Chapter 4: Ivan vs. Hama, Part One

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Golden Sun, I would be watching Golden Sun on television instead of writing fanfics! (Final interpretation of above DISCLAIMER remains with The Big Rocky Eye.)

Dear Isaac,

Hama is very nice. She has some chocolate. I have been well – She was not abusing me! Anyways, tomorrow night me and her are leaving lately, preparing for the festival. Please, won't you come over? Come, have fun! You will help our appetites, at least! Me and Hama really will pass out if you refuse, this time, to come. This message is your warning – come on! We really will go; crazy if you don't come! Don't be surprised if Hama comes out to blow your head off! The festival is on the 23rd. It's the anniversary of the flying ship, as they call it down here in Contigo. Good old memories. Happy 19th birthday, by the way. Make sure Sheba doesn't keep your present for herself.

I hope you can come, Isaac. Hope everything is well in Vale.

Yours truly,

Ivan

P.S. I heard from Jenna that you're becoming a bit too annoying for her lately. Might want to tone down the wooing a little. Hope I'm not too late…

Isaac's face betrayed a perplexed mind.

"What's wrong, Isaac?" Sheba asked.

"Ivan doesn't write like this…I mean, all that awkward wording and stuff is very unlike him. Yet this is his handwriting…"

Jenna shrugged. "It could be a forgery."

"Jenna, I saw Ivan seal it himself." Sheba paused. "He could be trying to tell us something."

"What do you mean by that?" Isaac asked.

"He was being so secretive about giving me this letter! He told me not to let Hama see it, or else he was doomed! It must mean there's a secret message."

"What? I see no secret message! You find it!" Isaac shoved the letter over. "I can't make heads or tails of this."

Sheba picked up and read the letter. "…Chocolate? Ivan hates chocolate! And he hates bad grammar even more!" Sheba murmured. "And the remark about abuse…"

"Wait a minute!" Jenna exclaimed. "Give me that! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…"

"What are you counting?" Isaac asked.

"…Forget it. Sixteen means nothing." Jenna shook her head. "Why would Ivan give you such a strange birthday greeting?"

"He's trying to tell us something. I know it."

"Please, Isaac…get the message…get the message…" Ivan prayed as the door opened.

"What message?" Hama asked as she walked in. "Have you been doing anything stupid?"

"No…no…"

"… Ivan! You idiot!"

"NOO!"

"Piers? Mia? Felix? Some help would be nice!"

"Well, let me see the letter." Felix stepped over. "How strange. It's almost as if Ivan was filling in blanks…I have an idea!"

Jenna turned. "What?"

"I need a pencil and paper!...Thanks. Alright, let's see… DIHIVNSHSCIHBW…nope. Can't be it."

"Maybe it does mean something? Look, you can see what looks like 'die' in the beginning, then 'Ivan', then 'shh' and something loosely resembling 'scribe'…" Garet commented.

"Garet! Don't be stupid!" Jenna whacked him on the head.

"If we follow Garet's interpretation, we'd end up with something like 'Shh! Ivan the scribe died!' or something like that. Ivan is definitely not a scribe." Mia chirped. "I once was a scribe, so I should know."

"Mia, don't encourage Garet." She whacked Mia on the head. "It's way too random for Ivan. Don't you know how precise he is? His message would tell us exactly what he has to say. No interpretation necessary. Now, think people, think! What would -"

Mia had whacked Jenna on the head. "That'll teach you! Look Sheba, why did Ivan not want Hama to see this? What's there to see?"

"I don't know." Sheba shook her head. "Ivan stayed up all night writing this, while asking me a million times over whether I would be leaving the next day. Then, he woke me up at three in the morning, slipped me this letter in the oddest fashion and told me to bring it to Isaac without anyone seeing. Especially Hama. That's all."

"Strange…Ivan may be quiet at times, even secretive, but never like this." Piers said. "Why he would do anything like that is beyond me."

Isaac, who was pacing back and forth in his living room, suddenly had a light bulb appear over his head.

"What's with the light?" Garet asked. "It's making my head hurt. Ugh…"

"Guys, we need to see Kraden." Isaac whispered. "It's the only way."

Felix's eyes widened. "…Not Kraden. Please…"

"Yes, Kraden. Who else can break the puzzle?"

