Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of... well, that should be obvious.

Chapter 5

The Return of the King (Not the J.R.R. Tolkien Version)

Vincent MacDougal sighed, as things did not turn out as well as he expected. Sure, he finally settled a long-time conflict with two rogue brothers, but now he had to look after another rogue, one dressed as a creepy mascot for a popular fast food restaurant. He was tempted to flat out kill the rogue, and yet he could not bring himself up to it. After all, he had a promise to keep from two old friends, whom although he personally murdered them both, he still honored them. So there he was, dragging the poor rogue to his Imperial-class shuttle parked in the landing bay near Burger King.

As for the recently laid-off rogue, Kinbu Wamia, he wasn't exactly enthusiastic either. He didn't mind being fired, after all, he didn't have to put up with the loony Luesers again. What really got him angry was Vincent's betrayal toward two of his companions, as well as his master's possible death. What was even worse, however, was that all he could do was let himself be pushed around by others. He was tired of taking abuse. He wanted to take action and avenge those he loved once and for all. He kept repeating those thoughts of revenge while Vincent took him into the shuttle.

"Do you know how to hide your Force aura?" asked Vincent.

"Yes," said Kinbu, "I am a rogue, after all."

"Good, now hand me your lightsaber," said Vincent. "It will do you no good where we're going."

"Like hell!" cried out Kinbu. "Besides, how do you know I won't slash you in half with it right now?"

"Because I know you're smarter than that," replied Vincent. "I have three units of stormtroopers waiting to back me up when necessary, and they will not hesitate to shoot this shuttle down if you happen to kill me. Right now, the best you can do is trust me."

Kinbu groaned. "Still, do you really expect me to hand over my only weapon?"

"It's for your own safety," said Vincent. "If the Empire has any idea that you're a Jedi, they will kill you on sight. It's best you hand over your weapon to me, assuming you want to live."

"Fine, have it your way," said Kinbu, handing over his lightsaber to Vincent. "Now, where are we going?"

"We're going to Lord Vader's starship, and you'll be taken prisoner," said Vincent.

"Why did I have to ask?" said Kinbu.

"At least you'll be safe," said Vincent. "Besides, they'd be sure to capture you anyway."

With that said, the two took off from the landing pad, while many Burger King customers cheered at the fact that they no longer had to put up with their faux mascot. After a half-hour of cries of "Are we there yet" and "Can't this go any faster", Vincent turned off the stereo and pried it out with a crowbar, as the cries stopped.

"Why did I ever buy that '101 Most Annoying Sounds in the Galaxy' album, anyway?" asked Vincent to himself, as he landed his shuttle into the super star destroyer, the Executor.

"You didn't buy it," said Kinbu, "Donovan gave it to you as a gift, one which you were constantly begging for."

"What the? How did you know that?" asked Vincent, sounding surprised.

"He told me, of course," replied Kinbu.

"That loud-mouthed... whatever, let's just go already," said Vincent, as he grabbed onto the back of Kinbu's coat and dragged him out of the shuttle.

It was at that moment when Darth Vader, who has been rather busy carrying out the Emperor's plan to assimilate every known company in the galaxy, found Vincent in his shuttle literally dragging the Burger King mascot with him. This he found rather peculiar. He knew Vincent MacDougal to be a reckless one indeed, being a former bounty hunter and all, but to see him abuse a prisoner like that is beyond him. What's even more strange is that the prisoner was showing no sign of struggle, as if he had nothing to fear. Knowing that he couldn't hold his interest for long, he decided to walk up to Vincent to see what was going on.

"Is there a problem, Vincent MacDougal?" said Vader in his usual cold, deep voice, as Vincent released his hold on Kinbu.

"Lord Vader, not at all," stated Vincent. "I was just on my way to show this prisoner to detention quarters."

"I see," said Vader. "Take him to his cell, then, and bring him to me tomorrow. I shall interrogate him shortly afterwards."

"Interrogate?" asked Vincent. "My Lord, I do not see how that is necessary. He is merely a Lueser who's too ignorant to know he was under Imperial rule, just like the rest of them."

