"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I…" Anakin repeated the words over and over, like a mantra, all the way back to the Temple, pausing only when he lapsed out of consciousness for a moment now and then.

Obi-Wan considered bringing Anakin directly to the Healers, but realized that doing so would raise far more questions than either of them could answer. So it was back to their apartment, with the hope that Anakin hadn't done permanent damage to himself.

Trying to get Anakin undressed had been an uphill battle, so finally Obi-Wan contented himself with getting his boots and cloak off and leaving the rest for the time being. He didn't want to leave his apprentice alone, both out of fear he would only get sicker as the night went on, and of what would happen in the morning, when Anakin realized what had happened.

So instead of leaving Anakin to his own devices, Obi-Wan brought him into his own room and laid him gently on the bed. For a long time, he watched the deep, gentle breathing of his Padawan, and finally made up his mind. He couldn't stand seeing Anakin alone like that.

Pulling off his own cloak and boots, he curled himself around Anakin, holding him tightly, as though both their lives depended on it.

And maybe they did.

--

Anakin reached out and implanted a gentle sleep-suggestion in the mind of his master. He didn't want Obi-Wan waking up in the middle of this – he'd caused enough trouble, he didn't want to have to explain himself now. Extricating himself from Obi-Wan's arms was a chore, and Anakin decided he did not want to know why Obi-Wan had decided to sleep beside him.

Then the events of the previous night rushed back, and Anakin found himself running to the 'fresher to vomit. How could he have acted like that? In front of Obi-Wan? As if Obi-Wan knowing wasn't bad enough, his master had actually had to see him… drugging and drinking himself into oblivion, allowing that creature to touch him – and touching the creature back. All this had been so he could be a better Jedi, and now he wasn't going to be a Jedi at all.

He was going to be nothing. Just another statistic, just another number in the world beyond the Temple – the world Anakin knew he would have to become part of, now that he would be gone from here.

Well, he decided, it would be best to save Obi-Wan the trouble of kicking him out. Once he was able to move again, Anakin softly padded into his own room and threw everything he could see into a bag. His lightsaber he left on the bedside table. If he was no longer a Jedi, he no longer needed a lightsaber. No longer deserved a lightsaber.

Taking a last look into his apartment, his home for the past eight years, Anakin felt his insides twist. He had tried so hard. He had wanted this so much. And now… The disappointed face of his mother rose unbidden into his mind. He had failed her. He had left her behind to become a Jedi, and now he had nothing to offer her, nothing to show her for all the time he had spent away from her.

His mother's face shifted, and became Obi-Wan's, and the horrible twisting feeling got worse. If his mother's disappointment was painful, Obi-Wan's was agony. He had failed his mother, but even more so, he had failed Obi-Wan.

Slipping silently out the door, Anakin consoled himself with the idea he would never disappoint Obi-Wan again.

--

Obi-Wan woke much later than he had intended. Stretching out in his bed, he realized that something was missing. Something rather important.

Anakin.

Throwing off the covers, Obi-Wan sprang from his bed, reaching out with the Force for his Padawan. He slammed open the door to the 'fresher, in the vain hope that Anakin was throwing up, or taking a shower, or something. Nothing.

And nothing in the main living area, or the kitchen. But in Anakin's room…

Literally, nothing. Everything Anakin owned was gone, with one notable exception.

With tears of frustration in his eyes, Obi-Wan picked up Anakin's lightsaber and gripped it tightly, as though doing so would connect him to Anakin, wherever he was. What had gone wrong? Why hadn't he seen this coming? He hugged the lightsaber to his chest and dropped onto Anakin's unmade bed. How could he have been such a fool?

His Anakin was gone, and Obi-Wan felt lost.

--

Anakin had no intention of immediately returning to the lower city. His body was threatening to betray him in every way possible, and he knew if he set foot down there, he would only seek out an expensive cure. He did not want to give power to his addiction – not yet.

Instead, he went to the place he considered as far away from the lower city as one could get on Coruscant.

The Temple spire towered over Coruscant, dwarfing even the Senate buildings and 500 Republica. Anakin had been up here several times over the course of his training, and each time, the view and the sense of absolute power centered him, gave him focus. Never, though, had he been up alone. And he had never been up in such a desperate state of mind, such an ill state of body.