"You're out of your mind. You're crazy. You're crazy! CRAZY!" Jenna screamed like a maniac.

"Why did you have to be so stupid, Ivan?" Hama shook her head. "I'm sorry, but stupidity merits punishment." She took out a thin stick.

"Don't, Hama. I won't take it from you anymore. Give me that!"

"Do you hear that?" a random villager (who we'll call Bob) said. "I'm scared!"

"Hama's beating up Ivan again. Nothing to be worried about." This, another random villager (who we'll call Karla Hemelku) replied.

"Oh." Bob smiled. "Go Ivan."

"…hmm…as far as I can see there is a message hidden using detectable stenography techniques…Heating has produced no effect as far as I can see, and word analysis shows nothing more than strange wording… Word frequency analysis has proven inconclusive…Absence of apparent symbolic patterning…However, the wording suggest a pre-written message hidden inside filler text…If only we knew what was filler and what was plaintext, we could easily solve the puzzle…we have no probable plaintext to work from…"

"I'm surprised Kraden hasn't run out of oxygen yet!" Garet whispered. "He's been talking non-stop for the past two hours! Why'd you have to bring us here?"

"He knows what he's doing. Our primary objective is to find the message!" Isaac whispered back.

"…and thus I can be of no more use to you than to return the message, to tell you to bear in mind the presence of what is probably unencrypted hidden plaintext and to wish you luck." Kraden finished.

"Thanks, Kraden." Isaac took the message. "We'll visit again soon!"

"Make sure you tell me what the message is!" Kraden called as the group exited.

Hama had chased Ivan around the room for the 136,835,055th time. By now, they were both going at a rate of one kilometre per hour.

"Ivan…pant…you…IDIOT!" Hama panted.

"Pie Jesu domine…whack & pant…dona eis requiem…whack 'n pant…pie Jesu domine…whack & pants…dona eis requiem…whack…"

"I'm…pant…going…to…get…you…for…pant…getting…me…for…getting…pant…you…for…getting…pant…me…pant…for… …double pant"

"Pie Jesu domine…whack 'n pant…dona eis requiem…whack & pant…pie Jesu domine…feeble whack…dona eis requiem…whack…"

"Ivan…pant…stop the…pant…Latin…"

"Why am I imagining for some odd reason that Ivan is chanting in Latin while being chased by Hama around a random room in Contigofor the 136,835,055th time at a speed of one kilometre per hour?" Sheba asked.

Mia shrugged. "… … Whatever. We still need to find the message. Kraden said there was one, right?"

Isaac nodded. "Right. It was part of his recent million-year-long lecture on stenography."

"…sixty-nine, seventy! Seventy! That must mean something!" Jenna exclaimed. " 'Go' is the seventieth word!"

"Right…what has that got to do with anything?" Felix asked.

"Oh brother! The seventieth word, 'go', is the word just before this misplaced semicolon! See?" She pointed. "What if we tried skipping words? Like, every seventh word! … … some…was…me…for…nope. Sorry."

"Jenna, you have raised an interesting point. Again." Felix smiled. "Pencil and paper, please!"

Bob looked at Karla Hemelku. "Do you think they're still fighting? It's been, like, forever."

"Yeah, like, of course they're fighting! They don't stop for, like, days, ya know!"

Bob nodded sombrely. "You must be correct. Murderers are always correct."

Felix's eyes widened as he looked at the message he wrote. Crumpling it up, he spoke in a most urgent voice: "Piers. Can you set sail on the boat immediately?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Good. Everyone, pack your things. We're going to Contigo."

Jenna shook her head. "Can't we just use the Teleport Lapis?"

"No. Ivan has it. Hurry! I'll explain on the ship."

Don't be too sad! I won't be updating very frequently. Right, Sheba?

Sheba: TBRE has relatives coming over. Finally, a vacation! I'm going to Alaska - I mean, Prox!

TBRE: Why? It's so cold!

Sheba: It's better than 35 degree (Celsius)weather! I fried eggs on the asphalt today!

TBRE: And I cooked a hotdog with an aluminum bowl and plastic wrap. Whatever.

Sheba: ... Right. Bye.

TBRE: The challenge...!

Sheba: Right. Of course. We challenge you, the reader, to figure out the secret message in the letter from Ivan. Don't tell the answer, even though it's not a spoiler or anything. Oh, and review!