"Perhaps," replied Vader. "However, the Empire does not treat traitors lightly, ignorant or otherwise. If he really is as stupid as you say he is, then he has nothing to hide."

"I understand, my Lord. I shall take him to his cell immediately," said Vincent, as he watched Vader walk out of the hangar bay. He once again grabbed hold of Kinbu's coat and headed toward the detention block.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Kinbu.

"Well, you should," said Vincent. "Even if they don't find out you're a Jedi, they'll be sure to execute you for treason. I believe it's safe to say you're in real deep shit."

"I thought you said you weren't going to let me die," said Kinbu.

"Hey, I actually WANT you to die," said Vincent, "but I don't want to break your former manager's dying promise, either. However, I have no control over the decisions of the Empire, so there's nothing I can do."

"Bastard," said Kinbu. You're an embarrassment to the Imperial navy."

"And you're an embarrassment to the former Jedi order, but that won't matter soon, anyway," said Vincent, as he walked up to Kinbu's given cell, opened the hatch, and threw Kinbu in. "You should be thankful I let you live a little longer." With that said, he closed the hatch.

Kinbu sighed, cursing whatever gods put him into this mess. He turned around, only to find a big surprise: two pale-faced individuals, one with a red afro, the other with a yellow hat. He recognized them instantly as his two 'friends' back in the Jedi temple, Ron and Jack.

"Ron? Jack?" said Kinbu, right before Ron came up and punched him in the face.

"Get out of our cell, you creepy burger king!" cried Ron.

"Yeah," said Jack, "we were TRYING to have a heated argument over our milkshakes!"

"I still say my recipe's better," said Ron.

"Bullshit," said Jack. "Nothing can compare to the thickness of my shakes."

"Will you shut up, already?" said Kinbu. "I swear, you two have always argued like an old married couple. Well, you're both grown up AND locked in a cell, so try to show some respect."

"Just what do YOU know?" asked Ron. "You haven't been STALKING us, have you, creepy burger king?"

"Yeah, we saw the commercials!" replied Jack. "Just why WERE you in someone else's bed, anyway?"

"You two are paranoid," said Kinbu. "It's me, Kinbu Wamia! From school!"

"Prove it, creepy burger king," said Ron.

"Ron, you're a demented cockmongler," said Kinbu, "and Jack, you're a corporate pussyfart."

"That's proof enough for me," said Ron. as he and Jack hugged Kinbu tightly. "We thought the Empire had already killed you!"

"Or even worse," said Jack, "you ended up a Darwin Award."

"No, it was even worse than that," said Kinbu. "I got stuck as the mascot for Burger King, on a planet overrun entirely by escaped patients from an insane asylum."

"You think you had it bad?" said Ron. "Jack and I finally achieved our dream of opening our own fast food chains, only to have the Empire take it all away from us."

"They even locked us in this cell when they found out we were Force-sensitive," said Jack.

"They didn't kill you?" said Kinbu.

"They thought we weren't 'Jedi' enough," said Ron.

"We found that rather insulting," said Jack. "Then again, neither of us were very talented in the Force, anyway."

"It's true," said Ron. "We're pathetic, even to the Empire."

"Well, what if I told you I can get you out of here?" asked Kinbu. "You could join me afterwards and become a part of a grand scheme for bloody revenge."

"What's the catch?" said Jack.

"Don't do anything stupid," said Kinbu.

"That, my friend," said Ron, "is inevitable. But we'll help you, anyway."

"Yeah, anywhere's better than here," replied Jack.

Kinbu smirked under his creepy burger king mask. "Believe me, you have never been to Lue."

So Kinbu, Ron, and Jack waited for hours in their cell, killing off time by games of Rock Paper Scissors. Of course, Ron and Jack would always cheat by stating different win situations such as "the paper could give the person wielding the scissors a nasty paper-cut to kill him, therefore he drops the scissors so paper wins by default," and "the scissors are actually two lightsabers glued together, so the blades WOULD be able to cut through rock." So, naturally, Kinbu got tired of the game quickly and sat down being bored. That was when the cell hatch opened, and Vincent MacDougal came in, looking rather disgruntled.

"Okay, rogue," said Vincent, "it's time for your interrogation."

