Part II: Observations
September 1973
Once she was back at school Narcissa heard the whispers and rumors. Last January, immediately after the event, it had been surprisingly calm. But over the summer the rumors seemed to have grown. And now that Bellatrix was gone, the spiteful girls had no one to be afraid of. They smiled to her face, but behind her back they talked about how depraved Andromeda was –
"Sleeping with a Mudblood, of all people!"
"I hear she's pregnant!"
"They're probably not even married!"
– Or even how debauched Bellatrix was –
"I heard she slept with the whole of Slytherin house!"
"She was out partying all summer, my brother said!"
Before Andromeda's elopement, the Black name had carried enough prestige to prevent nasty remarks about Bellatrix's behavior, and Andromeda had certainly never incurred such rumors. Now there were even rumors about Narcissa; they were entirely unfounded, but painful to hear.
"You are a Black!" Mrs. Black's voice echoed in her head. And Narcissa now learned that that meant something. She held her head, looked down upon all the lesser beings at school, and carried on as usual. The children of better upbringing respected that attitude and those that continued to spread the rumors soon stopped bothering after they realized nothing could faze Narcissa.In a way, Andromeda's disgrace had forced Narcissa to grow up quickly and assume some of the Black dignity to cover her confusion.
January 1982
"Lucius does have enough time for his family," Narcissa replied in answer to her mother's query. "Considering all the work he does and how many charitable functions he has to attend, he does spend quite a lot of time at home."
"Your father was like that – so very busy, but never too busy," Mrs. Black mused. "And he always included me."
As if he would have dared not to, Narcissa thought.
"He even took me to Paris that time, when he was sent by the Minister – dear Millicent, I haven't seen her in ages – on a diplomatic mission," Mrs. Black reminisced. "Do you remember that, dear? You were quite young."
How could Narcissa forget? She'd hadn't been all that young, really, just twelve. But even though Andromeda was eighteen, Mr. and Mrs. Black had refused to let their daughters stay home alone for the entire summer. Instead they sent them to the London house, where Mr. Black's younger brother and his family then lived.
July 1970
It was a beautiful house, Narcissa remembered. She often heard her father talk about how he had grown up there, spending the winters in London and the summers in the country, like any proper wizarding family. Since Marcellus Black and his family had moved in, the elder Blacks had never visited. Narcissa had often heard her mother telling her father that he ought to force Marcellus to find his own home, but Darrius Black had never questioned his younger brother's right to the house.
But beautiful or not, Narcissa didn't want to be here, in London, with her Uncle Marcellus, Aunt Desdoma and cousins Sirius and Regulus. Sirius was just two years younger than her and after spending the summer with him, Narcissa dreaded having such a boisterous, troublesome child at Hogwarts. Regulus was only seven years old, and a plaintive, petulant child – at least Narcissa thought so.
She didn't understand how Andromeda could play with their cousins for hours on end. Bellatrix's hatred of children was understandable now that Narcissa was living here.
"Sirius, I can't play hide-and-seek anymore!" Andromeda collapsed on the sofa next to Narcissa. "I'm exhausted!"
"I want to play quidditch," Sirius replied.
"Why bother, you aren't any good," Bellatrix snapped, lowering the book she was reading.
"Bella," Andromeda said warningly. She turned back to Sirius. "I'll watch you fly later," she promised.
Bella muttered something unintelligible, the book covering her face again.
"What are you reading, Bella?" Andromeda asked pleasantly. "You're not studying again? Really, O.W.L.s aren't that close."
"Just because you only got eight doesn't mean the rest of us should be satisfied," Bellatrix snapped. "I, for one, plan to do much better."
Narcissa couldn't help but wonder if all O.W.L. level Potions students had to read Most Potente Potions. Just from glancing at it she could tell it was a very advanced book; but Bellatrix was always clamoring for more knowledge.
"You're doing schoolwork in the summer?" Sirius gasped. "Why?"
"Little children wouldn't understand," Bellatrix replied haughtily, with a toss of her head.
