Chapter 6: Felix and Jenna in Therapy
UPDATED DISCLAIMER: I do not own or claim to own Zelda, Golden Sun, or anything in this world, the underworld, the overworld, heaven, Christian hell, Muslim hell, Dante's nine hells and purgatory, the universe or anything in any dimension.
The reader, by reading this piece of fan fiction, agrees that The Big Rocky Eye, and any entity working under that name, will NOT be liable for any damages occured whatsoever by the reading of this fan fiction.
No psychologists were harmed in the making of this fanfic.
SpasticDjinn: See below.
Marie (read chapter 5) motioned to the seats in the waiting room. "Please wait here," she said, "Dr. Wesley will be with you shortly".
"Thank you," Felix said. "Do you know how long we have to wait?"
"Five minutes," replied the receptionist. "She is currently with another group. Please sit and wait."
Felix and Jenna sat down across the room, looking away from each other. They had, after the diary incident, decided that it would be best to seek therapy as a precaution against more serious fights. Namely, those involving Psynergy, which would easily destroy the house.
Felix had Ivan make an appointment with Contigo Psychologists three months ago. The prank Ivan had played on him had got him here just in time. He had forgotten that his appointment was the next day.
Jenna, initially, had been opposed to taking therapy. However, her mother's…persuasions had led her to believe (?) that it was for the better. She was just starting to fume about this when the door bearing the label "Dr. Wesley" opened.
"Goodbye!" called the doctor as her patients exited the room.
Felix and Jenna were, conservatively speaking, startled upon recognition of the patients. They, likewise, were surprised upon seeing the brother and sister in the room.
"What are you doing here?" Felix asked. "I thought you were going with Piers to Kolima to get wood for your house?"
Ivan shook his head. "Hama's been in shock ever since the incident. The healer had us undergo mental therapy right after reviving her. But what are you doing here? I thought you and Jenna got along just fine!"
"Fine?" Jenna laughed. "This nosy brat peeked into my diary and managed to get me in trouble for making him cry!"
Felix turned towards her sharply. "You're such a -!"
"Ivan, Piers is waiting," Hama interrupted. "We'd better get on down to the inlet. Goodbye, Felix. Goodbye, Jenna." Hama started towards the door.
"Bye, Ivan! Bye, Hama!" Felix and Jenna called as they walked out the front door.
"Felix and…um…Jenna, please come in." The doctor motioned them in.
"So…you're here because Felix has been traumatized by a near-death incident. Am I right?"
Felix stiffened; Jenna smiled. "Near-death incident? Nothing of the sort! We just fight a lot, and need some counselling." Felix said.
"Well, you always start them." Jenna muttered.
"Okay then! Our session will begin with me getting an idea of your condition. But first, how about you sit down?"
Felix and Jenna had been standing at the door. Presently, however, they began to move towards the couch. To the same spot on the couch, in fact.
"Felix, when I tell my story I'm going to cry! At least let me sit where I can get to the tissues!" Jenna barked.
"Well, that's the best place to sit, according to this book!" Felix held up a book entitled "Feng Shui for Nerds".
"You're not a nerd!" Jenna retorted. "How would you understand that book? As far as I care, the best spot for you would be twenty yards under my feet!"
Dr. Wesley smiled. "Actually, that's where we keep the files of our patients."
"D'oh!" Jenna exclaimed. "Whatever! I want to sit there!"
"I wanna sit there! I wanna sit there!" Felix imitated in a duck-like voice. "You're such a selfish brat! Why won't you just act like you're actually seventeen and find a place to sit down like other civilized people?"
"Hypocrite!" Jenna retorted. "Why don't you take your own advice and find someplace else to sit?"
"You need to learn how to think not only for yourself, but for others. Jenna, please find another place to sit," Felix sighed. "Or do we have to have a fight in the poor doctor's office?"
Dr. Wesley decided it was a good time to interrupt. "How about you both find another place to sit? Since it can't be a win-win situation, the only fair solution would be a lose-lose solution. Felix, you can sit there," she pointed to an armchair, "and Jenna can sit here." She motioned to a stool.
"Fine! I just want to get this session over with." Jenna walked to the stool in a huff.
"Now that we're in our seats," Dr. Wesley started, "Let's hear our problems."
