Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of... well, that should be obvious.

Chapter 4

The Empire Strikes First

They say time flies when one is having fun, and that used to be the case with Emperor Palpatine until a couple years after transforming the Republic to his own twisted vision. He thought having complete control of the galaxy would make an entertaining lifestyle for him, but he found more fun in the quest to his ambition than the aftermath of it. Therefore, he decided to take his ambition one step further by taking control of the other evils in the galaxy: galactic corporations.

At first this monopolization was proving successful. As of today, he has taken control of over a hundred businesses, including the renamed Microsith, Sithbucks, Darth MaulMart, and even McPalpatine's. He even personally killed the CEOs and executives of their former companies and managed to successfully blame it all on the Jedi. Of course, he continued to rely on the stupidity of the rest of the galaxy, as he knew most of the population couldn't tell apart good from evil if all the Sith lords that ever existed came and blasted them with Force lightning.

However, there was one particular planet which really irked Palpatine. He wasn't sure if the citizens of said planet were too stupid to realize the rest of the galaxy was under his complete control, or not stupid enough to fall for his tricks. After all, they just simply ignored his conquest of the Senate and numerous corporations and went on with their lives. Even his recent takeover of their favorite food chain, Burger King, was ignored. Therefore, he decided to take action by sending some high ranked officers and an army of stormtroopers to the planet in order to enforce his rule.

Of course, any reader with half a brain can figure out that the planet is Lue, where the citizens aren't exactly complete gimps, but they sure as hell try. It is also where poor mascot Kinbu Wamia has slaved in the fast food business for three years. After all those years of having to put up with literally hundreds of crack-headed Luesers, Kinbu felt like going insane himself. In fact, if it wasn't for his master, Qui-Lex Foren, he would have already done so the moment he crashed on this planet.

"Welcome to Burger King," he said to the customers headed his way in a sulky voice. "Try our new tender crisp double chicken sandwich." Naturally, the customers looked away from Kinbu shamefully, knowing full well that he was not the same mascot as the one he killed three years ago.

"Why does he even bother?" the customers would ask. "He knows we hate him so badly."

"Yeah, and what is with that creepy mask?" they would respond. "It just doesn't suit him. After all. our mascot is supposed to be, you know, insane."

"Hey, remember when the old mascot actually went out and masturbated with one of those egg and cheese Croissanwiches?"

"I loved that, man. He'd do anything to get the customers' attention."

Yes, this was a normal day for Kinbu so far. The customers would insult him and even put pieces of paper on his back that reads "I'm With Stupid" and has an arrow pointing up. In spite of all his meditations with Qui-Lex, he still couldn't get used to such torture. He would have given anything to escape from this hellhole of a job, even if it resulted in his death.

That was when he noticed one particular customer coming in. He was in some sort of military uniform, and was being followed by numerous other soldiers in white plastic armor. What he considered odd, however, was that none of these man ever took the chance to humiliate him, although the officer did give out a cold stare.

"Welcome to Burger King," said Kinbu blankly. "Would you like to try our new-"

"Don't flatter me," interrupted the officer. "I'm strictly here on business. However, you could make yourself useful by calling your manager."

"Call him yourself," said Kinbu. "I don't want to get involved in any more tricks."

"Too late," said the officer, as the white-armored soldiers surrounded Kinbu and aimed their blaster rifles at him.

"Damn," said Kinbu, sweating under his mask, "another embarrassing moment for Kinbu. Well, go ahead. Kill me."

That's when the rest of the customers began to take notice of Kinbu's hostage situation. Cries of "Kill the rogue" began to erupt throughout the crowd, once again offering severe humiliation to Kinbu.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!" yelled the officer to the crowd, as they stopped shouting. "That's better. And as for you, creepy mascot, you are not allowed to die unless I say so, got it?"

"Augggh, fine," groaned Kinbu.

"Good, now for business," said the officer. "DWAYNE, YOU LAZY BASTARD, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE OR YOUR CREEPY BURGER KING MASCOT GETS IT!"

"Please, don't," said Kinbu sarcastically, "think of the children."

"Don't interrupt," said the officer. "THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING! I'LL BLAST HIS EYEBALLS OUT AND SERVE THEM ON A WHOPPER IF YOU DON'T COME HERE!"

After a couple minutes, Dwayne, the manager, followed by his assistant, Qui-Lex, came to the scene, looking straight at the officer.

"Vincent MacDougal," said Dwayne. "I never expected a bounty hunter like you to show up here, let alone be a part of the Republic army."

"It's an empire now, not a republic, Dwayne Lupin," said Vincent. "And I joined in order to kill every rogue that crosses my path to avenge my family. However, that's not the main reason why I'm here."

