers (like notorious Nikes and awesome Adidas).

"Let's go outside then!" Mokuba declared.

Ryou smirked. "I thought you didn't want to go outside."

"That was so two minutes ago!"

"Do you like Lizzie McGuire?" Ryou inquired shrewdly. Mokuba's eyes became shifty.

"Mayyyyyybe…"

1-1-1

When snow fell in Ryou's hometown, it always became dirty and sloshed up within two days. However, here in Domino, the pristine, fluffy flakes piled high and maintained their purity for at least a couple of days. Most of the city had been snowplowed, so that it driving wouldn't become dangerous, but of course the side yard of the Kaiba's hibernal home had not been visited by something so rough as a snowplow – obviously, as snowplows aren't supposed to go off of the streets and clear out people's gardens anyhow. Anyway, Ryou was anxious to observe the snow, white being his favorite color.

The day felt like summer, so that they didn't require jackets to go out comfortably. Ryou admired the prettification of the yard. Snow hung from dampened limbs—

Like sagging boobs for trees.

"O.O" Ryou refrained from commenting. Mokuba dragged him all the way across the yard, (If it took fifteen minutes to go down the hall, why didn't it take fifteen minutes to go across the yard? Ryou decided after a little while not to think about it,) jabbering about showing him "Furk's usual cage." As if Furk wasn't already the most spoiled squirrel on Earth. The sky was a cloudless, robin's egg blue, and in some other dimension, this paragraph made sense. (More lies!)

"Why a squirrel?" Ryou mused. "Don't you like cats?"

"Nii-sama's allergic to cats," Mokuba to him.

"How lachrymose. Well, what about dogs then? Or is he allergic to those as well?"

"What's the use of owning a dog when nii-sama and I would just have to hire somebody to walk him?"

"So if you did get a dog it would be a guy?"

" 'Guy?' "

"I mean male. A male dog. As opposed a, let's say, female dog. Non-disparagingly."

"I know. No, I didn't say that."

"Oh. Well, why would you have to hire somebody to walk him, or her?"

"Usually I'm working."

"But you're not now."

"It's only temporary."

"Oh."

The only sound for a little bit was the crunch of sneaker against snow. Somewhere, a songbird was singing.

"So what about rabbits then?" Ryou persevered after a little while.

"Multiply too quickly. And please don't say, 'Well you could always teach them to divide.' Dang it, Hobson always thought he was so clever."

"Who's Hobson?"

"Old butler."

"What happened to him?"

"Not a happy story."

"Oh. Well, you could just get only one rabbit. Rabbit's make good pets. My friend Akio has a pet rabbit."

"Still, it's not a good idea. They chew up the wires and harass my brother and they sit remind me of Maximilian Pegasus. Plus, they can't sit on your head and make little chittering noises."

"One, you could keep them in a cage, two, what do you mean they harass your brother, and three, does that mean the bunny would have to only have one eye and would speak in a really gay voice?"

"One, I guess, two, you don't want to know, and three, maybe."

Mokuba closed his eyes, thinking back to when Seto and he were kids…

"Hey, Mokie, look! A bunny!" Seto reached out to pet it. "It's sooo soft…"

The children in the home had been finger-painting earlier that day, so that Seto's fingers were bright orange. The bunny obviously mistook them for carrots.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWCH!"

"So then, a hamster?" Ryou persisted desperately.

"Squirrels are just cooler," Mokuba insisted. Ryou looked at the small cut on his hand, where the "cool" critter had bit directly into a vein.

"Um…"

"Believe me."

"Okay."

"Now let's go see his cage." Mokuba dragged Ryou onward. It was now Ryou realized that Mokuba had switched from holding onto his wrist to holding his hand.

1-1-1

As spoiled as Furk had seemed previously, his cage had been only the size of an Aurora car. (MY DADDY HAS ONE! ) Only. But then again, in all fairness, the little guy was a squirrel, and squirrels needed lots of room to run around and play and chuck grenades in ladies' hair.

Again they were playing NASCAR Rumble on Mokuba's Playstation. Now Ryou was Dale Earnhardt Jr., and Mokuba was that Ken guy who has a really flashy car, whose name I will never remember:

"HAH!" Ryou said. "I'm about to win!"

Mokuba started to hiccup.

"Oh, come on!" Ryou growled in frustration as he once again flawlessly performed the Heimlich maneuver.

Now that is what you call a sore loser.

"Yes," Ryou agreed. And then he turned to Mokuba, who was gasping to regain his breath.

"Don't choke any more," Ryou warned. "I might have to give you CPR next time," he teased.

Mokuba, who rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion, responded sarcastically, "As if you'd mind, Ryou; everybody knows you're gay."

Ryou was fortunate that the white blush that passed over his face was imbibed by his natural pallor. He was also fortunate that he was able to simulate rage at this moment. "Shut up!" he yelled.

