Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of... well, that should be obvious.

Chapter 7

There's a Sith Who Wants You to Have it His Way

It was all over for Vincent MacDougal. The stench of dead stormtroopers surrounded him, as he kneeled down and shed tears. He couldn't believe what just happened; the rogue Kinbu cut off his arm and damaged his remaining hand, the Jedi master Qui-Lex tried to convince him that he was born in a family of rogues, and both of them finished off his personal army like they were nothing. On top of that, he was sure to be caught by Imperial officials after escaping from their clutches, and yet there was little he could do about it.

Once Vincent got up, however, he saw yet another Imperial shuttle landing narrowly onto the dock. He saw the hatch open, and sure enough, his former superior Darth Vader stepped out. He couldn't see what was behind his black mask, but he could sense just how angry he was.

"L-Lord Vader," stuttered Vincent, "I tried to catch him, but he got-"

"Enough," interrupted Vader. "You have done more than enough damage already."

"But my Lord, I can still lead you to-"

"I have a team of scouts searching the area as I speak, Vincent. There is no longer any need for you."

Vincent stood somewhat shocked, knowing what would happen next. "If you could just give me another chance-"

Vader then raised his hand and shaped it into a gripping motion. "You have been charged with treason, Vincent. You would think being a rogue Jedi would be warning enough."

As Vincent had predicted, he found himself levitating in midair, completely unable to breathe. He knew he didn't have much longer to live, so he silently cursed the rogue Kinbu for all he's done to him, and he silently told Donovan and Dwayne that he would be coming for them. Finally, he collapsed onto the dock, now dead stiff.

Vader gave a final look at Vincent, noticing the hint of terror in his face just like the rest of his victims. He then turned around, and was greeted by a couple of stormtroopers.

"We found the target, Lord Vader," replied one of the troops. "He's at the front door as we speak."

"Good," said Vader. "Report to the rest of the scouts and tell them to head back to base. I will deal with the rogue myself."

"Yes, my Lord," said the stormtrooper, as Vader headed toward the direction of the Burger King restaurant.

As Kinbu marched forward to Burger King, he couldn't help but feel betrayed. Vincent, Ron, Jack, and even Qui-Lex turned their backs on him, even though he knew what he was about to do would be the right thing. Of course, it would be a tough job alone, but he felt he had no choice. So he went to the front door, his backpack of weapons at his disposal, when the door was suddenly blocked by two familiar individuals.

"Well, what do you know?" said Kinbu. "It's Cracker and Jackass!"

Ron and Jack shuddered at the sound of the nicknames given to them back at the Jedi temple. The crowd around them booed Kinbu heavily after his remark.

"Look, Kinbu," started Ron, but was interrupted by Jack screaming, "DON'T CALL ME JACKASS!"

"Hey," said Kinbu, "I stand by my name calling. It serves you right for betraying me."

"Well, it serves YOU right for pulling that revenge plot out of your ass!" yelled Jack.

"Yeah," said Ron, "what kind of dope has Burger King got you on?"

"And where can we get some?" retorted Jack.

Kinbu rolled his eyes, having known that Ron and Jack wouldn't know any better. "They got me on Prozac, but that's beside the point. Just let me get my mission over with, so I can tell the Empire to shove their corporate bullshit down their throats."

"But Kinbu, we LOVE this restaurant," said Ron with exaggeration, "and we love the people here! You don't expect us to betray those who let us fit in, do you?"

"Prozac?" complained Jack. "You pussy."

"Shut up, Jackass," replied Kinbu in an annoyed tone, "and for the record, YOU were the ones who betrayed ME, remember?"

"Oh, like you weren't asking for it," said Ron, as Jack threw one of his shoes at Kinbu, hitting him straight in the face.

"AND STOP CALLING ME JACKASS, DAMMIT!" screamed Jack in fury.

Kinbu barely felt the shoe impacting his head, as the creepy Burger King mask he still wore protected him. "Seriously, what about the Empire? Don't you want to get revenge on them for all they did to you?"

Ron just laughed at Kinbu, implying he couldn't be any denser than he was at that moment. "Kinbu, my dear, I'm just glad the Empire let us live."

"Because you two are PATHETIC in their eyes!" screamed out Kinbu, activating his gold-bladed lightsaber. "You know what, forget it. I'm just going to kill you both now and get it over with."

Jack didn't even show the slightest bit of fear, as he saw the black-armored man he recognized as Darth Vader head in his direction. "Go ahead, Kinbu. I'm sure we'll see you in the afterlife shortly."

"I don't intend to die, you know," replied Kinbu.

"Then you probably should... oh, I don't know... run like hell?" said Ron, also spotting Darth Vader. "It's only a suggestion, though."

"What are you talking about?" said a confused Kinbu, as Ron and Jack turned him around to face a menacing Vader right next to him. "Well... shit."

Shit indeed. The ever-so-pissed Darth Vader had to endure Vincent's idiocy and betrayal in the past two years, as well as carry out the Emperor's pointless mission to conquer Lue. The last thing he needed at that moment was another rogue attention whore try to blow up a building for no good reason.

"So, this is the infamous Creepy Burger King," said Vader. "I sense much hatred in you for an attention whore."

"Save it, my lord," said Kinbu sarcastically, raising his saber to point toward Vader.. "I can sense you've done something with my vermin. What did you do?"

"Vincent MacDougal has committed treason against the Empire," replied Vader, not even heeding attention to Kinbu's golden saber. "Therefore, he has been dealt with accordingly."

Kinbu simply glared with contempt, knowing full well what Vader did. "So, you killed my vermin. Are you going to destroy the cave as well?"

