chapter four: do you love me?
Slowly Michiru woke up. The first thing she noticed was the smell of fresh coffee and warm rolls. Her lips curved in a smile and she blinked into the bright sun. She stifled a yawn and turned her head. She could see Haruka sitting on a chair next to the open window. Thoughtfully the blonde studied a crumbled map on her lap. The young woman already wore her short blue jeans and her wide black shirt. Her short blond hair had been brushed into the right position. However, the wind played with some wild strands messing up them slightly. Automatically she stroked them back behind her ears. Sunlight was softly reflected in her dark green eyes. She didn't wear her sunglasses as she normally did. Her cheeks were redden but Michiru could see that the skin was too pale for her being on vacations, being exposed to the sun all day. Dark shadows were under her eyes and the young violinist suddenly asked herself if she hadn't gotten enough sleep.
Michiru's eyes grew wide as she remembered the last night. Or had it been a dream? A wonderful dream of a wonderful kiss?
The young violinist raised her right hand and touched her lips.
It hadn't been just a feverish illusion, had it?
At that moment Haruka looked up. A smile appeared on her face and suddenly nothing reminded Michiru of the weakness she had seen there only one moment before.
"Good morning, Michi-chan. Awake at last?" Haruka put away the map and came over to the bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked with concern in her voice.
"Fantastic." Answered Michiru and sat up. But she had to cough again. "Maybe not that fantastic. But at least better." She smiled back and looked over to the set table.
"Breakfast?" Michiru asked and stood up slowly. She had to limp a little bit. Her right knee still hurt but she could bear it. She hadn't felt like eating all yesterday and now she was really hungry.
"Dinner. It's half past twelve." Haruka put a bathrobe around her shoulders and leaded the smaller senshi toward a chair.
"And you didn't use to chance to sleep all day?" teased Michiru and observed the marmalade. Haruka didn't reply that she couldn't find any sleep last night. At dawn she left the bed and took a long shower. Then she sat down on the chair and waited for Michiru to wake up. She watched the smaller woman in silence. For hours. Thinking...
"I studied our map. Maybe we can go to the peak of the mountain over there. It's called..." Haruka looked at the crumbled map and tried hard to read the tiny letters. "Well, however, the map says that it's got a fantastic view over the valley. The way it not too long, maybe two hours. And it's not so steep. What 'cha think?"
Michiru made a face as she took her medicine.
"Why don't we carry on with our tour?" The young violinist covered her roll with a thick layer of marmalade. Her stomach growled in anticipation.
Haruka observed her for some moments in silence, then she simply shook her head.
"Not until you're recovered. It don't want you to fall off your bike again. A hot bath and another night in a soft bed will be better than swimming in cold melt water in a lake and a night in a sleeping bag on the hard ground." She declared determinedly and took her coffee into her hands. She stared for some seconds into the black fluid. As she raised her head again a tomboyish expression was on her face. "Besides I've already read the menu and can't wait to try the farmer salad they offer." Her lips curved in a joking smile. "And they have spaghetti, too. With tomato sauce."
"Okay, you won." Giggled Michiru and ate her roll.
I've been really hungry!
"Then let's hurry up!" said the senshi of the wide ocean and took another roll. Haruka stood up and went quietly over to the open window to looked out to the nature that surrounded the small hotel
"You don't have to hurry, Michi-chan. The mountains will wait. We have plenty of time. Here aren't any youmas or victims. Nor talismans. Just enjoy your free time, Michi-chan." Haruka didn't turn around.
Michiru looked up but she could only see the young car racer's shadow against the bright sunlight. Since they had met two years ago they had never had some days off. Her concerts and Haruka's races at the Grand Prix of Japan weren't really what you'd call leisure time. Once a youma had interrupted her concert and tried to steal the heart crystal of the orchestra's conductor where she played the first violin this evening. And on the race track a youma wanted to steal the heart crystal of one of the mechanics in Haruka's team. But here in the mountain they seemed to be almost free. Independent.
"Hai." Whispered the smaller senshi and covered another roll with marmalade. "Guess, you're right."
Haruka only watched the trees and the mountain peak and sighed slightly as she heard the calm voice of the younger woman.
I just wish I could talk to you. Honestly.
The young car racer clenched her fists and stayed silent.
But I am not as strong as you may think.
It was late in the afternoon as they reached the mountain's top. From there they could overlook all of the valley and the next one on the other side of the mountain. Wide behind the mountains at the edge of the horizon you could see the shimmer of the endless ocean that surrounded the huge isles of Japan.