Sirius looked like he was about to say something, but Andromeda distracted him by promising to play the piano for him. Bellatrix stormed out of the room, complaining about the "terrible noise", but Narcissa, like Sirius, listened entranced to Andromeda's music. She was gifted pianist and singer, and Narcissa could never listen to her older sister without wishing she could play and sing like her.
In fact, there wasn't much Andromeda did that Narcissa didn't want to emulate then. She didn't think anything of the fact that when Andromeda and Sirius discussed Hogwarts, Andromeda said dryly it would be better to avoid Slytherin House. When Andromeda wanted to visit Muggle London one day, neither Narcissa nor Sirius thought that there was anything wrong with that. It was only when Narcissa overheard her older sister arguing one evening and Andromeda called Bellatrix "a pureblood snob" that she wondered why perfect Andromeda seemed so dissatisfied with her world.
January 1982
"Speaking of 12 Grimmauld Place, it's fallen to pieces now," Mrs. Black continued. "Desmona only keeps one house-elf, can you imagine! Ever since Marcellus's death, so soon after Regulus's, she just hasn't been that same. Not that that's an excuse. We must all keep our heads, even in times like this." She sniffed, her scorn for her sister-in-law apparent.
Narcissa saw the perfect opening to introduce the real reason behind her visit.
"Mother, it's been hard on her to lose both her children," she pointed out. "First Sirius and then -,"
"Sirius! Don't speak to me of him!" Mrs. Black cried. "They said he betrayed those Potters to the Dark Lord." She sniffed. "Well, I just don't believe. Though it would comfort us all to know he'd turned out all right, I just don't believe it. You told me he was always like that at school; always off with people like that. He was a traitor, all right, but not to those Potters. To his family!" She took a breath and smiled. "But what can one expect? No use caring about it now, is there? At least we're fortunate that his arrest revoked the entail. He won't inherit any of it now."
Narcissa knew her mother's smile was just a façade for her fury. Mrs. Black didn't care about Sirius, off in Azkaban. She cared about the damage he had put on their name. Regardless of what the newspapers said, Narcissa knew he was no Death Eater. She wondered, occasionally, how he had ended up in Azkaban as a Death Eater when anyone that knew him had to know that, though a Black, Sirius was no muggle-hater. It had been no surprise to her when he'd walked out of the family for good, leaving yet another stain on the already tarnished Black name.
July 1976
"Goodness!" Mrs. Black exclaimed. She put her cup of teat down and examined the letter in her hand. "How awful!"
Narcissa glanced up from her own breakfast, wondering what gossip was intriguing her mother this morning.
"Where's your Father?" Mrs. Black demanded. "He will want to know at once."
Narcissa highly doubted her father would be interested in some scandal, so her curiosity rose.
"What's happened?" she asked. Mrs. Black looked up, sighing.
"It seems our family is never to be rid of the shame," she murmured. "Desmona has written me that Sirius has run away."
Narcissa thought of her sixteen-year-old cousin, whom she had seen just a few weeks ago at school. They rarely spoke, as they were in different houses, and Narcissa found his group of friends particularly annoying.
"He's been acting odd for awhile now, she says. Always saying how arrogant and cruel his family is, insisting that there's nothing special about being pureblood," Mrs. Black explained, still reading the letter. "Well, what can you expect from a Gryffindor? A Black in that house – no wonder he turned out so strange," Mrs. Black sighed. "Still, it's quite shocking. Desmona thinks he took the idea from," she paused, as she always did before she said her oldest daughter's name. "Andromeda," she said as fast as she could before moving. "Anyway, he's gone to live with the Potters, whomever they might be. Desmona plans to disown him and let him ruin his life if he wishes. Marcellus wants to force him back, teach him the error of his ways, and hope he'll see sense, as he is to inherit everything. And the entail can't be broken!" She sniffed. "The boy's spent far too many years with muggleborns and halfbloods; there's nothing to be done now." She glanced at Narcissa. "Who are the Potters?"