"I am under the Emperor's orders to leave the restaurant intact," said Vader, activating his red lightsaber. "If you plan on destroying it yourself, then you shall die."

"Bring it," retorted Kinbu, as he crossed blades with Vader. The crowd around the two duelists began to cheer with cries of "VADER, VADER, VADER," as Ron and Jack began to move around while taking bets on how Kinbu would be killed.

"I got one thousand credits on decapitation!" yelled a customer in the back.

"I got twenty thousand on being strangled to death!" yelled another customer.

"Oh YEAH? I'll take one hundred thousand on suicide!" yelled yet another customer, as Ron and Jack went to the front of the line to confirm the outcome of Vader and Kinbu's duel.

And it was quite clear that Vader had the advantage. Kinbu tried everything he could to finish him off, but the attempts were all in vain. He tried throwing thermal detonators, but Vader managed to jump out of the way as the detonator killed a few members of the crowd in the process. His blasters weren't much help, either, as they barely seemed to fade Vader at all. So all he could do was block Vader's advancements, and he knew he wouldn't last for long.

"Indeed the dark side is with you, young rogue," said Vader, Force-pushing a few crowd members out of the way, "but your powers are too weak."

"Watch it, my lord," replied Kinbu, once again in a sarcastic tone. "I'm still powerful for a rogue."

"And yet you're still unmatched for a Sith lord," said Vader, his lightsaber damaging the windows of the restaurant.

It wasn't long before the duelists inadvertently moved their way into the restaurant, and it was seemingly inevitable for the crowd to move in as well. It was also seemingly inevitable for the crowd to tauntingly chant Kinbu's name in slow motion. Naturally, this distracted Kinbu long enough for Vader to slash off both of his hands in one blow.

"DAMN YOU, CROWD!" screamed an utterly defenseless Kinbu. "YOU CHEATED!"

Vader then crept up toward Kinbu, his saber ready to strike at any moment. "I have you now, rogue."

If Kinbu still had his hands, he'd give Vader the finger and try to run out. Since he didn't have his hands, however, he just simply performed the latter. Unfortunately for him, though, he was interfered when Ron and Jack went out of the crowd and restrained what was left of both of his arms.

"What are you doing?" growled Kinbu. "Are you SERIOUSLY trying to get me killed, You fucking traitors?"

"Look, I don't like this any more than you do," said Ron, "but you've screwed yourself to the point where it isn't funny anymore."

"So just give up already," said Jack. "What makes you think there are still people around that gives a damn about you?"

Kinbu growled once again, as Vader once again swung his saber above his head. Before he could speak any further, the red-bladed lightsaber came into contact with the top of his skull and swiftly went downward to his crotch. The final result was the Kinbu was vertically cut in half and died almost instantly. Needless to say, the entire crowd cheered.

"Okay, who had vertically cut in two?" said Ron, as almost the entire crowd went up and paid him and Jack their wagers while groaning simultaneously.

"Thank you," said Jack. "We'll be sure to put this money into good use. Oh, and Lord Vader, we need a word with you."

Vader, who was about to head out the door, overheard Jack's call and turned to him and Ron. "What is your bidding?"

"Hear us out here," said Jack. "We were hoping, since this is technically the Empire's planet now, that we could buy it from you."

"I'm sure we have more than enough credits to satisfy your Empire," replied Ron. "You could use it to fund an invasion on some other lowlife planet."

Vader stood as intimidating as ever, although Ron and Jack were hardly faded. "It is really the Emperor's decision to make, although I have no doubt he won't be satisfied with your planet anyway."

"So you'll buy it from us, then?" asked Jack hopefully.

"You can keep your money AND your planet," said Vader. "The Emperor has no use for total gimps like you."

Ron and Jack didn't know what to say next. They were hoping they could save their newfound planet of equals from the Empire, but it turned out it didn't really need saving at all. Then Ron came up with an idea, one that would have made Kinbu's death all in vain.

"Can we at least buy the restaurant from you?" asked Ron. "We have over half a billion credits here, and I'm sure you can handle one less Burger King in your franchise."

"You don't have to, of course," said Jack, "but if you wanted to... it's just a suggestion..."

Vader stood silent for a moment, his breathing noise intimidating at least half the crowd. After a few minutes of stoned suspense that would put even most action movies to shame, Vader came up with a decision.

"It is acceptable," said Vader, as he took Ron and Jack's cards worth over half a billion and left the restaurant.

The entire crowd cheered again, this time for Ron and Jack. They just saved the Luesers' favorite restaurant, and they were happy to see them as the new owners.

"Thank you, thank you," said Jack, "but we couldn't have done it without you, you know. Now, I believe a new name for this restaurant is in order."

"How about 'Ron and Jack's Restaurant for Loony Luesers?'" said Ron. "It does have quite of a ring to it."

"No, I was thinking of something more like 'Ron and Jack's Exile for Trolls and Flamers," said Jack. "Our mascot could be a flamboyantly gay troll! Sounds tempting, doesn't it?"

"Yes, I like that better," said Ron. "And our slogan could be, 'For the Luesers, by the Luesers.'"

"Too cliché," said Jack. "Now here's a slogan: 'Once you flame with Ron and Jack, you never want to go back "

And so Ron and Jack fulfilled their dream and remade the restaurant, although it wasn't quite as expected. For one, the customers increased twofold in three weeks. Second, in order to increase profit, Ron and Jack began to auction off certain items, including Kinbu's gold lightsaber and his Burger King mask. Finally, they held weekly game nights, where they played Counter-Strike for hours on end. With these modifications, Ron and Jack's new restaurant became infamous throughout Lue, and that's exactly how they imagined it.