Mokuba, startled, swallowed his gum. "Crap." The small Kaiba pouted. "I'm out of bubblegum…" Twin orbs coruscated with mischief. "Maybe Seto has some!"

The exuberant millionaire stood up with the air of a little kid who has just seen a dead bird and who now gets to poke the poor beast with a pointy stick. Ryou was busy eyeing a dead bird outside the window, wondering where he had left his pointy stick. Mokuba tugged on his sleeve. Ryou blinked.

"Come on!" Mokuba whined.

"Why?" inquired Ryou.

"Well…" Mokuba's eyes twinkled mischievously once again. "Everyone always wants to see my big brother's room in case they find something that they may use to blackmail him. So—"

"BLACKMAIL!" Ryou leapt up and went bounding down the hallway, screaming, "As opposed to white mail or gray mail or black males!" Mokuba raised an eyebrow.

"Does he even know where he's going?" he wondered. This question was accompanied by the appearance of a dainty sweat drop as Mokuba realized that no, Ryou didn't have the slightest clue where on Earth he was running. The youth sat down on the couch and waited patiently for his baby-sitter's return. He didn't have to wait very long; a moment or two later, Ryou returned with a sheepish grin plastered on a flushed face, panting for breath.

Hot,Mokuba thought with another ardent sweat drop.

1-1-1

As (we, I, whoever) mentioned back in chapter 1, Yugi was in sort of a state of denial and shock. Yami, it seemed, had been informed of what a trollop was by Joey, God bless him, and was now hounding Yugi to tell him if he actually knew any.

Yugi wasn't going to ask why. He really didn't.

"Look, Yami, I already told you: my mom is the only prostitute that I know," Yugi said, shielding his eyes as he scanned the horizon.

/You didn't tell me that/

"… -.-' I was joking. Gods, you really need to get a life, you know that?" Yugi sighed. "Sorry. That was uncalled for."

/Considering that I've been trying my darnedest to bug the Hell out of you for the past four hours, you could say that it was called for, but let's not./

"…You mean you've been…" Yugi closed his eyes and started counting backwards from one-hundred. For filler, let's show him counting, shall we? No? Well screw you!

'La la la… I can't hear you… One-hundred…'

/Ha ha ha. You thought I was serious/

'You can never be sure. Ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven, ninety-six — After all, you are a freak—"

/Hey/

"Ninety-five, ninety-four, ninety-three, ninety-two, ninety-one, ninety, eighty-nine, eighty-eight, eighty-seven, eighty-six, eighty-five, eighty-four, eighty-three, eighty-two, eighty-one, eighty…'

/Um, aibou? What are you doing/

"Saving myself from your de-sanitizing influences."

/De-sanitizing/

"Seventy-nine, seventy-eight, seventy-seven, seventy-six, seventy-five, seventy-four, seventy-three, seventy-two, seventy-one, seventy, sixty-nine, sixty-eight, sixty-seven, sixty-six, sixty-five, sixty-four, sixty-three, sixty-two, sixty-one, sixty, fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven, fifty-six, fifty-five, fifty-four, fifty-three, fifty-two, fifty-one, fifty.'

Yugi decided that that was enough. He felt calmer now, and Yami had quieted down.

When he opened them, there was a rack in his way. A girl coughed politely.

"Uh, hi Tea." Yugi backed waaaaaaay away from Tea.

/Aw, Yugi! You know you want her to stand close to you like that. :D/ Yami was having lots of fun. Can you tell?

"Shut up!" Yugi growled. It sounded like a sneeze. Tea stepped back, looking slightly grossed out.

"Ew, Yugi, you're not getting sick on me are you?" she joked. Yugi shook his head 'no'.

/He's already LOVEsick on you…/

"Mou hitori no boku is just being annoying today," Yugi explained with a smile. Yami frowned. Tea had gotten over her crush on him after he had rejected her. Sometimes, when Tea got sad about it, Yugi would tell her of all the awful, annoying, and bothersome things that mou hitori no Yugi did. Some examples included constant musings about cereal with 1 milk and raving on about how Noa was (or had been before he died) a French maid. Sometimes Yugi thought that his other self believed what he was talking about. Those were sad, sad times indeed.

"Oh!" Tea grinned. "Well, come on then! I'm still helping you with your math homework, right?"

Yugi sighed. He was utterly useless at math. This was ironic because Duel Monsters was a game that required it, and he was the world champion. "Right," he said.

/You just want an excuse to get into her apartment.

"Besides the fact that that's where we used to hang out when we were kids and that I half grew up there?" Yugi whispered while Tea whistled "Can't Get You out of My Head" by Kylie Minogue.

/You know, that song is very annoying./

"Mm-hm."

/Yugi/

"Mm?"