"They're a wizarding family, I believe," Narcissa replied. "Not very old – second generation, maybe. James Potter is a friend of Sirius's. Gryffindors."
"Ah, that kind of family," Mrs. Black said disdainfully, before rising. "Well, this will be all over the world by noon. I must do something. The Black name has been through enough."
Narcissa took it upon herself to Floo Bellatrix and tell her the news.
"How dare he! How dare he do this to us!" Bellatrix cried. "Doesn't he realize who he is, what he is? He was the Black heir, inheritor of this house, and the London house, and all our other land - the man who would carry on the Black name! And this is how he treats such a position?" she seethed. "I should have been born a boy – I would have done this name credit."
"I'm sure you would have," Narcissa replied, having heard Bellatrix's jealous rants many times. Her sister was so devoted to and proud of her family name that she would have loved nothing more than to be head of the Black family, possessor of all the Black land. Instead she had to watch that fall to Sirius.
"Regulus is in Slytherin," Narcissa continued. "I doubt he will disgrace the name. And as neither of us would, I think there are people enough left to redeem our family."
But no amount of redeeming could turn back time. Only the Black pride kept their heads in the air, as other pureblood families sneered at a family who could lose two children to the "other side."
January 1982
"And then there was Regulus," Mrs. Black continued. "A weak, impressionable child. Desmona was so proud of him, but really, he wasn't worthy of the Black name either. No wonder he's dead; too pathetic to get anywhere in life."
Narcissa couldn't help but agree with the assessment, though it surprised her to hear such words from her mother.
"How glad I am that my children never disappointed me like that," Mrs. Black said, an outrageous statement when one considered where her two eldest children were now. "You and Bellatrix grew up so well. I was never happier than the day I saw you two married so well." She smiled fondly, obviously reflecting on the many months of superiority over her friends after her daughters had married the Lestrange heir and the Malfoy heir. Perhaps she considered both of her older daughters dead, with only Narcissa left. Narcissa knew that was the kind of lie her mother would feed herself until she believed it. Instead of focusing on the disgraceful episodes in her children's lives, she could focus on the more material aspects: their prosperity in marriage, status and wealth. Certainly, Bellatrix had done the Black family proud in that respect.
December 1974
"This is quite unexpected!" Mrs. Black's voice could be heard in the hallway. Narcissa stopped, wondering why her mother was in her father's study. No one went into the study except him and, occasionally, Bellatrix.
"I don't know why," Bellatrix replied. "After all, you mentioned how much attention he has been paying me. He even came here for tea that one day. And he's perfectly eligible; I thought you wanted the match."
"Well, I did wonder, but Mrs. Lestrange knew nothing of anything last time we spoke, nor did I have any inclination that you had any feelings for him." Mrs. Black sniffed. "And to not come to your father first…very unexpected."
"Odelina, I'm sure Rodolphus simply wanted to be sure that Bellatrix was – uh – in favor of such a match," Mr. Black interrupted. Though his voice was soothing, his tone left no room for argument. "We both want Bellatrix to marry well and be happy, and I cannot think of a single object to Rodolphus Lestrange. You said yourself that it would be an admirable match."
"And so it will," Mrs. Black replied, her voice softening.
"Rodolphus wanted to be the one to ask you, Father," Bellatrix said. "But I just couldn't wait until this afternoon. I was so sure you would give us your blessing."
"This afternoon?" Mrs. Black cried. "Were you going to tell me that, Bellatrix? I shall have to prepare tea. And ought I invite his parents as well? We have a wedding to plan…summer weddings are lovely, and they can be held outside. I do hope the Lestranges won't insist upon using their house for the reception. Though it is a nice house, their ballroom just isn't large enough."
With Mrs. Black still talking about the wedding, Bellatrix obviously decided to leave. She almost ran into Narcissa when she left the room.
"Cissa, eavesdropping again?" Bellatrix snapped.
"Don't be ridiculous, only you do that," Narcissa retorted. "I did overhear Mother, though. Congratulations."
