Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of… well, that should be obvious.

Chapter 2

The Galaxy's Guide to Hitchhiking

Kinbu Wamia has always been known to be daring. He was so daring, he once reprogrammed all the droids in the Jedi temple to sing Banana Phone, a song so annoying, it would make even a Jedi Master want to rip out the singer's voice box, in front of the entire Jedi Council nonstop. That move caused many Jedi, not just members of the council, to believe that Kinbu was unfit to be taught the ways of the Force. It seemed as if no one would be able to tame the young beast. Therefore, as Kinbu fell toward his seemingly inevitable demise, a man just as daring as he is would find him.

That man turned out to be a master thief, who has stolen a wide variety of treasures, weapons, and even a modified Republic cruiser with added blasters. He was also notorious for his use of many swear words, and his calling card was a Furby reprogrammed to sing Banana Phone repeatedly. He was seen by almost no one, and those who have seen him rarely live to tell about it.

And it just so happened that he was on the run once again. He had just stolen an expensive speeder from a local shop, and a bounty hunter walking by has caught him in the act. Now he's wound up in a wild chase with no sign of slowing down. As fate would have it, though, it was at this moment when he picked up a homing signal from a young boy falling to his death. Needless to say, the young thief was shocked.

"Oh, like hell!" he exclaimed. "If he wants to commit suicide, then why do I have an obligation to save him? Ah, screw it..."

He then looked around for the bounty hunter, and found that he was nowhere in sight. When the boy kept on falling, the thief decided to take action and drove below the homing device's call. Once he got close enough, the boy dropped right into the back seat of the speeder.

The boy, Kinbu, sat up. "What the hell?" he asked. "I didn't think someone would actually save me..."

"Then why the hell did you jump?" said the thief. "You don't look depressed enough."

"I wasn't committing suicide!" Kinbu exclaimed back angrily. "I was running away."

"Hell of a way to run away, don't you think? Besides, I thought the Jedi were supposed to fearless enough to not run away."

"Me? A Jedi?"

"Well, you DID fall from the Jedi temple, right?"

"Yes, but I'm only a Youngling, and no Jedi Master in the galaxy would dare to train me. So here I am, running from a lost cause only because two complete knuckleheads scared me into it. I swear, they're going to end up in fast food restaurants one of these days, those worthless bastards." Kinbu shuddered at the last statement. "Like hell they'll put me in one of those Force-forsaken prison camps."

"And so you've decided to train yourself and become a rogue Jedi, like many others have over recent years, is that it?"

"Yes, that's exactly it. How did you know?"

"Let's just say that bite my natural rogue ass, Master Yoda should. I guess you and I aren't so different after all."

"You're a rogue, too?"

"Ten years running. My name is Donovan Lupin, better known as the Radical Outlaw."

This news made Kinbu incredibly nervous. He had heard terrible stories about the Radical Outlaw, one of them involving a yellow rodent, a blue astromech droid, and millions of watts worth of electricity (you don't want to know the outcome), but he never would have guessed that he was a rogue Jedi himself. This also led him to question how far a rogue could sink to the dark side, and if running away from the temple would ultimately seal his fate. So, naturally, he was speechless.

"I know what you're thinking," said Donovan, "and no, I'm not one of the bad guys. I'm just trying to make a living."

"By resorting to burglary?" yelled Kinbu.

"It's the only way a rogue like me can survive," Donovan replied back. "Rogue Jedi live their lives on the run, therefore, we can't have jobs. So, without jobs, we have no money, and with no money, we have to take whatever we can instead. It's our living, all because we're misunderstood by many."

"I see," said Kinbu. "So that is the life I've chosen"

"I'm afraid so," said Donovan, just as a blue speeder came up right next to him. Once the speeder stopped, the driver, a Rodian bounty hunter, aimed his blaster toward Donovan's head.

"So, this is the famed Radical Outlaw," said the bounty hunter. "I've been wanting to capture a rogue's bounty for a long time."

Donovan stood up form the driver's seat, his blaster rifle in hand. "Yes, I bet you have," he said, firing a shot at the bounty hunter's chest, knocking him out of the speeder and sending him to his death. Kinbu looked at him afterwards, with a confused look on his face.

"Yeah, I shoot first," said Donovan, before the author could rip off any more movie lines. "I dare the maker to butcher that fact."

(Author's Note: Bring it, Ford clone.)

"You didn't have to kill him, you know," said Kinbu.

"In a rogue's life, survival comes first," said Donovan. "And survival is a tough bitch on PMS a million times over."

Before any of you ladies get offended by Donovan's statement, the author DID warn you that he was notorious for swearing.

"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do to make it up to you," said Donovan. "I'll take you with me wherever I go. The galaxy is no place for a lone adolescent rogue, and I should know."