"It's wonderful here!" sighed Michiru happily and winced as she stumbled over a small stone. Haruka who didn't run as always was at the next moment at her side.
"Everything okay?" asked the young car racer and looked concerned at her best friend.
"Don't worry." Michiru laughed luckily and limped over to the flag that stood in the middle of a platform. It crackled quietly in the steady but warm wind. Michiru closed her eyes and spread her arms. The winds played with her long white dress and with her long curly hair. A happy smile appeared on her face, her cheeks were redden.
"You were right, Ruka. We should forget all our problems." Said Michiru as she opened her eyes again. "I just wish I could have taken my violin with me."
"Then it would be broken and you would be sad all the time. No, thanks." Haruka shrugged her shoulders and glanced over to the railing that was only some inches away. It was there to protect the tourists not to fall from the peak's platform.
Michiru only smiled at her and sat down on a bank next to the flag. She closed her eyes again and concentrated on the soft melody that evolved in her mind. The wind played with the leaves of the near trees and the rushes remembered the young violinist of the endless ocean she loved so much. Thoughtfully she rocked herself in a rhythm only she could her. Slowly she entered her own world made by music. Leaving all her problems, all her fears behind. Leaving reality behind.
Leaving her Ruka behind.
The young car racer watched her Michiru for some moments in silence, then she turned away with a sigh and leaned herself against the railing. She knew that expression on the smaller woman's face. But she couldn't quite explain why she always felt so jealous when Michiru only thought of her music.
So alone...
"This had been a very nice day." Heard Haruka a young woman's voice. She turned her head a little bit and could see a couple walking over to the other corner of the platform.
"Hai." answered the young man and wrapped his arms around her slim waist. For a long time they only stood there and watched nature or whatever they seemed to see.
"I love you." Declared the young woman finally quietly.
"I love you too, sweetheart." The young man lowered his head and kissed her gently. The kiss lasted very long. Finally they walked away. Hand in hand. Their fingers entwined.
Haruka swallowed hard and her trembling legs could not longer hold her weight. She just went on her knees and stared into nothing.
I will never experience such deep love.
Won't I?
Haruka wanted to go over to her Michiru to tell her about her strange feelings. However, she couldn't move. She couldn't say a word. She actually couldn't break the silence.
Michiru sat silently on the bank. A smile appeared on her face. Her eyes were still closed. She rocked gently to the music only she could hear. To a tender melody that evolved slowly in her mind. That she would never forget, because it was different to all the songs she had written before.
Suddenly she could understand all the love songs of those great musicians. The feelings that stood behind every single note.
The smaller senshi sighed happily while she stepped deeper into her own world of music, dreaming of a better future. Hoping for a life in peace.
"Fish and noodles?" asked Haruka and looked critically at the Michiru's plate, then at the smaller senshi who was eating her dinner with enthusiasm.
"Well, I couldn't decide so I took both." Said Michiru simply and giggled as she saw the expression on the taller woman's face. "Don't worry, Ruka. You don't have to eat it. Just eat your farmer salad before the snails will run away."
Haruka thanked the waitress who brought her a cooled soda. Then she leaned back on her chair and observed the other guests on the big terrace of the hotel were they would stay for the next day. Michiru ate her meal with a lot of appetite. She looked a lot healthier than the evening before.
The day of rest was very good for her.
The young car racer picked with her fork in her salad and didn't want to think of the next night.
This night I won't have a reason to sleep next to her in the huge bed. To hold her tight.
Maybe she would never have any reason again.
Haruka sighed and watched how some musicians entered a small stage. They took seat and started to play. It were soft melodies they played. Waltz as Haruka remembered right. Soon the soft melody filled the air and the first couples danced. The music was quiet enough to eat but at the same time it created a romantic atmosphere. The sun set slowly and soon soft twilight covered the valley.
"They certainly can play." Decided Michiru after a while and tapped her left foot to the rhythm. Then she stood up with a sudden and reached for Haruka's hand.
"Let's dance!"
"Nani?" Haruka looked up in surprise and shook her head in disbelieve. "You know I can't dance."
"Some days before you told me something different." Michiru just grabbed the blonde's hand and noticed that it was very cold. "Don't worry about me knee. I am feeling fine." She glanced at Haruka with a pleading expression on her beautiful face and pulled her gently towards the dance floor. "Pleeaasseeeeee!" Michiru winked and made a pout. As always she got her young car racer with that begging look.
"All right." Sighed Haruka and took the smaller senshi in her strong arms and rocked her between the other couples to the soft music. "But you've been warned."
