NOW you can all kill me.

Author: SofaKing

Disclaimer: We've been over this. J.K., mine, you, yours. Now stay on your side of the room!

Summary: "I'll be there for you every morning, 'cause I love you." A morning's excursion... To the mirror.

Rating: PG-13

Couple: Gilderoy Lockhart / Gilderoy Lockhart / (suggested... or is it?) Voldemort, Blaise / Zacharias, Malcom Baddock / Har-My-1(Harry and Hermione).

Genre: Humor/Romance

Title: "Here's To You, Sexy"

Feedback: So long as you don't talk about the story, it's kind of a sore spot for me. How about this weather? Isn't it just craptacular?

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to both QoW, and the response to the review of QoW! Oh, dear lord, I'm sorry. I've accidently spilled my personal jokes all over this fic! Aw, well. You probably wouldn't have understood it anyway.

Well. We-Heh-Hell. Hell. Hell. Heehee.

In the past hour I've learned-

Jo has an evil laugh.

Voldemort may be very, very gay, and most probably Jewish.

Susan is bi, but only so that she can attract bi men so that if they ever "get together" (as she so midly put it) she could simply sit back and watch him and another guy.

Zacharias was indeed trying to get Blaise to come out with him, but Blaise is dead afraid.

Zacharias was dating a man that was half alive, half dead, because Blaise's being "dead afraid" had greatly effected him. The only reason Zacharias agreed to stay in the oh-so-comfortable wardrobe (which we, he and I, liked to call it. The only thing we've ever had in common.)

I have something in common with Zacharias Smith. Shiver.

Malcolm Baddock (who joined us) has been swooning over Harry-- err, HERMIONE for about a year now.

I now know more than I ever wanted to know in my entire life.

Not that they stopped, there of course.

I have a major backache from being jumped on by Voldie while he was sporting a very nice Jo. Several times. In the last fifteen seconds.

So, I've decided to make a habit of staying in corners or with my back to the wall. I've been sitting here, looking around anxiously for a while, when SUDDENLY... Susan comes and sits by me. Okay, so I made it a little too dramatic. So?

She was humming and -- where'd she get that paper? Gracing the grain-white was a vast amount of colors that I could only assume was supposed to be Zacharias and Blaise skipping along the beach. Or a meadow. It's like, all sky-green! I can't tell! This had made me ponder : Was my golden silk robe really golden? Or silk? Oh, wait... Sorry. I, uhh, sometimes get my senses mixed up.

Yes, nevermind me. I'm just the insane guy in the corner.

Anyway, moving on... Pretending like Jo's hand isn't up Voldie's robes... And like he isn't moaning my name... I think I want to start a "Suicide Club" now. Do you think they'd let me do that?

Because, y'know, it could take a while to think of a way to kill yourself, what with not being able Avada Kedavra yourself...

Maybe I should keep this a secret? What? What? I didn't say anything! So, uh, you seen that new video where Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape kill me? Pretty good, huh?

Yeee-up.

To be honest, I don't think that it was possible, at all, for me to have any idea what I was saying as I ramble on like I'm doing and have been doing for (insert random amount of time here) before this whole Oh-I-was-kidnapped-by-deatheaters-oh-pissing-and-moaning-I'm-so-whino! incident.

Actually. Nevermind. I still don't understand me.

"Hey, uh, Roy?"

Hmm? What is it, me?

"Roy!"

Yes! I'm right here! What do you want?

"Jo, he isn't listening to me!" Voldie whined from behind me. Oops. I guess that wasn't me...

"Oh, uh... Yeeeah. Sooorry about that, I kinda thought you were... Me."

Well, I officially think I'm insane. And the smiles I'm getting from every single person neither reassure me, nor make me think otherwise about them.

Crap. This kinda sucks. "So... What were you saying?"

"Oh!" He exclaimed. "I'd nearly forgotten. Well, umm... Could you rub my back?"

Yup. This really sucks.

A/N: Wow. Uh. I don't even really know what to say. Sorry it's short... And it took long... And a sad excuse for a chapter. Really, this is just a filler chapter. Because in the next chapter, the "plot" (and by plot I mean random insane babbling) thickens. And there's a special guest involved... You'll never guess who! Or something... Well, you definately won't guess who if you don't guess at all, so let's just leave it there, okay?

Lucky Koriand'r- I kinda just want to tell you that you suck. But I love you too much for that!

Trephine-Lady- Yup. Exactly.

Nikki Flinn- :P Thanks! Don't really know what to say to that... Hmmm... How 'bout cheese?

Erickackacka- Alright. Fr-eak. Y.

Itsourtimetoshine- That's nice. Why don't you tell someone who cares?

QoW- XD See? Sure showed you. This story has no value! Regardless, thanks for supporting me.