Chapter 10: Don't Let Go
She found him in their room, making the bed.
"Rosa told me she was going to do that this morning," she commented softly.
"She did. But she used those blue ones...with the weird embroidery or whatever. The ones you hate." He didn't look at her.
"They're scratchy," she agreed, leaning against the doorframe to watch him. "Thanks, Sandy." He waved a dismissive hand as he spread the comforter down. He lifted a pillow and she felt her eyes fill up with tears. "You fluff the pillows," she mumbled, shaking her head. "You fluff the fucking pillows and you change the sheets I don't like and you plan surprises for me and I'm so mean to you." She sank into a nearby chair, allowing a few tears to fall from her eyes. "I'm sorry, Sandy." He abandoned his pillow and watched her for a moment.
"It's okay."
"He left, and it's not your fault, and you're still here and you need someone to fall back onto and I am...horrible." He couldn't be angry with her anymore and neared her and knelt down.
"You could never be horrible," he whispered, brushing her tears away. "Catty, sure, and cold, and kind of bitchy...but never horrible." He smiled and she laughed shortly. "I get that this is hard," he explained, taking her hands. "Believe me, I get it. I don't think I can get through this much longer if we can't be there for each other."
"I'm sorry," she said again.
"Me too, sweetie. I haven't exactly been the best guy ever lately."
"You've been doing better than I have."
"Agreed. I didn't kiss Jimmy Cooper," he smirked and she rolled her eyes. "It's a test, Kirsten. All of this. We need tests every once in awhile. Keeps us on our toes, you know?"
"Except that I have been nowhere near on my toes."
"We do the best we can, honey."
"Okay."
"We just have to try harder, huh? Now we have an even bigger incentive with Ryan home. We need to start acting like adults. And we both know that I'm not terribly good at acting like an adult without you keeping me in line." She smiled and he lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "I don't want to lose you, Kirsten."
"You won't."
"We're going to get through this," he whispered reassuringly, hugging her. She buried her face in his chest.
"I know," she mumbled, and he had to laugh at how uncertain she sounded.
"I promise." He stroked her hair and leaned over to kiss her. "Oh, man. Jimmy Cooper was the last guy to touch your mouth."
"I washed it," she assured him, pulling him closer.
"Mm, talk about being on your toes," he said, kissing her neck.
"I missed this." He pulled back for a moment, cocking an eyebrow.
"You could have fooled me."
"I wasn't ready," she said, blushing. "It didn't feel right."
"And that's changed?"
"Yeah," she decided. "You're the only thing in my life that has...almost always been perfect and right and good. And when I don't have that—you—I sort of...lose it. But now I'm starting to feel like...this...might be okay. Like we might be okay." He guided her over to their bed and gently kissed her hand.
"We're going to be okay."
Anytime that you want
I'll be here in your arms
Silently holding on
To the girl with the charms
But if there comes a day
You should turn your heart away
I'll be down on my knees
Begging for that girl to stay
Don't let go
Anything you desire
I will set at your feet
With a kiss in the air
For the gods to receive
But if there comes a day
You should turn your heart away
I'll be down on my knees
Begging for that girl to stay
Confrontations in my mind
Got me running out of time
Don't let go
But if there comes a day
You should turn your heart away
I'll be down on my knees begging for that girl to stay
Don't let go
--Weezer, "Don't Let Go"