So, hey, I'm back. Which...really is not all that exciting. But I'm making this more structured, I think...I hope. Sort of have a plot going on, which is always nice. Unless it sucks. And this might. So let me know! Drop a review or two! ;) Princess Oats 435, I'm right there with you about loving Guster. I'm in a bit of a jealous rage that you've seen them live. ;) And thanks for the lovely review! ;)

Enjoy! Or don't. Totally your call.

xoxo

Chapter 3: Drown

He was bored out of his mind reading through a file when Ryan called.

"Hey, kid! It's great to hear from you! How's life?" This was not fake. His enthusiasm was so real that he almost felt embarrassed by it. Almost.

"It's..."

"Totally insane? I remember when Kirsten was pregnant with Seth...it was the strangest experience in the entire world. But you're going to have so many cool moments, I promise. Heartbeat...first sonograms...it's so worth it. Kirsten wanted to kill me eighty percent of the time, but god...when Seth was born it was so worth it. You think you won't make it and then—,"

"Sandy..."

"Sorry, am I rambling? Reversed genetic trait, I guess. Acquired. I mean, I rambled before Seth rambled...but not nearly as much. And now look at me."

"No. I mean, you were, but that's okay. I mean...you can..."

"Spit it out, Atwood," Sandy said, smiling.

"Teresa miscarried." His face fell.

"Oh, no."

"Just...I don't know why. Yesterday."

"Oh, man, Ryan. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, I just...uh...I thought I should tell you."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah. She's actually...relieved, I think."

"It's a difficult situation. How about you? You holding up okay?"

"Yeah. I mean...you know, it might not even have been mine."

"Still, though. You made an emotional investment. That's not nothing, Ryan."

"I'm fine." Ryan paused. "Any word from Seth?"

"No," Sandy said quietly. "He hasn't gotten in touch with you, has he?"

"I would tell you."

"I know."

"How's Kirsten?" Sandy sighed and refrained from telling Ryan that he hadn't had sex in three months.

"Not great," he replied. "You should give her a call. I bet she'd love to hear from you."

"Okay," Ryan agreed, but was fairly certain that he wouldn't actually do so. The last few times he had called Kirsten he had started crying, and had to lie and tell her that he had to go so she wouldn't hear him.

"How's work going?" Sandy asked, though what he really wanted to do was beg Ryan to come home. He couldn't do that. Ryan was too chivalrous to abandon Teresa, and though Sandy greatly respected him for it, he couldn't help but wish otherwise just so 'the pool house' would become 'Ryan's room' again.

"It's okay. I've got a few days off next week, so that should be nice." Ryan, paradoxically, was dying to beg Sandy to let him move back in. Teresa's mother was convinced that the miscarriage was his fault and had kicked him out of the house yesterday. Last night was spent in a place called the Desperado Motel. Things were not looking up. "How are you doing?" he asked awkwardly.

"Eh," Sandy said, feigning nonchalance. "I'm fine. Just...you know, going through the motions."

"Huh." Ryan hated hearing him like this, missed his weird sense of humor and his kind mockery. It was weird to know that he was partially the cause of this, that people cared about him enough that his absence made them drastically change. Of course, the majority of their changes in personality were because of Seth, he thought, but he still felt horribly guilty.

"Well, what are your plans for the weekend?" Sandy asked, sounding tired.

"The—uh, I hadn't really thought about it." Upon thinking about it, he realized that the answer to the question would involve sitting on the mysteriously stained bed at the Desperado watching fuzzy local access. "Nothing, I guess."

"Well, could we come see you, maybe? Kirsten and I? We could drive up early, have some lunch. You could show us around. We could meet Teresa's mother, maybe bring Teresa some flowers or something. Kirsten's good at that...at get-wells and cheering up. What do you say? We haven't seen you all summer, kid. We miss you."

"I miss you guys, too," he mumbled hoarsely.

"So are we on for...Saturday? I bet I can drag Kirsten away from her desk if you're involved."

"Yeah, I don't...I don't think this weekend would be the best."

"Oh." Sandy couldn't help but feel wounded. "Okay. You pick, then. Give us a time and a place."

"Sure. It might not be for awhile, though. Because of work and everything,"

"I thought you had a vacation coming up."

"Oh. Yeah, I do. I just—,"

"Ryan, do you not want us to come?" Sandy asked quietly.

"No!" Ryan's voice cracked. He wasn't going to guilt Sandy into asking him back to Newport. He couldn't do that. "It's with Teresa and her mom."

"Complicated how?" Boxed into a corner, Ryan sighed.

"Complicated like Teresa's mom kicked me out last night."

"What? Why?"

"She thinks that it was my fault. That I stressed Teresa into...I don't know. She thinks that I wasn't working enough."

"Seventy hours a week isn't working enough?" Sandy said incredulously.

"She's just upset," Ryan muttered.

"That's not okay, Ryan. That's nowhere near okay. Where are you staying?"

"A motel."

"Ryan! Why didn't you tell me? Give me the address. I'm coming to get you."

"No, Sandy, it's fine. I'm already looking for an apartment."

"Why? Why would you even think of looking for an apartment when you know you'll always have a place to stay here?"

"I walked out," Ryan said softly. "I left you guys after all that you did for me...and I didn't even come back after I heard that Seth left. I'm not going to come back just because things didn't work out for me. I don't deserve it."

"Of course you deserve it!" Sandy protested, and couldn't help but think that Ryan deserved it more than Seth did. He didn't say this aloud. "Ryan, you had to go. You made a responsible decision and you took charge in a strange situation. You're our kid now, Ryan. You're always going to deserve it."

"You guys have enough to deal with."

"Right now part of what we're dealing with is the fact that you aren't home."

"You and Kirsten want your son back," Ryan said. "I don't want you to have to deal with me."

"Please come home, Ryan," Sandy said sincerely, resorting to beggary despite his attempts not to.

"Why?" Ryan was frustrated, feeling like crying again and hating himself for it.

"Because Kirsten and I want our sons back. Both of them."

No matter where you are
I can still hear you when you drown
You've traveled very far
Just to see you I'll come around
When I'm down
All of those yesterdays
Coming around

No matter where you are
I can still hear you when you dream
You traveled very far
You traveled far, like a star
And you are
All of those yesterdays
Coming around
--Smashing Pumpkins, "Drown"