/…Is Tea a French maid/

"Forty-nine, forty-eight, forty-seven, forty-six…"

1-1-1

It was immediately apparent upon entrance that this room could belong to the Seto Kaiba and no one else. There were plenty of ostentatious furbelows displayed on the dressers and nightstands. Ryou thought he spied a puzzle book in German. Who knew that Kaiba could speak German? Well, whatever

A nimiety of tiny but opulent and comely gewgaws in the form of BEWDs made ferocious gestures at him from the top of the dresser. The rug was a creamy-white, and the carpet underneath it was a pale blue, reminiscent also of the beloved dragon. The whole room would have sparkled with what one could have called pulchritude if the walls hadn't been so quixotically covered in pictures. This was a special feature of the room that Ryou would have never have foreseen, seeing as Seto Kaiba was definitely not the type to be sentimental or nostalgic. There were pictures of Mokuba everywhere… Of course. He had forgotten that Seto Kaiba was obsessive, and that his younger brother was the only person that he truly loved in the entire world. What a sad state for such a stately sod.

His gaze had snagged on a few familial pictures, of a couple that looked familiar and foreign at the same time. Ryou was sure that these were Mokuba and Seto's parents. Ryou felt a painful jolt to the gut as he quickly averted his eyes from these photos. For some inexplicable reason, he felt that he should avert his gaze from those images.

There was one particular picture that held Ryou's interest for a long time. The entire Yugi-gumi was in it, and at first Ryou couldn't figure out for the life of him why Seto had kept it. But then he realized it; despite the fact that Yugi, Joey, Tea and Tristan were in the photo, so was Mokuba, and he was radiating a happiness the likes of which Ryou hadn't experienced for quite some time.

Ryou, other than looking at the photos, (quite nosily, I might add #) just stood there doltishly as Mokuba opened up his nii-sama's night stand drawer and removed a packet of gum from his brother's candy stash (Kaiba has a candy fetish -) and closed the drawer again. The boy, who, in the photo, had looked so exuberant and happy in the company of his friends, turned to him with a mixture of pity and formal apology in his eyes, like he was sorry for keeping Ryou waiting.

"Want some gum?" he asked, his eyes suddenly going ablaze with cherry cherubic sparkle. Ryou rolled his eyes. Oh, the simple pleasures of life! Look at me! I have gum! That's so great! BLISS! BLISS! BLISS!

"…Sure," Ryou replied lethargically. Bliss, bliss, bliss. He held out a pale hand, into which he assumed the stick of gum was supposed to be deposited, but Mokuba chose to grab his hand instead. Ryou soon found himself being dragged out of the bedroom of the richest teenager in Domino City.

"Seto's home now," Mokuba was saying, "and we can't get caught in his room or he'll carve our livers and feed them to Sandy."

"O.o; Who is Sandy?"

And what would he carve your livers with?

"The humongous buzzard at the zoo," Mokuba elucidated. He was now dragging Ryou down the hall, as if he didn't trust Ryou to walk on his own.

"O.O Is she really? And Kaiba goes to the zoo?"

Since when does that prick get any fresh air at all? This house is so musty you'd expect Michael Jackson to live in it.

"That doesn't make sense," Ryou murmured.

Yes it does.

"…Kaiba goes to the zoo?" Ryou repeated.

"Bien sûr ! Il y a les lamantins!"

Ryou stared at Mokuba blankly. "…Oh. I see."

You have no idea what he just said, do you?

'No, but it doesn't matter because number one, I have gum and number two, I'm holding his hand!'

-# Oh, the simple pleasures of life. It's actually more like he's holding your hand, though.

'I don't mind being so powerless, then. Besides, I have gum.'

Mortal, you're stupid.

'La la la, I'm not listening… I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away…/Don't turn away/Don't give in to the darkness/Don't try to hide/When they're screaming your name.'

Ryou knew that mou hitori no Bakura would almost never cut him open more than once in one day. The blood loss would be too much to handle, and Ryou's body was very, very valuable to Bakura in the same way a human was valuable to a Yeerk. This didn't mean that he wouldn't be bombarded with disparagements for the rest of the day, though. But Ryou didn't mind. It was just like school, wasn't it?

Fine, then. Let a twelve-year-old boss you around. But it's still very, very sad, the spirit of the Millennium Ring opined.

Even as the spirit was noting this, the three of them had come to a point where they could discern (finally) their destination. Kaiba was standing at the end of the hyperbolic hallway, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

'That clothing contraption has pockets?' Ryou goggled.

Wow… gasped the Ring's spirit in awe. Kaiba is cool…

Mokuba ran over and glomped his nii-sama with joyful vehemence. A/N: Awww! For a second Ryou could have sworn that Kaiba smiled as he hugged his younger brother warmly back. However, when he turned to regard Ryou, he wore a disinterested, 'oh, it's you, some piece of crap that somehow manages to breath' look on his face.

"Thanks," he said tactlessly. Ryou blushed; even when Kaiba was thanking you, his voice still sounded stern.

If Kaiba hadn't been busy explaining to Ryou when he would get paid (with Ryou nodding wisely in agreement with everything that the elder Kaiba said) he just might have noticed twin silver orbs glaring at him so fiercely – that they resembled a baby dragon's.