"If it's about Republic business-"

"EMPIRE, not Republic," interrupted Vincent

"Whatever," said Dwayne. "I'm just saying that your 'empire' has no power on this planet. Lue broke off from your former Republic centuries ago, and they signed a treaty ordering that you people leave us be as lone as we stay here."

"Yes, the Treaty of Lue," said Vincent. "Still, that was back in the Old Republic, which, as I keep explaining, does not exist anymore. Therefore, I suggest you listen to what I have to say."

"Just what do you want?" asked Dwayne.

"By order of Emperor Palpatine, which is now the rightful owner of the Burger King corporation," said Vincent, "you're all fired."

"I fail to see the threat," replied Dwayne.

"Oh, it's no threat," said Vincent, "it's an order. Every single one of you is to leave immediately with no questions asked."

"Well, it will be hell before I relinquish my control of this place," said Dwayne, "so we're not leaving."

"You're just like your brother Donovan, you know that?" said Vincent. "And yet, even he was wise enough to give up when he was unmatched by the blasters of my starfighter."

This got Kinbu's attention greatly, as he glared straight at Vincent and said, "YOU killed Donovan! Bastard, I should return the favor right now!"

Qui-Lex, who was watching the rest from the sidelines, glanced at Kinbu, saying, "Kinbu, calm down. You know why you shouldn't kill him."

"He was my friend, master," said Kinbu, "and he killed him all the same, just because he was another rogue Jedi in his path. He deserves nothing but death."

"Kinbu, come to your senses. What would Donovan do if it was you who died?"

"Enough arguing," said Vincent, as the two shut up. "Now, Dwayne, I suggest you leave now. Don't underestimate the powers of the Empire, young rogue."

"It's you who underestimates us," said Dwayne. "I have two Jedi Knights at my disposal, and they're not willing to give up, either."

"Silly rogue," said Vincent, drawing a large blaster rifle and aiming it at Dwayne, "Jedi Knights are our specialty."

"Master!" cried Kinbu, as the stormtroopers around him began to open fire at Dwayne and Qui-Lex.

"So be it," said Qui-Lex, activating his blue lightsaber and deflecting the attacks back at the troops. He then crouched down and slashed a couple more troops from behind.

"What are you doing, you worthless stormtroopers?" yelled Vincent. "Don't just fire at the Jedi, surround him!"

And they did, while they continued to open fire. Qui-Lex retaliated by Force-pushing the troops at the front of him out the window and turning around to slash the rest of them.

Dwayne laughed softly. "You didn't think it was going to be that easy, did you?"

"I should ask you the same question," replied Vincent, as the entrance door blasted open and even more stormtroopers marched in to surround everyone else.

"Damn," said Dwayne. "Well, it's hopeless."

"I bet that's what your brother said," said Vincent, walking straight up to Dwayne. "Why don't you ask him after I send you to the afterlife?"

"Bring it, Vincent," said Dwayne. "Do what you will with me, but don't harm my mascot. I swore to Donovan that he shall live."

"If that's your dying wish, then so be it," said Vincent, as he fired a barrage of lasers straight through Dwayne's head, sending him knocked to the wall and to his death.

"NO!" cried Kinbu, glaring at Vincent. "NOT AGAIN, YOU MURDEROUS TROLL!"

"Thanks for the compliment," said Vincent sarcastically. "Now you know how I felt when those filthy rogues killed the rest of my family like barbarians. You're obviously no different from the rest of them, creepy mascot, so you should be lucky I'm letting you live."

"Monster," growled Kinbu. "I should kill you right now."

"But you won't," replied Vincent, "since you're still just a rogue. Now I suggest you come with me, mascot, if you want me to keep my promise."

Kinbu growled. "Fine. Have it your way, but I must warn you not to underestimate me because I'm merely a rogue. One of these days, I can guarantee you'll get your comeuppance."

"Not bloody likely," said Vincent, setting his blaster for stun and firing at Kinbu, as Kinbu is knocked out from the blast. He then picked up Kinbu and headed out the door, while the stormtroopers were still fighting Qui-Lex.

"So you've decided to run away," said Qui-Lex while he continued to block the troops' attacks with his lightsaber. He knew he couldn't survive if he stuck around, however, as the troops continued to fire. Therefore, he Force-jumped away from the spot the troops surrounded, landing on and jumping from stormtrooper to stormtrooper until he got a clear shot at the window. He then took his chance and leaped out the window, falling from a height of a couple hundred feet.

Before he could fall to his death, however, he grabbed onto a ledge and dangled right below the Burger King restaurant. He kept his position until he saw another window right in front of him. After checking to see if the room behind the window was empty, he slashed the window open with his lightsaber and jumped through.

'Kinbu,' he thought, 'please don't hurt Vincent.'