Chapter Ten: Some Demons Never Die

A few weeks later, Severus lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He could not sleep, there were far too many thoughts running through his head. He and Hermione had been together for nearly a month now, and while there had been nothing to provoke his current train of thoughts, he still felt ill at ease with the entire situation.

He had been entirely truthful with Hermione that she was all that he needed when he had made the statement, and he still felt those emotions now. Yet, as the weeks went by and he found himself falling deeper and deeper in love with the Gryffindor, there was an unresolved conflict in the back of his mind.

He loved her, but could he trust her not to destroy him? He accepted that with every relationship came a certain amount of pain – no one was perfect, and there were bound to be arguments – but he worried that she would be ripped from him, forced to go back to when she came from. He wished, at times like these, he had more friends. As loath as he was to admit it, he envied the way that any of the four Marauders could go to the rest of their group for not only help, but also reassurance in any situation.

He had considered, briefly, working out his problems with Lupin, but his overwhelmingly stubborn nature had decreed it a nearly impossible task. He looked back fondly on memories of the good times they had shared before Lupin gave into his baser desires (popularity and the girls that it entailed), but Severus knew that he couldn't wrap his arms around his memories – as much as he loved them, they would never love him back. Even though he subscribed to this philosophy, he couldn't help but think that he was being too hard on Lupin, who had obviously regretted what he had done, and had paid penance by shielding Severus from some of the Marauder's more… violent pranks. Even as he saw this, he allowed Lupin no quarter in his mind.

However, now that Hermione was here, that was slowly changing as well. It was as though Hermione was changing something elemental about Severus' very nature. He was well aware that he would never be an easy person to approach, although some of his barriers were slowly being dismantled. Very slowly, but dismantled nonetheless, he mused.

This led him back to his original train of thought. Just how much did he trust Hermione Granger with his soul? She had already captured his heart, this much he was willing to own up to, but she had not yet become part of his soul, his very being. While he knew he had taken that leap of faith he had mused about when she had first arrived in his life, he still felt tethered to his old doubts somehow. The images and emotions he received from Hermione had, in no small way, added to these feelings.

He had, without Hermione's knowledge or consent, invaded her mind to assuage the answers for himself, but had only found more questions. Dumbledore had told him that everyone saw mental images in the manner that allowed their minds to cope the best. Severus saw everything as a movie (which came as a surprise to him because he positively loathed that Muggle invention), and what he saw disturbed him. In his own mind, he replayed what he had seen in hers.

He saw himself (an older version to be sure, but himself nonetheless) being uncharacteristically cruel (at least, in his present opinion) to a young Hermione and her friends. He saw a repeat performance of the tooth incident, and various other little things. He briefly wondered what had changed him into a man that found sport in belittling others (truth be told, he had started to feel that way towards the end of his sixth year, but it had never escalated to the level he saw in her mind), but turned his mind to what truly disturbed him about the images.

Hermione had said she loved him, but how could she love him if this… monster in her mind was how she had known him for so long?

These doubts were entirely the reason why he was reluctant to do anything more with Hermione than settle for a few kisses stolen before bed. He knew he would be lost to her forever if he made love to her. Severus knew that would bind his soul to hers in manner so elemental that there would be no turning back. Hermione Granger would be a part of him forever, and while part of him was terrified beyond all means, the larger part of him welcomed the idea without reservation.

It would seem then, that he had come to a tentative decision.

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Across the hall, Hermione found herself (unwittingly) in the same position as Severus. She knew that she was falling in love with him, but there were doubts in the forefront of her mind.

Would she be able to stay with him? The homesickness had passed quickly, much to her surprise, but thoughts of Harry, Ron, or her parents was still enough to cause a downswing in her mood. She knew that the world she went back to, if she went back at all, would be nothing like the world she had known. Dumbledore had never explained the specifics of the concept to her (it gave her a headache to try to think it through that far ahead), but she wondered if she, Harry, and Ron would still be friends. Would she still be the same person? Would they still be the same people? The time she was a part of now felt so much more like home than she cared to admit. She knew that her parents would have another version of her in the future, and McGonagall had become a wonderful surrogate parent, even though she didn't have to. She had heard whispers that her parents had become a high-priority target for the Death Eaters, so she knew that she had kept her parents safe by being here.

Hermione let her mind wander on the subject of parents. It had been hard to get all of the details from Severus, but she had finally found out the entire story about his parents' untimely demise.

Apparently, they had been missing for two weeks before they had been found murdered. Severus had told her that it was completely normal for them to go on a trip and never tell anyone they were leaving, so it had seemed as though nothing out of the ordinary had taken place, until the morning they were found. Severus had said it looked as though they had been beaten to death – there had been no mercifully swift death for the Snapes, only cruel pain and torture. There had been a crudely made sign around there neck that had read "Muggleborn Equality NOW!"

Hermione also knew that Lucius Malfoy had been the one to bring Severus the news, along with information that there was a wizard who would not tolerate these attacks against good pureblood families. Revenge would be within Severus' reach if he joined the ranks of Lord Voldemort. Severus had refused because he believed that one must have close to no soul to join the Dark Lord, and while he would like to see his parents' murders brought to swift justice, he would not sacrifice himself in such a way. Severus had remained aloof to Malfoy's prodding to join the Death Eaters. Hermione hoped that she was helping to strengthen his resolve by showing him that he was capable of being loved and loving in return.

Hermione did love Severus Snape with every fiber in her being. She wanted nothing more than to open herself completely to him, to give him every part of her. She knew that she would never push it though – she wouldn't voice her desire for more than a few chaste kisses or back rubs before classes or right before they went to bed for the evening. Severus seemed content with taking this very slowly, and she would give him any time he needed. This was no longer about the mission she had been sent here to complete. If by loving Severus, and having him love her in return, she saved him from selling his soul to the Dark Lord and his band of demented men, then she would be content, but she would do anything to be with him. Anything. She knew that if he asked, she would stay with him in this time without hesitation. She would see Ron and Harry again in the future, and she knew her parents were safe with another version of her. She was a Gryffindor after all, and she knew she would let her emotions, tempered with some logic, guide her. Right now, her heart led straight to Severus, and deep down, she knew it always would.

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Sirius Black was not a happy individual. He hated Severus Snape without reason. He knew, very deep down, that it was irrational, but he couldn't help himself. He was furious that the others had allowed his… relationship with Hermione to go on, let alone be understanding about the whole situation. She deserved much better than that snake. Sirius didn't want her for himself, but he didn't want Severus to have her either.

What would Snape do if he found out that his precious Hermione was here only because she had to be here, not because she actually loved him? Sirius knew that there was no way that Hermione could actually have feelings for Snape. It was too far out of realm of his comprehension to imagine that particular possibility.

Sirius thought someone should tell Snape about all of this, but he wasn't sure he would be the one to do it. He didn't want to bring the wrath of Hermione down on top of his head. No, that wouldn't be good… but someone should tell the greasy git that no one truly loved him. Sirius relished the thought, and hoped fervently that he would be there when it happened.

A/N: Sorry for the longish wait between chapters; busy, busy, but I'm sure you all know how that goes. This chapter is dedicated to Elizabeth – thank you for making me delve into my characters' heads, I have a much better understanding of them now, even if they're a little more twisted than I originally thought.

Thank you, again, to everyone that has reviewed my story, I appreciate it, as always.