"Thank you." Bellatrix looked so smug it irked Narcissa. "This will improve your chances of marrying well."
"I'm sure," Narcissa replied. "I had no idea it was so serious. Of course, he has liked you since we were children. I just didn't know you saw all that much of him."
"Well, I wouldn't tell you, now would I?" Bellatrix snapped.
"Bella," Narcissa sighed, using the nickname only Andromeda had dared to use. "I know you sneak out all the time. I know you must be going to meet the same people you were friends with at school. And," she lowered her voice, "I wonder if Mother and Father would approve of some of the things they do."
Bellatrix flushed angrily. "You're just jealous that I've never invited you. Yes, my friends weren't prim and proper ladies whose dream in life was to own the most fashionable clothes and the finest jewelry. Yes, I want to do something worthwhile with my life. I think both Mother and Father would approve of that."
But what they wouldn't approve of were the drunken revelries in school, the nighttime meetings or the rumors that surrounded that particular set. Whispers of the Dark Lord had followed them in school and now, away from Hogwarts and out of reach of anyone who might try and stop them, it was almost definite that Bellatrix's group from her school days had become Death Eaters.
Bellatrix, a firm believer in the supremacy of the older pure-blood aristocracy and the eradication of all muggleborns and half-bloods, would have been drawn to the idea behind such a group, if not to their wild parties and the extreme lengths they went to to get what they wanted. If torturing and killing others was what it took for the purebloods to regain power, Narcissa didn't know if her parents would approve.
She knew Bellatrix wouldn't be a casual observer in such a society. If she was part of it – and her engagement to Rodolphus, one of the supposed leaders in school, seemed to confirm it – then she would be at the head of it, pushing it forward and getting pulled too far in to leave.
"Be careful, Bella," Narcissa said softly. "I know you think I know nothing, but I know enough to recognize danger. Just – be careful."
Bellatrix's face was impassive, though Narcissa could see a slight change in her eyes. "You're too observant, Cissa. I see I shall have to be careful around you – or convert you."
It was a gamble, but Bellatrix loved to take risks. Narcissa watched her carefully, and stepped forward. Bellatrix didn't move, even when Narcissa wrenched the sleeve of her sister's robe up.
The Dark Mark glared back at her. Narcissa stepped back, shuddering.
"So now you know." Bellatrix pulled her sleeve down. "You shudder this time, but I know you see the wisdom of it too. Pain and repulsion can become enjoyable, in time." Her voice was clearly trying to temp Narcissa, but Narcissa could only see the Mark, the one than hung over houses when everyone inside was dead.
Her eyes never leaving Bellatrix's, Narcissa replied carefully, "I have such opposites for sisters. Someone needs to walk in the middle."
January 1982"We need more tea," Mrs. Black observed, before she rang the bell for the house-elf. When one did not appear immediately she scowled. "Wherever can it be? Household help is getting most inefficient these days."
"I noticed the new butler," Narcissa said hesitantly. "I was surprised to see yet another new one…"
"Given the present circumstances, I can't seem to find a trustworthy one," Mrs. Black sniffed. "This one is completely worthless; I only have him there for show. There's enough gossip going around, I wouldn't want anyone to say I couldn't afford a butler."
"Gossip, Mother?" Narcissa asked. "There was gossip before yesterday? Or are you speculating?"
Mrs. Black glared at her daughter. "I shall have to organize a party immediately – a winter gala, perhaps. I think it would be best to pretend none of this ever happened, don't you?"
Narcissa barely concealed her irritation. "Perhaps. But we can talk about it. If there's gossip already…well, Lucius only told me yesterday. What else did Bellatrix do?"
"I suppose I ought to invite the Lestranges," Mrs. Black continued as if Narcissa had never spoken. "Though I do blame their sons for this whole mess. Bellatrix would have never -."
"Oh no?" Narcissa interrupted. "Mother, don't lie to yourself. Both you and Father knew what Bellatrix was capable of. You know how she's been for the past year or so -."