"Hai..." replied Michiru thoughtfully.
Quietly they danced. The world seemed to end. Nothing existed but them. And the sweet melody of a waltz that surrounded them. The two outer senshi just danced as if they had never done anything else. As if they were meant to be together. They steps fitted together and not once they stumbled. Like wild wind that seemed to play with the steady waves of an endless sea.
Time didn't play a role anymore. It stopped some seconds ago. Or had it been hours? Or years? Or even centuries? The other people faded and as longer they danced they forgot them. Tenderly they held each other tight. Finally they could leave their problems behind.
For those moments that seemed to last for eternity there were no more borders anymore. No more fears. No more doubts.
Michiru looked up at the slightly blushed face of her Haruka.
Here we can talk about everything. In my world of music.
The young violinist raised her right hand and touched the soft skin of Haruka's hot cheek.
It's our world now. Here we can do whatever we want to do.
Here we can even break the silence...
"Ruka...?"
Hell, I love you so much.
"Hai?" she whispered with a low voice.
Hell, I don't want to hurt you!
The young car racer blinked. She hadn't even noticed that they had stopped dancing. They only stood between the still moving couples and looked each other deeply into the eyes.
At that moment the music died away and the mystical spell was broken. The other couples turned toward the musicians and applauded loudly. The ocean dried immediately and the wind was gone one second later.
"Ruka, I wanted to talk to you about last night. I didn't sleep and..."
Haruka's eyes grew wide with panic as she realized that Michiru knew about the kiss. She shook her head in disbelieve. Then she turned away and ran as fast as she could. Quickly she left the terrace and disappeared between the trees around the small hotel.
She didn't even notice that Michiru looked at her with yearning in her eyes. With yearning - and not with disgust.
"Ruka, you're such a jerk!" she sighed and paid the now cold food. Then she followed her young car racer.
"And I've been such a jerk, too. For such a long time..."
Haruka raced along the stony way as if bloodhounds were hunting her. She jumped over roots and took two steps at once as she climbed the old staircase that leaded up to the platform she had been with her Michiru.
Michi-chan...
The young car racer gasped hard for breath as she walked slowly over the stony underground. The sun set and set the endless sky on fire. The air shimmered and bathed the peaks of the other mountains around in a golden light.
Haruka sat down on the place she had kneeled some hours ago. Watching a happy couple. Knowing that their happiness would never be hers.
Quietly she stared at the burning sky and forced herself not think about the future. What should she do now?
You dyke! she winced as she heard again and again the rude voice in her mind.
I can't go back like that.
Haruka sighed and thought of her Michiru standing in the small lake, laughing happily. Of the way the sea senshi woke her up when the train arrived the small village. Of the way she had cared for her after she had returned late that night from the party. Hurt and in pain. Michiru never asked a lot. She seemed to understand her.
She had declared desperately that she would never sacrifice me for this bloody mission...
Haruka closed her eyes and bowed her head while she clenched her fists.
For the last two years I hadn't felt so lonely...
"Ruka?"
The young car racer looked up in surprise as she heard slow footsteps. They stopped next to her.
"Hell, you're really fast. I've almost forgotten during the last afternoon." Said Michiru and ran a steady hand through her sea green hair while she watched the sun set.
"It's romantic here, isn't it?" she asked after a while and a smile bloomed on her face. Haruka didn't reply anything. She simply didn't know what. So she kept silent and stared asking at the young violinist. Finally Michiru took a deep breath and turned toward the sitting woman.
"Do you love me?" Her voice was soft and clear. Haruka raised her head and swallowed hard. Then she saw the look in Michiru's deep blue eyes. Saw all the tender feelings she felt for her.
All the unconditional love...
Haruka wanted to say something, anything but her voice broke. She watched Michiru carefully going on her knees and making a face as she felt the sore skin. Then the smaller senshi wrapped her arms around Haruka's waist and pulled her closer.
"Do you love me?" repeated the young violinist and her lips curved in a tender smile.
Haruka couldn't do anything else than nodding.
"Then everything's alright. 'Cause I love you too, Ruka." Michiru leaned forward and kissed her strong senshi of the wild wind.
Again the world seemed to end. Everything became less important. Now only they were left. As the only survivors of a heavy storm. Shipwrecked on a abandoned isle. Where no youmas existed. No talismans.
No fears...
You dyke!
Haruka's closed eyes flew open and she interrupted the tender kiss immediately.
"We can't do this." She said trembling.
