Sibling Feuds Chapter 5: Ivan vs Hama, Part Two, a golden sun fanfic

Chapter 5: Ivan vs. Hama, Part Two

Dear SpasticDjinn: See end of chapter.

Dear Other Readers: Sorry (really) about the horrible quality of the stories. I'll improve, hopefully in the next few years or so!

DISCLAIMER: No elephants were harmed in the making of this story. Golden Sun, naturally, doesn't belong to me.

Hama sighed. "What a stupid prank, Ivan. That's all I can say. Stupid. After seeing you journey up, down and across Weyard, lighting the lighthouses, meeting new people, trying new things…you're still enough of a kid to pull such a prank. Your friends will be here by nightfall. You had better explain yourself to them, or you might get in trouble."

"But, sister!" Ivan whined.

"You know full well I have not been abusing you. I repeat. Tonight when they come, you explain yourself to them. Tell them about the stupid prank you played on them, and tell them why they went to see Kraden."

Ivan paled. "Kraden? Oh, what have I done?"

Hama paused, then continued. "Ivan, I know it hurts. But this is something you must do." Again, she paused.

"What's with the second pause, Hama?" Ivan asked.

"Ivan, our house is not big enough for seven visitors. You will have to pay for their lodgings at the inn."

"That's 140 coins! (Author's note: the price is actually 160 coins, but since only seven people are staying, it's 140 coins.) Besides, they have rooms on the ship-"

"Ivan! It's the least you can do! They went to see Kraden!"

"Oh, all right…" Ivan sulked.

Hama frowned. "Don't sulk like that in front of me. Do it elsewhere."

"…I wish I still lived in Kalay."

"Ivan!" Hama barked.

"I really do. You yell at me too much."

"I…Ivan, look. When you left…Mom told me to take care of you…if I ever found you again. I…I'm just doing what I thought she would do."

"Hell, you could be my mother! You sure sound like one!" Ivan yelled. "You are abusing me! Was that prank such a prank, after all?"

"Ivan…Ivan, please…couldn't you just…"

"I'm tired of it all! You're always bringing up Mother, you're always telling me what a kid I am, you're always so dissatisfied with every little thing I do! I want to go break a dishwasher or something!"

Hama stared. "…Dishwasher?"

"Don't ask me where I came up with-"

"…Dishwasher?"

"I said, don't ask me where I came up-"

Ivan raised his eyebrows. "Umm…Hama?"

Ivan shook his head, stupefied. "…Yes, you told me that. I'm going to make full restitution tonight. I know one of the trauma counsellors in…"

Hama paused, then continued. "Dishwasher. What is a dishwasher? WHAT THE HELL IS A DISHWASHER?"

Ivan stared. "Umm…Hama, not only did you pause a third time, but I think you went crazy. I'd better go fetch that counsellor…fast!"

Hama stepped menacingly closer. "Ivan!" she hissed. "Tell me! Tell me what a dishwasher is!"

Ivan shrugged. "I dunno. Check on the Internet. The internet knows all. …Wow. I sounded like some sort of fortune teller or something. What is a dishwasher, anyways? …Oh, shit…"

"Ivan, I know it hurts. But this is something you must do." Again, she paused.

"Fourth pause! What the hell is going on?" Ivan asked Babi's ghost. "And why is she repeating word for word what she said before?"

"Lemuria…" Babi's ghost moaned before fading into oblivion.

"Ivan, our house is not big enough for seven visitors. You will have to pay for their lodgings at the inn."

Ivan prepared to run, mentally gauging the time it would take to get to the front door of Contigo Psychologists. "…Forty-two seconds. She's going to blow any second! I know it…I know it!"

Hama blew. "Ivan! Tell me what the Internet is! And dishwasher! What the hell is a dishwasher? And internet? What is that? Tell me, tell me!"

He ran.

The receptionist (whom we shall call Marie even though her real name is Lyn) looked up. "Oh, Ivan!" she said (in that voice used by kindergarten teachers reserved for five-year-olds). "What brings you here?"

The sweating boy panted, "I think I just traumatized my sister Hama. She's been asking me what dishwashers and Internets were."

"Okay, Ivan. Just wait in the anti-lunatic cage over there," Marie gestured to a huge statue of the Star Magician standing in the corner with a door hanging open, "and we'll have someone pick up Hama in a second."

Meanwhile…

"I get the feeling Ivan's just playing a prank on us." Jenna said.

Sheba giggled. "No way! He's the most serious guy ever! He's even worse than Felix!"

Isaac and Garet shared a smile.

A few hours later…

"Hama, do you still want to know what a dishwasher is?" Ivan asked.

"I don't care, frankly. It doesn't exist. Anyways, Isaac and the others are going to be here very soon. Are you ready to apologize?"

Ivan sounded deflated. "Yes, yes. Sheesh. You're so bossy, Hama."

"I'm supposed to take care of you. Please, let's not have an argument."

"You always start them!" Ivan accused.

Hama protested weakly. "Please, Ivan…my headache…"

"Fine! Here, I'll dull it for you! Pie Jesu domine, dona eis requiem… Pie Jesu domine, dona eis requiem…"

Hama slapped her brother. "Shut up!"

"Shut up!" Ivan mocked, slapping her back. "Shut up! Shut up!" he continued, slapping the poor woman.

"I am not poor!" Hama shouted. "And stop that!" Hama pushed Ivan into the wall, then started to walk away. "Sheesh…oomph!" She fell down.

"If you're not poor, then get a brain!" Ivan shouted.

Hama turned red in anger. "Ivan! Why, you dirty little-"

"I'm not a runt!" Ivan declared, slapping his sister on the head.

"Rat!" she finished, getting up. "You ashwhole, you!" Ivan started running again.

Hama picked up a random box. "Take…that!" she cried, throwing the box at him.

Ivan, dodging the flying horses and quills Hama was throwing at him, ran straight into his room. Which turned out to be a big mistake.

"You can't come out!" Hama teased, tying one end of the doorknob to an elephant's tail using fishing line.

Ivan, meanwhile, was searching for something else. "Since you're already black-hearted, I don't think you'll mind being black-faced, either!" Ivan mused as he picked up a jar of ink.

Hama, being a Jupiter Adept and all, had sensed the danger she was in. She hopped on the elephant, which started on a rampage, plowing through walls and goddess statues until it got outside. Ivan, fearing the house was about to collapse, also ran outside where he nearly got trampled by said elephant (which we'll call Dumdrop). Dumdrop, scared by Ivan, started going crazy. It walked right off the cliff behind the house as Hama screamed. Then, it went back around and up the slope to stomp on the inkpot Ivan had dropped as he fled the (destroyed) house. And let it be known that Dumdrop, in doing so, had plowed right through the Sanctum as well as the two gambling tents.

Isaac and company ran into Contigo, but presently halted on the Teleport stone, staring at the ruins on the hill…at Dumdrop which was still carrying Hama on its back…and a very bruised and battered Ivan.

Garet was first to speak. "Wow. Ivan really was abused."

Dear SpasticDjinn: Congratulations for being the first reviewer to give me constructive criticism. Here, have a byte of this cookie. (Puts tracking cookie on SD's computer, enabling me to see his every action on said computer.)

I'm sorry if this chapter isn't any better. I'm just...really tired lately.

Also, in Chapter 4, Kraden mentioned something about stenography. He's not as smart as he seems! The message wasn't written in shorthand (stenography), but hidden (steganography). Just thought to point that out.