"I know that Rodolphus neglected her!" Mrs. Black snapped, composure gone. "He hurt her, but she was too proud to do anything. And to think I allowed him to marry her, when I knew he couldn't have loved her. He wanted her name and her fortune, that's all!"
"Don't you remember the wedding?" Narcissa demanded. "He loved her; he always did. And she was playing a very clever role to keep everyone thinking that she loved him too. I didn't see it at first either, but you know Bellatrix, she wouldn't have married for love. I always knew there was something wrong with that relationship…"
At that moment the house-elf appeared, and Mrs. Black transferred her anger to the hapless creature. Narcissa watched her mother, wondering how Mrs. Black could lie to herself after all these years. Even when it all began, she must have realized it was too perfect to be true.
June 1975It was odd, Narcissa thought, to watch Bellatrix now. Seated at the head of the table, white robes spread around her, she was gazing at Rodolphus' face adoringly. During the months of wedding plans Narcissa had seen Bellatrix at her worst in private; yelling at anyone who disobeyed her orders, scorning her family's suggestions, then refusing to participate for a few days, after which she would return to yell some more. But in public she had changed entirely. The girl who had enjoyed being the center of attention at every party, even if the attention was not always the best kind, who had openly derided her mother's friends and who had snuck off with any young man in the room, behaved perfectly. She was always smiling, always polite, and always impeccably gracious. Everyone agreed that the thought of marriage had turned wild Bellatrix Black into a very presentable lady.
Narcissa wondered, not for the first time, what had really happened. Did Bellatrix really love Rodolphus? The Lestranges were an old, wealthy, pureblood family; after Andromeda's elopement, it was a wonderful match. But Bellatrix wouldn't marry just for a "good match." Her pride would ensure her marriage to a pureblood wizard of a respectable family, but Narcissa had always doubted that Bellatrix would settle down at all. Though passionate, her devotion tended to be towards things and ideas rather than people. She was cold and haughty, she never spoke openly of attractions, if she'd had any at all, and her school relationships had either been extremely dysfunctional or exceedingly short. Besides, Bellatrix had always scorned the idea of all women settling down and raising the children while the man did all the work. If her older sister ever married, Narcissa had always thought there would be some deeper motive than love.
Yet here Bellatrix was, just twenty years old, gazing at Rodolphus like a lovesick child.
"Cissa, darling." Bellatrix smiled sweetly at Narcissa. "Have you danced with Rabastan?"
Narcissa watched the younger Lestrange brother messing around with his friends. They had all been a year ahead at Hogwarts, but Narcissa had found them immature and obnoxious. What really shocked her was the fact that Bellatrix – self-absorbed Bellatrix, without a care for her younger sister – was matchmaking.
Someone stopped by to congratulate Rodolphus and Bellatrix leaned towards Narcissa.
"He's perfectly eligible, dear," she murmured. "But perhaps you'd be more suitable with -."
"I still have a year of school!" Narcissa exclaimed. Who are you? She demanded silently.
"Never too young," Bellatrix murmured. "After all, you're the only Black girl left. Everyone will be after you."
"After me?" Narcissa demanded hotly. "Like I'm some kind of prize? Just an object to be owned? I'd think you, of all people, would know I expect more than that!"
Bellatrix raised an eyebrow. "Well, well, you're not as insipid as you look. All the boys at school always thought that because you are pretty and blonde, you'd be docile and submissive as well." She smiled slightly. "I see I shall have to find some extra special for you."
Rodolphus touched her shoulder. "Bella, darling, I want you to meet someone," he murmured. For a second Narcissa caught a flash of annoyance across Bellatrix's face – the look she used to have in polite society like this. Then it was gone, replaced with an angelic smile.
"Of course, dear," she murmured, standing up. Without a glance back at her sister, Bellatrix let her husband lead her away. Narcissa hadn't missed the look in Rodolphus' eyes as he watched Bellatrix – one more suited to an admirer whose love was unrequited, rather than to a newly married man. The change in her sister, the hidden secrets within this seemingly happy relationship, all left Narcissa feeling worried for the future.