"Why not? Didn't you like it?" Michiru grinned and tried to kiss her again but Haruka held her back. She couldn't break her protecting walls as fast as her best friend. Michiru only needed a reply to her strong feelings. Haruka needed more.
"Hai, but..." The young car racer sighed and looked finally up to the endless sky above. "But I am a girl."
"Oh, I didn't realize." teased Michiru and touched with her right hand Haruka's T-shirt. "And I thought that was only my imagination."
Haruka winced but she didn't turn away.
You jerk! That's all you ever wanted! That Michiru would love you! And now you're running away. As always...
You dyke!
"I..." The young car racer looked into Michiru's still smiling face and automatically raised her hand to touch it.
She feels so good. So right
"I... I love you, too." Whispered Haruka finally. She had never thought that it would be so hard to say these few word. And at the same time so easy. "But..."
"Why didn't you tell me before?" wanted Michiru to know while she openly enjoyed the blonde's soft touches. "All this time I thought you were just looking for a good friend."
Haruka blushed deeply as the smaller hand of Michiru slipped under her wide black shirt and caressed her skin. Immediately she started to shiver although it was very warm at the end of a hot summer's day.
The young car racer couldn't stifle a groan and closed her eyes to concentrate on the tender touch. Of feelings she never felt before. She thought she would never experience.
This must be a dream...
Please, don't let me ever wake up again!
"I've always wanted you to be so much more for me, Ruka. But you've been always so reserved. You looked so strong that I thought you wouldn't need me. You were so independent. I thought you would never stay after the mission." Michiru smiled as she saw the reactions of the her taller senshi. "I had been scared of what you would think when I'd told you that I want you to be my girlfriend."
Haruka opened her eyes. Then she took the smaller senshi carefully in her suddenly trembling arms and held her tight for a long while. She could feel how Michiru returned her embrace.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you so much!
But...
You dyke!
The young car racer swallowed and automatically squeezed the smaller woman a little bit harder.
"I..." She took a deep breath while she looked into the sky's flames. "I don't want you to be called a dyke." Haruka finally said it in such a quite voice that Michiru almost missed the words. She raised her head and took the young car racer's hot face thoughtfully in her hands.
Ami had been right...
She forced Haruka successfully to look right into her eyes.
I want to drown in them. To be lost in this depth. And to be found again by my beautiful Michi-chan.
"Hey, I've been called worse things: Ignorant rich brat. Or insensible, brutal thief. I have to live with Sailor Moon's worried face after every battle. And I have to live with the fear who will be the next person. Maybe it'll be Ami or Rei. I went through hell as the youma got Usagi's heart and we didn't know if she had a talisman or not." Seriously shinning blue eyes looked determinedly into startled green ones. "And it drives me crazy to know that I could sacrifice you for the mission and to know at the same time that I am not able to. These are real problems, Ruka. Besides them calling a dyke is not so important. Hey, my sweet tomboy. We have to save the world. Maybe our next day will be our last one. Why should we let it go waste?"
"I just want you to be happy."
Michiru's smile grew wide as she heard her Ruka's silent declaration.
That's the true reason why you didn't tell me, isn't it?
And I've been to scared to break the silence. To scared of losing you. At the same time I didn't realize that you've been scared, too.
"Don't worry. I am happy as long as you're with me."
Haruka sighed but a honest smile appeared on her still blushed face.
"It's alike what I say, isn't it? I won't convince you." However, Haruka knew that she could never let her Michiru go. Not after she knew the truth.
"About what, Ruka? That we have no right to love each other? Forget it! No one has the right to decide about one's life or one's decision. And I've decided to love you a long time ago. Now that I know that you return my feelings I won't let you go again!" Michiru leaned forward and gave her young car racer a short kiss on the soft lips. "Accept it, Ruka. Maybe it's karma."
Haruka grinned and the evening wind played with her short blond hair. The tomboyish expression returned on her now happy shinning face.
"Hai, Michi-chan. You don't know what pact you just made. I am not as easy to handle as Mamoru." Michiru stared at her for some seconds, then she burst out into laughter.
"I am so lucky!" she laughed and covered Haruka's face with small kisses. "Cause I love you the way you are."
"But never regret it."
Michiru just kissed her senshi of the wind tenderly. Haruka pulled her young violinist closer and returned the sweet kiss with all her love.
You...
Suddenly Haruka could forget the man's rude words. The free wind took them away like a light breeze and they died away in the rushes of the leaves that resembled the steady waves of the endless ocean.
Never regret it...
They both know that they never would.
Silently they made this promise.
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