"Vincent," said Kinbu, "I see you'll still an Imperial puppet stuffed with hypocrisy."

"Watch your mouth, young one," said Vincent. "Lord Vader will decide your fate."

"Oh, for Force sake," said Kinbu, "you were a rogue once, along with Dwayne and Donovan! You answered to no one, and yet you sold out to the Empire only to avenge your loved ones' deaths. Well, get the fuck over it, Vincent! What would your loved ones do if it was you who died?"

Vincent sighed. "You don't get it, do you? Lord Vader could kill me in an instant if he knew I would betray him."

"Oh, really?" said Kinbu, as he swiftly kicked Vincent in the stomach, sending him flying to the wall and dropping the lightsaber he confiscated earlier. Once Vincent got up, Kinbu then Force-pulled his lightsaber to his hand and activated its golden blade.

"What the fuck?" yelled Vincent.

"Way to kick his ass, creepy burger king!" said Ron, watching Kinbu from behind.

"Yeah, kill him already!" screamed Jack. "He killed our business!"

"If Lord Vader doesn't kill you, Vincent," said Kinbu, motioning to Ron and Jack to tell them to shut up, "then I will."

"Interesting proposal," said Vincent, "but it's not going to work. I know a bluff when I see one, you know."

Kinbu just glared under his mask, as he swung his lightsaber and cut off Vincent's entire left arm. "You think I'm bluffing now?"

Vincent screamed loudly. "Okay! Okay! Just tell me what you want!"

"I want the key card to the storage room," said Kinbu. "There are some things I need to pick up there."

"Like I can stop you," said Vincent, as he took a red key card out of his pocket and passed out from the shock. Afterwards, Kinbu pried the key card out of his hand and went out the cell, with Ron and Jack blatantly following.

"So why are you heading to the storage room, anyway?" said Ron.

"Yeah, shouldn't we be, oh, I don't know, ESCAPING?" cried out Jack.

"We will escape," said Kinbu, as he went toward the door to the storage room right across his cell and unlocked the door with the key card, "but we'll need weapons first, won't we?"

"That's typical Kinbu for you," said Ron. "He's always looking for a challenge."

"And yet I have to admit," said Jack, as they went inside the storage room, "he IS our superior."

Once inside, Kinbu wasted no time. He grabbed three backpacks hanging from the wall and stuffed them each with as many blaster rifles, thermal detonators, and sequencer charges as he could find. Afterwards, he handed one backpack and an additional rifle each to Ron and Jack.

"You'll be needing these," said Kinbu. "We're heading back to Burger King after we escape."

"Umm, shouldn't we be heading AWAY from there?" asked Ron. "That IS where you got arrested, right?"

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Jack.

"Consider it my revenge for all they did to me," said Kinbu. "I'm going to destroy that place once and for all."

"I knew it," said Jack.

"But Kinbu," said Ron, "are you sure that's the Jedi way?"

"Face it, guys," said Kinbu, "the Jedi way failed. Just look at what the evil Empire did to the order. Something has to be done in order for them to realize their reign of terror will only drive people away, and what better way than to blow up one of their most popular restaurants?" With that said, he headed out the storage room.

"Well, you make little sense," said Ron, "but at least it's better than staying here."

"So we'll join you after all," said Jack, as he and Ron grabbed their backpacks and rifles and followed Kinbu out of the storage room.

"Good to hear," said Kinbu, as he lead them through the cell block and into the hangar bay, killing stormtroopers along the way. "Come on, we'll take the shuttle."

"Umm, are you sure you know how to fly it?" said Ron, shooting randomly at stormtroopers with Jack, while the stormtroopers fired random shots back, each of them missing by a mile.

"I'm sure," replied Kinbu, heading into the shuttle with Ron and Jack, as more stormtroopers continued to shoot and miss. Afterwards, the crew sat themselves down in the cockpit and prepared themselves for launch.

"Just why did those troops miss us all the time?" said Jack.

"Simple," said Kinbu, "they can't see shit under their helmets."

A few seconds later, Kinbu started the shuttle and got themselves out of the hangar bay, and a few minutes of "Are we there yet" later, they drove into the atmosphere of Lue, wondering what kind of mess they were about to get into.