"Felix has a little problem with respecting people's privacy. I saw him looking at my diary! He shouldn't have been in my room, anyway, without my permission." Jenna paused. "We wouldn't fight so much if he learned to mind his own business! And the way he's always lecturing me…"
"I had to be in your room to clean it, stupid! I do mind my own business, it's you who don't! Who do you think read my diary in the middle of the night? Who else but you? And I lecture you for a good reason! Doctor, not only is she a complete hypocrite, accusing others of faults she herself has, but she tells lies far too often for her own good! Not only that, she has a horrible temper. You should see how she treats the grandson of the mayor!"
The doctor gasped. "Alfred? How could you?" She took a menacing step towards Jenna. "How dare you mess with Alfred!"
"I mean the grandson of the mayor of Vale, not Contigo."
"Oh."
"I so do not maltreat Garet! He's so dull, so I give him polite wake-up calls!" Jenna retorted.
"Always the same excuse! Always! He's not stupid! You don't always have to be so damned mean to him! Polite wake-up calls – ha! You call 'You idiot! What the hell are you doing?' polite wake up calls? Give me a break!"
Dr. Wesley took a deep breath. "So basically, you're saying that Jenna is an inveterate liar who maltreats people and is a hypocrite."
Felix managed a weak smile. "In a nutshell, she's an asswhole."
"Well, Felix is an annoying brat who can't seem to mind his own business!" Jenna retorted.
Dr. Wesley nodded. "Felix is annoying and always pokes his nose in other's business."
"Same for Jenna! Who do you think opened their big mouth when we were listening in on Briggs?" Felix declared.
"Whose idea was it to walk into somebody else's ship in the first place?"
"Kraden!"
"Oh please."
"It's true!"
Jenna looked up. "Where are you going?"
Dr. Wesley had walked to her desk. "Continue on with your discussion; I'm just getting…more…paper." She laughed nervously as she reached into her desk. She pulled out a film canister, opened the lid and vigorously breathed in some vapours. Closing it, she returned to the arguing siblings, who were now debating which of the two abused Sheba more.
Felix, loudly yelling, was claiming that Jenna took advantage of her position as Sheba's confidante to have someone else, usually Mia, blackmail her, thus ruining relationships and abusing Sheba psychologically. He cited numerous conversations between Jenna and Mia, proving his point. Jenna simply tried to refute all that he was saying.
"That's absurd, Felix! What about before we joined up with Isaac? You think Piers blackmailed Sheba?"
"I believe you could pull off such a stunt." Felix replied.
"You know what? Forget it. You're just being stupid." Right then, the doctor, who was staring at the clock, spoke up.
"Okay! I now have a clear idea of your condition. That will be it for today. I'll see you in…6 months." Dr. Wesley made a few quick notes as she got up towards the door.
Felix looked perplexed. "Wasn't our session supposed to be an hour long?"
"Yes!" the doctor replied, ushering the two out the door.
Jenna returned to her seat. "It's not been an hour yet."
"Yes it has!" Dr. Wesley insisted.
"And besides," Felix said, "wasn't our next appointment two weeks from now?"
"No." The doctor went to the door. "If you do not leave in the next thirty seconds, I will have you charged for trespassing."
Felix chuckled. "If you deny to give us the services you claimed to offer at the time appointed and for the amount of time appointed, I can, and will, sue you for professional negligence."
"What's that?" Jenna whispered.
He didn't know. It was a bluff.
"Not if I murder you!" the doctor retorted.
"Doctor Wesley! What did I tell you about threatening our clients?" An elderly man appeared in the doorway, causing Dr. Wesley to become quite nervous.
"Doctor Robertson! Heh heh…Ooo, an oyster…"
"?" The familiar thought-bubble popped up over Felix's head.
"Give me a rupee! Please, Zelda? Will you give me a rupee?" the younger doctor continued. "Hey! Alfred! Cookie! Give me cookie! And milk! Go milk the oyster!" She started running in circles while blabbering in the manner of lunatics, knocking down everything she touched.
Felix and Jenna shrugged, then left the room while Dr. Robertson apologized profusely.
"And I thought we needed therapy." The siblings laughed.
SpasticDjinn: Don't worry about me hiding behind my bedroom door with a butcher's knife. (Takes flight to Australia, looks up SpasticDjinn's address somehow, then hides behind his bedroom door with a machete.) I hope I get a better rating now! (Insert smiley face here.)