He raised his hood to block out the wind that perpetually plagued such heights, and drew his cloak tightly around himself. He would stay long enough to collect his thoughts, to plan his next move, and then he would be gone. And then Obi-Wan could have the apprentice he deserved, and Anakin would have the life he deserved.

With a jarring sob, Anakin dropped to the ground – the roof, really - the cold stone chilling him, even through his thick robes. He had never felt so very alone, so very out of control. His anger and fear swirled around him in a dark tempest, and Anakin allowed his tears to fall. Just this once – for what he was losing. What he himself had thrown away.

Obi-Wan…

--

Obi-Wan…

The desperate plea broke through Obi-Wan's self-pitying meditations, and the Jedi master snapped his eyes open. He could feel Anakin's Force signature, dark and dangerous, close by. His Padawan's shields were in tatters, and Obi-Wan could sense every dark emotion Anakin was feeling.

Springing to his feet, Obi-Wan nearly fell to his knees under the weight of his bond with Anakin. He was so close… so very close. Still in the Temple, Obi-Wan recognized. Still clutching Anakin's lightsaber, he left the apartment, letting the Force guide him through corridors and up levels, and through doors he had never opened before, until he found himself at the top of the spire, looking down at the bustling city-planet below.

Anakin was sitting with his legs dangling over the edge of the spire, his head down. Beside him was a black bag Obi-Wan could only assume contained Anakin's belongings.

"Anakin…" His voice caught in his throat, so he approached Anakin carefully sat down beside him. Oh how he wished Qui-Gon was here. "Anakin, I…" He laid a hand on Anakin's shoulder, and the young man pulled away violently.

"Leave me alone," he demanded, turning to face away from Obi-Wan. The pain in his voice cut Obi-Wan, and he hoped that he alone would be able to help. The only thing Obi-Wan could think of that would be worse than this moment would be the moment the Council threw Anakin out of the Order. But that would not happen – not if Obi-Wan had anything to say about it.

"No," Obi-Wan replied, again putting an arm around Anakin's shoulders, pulling him close. "I'm not leaving you alone. I'm not reporting you to the Council. I'm not going to do anything…" He took a breath. "Anything but be your friend."

Anakin looked at him curiously. "You're… not going to report me?" he asked, incredulous. "But… I…" He shook his head in amazement, then buried his face in his hands. "I screwed up so bad," he sobbed, and Obi-Wan found himself brushing tears out of his eyes. "Ferus was right. I liked it too much."

Obi-Wan pulled Anakin even closer, enveloping him in the folds of his robe. "Ferus Olin will never know what it feels like to be you, Anakin," he informed his apprentice. "No one will. I get the feeling sometimes you don't even know."

Anakin sniffled and moved closer to Obi-Wan, resting his head on his master's shoulder. "But he was right. When I was with Zan Arbor, I felt… I was the perfect Jedi. I could concentrate – I… I let the Force guide me, even when I wasn't fighting. I didn't… I didn't want to give that up."

Obi-Wan nodded carefully. He'd had his suspicions about the origins of Anakin's troubles, but hearing it confirmed filled him with an even deeper grief. If only he had stayed with Anakin during that mission. If only he had gotten there sooner to rescue him… But life could not be lived through "if only's." "I can understand that," Obi-Wan admitted – and it was certainly true. He could completely understand wanting to be able to let go of all emotion and attachment in the service of the Force –something that, until Zan Arbor and the other drug, Anakin had struggled with. "But there are other ways."

Anakin nodded. "I know, but…" He didn't finish his thought. Instead, he flung his arms around Obi-Wan's neck and held him so tight Obi-Wan was almost afraid Anakin would cut off his oxygen supply. "What did you do?" Anakin asked suddenly, still burying his head in Obi-Wan's shoulder. "In the bar? You looked at me, and I felt… warm."

Obi-Wan smiled to himself. So he had gotten through to him. Closing his eyes and opening his mind to the Force, Obi-Wan harnessed every bit of love, every ounce of compassion and affection and comforting feelings that he held for his apprentice, and let it flow through their bond, wrapping them both up in it.

So with his arms around Anakin's body, and his love around Anakin's mind, he stood and pulled his young man from the edge.