Kinbu then stood up excitedly. "You mean I'll get to travel with the Radical Outlaw and go on many adventures? I can't wait!"

"Yeah, and we'll even have our own theme music," said Donovan, as he popped a disc into the stereo.

"Theme music?" asked Kinbu. "Oh, don't tell me..."

:"Right," said Donovan, as the stereo began to play the one song that has been deemed illegal on many star systems: Banana Phone.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Kinbu as they drove to Donovan's stolen cruiser, the song repeating for hours in his head.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," said Donovan. "With this playing, not a soul in the galaxy could stand to follow us."

And indeed that was the case. Banana Phone was a song so annoying, the people who listened to it would blow their ear drums out just to stop listening to it. In the case of listening to it for hours nonstop, one would even resort to suicide. The song was originally used as a torture method for the purpose of interrogation, but as years passed, the song showed many uses for the criminal underworld. For example, a space pirate or any other terrorist could hijack a cruiser, play Banana Phone on the stereo until the crew killed themselves, and take the ship for themselves. Also, a criminal on the run from Republic troops or bounty hunters could play Banana Phone from outside at full blast so said troop or bounty hunter could hear it, therefore they would eventually give up or suicide before they could catch their target. They abused it so much, the song itself became illegal throughout the galaxy.

"Does it look like I care?" said Kinbu. "And how could ANYONE in the galaxy stand this song?"

"Simple," said Donovan, "I grew up on this song. Now let's get going before someone spots us." Having that said, he jumped out of the speeder and boarded the ship with Kinbu following behind. A few seconds later, they took off and left Coruscant for good.

Five years have passed since Kinbu's escape, and so far he's had it rough. Although he has become rather skilled with the Force thanks to Donovan's help, he's been through many bounty hunters on his way, and he has still yet to own a lightsaber. He hasn't had anything good to eat or drink in ages, and it seemed he was unable to get that damned Banana Phone song out of his head any time soon. It was times like these when he wondered how exactly Donovan slept at night.

"Amazing," said Kinbu while he and Donovan were drifting into hyperspace, "how five years of adventure could make you sick of it. I almost wish I stayed at the temple."

"Believe me, Kinbu," said Donovan, "that there's not a moment that went by when I wished I changed my mind. I just couldn't stand the Jedi lifestyle any longer, though. My old master was always so uptight about everything, and I couldn't stand it. That's when I've decided to run away and give up the life of a Jedi, because I didn't want to be under so much oppression from the Jedi code. Now here I am, wandering the galaxy as a filthy rogue. I hate it just as much as you do, but it's how I survive out here."

"I see," said Kinbu. "Well, at least it could be worse. We could be at the wrong end of an ambush."

Just then, the ship went out of hyperspace as it got hit with a large blast. Kinbu looked toward the monitors and saw two starfighters flying toward the ship, firing their blasters.

"Great, more bounty hunters," said Kinbu, as Donovan turned on the stereo full blast only to find it wasn't working.

"Damn, our secret weapon's gone!" exclaimed Donovan. "It looks like we'll have to go all out on this one. Kinbu, go up toward the main turret and open fire on the starfighters. I'll try to maneuver us out of here."

Without a second thought, Kinbu raced to the blaster turret, just as the ship got hit with more laser blasts.

'Doesn't this thing have any shields?' thought Kinbu as he opened fire on one of the starfighters. He missed his target, however, and both starfighters fired at the turret, earning a direct hit.

"Well, there goes the main turret," said Kinbu, running out and back into the cockpit, where Donovan couldn't get any more stressed.

"Let me guess, the turret's out," said Donovan. "I guess you'll have to use the escape pod. Don't worry about me, Kinbu, save yourself while you can."

"I don't want to leave you," replied Kinbu. "Aren't you going with me?"

"I'm too tired to run anymore. After fifteen years of running, I've never been fulfilled. Now I'm ready to face my destiny, and destiny can be even bitchier than survival."

"But what am I going to do without you, Donovan?"

"You're going to live on, that's what. Now go, and don't you dare look back." With that said, Donovan stood out of the cockpit, dragging Kinbu along toward the escape pod. Afterwards, Kinbu entered the pod, with Donovan sanding just outside.

"May the Force be with you, Kinbu," said Donovan as he closed the hatch and released the pod.

Kinbu just stood there as the pod drifted into space, watching as the cruiser eventually exploded with the aid of the starfighters. He was more miserable than he had ever been, for Donovan was the brother he never had. He took him in when no one else would, even though he had more annoying tendencies than Ron and Jack put together. Now he was not so certain he could live up to the challenges of a rogue any longer, for if even Donovan was vulnerable to attack, poor Kinbu could have it even worse. So, without knowing what else to do, he stood, tears slowly coming out of him.

"What am I to do now?" he kept repeating, as the pod started to come down to a nearby planet.